My mom hates my boyfriend and wants me to break things off with him. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I'm 21 years old. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months. My mom has met him twice and he's been nothing but nice to her as he is with me. But for some shallow reasons she hates him - he doesn't have a driving license yet, he looks mean and he didn't introduce me to his family yet (even though I told her he wanted to but I refused saying I wasn't ready yet and I'll do it soon). Out of nowhere she keeps screaming at me and throwing tantrums telling me to break up with him immediately because he's no good. Which is absolutely not true, he's been nothing but an amazing partner to me all these months. It's getting unbearable and I need some opinions.

[Lebronadams1]

Hey. So basically the reason she is throwing tantrums at you and is demanding that you break up with him is very simple. He is not a complete man, yet. I mean, what does she expect of him at 21 years od age? Plus you are both students as i have read in the comments. When you are young of course you are not complete and dont have your life together, hating him for banal reasons such as not having a drivers licence is just... crazy. I get that you are also young and that she is trying to protect you and all of that cliche talk, but protect you from what exactly? At 21 years of age both of you are gonna experience traumas, bad stuff, good moments, life is gonna test you, if he really is a good dude, and on the road to becoming a good man, thats gonna take a lot of time. But thats the beauty of it, because if you stick around and love him like you do, over the years you are gonna build a love strong and unbreakable. From a parents perspective, i get why she would think the way she does. I mean cmon, she's your mother, she's always gonna want whats best for you. She can't stand the thought of you getting hurt in any way, thats why she is gonna look for the smallest flaws your boyfriend has, and exploit them to you, so she can paint a picture of him, where he will look bad in your eyes, and not worthy anymore. she's never going to look at his bright sides, the positive things, she will always be searching for any minor flaw even if he is a good man and treating you like a queen. Love at 21 years od age is very possible, and it can be the truest love you have, if you guide it, nurture, and care for it, it will remain and you will never regret it. You have something special, and a not so ordinary situation here. Your boyfriend may have the potential of becoming a great man, i dont know that, only you can know that, and only you can help him make that road easier.

Because you truly love him, and your parents know about it, expect in the future more pressure from them, but dont blame them because they want whats best for you. Time will pass, more challenges you both will face, but in the end love must prevail. Both of you will have to make sacrifices, because love is war, it can't be all rainbows and sunshine.

Just understand that, the reason your mother is acting the way she does, is because she is emotionally overwhelmed by the thought that you are still young, inexperienced and thinks that your boyfriend is gonna end up dragging you down and make a mess of you, which could be the case if you are not very carefuI. Im gonna assume that u are smart and have chosen a guy worthy of your time, and that you are a girl worthy of his. If that is the case and you both are mature enough to know that, then you won't have a problem.

Understand you are both kids. He can't have a house at 21, a job, a car, live alone, provide for himself and for you. He is gonna try a lot of things and sometimes he will fail, sometimes he will win, but in the end all that matters is that you love and care for each other. As a man, he will have a lot of duties to fulfill, but if you have faith in him, i believe he will take care of you, and continue to be an amazing partner.

I hope i gave you some perspectives to think about, and know that everything will be okay.

[Lebronadams1]

And just to add on small thing, you should make it clear to your mother that she can't pressure you about this and set some boundaries with her. Even tho she is your mother she can't just lock you in a room until you do what she says. You should make it clear that you are old enough to make your own decisions, whether she likes them or not. She is your mother after all, so there must be a part of her that trusts your judgement.

[Asker]

Thank you veeeery much, you made me feel so much better and actually gave me hope and strength to keep on! I appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Ouch... ﾠ ﾠ

[Nikki1989]

You should be old and mature enough to make your own decisions.

[Oliverlogan263]

Here are some things to consider:

1. You're an adult. At 21, you are capable of making your own choices in relationships. While your mom's opinion matters, the final decision is yours.

2. Your mom likely has some understandable concern for your wellbeing. But she should also trust your judgement and ability to set healthy boundaries in relationships.

3. Shallow reasons like not having a license or "looking mean" are not valid reasons to end a relationship, as long as your boyfriend treats you well. Focus on how he treats you, not surface-level things.

4. Throwing tantrums and screaming is an unhealthy way for your mom to communicate. You deserve to be spoken to with respect, even when she disagrees with your choices.

5. Set a clear boundary with your mom that you will not tolerate being spoken to disrespectfully. Tell her in a calm moment that you value her opinion but will make your own decisions as an adult. If she cannot respect that, limit contact while she processes.

6. Continue investing in your relationship if it makes you happy and your boyfriend treats you with love and respect. Ignore your mom's shallow judgments.

7. Consider slowly introducing your boyfriend to your mom over time. Her fears may lessen as she gets to know him better. But stand your ground that you will make your own choices.

In summary, focus on what matters - how your boyfriend treats you. Set boundaries with your mom to be treated respectfully. Make your own choices as an adult while still valuing your mom's opinions when they come from a place of concern, not control. I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Asker]

Thank you so much, I appreciate your reply.

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome

[Finchie40]

The truth is your mom and dad is never going to fully accept any of your boyfriends until he proves to your parents that he actually has his shit together and proves he isn’t going to break your heart , It took me a long time to accept my daughter’s boyfriend , and when I finally started to accept him , he cheated on my daughter , so to me he was always a piece of shit , so until you bring a guy home to your parents that proves he loves you and cares for you and is in it for the long haul , it’s going to take a long time for
Your parents to fully accept him , it’s just the way it goes , Your Mom just notices you dated a boy that is a loser in her eyes

[Anonymous]

Well you’re an adult so that is obviously up to you to make that decision. The problem w being in “love,” being in a relationship is we tend to be blind by what the other person is doing. How they test us. We make up excuses for them. We do to us to be w them even after they’ve done us wrong, mistreated us. We defend them to our parents. Only after we’ve separated so we realize shit this dude or chick was. POS. Maybe you’re telling the truth about him being a good man, I don’t know I haven’t met him. Talk to your mom. Ask her why she thinks he’s a bad person. I question why no driver’s license. Does he work? Go to school?

[Asker]

Yes we go to the same university and he has a part time job. Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it.

[Opinion Owner]

So try talking to your mom ask her why she feels this way. Maybe she thinks having him in your life or any man right now would ruin your future.

[Asker]

Yes I think that's the case.

[jeffend888]

You're doing literally exactly everything that 21 year olds do. Dating someone that your family does not approve of because it's fun and exciting to rebel. However, this is what's going to happen.

In about 4 years, this guy will be a fart in the wind. You will eventually pull your head out of your ass and notice that all of your friends are settling down and getting serious with their boyfriends and talking about marriage, nuclear families, etc...

Then you'll realize that what your family thinks actually matters because when you get married, families all have to get along and fit properly. Then you're going to marry a guy who fits you way better than this one.

Feel free to ask me more questions about how your future is going to turn out.

[Asker]

Not sure what you mean by rebelling cause thats exactly what I'm not doing lol. We're both 3rd year medical students having a normal relationship not approved by my mother's main reason that he doesn't drive.

[MrOracle]

It would be different if she had some legitimate reason to have a problem with him, but she doesn't. My advice is to tell her that you have heard her point of view, but that you are going to keep seeing him, and that she needs to find a way to accept that.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

You are old enough to make your own decisions, and you need to explain it to your mom also I would take therapy to make a bond between everyone and if your mom refuses well it's her lost I would move away from your mom to make things better.

[Unit1]

I moved out to live alone so that i don't have a screaming/tantrum throwing mother/father trying to force me to do anything and making me temporarily deaf if I said "No". I suggest you do the same.

[Asker]

I am away for Uni most of the time, but I can't permanently move out since I'm a student and not financially independent yet. Thank you so much for taking time to reply, I appreciate it.

[Unit1]

Well then. You seem to know what to do. Best of luck and strength and honor.

[Asker]

thanks

[EaterPeter]

What are the 3 things he can fix for your mom which she finds ultimate deal breaker. Obviously she sees somethings you can't since you are still in honeymoon phase

[EaterPeter]

Why and what is that matters to her so much? To me he is little older than you and he still does not have drivers license which means no vehicle either? You on other hand seems old enough to live on your own. Are you living on your own yet? Have you ever? She may see you as liability which we all are one way or other. And on top of that your current boyfriend seems to be liability too

[EaterPeter]

Deal breaker? *

[EaterPeter]

It is ok to feel defensive though what matters most is be able to see through of course easy said than done or try to see through

[EaterPeter]

is to be able *

[EaterPeter]

Age difference is something no one can fix

[EaterPeter]

Do you have a pattern to choose bad boys

[EaterPeter]

I have pattern to get in committed relationship way sooner which is really bad I can't date long enough

[EaterPeter]

Soon I am head over heels 👠 and suffer in long run 🏃‍♂️

[EaterPeter]

Suffer for longer but find it impossible to break that pattern

[Asker]

I have lived on my own. He's not older he's 21 just like me.

[ProbablyClueless]

Wait. Why does your account say that you're 30-35, if your real age is 21?

[slatyb]

Spend more time with him, less with your mother.

[Anonymous]

Don't give a f about what moms say after 18

[msc545]

Move out and away from your mother.