My crush just broke up with her boyfriend. What should I do?

Question

Hey all,

So I met this girl 1.5 years ago and I've liked her for a while now. Only problem was that she had a boyfriend for most of that time.
As of today, they have officially split up.
Now of course I'm not going to do anything just yet as it's far too soon.
How long should I wait before I start flirting and things like that?

She was then gonna introduce me to her boyfriend but that didn't happen for obvious reasons. I'll ask her somepoint soon about meeting solo, just unsure on how long tbh.

Does anyone have any advice?

I speak to this girl daily over text, it's all very casual and very funny. She's always there for me. When we do meet, she's always smiling and always says how lovely it is to see me.

Can anyone offer any advice? I'm 21 and have never had a girlfriend before so I'm a bit clueless as to what to do.

TreelonMusk · Accepted Answer

In my opinion, she probably isn't interested in a relationship or hooking up if you two haven't already been kind of flirty before. But I have a plan for you. You're probably a friend in her eyes. Crushing on her and pretending to be her friend long enough for her to break up so you can take the position is kind of a dick move, though you probably had the best intentions. It's inauthentic and kinda Machiavellian (assuming that you mostly were riding on that dream). If I were you I would evaluate whether you'd be interested in keeping her as a friend. 2 options:

1) if yes, girl friends can be great after all! The bonus is that they can lend you insight and help you get other girls if they're generous like that.

2) My other option for you is to keep her as a friend in the short term and keep up the hoax just a little while longer (especially if you two haven't been flirty at all). The idea is to requalify yourself. Be there for her in this hard time as sincerely as possible and really try and do the best for her that you can, and really try to do what Jesus would do instead of a horny 21 year old with a conflict of interest, but also start flirting with other girls. Maybe she will even be willing to give you some advice along the way. Do your best to get with some girls who are "on her level" or above, so to speak. If you do that, she will see that you've actually become quite an attractive and capable guy, right under her nose. She will wonder "wait, he used to be a guy I wouldn't consider, but now he's hot. Other attractive girls like him. Why don't I just scoop him up?" Or maybe not, but at least there will be respect that there wasn't before and you will have started to get laid and realize that there are plenty of fish and that you can totally swim with them.

In theory, the tables will be turned. You will now have the choice of whether to friendzone HER, or become a couple.

GoodEnoughThen · Accepted Answer

@Trewq77 Did she have the b/f in here life before you or after you came along. If after, then you may be in the friend zone. Play it cool, wait and see. You may the part pf the reason they are not together and more. But don't rush. There's no urgency, unless another suitor is making a play for her. You've been patient this long. Let her rediscover the beauty that is you. But be ready if things don't go quite as you had hoped. Even if she's not into you the same way you are into here, you seem like you wouldn't want to lose the good friend. If you are meant to be together, you will be, so pwrhaps consider not focuaing on the time factor, ie- when should I take action? Just continue to be her friend and hopefully things will naturally evolve into something you would ideally prefer.

AuroraRoseat · Accepted Answer

I would wait six months to make your interest known or until she reveals to you that she is ready to start dating again. The real issue is what you are going to do if she declines your interest. Many women don’t date good male friends because of the loss of friendship or general lack of interest. If she declines, you need to let her go instead of being her friend.

Always set yourself up for the worst case scenario because anything else will be better and you won’t be has hurt when it happens.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Don't do it. Girls hate to feel targeted and will feel that your only around her to date her. If she never showed interest from day 1, 9/10x she will see you as a friend who she doesn't want to date. You want to date fond another girl. You will still be a rebound if it's not been a year at most. 6 months the least. It's all up her willingness to move on. No flirting. Never flirt. Be honest and intentional.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

You can start soon but invite her to join you for lunch. That won't sound like a date and then you can talk more and see whether/when she is ready to date.

SirRexington · Answer

This is a tricky situation because if you wait too long (which may not be long at all) you'll have missed your chance but if you do it too soon you will appear like you could be taking advantage. Now I know that's not what you are trying to do. But many people will see it that way because they don't understand the complexity of these situations for some reason. It's not so easy to discern a persons intentions like we think we do.

I would wait like a week to formally express your feelings. Make sure before this you have hung out maybe once or twice. During this time, drop subtle hints and try to comfort her without making it sexual at all. But don't get stuck in the friend zone either. Let her know you will always be there and that you care for her a lot.

cavmanier · Answer

Well you're an orbiter so she's probably not interested in you t b h. If she's with you though, I would personally not want to date her because she's just going to allow other orbiters like you to be her "friend" and the same cycle will likely happen with you and her. That sounds like a mess. I wouldn't be friends with girls in the future so that you could eventually have a chance with them. That's just my view but I've never been one of these guys. I find it quite pathetic.

rjroy3 · Answer

I'll say this. If she's hot, then if you don't move in another guy will and it's only a matter of time before she chooses another guy. Don't be the guy kicking yourself because you waited, when another guy actually made a move and got her because of it. Definitely not the ideal circumstances. But better to make an imperfect move then course correct, rather than do nothing and be punished with could have been.

TheKack · Answer

Keep being a friend. Don't just jump into it. Talk to her periodically to gauge if she's ready to date again. I'd say two or three months is likely how long you will be waiting. Still hang out, but don't let her rebound with you. I'd she goes that route, you still likely need to evaluate your feelings and her tendencies.

Best if luck.

Crazychickgold · Answer

Flirt with her. At least make it obvious you are interested in a week or so. Dont go overboard on the flirting but light compliments like; “oh nice outfit” or something

JackSmy · Answer

Dude, you are FRIEND-ZONED, and NEVER going to be more than an emotional Tampon, for her!! Sorry to break it to you!! Been there, done that and it never works out for you!!!

Anonymous · Answer

Be patient with her, don't be pushy. I can't tell you how many times a guy have ruined his chances with a woman because he didn't respect her grief after a breakup.

Jean-Marie_Céline · Answer

Wait for her to recover.

Anonymous · Answer

Im in almost the exact same situation, dont be super direct and just act the same way around her. I found out that the girl I was into had feelings for me for a while and that was one of the reasons they broke up with their boyfriend. Just be there for them and if they like you, it will show. I'm in a great relationship with the girl who I was in a similar situation with so it will probably work out for you

leestella1999 · Answer

I think you should support her during her breakup and show her that your kind and better then her boyfriend.

kiyoko · Answer

befriend her, and when your really close to her, ask her out

Kiran_Yagami · Answer

Early bird gets the word. Fortune favors haste over cleverness. Wait a day or two, but wait too long and she'll either permanently consider you friendzone material or be taken up by another guy.

vinipan007 · Answer

Don't text just meet and tell her how much you care about her or love her... And use gifts when to try to meet her don't buy expensive stuf, just lovely things. Good luck

samael_kmarty · Answer

Wait for a while till she is over the breakup and ask her out, but please she can get hurt if you push her.

Jackp0t777 · Answer

Get the fuck off of GAG and call her and meet up asap

RobLovesDemi1234 · Answer

dont bother she already friendzoned you when she had a boyfriend and there's no coming out of the friendzone

mrArcher · Answer

I really wish I could tell you what to do, but I failed to take action successfully when my crush broke up with her boyfriend. Twice.

Freelancer95 · Answer

Wait a month or two and just tell her. You'll probably lose a friend and possibly gain a girlfriend.

Red-wolf · Answer

Maybe it's best if you don't text everyday you don't wanna come over as the needy friend.

My crush just broke up with her boyfriend. What should I do?

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