I hate who I have become and it’s so hard for me to change?

Anonymous
My mom is the type of women who never lets anyone tells her what to say. if she wants something done, she’ll ask once and if said person takes longer than a minute to reply she’ll get it done herself. she yells at her husband to get things done. it’s a mess and i hate it. i’ve sadly have become a splitting image of her. i don’t like it, it’s something that just happens. i’ve come to realize that it happens a lot when i’m around my boyfriend. i try my hardest to get my way with him always. he doesn’t like it and says things to get his way then i get even more angry and we start arguing. i’m at home 24/7. i don’t have a job, i don’t have any friends. the only people i hangout with is my family and my boyfriend (if he decides to hangout with me) i hate the way i’ve become. i’m in online school to become a medical assistant and i can’t wait to finish. i work with my mom 2 times a week so i barely make any money to pay for my car, insurance and credit card bills. i’ve been applying for jobs on indeed but no luck. anyway, i’ve been wanting to go see a therapist for a long while now, but i don’t have any money to see one. i hate who i am. i was never like this and it’s driving me crazy. yes, y’all are going to say “so just change” it’s easier said than done. i’ve tried but it ends up backfiring on me. I don't know, i want a break from this house, i want a break from my boyfriend and get back into my feminine energy. i feel like i’m carrying masculine energy and i hate it. i’m exhausted. any tips on how to get back into your feminine energy? any tips on how to release that feeling of wanting to get your way?
I hate who I have become and it’s so hard for me to change?
2 Opinion