Is it wrong for a guy to reject a r@pe victim because she's not a virgin?

[Anonymous]

I'm a virgin who only wants to date other virgins. Its just that I feel that I would be truly happy that way, I have mental issues of my own and can't bear the thought of committing my life to someone who slept with another person other than me, even if it wasn't consensual. Being raped is something awful that I wouldn't wish upon anyone, but I tend to feel like a piece of shit for not willing to date a victim because of something she had no control over. I also know that her being a victim doesn't automatically make her entitled to me, but I still feel like a piece of shit. I fell deep down inside that if I do end up spending my life with someone who's not a virgin even if it was due to rape, I would live my life with someone I'm not truly happy with. Am I a piece of shit? Am I obligated to give myself out despite my personal standards?

it IS wrong

it IS NOT wrong

Updates

+1 y

I forgot to mention that I talked to a therapist about this, and she said it would be best to only date virgins. I suffer from mental illness that has effected my sexuality. In my past, sex was introduced to me at too young and the wrong way. Dating a non virgin would put me in a mental state that I can't afford to be in. I do sympathize with victims of sexual abuse and have donated to charities who offer professional help to victims of sexual abuse and assault.

[Anonymous]

It's your life and I think you are the best person to decide what is best for it, regardless of what others will think or judge about your decisions. You come first and it's really unfortunate that you have to tell a rape victim no, but it's probably the best for you both because you're not in a good mental position to be in that kind of relationship. All you can do is be nice and respectful about it so you don't feel as bad. Also it seems to me that you're questioning your sexuality and maybe you need to explore that more in therapy. I also feel that there may be more trauma that you've been through and that being with a rape victim can be more of a trigger for you. So it seems like you're looking to be with someone you feel more safe and comfortable so you can trust people again.

[AimeeEllenn]

I think this is a really bad reason to reject someone, anyone who has been raped has been through enough in thier life time. I would imagine it to be extremely hard for them to finally feel comfortable in thier own skin to date. To then have someone like yourself to turn around and reject them because of something completely out of thier control. Virginity is such a tiny thing, I don't think it should control who you date and who you don't. Personally I think it's extremely.

Let me ask you a question, if you were to meet the girl of your dreams. She has everything you could ever want, but you later find out that she was sexually abused. Would you end the relationship?

[AimeeEllenn]

*harsh

[Asker]

It would be hard, but I'd have to. I very much empathize with her and hope she finds someone who can give her the best life. Being in a relationship with her would put me in a mental state that I can't afford to be in. I've talked this over with a therapist and she even said that would be best.

[AimeeEllenn]

Well I'm sorry that something as small as virginity can affect you so much I genuinely mean that, however I still do believe that rejecting someone because of sexual abuse is harsh but I respect you views.

[shreya62]

Absolutely rubbish.. She didn't done that by her happiness

[Jamie05rhs]

"In my past, sex was introduced to me at too young and the wrong way.". What do you mean? Could you be more specific?

[Asker]

I was around 7 and I was looking for a movie to watch out of boredom. I stumbled across a VHS tape with no label on it in my parent's room. I was curious of what was on it so I played it in a VCR. It turned out it was a porno of an 18 year old girl being gang banged by around 20 men, it belonged to my step dad at the time. I watched on in horror until 'i had enough and put it back, and I never told my parents because I was afraid they would be mad at me. That porno was the first thing that introduced me to sex, before I even knew what sex was. After that I began to understand what my parents and older sister were talking about. The nasty things my then step dad would say and when my sister would brad to her friends about how many guys she slept with and how she cheated on her boyfriends. This may seem like nothing, but for a such a young kid it traumatized me. Because of it I always had trouble with my sexuality and I always had trouble talking to women, which prevented me from ever going on a date. Every time the topic of sex came up I get light headed and anxious. I'm still dealing with this mental challenge, and I hate how it progressed in my adult years. I recently spoke with a therapist about this, and she said it would be best to have my first real sexual experience with someone who also has no prior experience.

[Jamie05rhs]

Wow. I'm sorry that happened to you. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

[Jamie05rhs]

I stumbled onto porn when I was 9, but I was actually looking for it. I typed the word "sex" into a search engine on a computer in a public library.

[MarketNews]

It's stupid, but it's still his choice. If he insists on only dating virgins he's going to be single a long time.

[Asker]

I know, and if I die alone because of it I'll blame no one but myself.

[Anonymous]

If all you care about is that she hasn't slept with anyone other than you, then yes you are a horrible person.

[BlueLagoon90]

Nope! I’m a virgin too and rejected non virgin guys.

[Anonymous]

No it's damaged product unfortunately mentally and physically. Maybe when she in her 30s to 40s sure but early stage no.

She either gonna be a recluse or hyper sexual

[ROCKS128]

Its not wrong.

(But why u post such pics?)

[Asker]

I didn't know what else to put as a cover illustration

[ROCKS128]

That pic is negative.
So u will sure get major negative responses.

[Asker]

In that case I wish I can take it off. I tried my best to tip toe around this very sensitive subject and this was the best picture I found, also I thought people were used to this pic since its been around for a while. Go google "rape victim" and see all the horrific pictures I was avoiding.

[ROCKS128]

Using such pics is not appropriate.
This sets a mentality that rape is common topic, which shldnt be, its a bad topic, shld only be opened when one is trying to get some help for rape victims or doing something to eliminate it.

Google doesn't exist for our help or for such victims help, it just exists to make money for itself, from everything.

Try asking this same question without such pic...
As u are anon, won't be a deal.

As u use this pic, most people would remember some or other incidents which occured around them, and they relate ur question to that, they give kinda biased opinion. Sympathy filled for rape victims, (which is not wrong, but its not always their true opinion).

[FunkyMonkee]

YES!!

[ivanhunterjo]

Yes it is