Rejected for being a male virgin?

[Anonymous]

A bit of background information about myself. I am a 27 year old white American male who has literally done nothing physical with a woman, including kissing. Now before people think I'm an obese neck beard I'm 6'4", have an athletic physique (swimmers type build) and facially on par with guys like a young Tom Brady, Freddie Ljunberg, etc.

Anyway, I decided to go back to college this year, more for personal reasons and not so much due to career goals, and this entire year has been annoying as hell in regards to meeting women. They all have/had boyfriends so it never went anywhere, despite the fact they were attracted to me. However, the other week I met some random 18 year old girl on campus, I got her number and we went out on Friday. The date went really well, or so I thought, and we were together for about 5 hours. The next day we spent some time together, we did some brief shopping and then went over to my place to watch a movie. After the movie was done we were chatting for a while and at some point in the conversation I mentioned to her that I had never been with a woman before. I felt kind of awkward but she said she appreciated it that I told her and assured me that it wasn't an issue.

Anyway, this entire week I've been trying to spend some time with her and it's been getting me nowhere, she makes her responses kind of open ended without really committing to anything.

Is this normal? Do women hate virgin men, especially those who are older? I'm just assuming she must think there is something wrong with me to be an attractive guy and still a virgin at my age. I'm feeling really angry about this because I feel betrayed and insulted.

[SmartButBroke]

I'm 36, and if a young Tom Brady (my fave athlete) came to me talking about being a virgin I would applaud him. It is far more of a negative, for me, to be one of those guys who has screwed a lot of women (or lying about it) and you are proud of it because you think it makes you a man, or to be one of those guys who talks about women like a stamp collection. If a guy is good-looking and is a virgin at 25+, I would think that says something positive about his values. But I would also not care about it for a less attractive man and would applaud him, as well. Total non-issue.

I don't know how old all the women who have ghosted you were, but the thing about being older and dating younger people is oftentimes one of the reasons the younger person likes you is because they assume you have a lot of sexual experience vs someone their age (i. e. you'll be better in bed, in their mind) or are less "uptight" about sex. But some younger girls could also prefer a more experienced man because THEY aren't experienced and they want someone who can kind of lead them in that area.

I don't know how normal it is, but not every woman cares about that.

You write very well, so you come off as intelligent... and the way you describe yourself physically... you will be able to find a woman who can handle this, I believe, even if you keep being honest. I would just be wary of the younger girls, if it were me. I would not care about not having had a girlfriend, either. I know it is hard to get a woman nowadays, some people put career first now, etc.

[Asker]

I'm very youthful looking and a lot of them think I'm much younger than I am, purely based on my physical appearance. However, a lot of them do find me attractive, one girl from last semester, was from overseas and only 18, was very attracted to me... but she had a boyfriend so it didn't get anywhere with us.

I really did have a good time with this girl but it's obvious she lost interest in me, only reason I assume is because of the virgin thing. I think from now on I'll just not mention it, I'd rather be able to go out on dates with someone instead of just sitting around the house on Friday and Saturday night.

[Asker]

by the way, I don't actually look like Tom Brady but that is my level of facial attractiveness. I wasn't trying to sound cocky when I said that but a lot of people would assume a 27 year old virgin is unattractive lol.

[TomBradysJersey]

That's a fantastic answer. I know i'm still very young, but I am a virgin and i'm insecure about that. I don't want to have sex with a random girl. I want to have sex with my girlfriend (unless she wants to wait till marriage). But I do worry that because i'm a guy i'm supposed to be having sex and I haven't yet limits my chances with girls. It has affected my confidence when it comes to talking to girls whom i'm attracted to. I sometimes also have a hard time believing a girl will find me "good looking".

[Mercules_J]

Eli Manning is a better athlete. That's why he kicked Tom's butt in 2 Super Bowls.

[Prettygurl12]

1. Women don't hate virgin men. Some (such as myself) restrict their dating to virgin men because they value sexual purity in a partner.

2. You dropped the v-bomb a little early, don't you think? Like... day 2? Really?

3. Regardless of my stance on virginity, if a guy I met yesterday announced to me Day 2 that he was a virgin... I'd be weirded out because, in my mind, I have no idea who this person really is. That's a bit too intimate of information for day 2 of the friendship. Virginity status is something discussed prior to entering into a romantic relationship. Not day 2 of friendship.

[Asker]

It was a little early, but we had spent a lot of time talking to one another and the conversation we were having at the time was getting somewhat personal... I just felt the desire to tell her so I did.

[Prettygurl12]

Understandable... just hold off a bit next time lol

[Asker]

Definitely, I think I'll just withhold that information from now on because a very attractive 27 year old male who is still a virgin will raise some red flags.

[wicket]

aumm well for me because im virgin too and not really experienced like that i wouldn't want a virgin guy either. i want someone who will know what they are doing when i dont. And their is also an assumption that because ur a virgin as aguy that u will be boring in bed because u know most times the men take the lead in bed. And that girl seems a little young for u. u need a girl that is more mature about what she wants etc

[Tyrael]

There's nothing wrong with telling a girl that you're a virgin. It's not the big deal you're making it out to be. Heck I'm certain there are girls out there who would think that's really cute and attractive. Just go with the "I've been waiting for the right girl to come along" thing and you're good to go. Seriously, reading some of your comments here, you need to lighten up on this. It'll happen eventually, and trying to hide the fact you're a virgin will not help matters. Trust me.

[Asker]

I don't know, it's pretty obvious that they are creeped out by the fact a 27 year old attractive guy, who appears to be nice and the total package, is still a virgin. I've seriously considered just paying for an escort to get this out of the way so I can have a normal life, in regards to getting relationships, but I decided not to follow through with that route.

It's literally never happened and I can't keep telling myself "It'll happen eventually" because it's obvious that it won't if I don't put some serious effort into this. Shit is weird, it just happens for everyone but me lol.

[Asker]

I might sound like a jerk when I say this, but I'm being really honest. I've known guys who were not even remotely attractive who literally had shit personalities and had nothing going for them in the slightest who actually were able to get attractive women... it boggles my mind.

[Tyrael]

As I say you seem to be putting way too much thought into this. It'll be painfully obvious you're a virgin almost as soon as you do get up to anything with a girl, so you might as well bring it up beforehand. Your looks don't make you deserving of anything, so forget about that for 5 minutes and accept that there's more to it than how you look.

[Tyrael]

Even if you were rejected by those girls because you're a virgin, all that tells you is they weren't worth your time. Accept it and move on.

[Asker]

I know my attractiveness isn't everything. The reason why I mentioned my appearance is because I made a thread about being an older virgin and people were telling me to go to the gym, dress better, etc... things that literally don't apply to me.

[Tyrael]

True but the way you talk down about guys who apparently don't have what you have, it seems you're somewhat insecure despite your looks etc. So clearly it's not helping you to focus on that or obsessing over the fact you're a virgin. You're likely projecting these insecurities unknowingly. Which is why I suggested you stop worrying about when it's going to happen and instead focus on finding a nice girl you get on well with. And just go from there.

[Anonymous]

You made an issue out of it - it wasn't up to her to make it an issue - YOU did.

You should have just kissed her. She wouldn't have known it was your first kiss. She obviously wanted you to, and expected you to. Now she feels like you are using her as a slump buster.

[Asker]

I'm a pretty honest and upfront individual so it felt like a good idea at the time, though I know being a virgin is seen as an unattractive trait for a male.

[Opinion Owner]

Too much honesty is not a good thing. Too much information is not always a good thing.

But more to the point, it made you look less like a man who was confident and able to take control, and more like a child who didn't know what to do next.

[Asker]

Well, I don't know what to do lol, I'm a virgin lol. I'm in a very tough predicament because I'm at an age where being what I am is odd and a major turn off, if I was 19 I'd say feeling this way is kind of silly but at my age not so much. This is the reason why I've considered just paying for an escort and getting it out of the way, at least I'll have somewhat of a clue as to what to do and maybe I can finally get the relationship I want.

[Opinion Owner]

Okay - that's your choice, fine. Some pointers then. One just because you're paying for it doesn't mean you'll automatically know what to do. If it's a shit experience, it's not the end of the world

Second, everything I said about too much honesty, applies 10,000 times more to using an Escort. NEVER ADMIT TO THIS A WOMAN.

Not even your wife. Not when you've had 3 kids and spent 20 years happily married and one drunken night she asks you if you ever even considered it.

You take that shit with you to the grave. Nothing good has EVER come of a guy telling a girl that he used a hooker.

[Asker]

I'm most likely not going to follow through with the escort idea, but as I've said I considered that as an option to help overcome this massive barrier I have with women.

However, like you said me being a virgin may not be an issue with a woman at all, despite what I've been lead to believe. I think the lesson is that women are looking for any excuse to reject me so I need to keep that in mind and not give them a reason to.

[fhsi7he4ujhfsdufsh]

(Ignore my username, it took like 10 attempts to create an account, I got frustrated)
I'm 31 and a virgin. Yes girls hate virgins. I was romantically interested in a girl and everything was going well. I got rejected because I was a virgin, and I was actually told that girls don't like virgins, and if I wanted to be with her I would have to find someone else to get experience with then come back to her. She also said a lot of other things that made me feel like shit and would basically ruin the fun of sex and give you (me) performance anxiety instead.
I was destroyed and really that was cruel. It makes sex, and love even, seem not worth it. I don't feel much like a person. More like, I'm suppose to have a resume and do relationships and sex like a job or something. (need past partners to have sex, haven't had past partners cause I'm a virgin, need a time machine to have sex at 16)
She's 21 by the way and has had MULTIPLE partners already starting from age 16.
I'm not being shallow and out for just sex. I'm legitimately afraid to get involved now. Even if I do have to "go get sex" some other way just to "get experience". It just kind of ruins my view of women.
Just sharing my "experience".

[WingedAlpaca]

Some women find it uncomfortable to be more experienced sexually then their partners. Other possible reasons maybe she thinks you're over religious or will judge her for not being a virgin (assuming she's not).
I can see some of these reasons being iffy for her. But I still gibd it odd aged ditch you for that.

[Asker]

I'm' not religious at all, the opportunity just never came. I was a serious late bloomer and didn't have any friends in high school, after I graduated I didn't go off to college right away and was literally almost never around any women remotely my age, 100% serious when I say this. I'm actually a nice and normal guy, I just don't have a clue when it comes to women.

[WingedAlpaca]

Those were the only basic reasons I could think of :(.

[Anonymous]

I think hate is a strong word for that. I personally wouldn't be able to and never have done that, it's very uncommon for someone you're age to not have before. Maybe next time try and get to know the girl and go on a few dates before you bring it up that way they will actually get to know you before dismissing you because of it.

[kmmer]

If any one uses that as a reason not to be with someone, that's their problem, not yours. I see nothing wrong with this. Sex is not and should not be the sole factor in dating someone. Personality does more for me than sexual experience.

[Asker]

Something similar happened to me about 2 years ago, a girl refused to proceed because I was a virgin. In all honesty, I wasn't really that into her.

I can't think of any other reason why she hasn't been interested in spending time with me, so it appears that she must think I'm odd for being a virgin, I guess it's a sign of weakness.

[kmmer]

Its not odd, nor a sign of weakness.

[Asker]

It is odd for a 27 year old male, who is also attractive, to still be a virgin at this age AND never had a girlfriend before. I'm not saying I'm odd, which I'm not I'm actually a nice/normal guy, but that is definitely going to make a woman a bit suspicious.

[kmmer]

I don't find it odd, and it wouldn't keep me from dating a guy.

[kmmer]

What keeps me from dating someone is the way they treat me and behave toward me.

[Europa789076]

I'm 30 and still a virgin and a guy and never had a girlfriend there is nothing wrong being a virgin.

[BetteDavis]

Is there a reason you have chosen to stay a virgin? It may help to explain why. It's unusual for sure, but would have me curious, not turned off.

[Asker]

It just never happened, I had no friends in high school and was an awkward teen. After graduating H. S I didn't go to college right away, worked for the family business plus some other odd jobs, and was literally never around any women remotely my age, very male dominated work environments. I'm all set financially for life because of this and have literally every thing else going for me in my life except for this one big void.

[BetteDavis]

Okay that makes sense 😊 You seem like a good guy from your description of yourself. Maybe have a few dates before you tell the next one, give them a chance to see that and then the virgin thing won't be a big deal (not that it is, it's just unusual and may throw them a little too early).

[Asker]

That was the first date I've ever been on in my entire life. I've constantly been rejected and never done a thing with a woman. I've had discussions about this with various people online, I'll send them pictures of myself and they are at a loss for words as to why this is a struggle for me. "I'm stumped", "WTF girls should be all over you", "You should be getting positive results from your interactions with these women, I don't get it".

[BetteDavis]

^ Hmmmm okay. So it must be something that is going wrong. You are articulate on here, are you IRL with a woman?

[Asker]

I am, though a bit more held back and not as "out there". Based on my history and personal observations, hardly any of the young women I've been around and pursued were ever single. I think they also sense that I am inexperienced and internally displeased by that, causing them to then jump to conclusions about me because of that.

[BetteDavis]

I'd say the thing about being a virgin is bigger for you then them. May come across to them as a weird vibe if you are hung up on it. Try to relax, enjoy the company of some women and be chill 😊 Don't be too eager, it scares them off a bit, just have a good time with them to start.

[Asker]

I never mention that I am a virgin, the girl that this thread about was the only one I've ever told... in fact I don't tell anyone in my personal life that I'm inexperienced. I try to have a good time with them but I just can't connect with them.

[BetteDavis]

Girls are intuitive, If you are worrying about it they may pick up on it as a weird vibe even if you hadn't said anything. Anyway - good luck! I'm sure she's out there somewhere 😊

[dylanthe13]

oh wow maybe you can live in the country where i live now then you don't have to be worry for being an old male virgin. there would be a lot of girl virgin wanted you to marry them 😁 haha

[karahiri]

she might think you're a weirdo and might get overly attached to her... like the way experienced guys are wary of inexperienced girls

[Asker]

This is why I regret ever mentioning it, lesson learned I guess. I thought people appreciated honesty but I guess being the way I am isn't appreciated.

[karahiri]

sounds like it was the second time you spoke to her. that's a bit soon for all that, no? i don't advertise my inexperience when dating guys, it just throws people off way too soon.

[Asker]

We had spent a lot of time talking with one another and the way the conversation was going it felt like something I should have mentioned to her.

[superme]

not at all we just know none so its kinda not realistic this day and age I think its very applausible and very attractive

[SaiyenBloodd]

Dont think its because your a virgin- she might not want to make things official since she's just 18 and probably wants to date around

[Shamalien]

Some girls find it cute and special to take a man’s virginity. Others are put off because they want an experienced man. If she’s the latter she’d be nothing more than a hookup anyways most likely

[Anonymous]

women don't hate older virgin men but yeah they won't have sex with you irrespective of your attractiveness.

[Asker]

You mean they won't have sex with a guy because he is a virgin? I'm not sure if I'm reading this correctly.

[Opinion Owner]

well if you are talking about younger girls, then yeah since they want experienced guys who are older than them. i can't say anything about women of your age group.

[Opinion Owner]

in simple words, 18-20 year old girls date 27-30 men because of their experience in bed. otherwise, they can date in their own age group if they don't care about experience in bed.

[Asker]

She is 18

[Opinion Owner]

yeah that's why I said what i said.

[Opinion Owner]

try to get mature women of your age group. maybe things would change.

[Asker]

Or just don't mention I'm a virgin, lesson learned.

[Opinion Owner]

you can mention you are a virgin but only after you have kissed and cuddled and the girl talks asks about your sexual partners

[Anonymous]

Say you aren't a virgin and if she ask why you're so bad at it just tell her you had only one partner.

[Anonymous]

I can't say, im virgin to and im 21 so i wouldn't hate you. I would ne glad. It happened to me with guys too. Don't feel that way, it she can't accept it that it's not your fault.

[Runnae]

It must be something else, have you asked her?

[Asker]

No, I cannot think of any other reason that she'd lose interest. I saw her on campus earlier this week and she didn't seem overly excited to talk to me, this was the day after I had told her I was a virgin. She probably came to the conclusion that there is something wrong if a guy that seems nice and is very attractive is still a virgin.

[Runnae]

you're too good for her then, next girl

[Asker]

Regardless, what I learned is that I will never mention to a girl that I am a virgin if I want to get anywhere with them. They probably see me as weak and something that would be easy to take advantage of.

[Runnae]

maybe the girls you're attracting are shallow

[Runnae]

plus she's 18

[Mercules_J]

I don't know why she did that.

[abundantlyrich]

You lack sex appeal

[Iamsososobored]

Because a man is a virgin it means he lacks sex appeal?

[Anonymous]

Ya obviously very easy to end up this way as a guy

[Anonymous]

i love virgins

[Iamsososobored]

How?

[Opinion Owner]

@Iamsososobored i think being virgin is a great thing.

[Iamsososobored]

Thirty years old virgin man?

[Opinion Owner]

@Iamsososobored it doesn't matter how old u r , it makes me feel special

[Iamsososobored]

Are you a virgin girl as well?

[Opinion Owner]

@Iamsososobored yes i am

[Iamsososobored]

Would you wait till marriage even if it means waiting till 30 or 40 years of age?

[Opinion Owner]

@Iamsososobored yes, i am waiting now n would wait more

[Iamsososobored]

No masturbation as well?