My boyfriends mom is controlling him and ruining our relationship, what do I do?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for about 9 months now and I've noticed that his mom is VERY controlling, and Im not too sure what to do.

My boyfriend and I both still live at home but are going away to school next year. He has recently bought a car (he bought it, not his mom.) but anytime he wants to go out (to see me specifically) she will either tell him no or make some sort of excuse on why he needs to "stay at home". Everything is always fine when I go over to his house but ANYTIME we make plans to come over to mine or make plans with my family, she changes the plans. he can never do anything about it. He has to ask her if he can come over or hangout with me and if he wants to stay the night, there has to be a reason on why he can't just drive home and she counts how many times he's at my house vs. his. If he comes over to my house "too many times" in a row, I have to go there or he isn't aloud to hangout with me. A part of me thinks its because she always wants to be in control but its very hard for my family and I to include him in our plans when she's always counting and saying no last minute. Also She will NEVER admit she's wrong and when she is, we all get a good laugh out of it because we all know she's just about to make up a dumb excuse on why she's "right" but then she just ends up putting me down for no reason, and its always just me.

I honestly don't know if she's just over protective of her son or full blown crazy. tried to talk to my friends and family but no one knows what to do, I've even tried to talk to my boyfriend but he always just says she won't change, which I don't doubt considering she's "never wrong". No matter how hard I try, his mother always finds a way to piss me off but manages to act innocent to everyone else.

I honestly have no clue what to do at this point and I often find myself mentally preparing before going over to his house. This whole thing has caused so many fights but its a fight that will never get solved. HELP!

[jennifer_bloom]

I heard from a guy who started dating a girl he had a similar problem. The girl he was dating was raised by a single mother and the mother was worried about losing her only family member so she tried to put a wedge between her child and her daughter's boyfriend. Another possibility is that she isn't jealous but is worried you will sleep with him or get him involved with drugs so wants to monitor her son to make sure nothing unexpected happens. I would say to hang around and see if she tones it down.

[SARAHPANDA]

You don't you find a man not a mommy's boy. Or be prepared to be fucked over by her each time.

[Iron_Man]

He still lives at home that's her house her rules you should respect her

[Asker]

I don't disrespect her, we get along for the most part I just feel that she's too over controlling of him and that she is trying to hurt our relationship because she is scared to lose him. But at the same time its very frustrating because my family and I are always the ones having to compromise because its her way or the highway. My boyfriend even said to me, "I just have to take what she says and deal with it." It feels like it her and I in a relationship because he can only see me on her terms and when when its convenient for her, regardless of the compromises everyone around has to make.

[Iron_Man]

Why dont you to go out to lunch and talk it out?

[Avicenna]

You can't do anything about it until he is out of her house.

[Jmmmfi4]

He's an adult. Time to act like it & stand up to mommy