My mom hates my boyfriend because he smokes weed, she wants me to break up with him?

[Anonymous]

Okay so I honestly think my parents are going way too far with this situation. I was raised in a strict Christian religion known as mormons who can't do anything.. anyways... They loved my boyfriend from the start and he would always come over and have a good time. I hid the fact that I was a smoker and so was he because my mom would go Crazy. He's a good person and he's respectful, always makes me laugh, has helped me lift up from my depression, is doing well in school, great with kids and Good with his family but.. when my mom found out about him smoking she now hates him, I have a lot of issues going on at home already and this just made it worse. They hate him and judge him now, they said our relationship isn't love, that it's built on addiction and lust when that isn't even the case at all. She stopped me from going out, made it impossible to talk to him and was even gonna make me quit my 2 jobs and make me switch schools if I didn't break up with him. She threatened to call the cops and order a restraining order!!! He's my bestfriend so it's getting really hard on me. She takes me to therapy because she thinks I have a bad psychological dependence on him and that being with him will ruin my future and that I'm going no where in life. I fake broke up with him so she'd leave me alone and we'd just see each other in school but I'm really fed up with this. And what's going on at home and making me stay there is not good and it's been 5 months and my mom ALWAYS mentions him and how much he's ruined my life because of weed And how he's turned me away from religion when honestly I've felt like that even before him so i hate that all the blame is on him. And as for me, I'm getting a lot of emotional abuse at home and it really is making my depression come back. I'm just so scared and my anxiety is really eating me out alive! I'm 17 and my mom always facetimes me and even tracks me down to make sure I'm not lying about where I am making sure I'm not with him!

[Dommixo]

Wow, we're currently going through the same thing and I totally understand where you're coming from. After getting caught smoking weed with my boyfriend at prom, my parents found out and told me that he is a bad influence and they hate him now. Just like you, my boyfriend is amazing and my complete best friend so losing him would be horrible. Yes he introduced me to weed but I'm 18 and capable of my own decisions and I chose to smoke because I simply enjoy it. In the beginning, we used to fight so bad where I had panic attacks everyday but for the last year we have been great and so happy. So to them they just see this horrible drug addicted, 'psychopath' that hurts me, even thought thats not true one bit. No matter what I tell them they will never understand because to them weed is just a DRUG and end of story. Even though I have good grades and got accepted to the uni I wanted, they simply don't care because it'll 'lead me to worse drugs'. I feel so bad with how your parents are handling it because they sound like they're crazy ;/ Honestly since you're under they're roof it fucking sucks so my best advice would be to move out when you can so you will not have to deal with them. Best of luck girl

[xsashax]

Try living at res in university? Make sure your straight up and simple and just right to the point with your parents. You should tell them that your depression is coming back and if they cared about you and loved you they would respect your decisions.
Just because they are mormon/Christian or whatever, doesn't mean you have to do EVERY religious thing they do. Yeah your Christian but you can still have a life... and it's your own life. There's a reason why you are into this world and it's your life. They have there's and they can live how they want to live. Just remember to respect them but still stay grounded. Switching schools because of one guy? Now THATS crazy. They sound like miserable people.

[xsashax]

Sounds like it's a personal issue to me and they are the ones with the problems not you.
Maybe you can mention something like your boyfriend smokes weed cause he suffers from depression, went to a doctor to help him and it's medical marjuana. That's how it started but you were suppose to keep it a secret. There's lots of people that have medical marijuana.

[MargaritaPeach]

No decent parent is going to be excited about their child doing drugs, hon. And all decent parents know that when their kids start hanging out with kids who already do drugs, they are FAR more likely to jump on that train. They are just trying to look out for you. The unfortunate thing is that drugs can wreck your life. No one wants to hear it; no one wants to admit it. That doesn't make it any less true. (Medical marijuana is a different story, but that's not the issue at hand). Sooo many places drug test now that it makes it hard to get a decent job when you are a smoker. :'(

[Victoriacourtney]

I was a mormon too, and I know it's extreme. Your parents can't decide for you what to do, but they can warn you. I would actually consider listening to them, and since you are under age they feel they can control you better. Parents do have great knowledge and they get you out of trouble. Weed is a drug and they just want you to stay away from it. Is your boyfriend really worth it? Try talking to them about it if you mean he is. Remember he isn't the only one. Is fighting with your parents worth it for someone like him? Ask yourself these questions!

[Asker]

considering my mom forced herself in his house to tell his parents to stay away from and and threatening to call the cops and get a restraining order? Constantly lower my self esteem, and manipulating me and saying very untrue things? And actually while weed may be a drug it is one of the safest and we're not dependent on it. I'm 18 in a couple of months I'm capable of my decisions. She accuses both of us of drug addiction. And he is a great person trust me. He is literally my other half, and the only one who really understands my anxiety. So it's worth it, my parents are insane. They always assume the worst with me and it puts me down. Plus there's already other chaos going on at home it's just not emotionally and mentally healthy for me. My job manager knows everything going on and even wanted to call DCF on them and I told her not to.

[lightbulb27]

I'm glad you have a therapist, I hope you go to them without parents and that information does not go back to parents.. although since you are below 18, it may. Point being, you need someone to talk about your family issues with. the boyfriend is irrelevant.

Your parents are concerned about you, I think, I don't think it is overly controlling, but it could be and it certainly may feel that way. Trouble is, around this age, teens want to break free of parental controls. You seem to indicate that the life they lived is not one you like or respect and they blame that on the other boy... that he was pulling you away, when in fact when you were already rebelling against them.

One solution is to go away to college (when that time arrives), get a career, get a job, so you can make your own decisions after that. Create some goals of your own, and put your sights on them so you aren't focused on what you don't have or can't control. you are in their house, and its their rules.

I think you need to drop the boyfriend for now, the drugs, and find other friends they accept until you are in control of your life.

[Browneye57]

Oh dear. The crisis of teen years.

Here's the deal. A kid that is a stoner will never amount to a hill of beans. I grew up in the era of sex drugs and rock and roll - all those stoners just bailed on life - they just weren't successful. So if you keep with a guy like this you'll end up with an entire life of disappointment. And this is what your mother knows.

I know, you don't care, and he's so nice, and all that jazz,. But there is just no future with a guy like this. You can't see it cuz you're too young and just don't get it yet. But you will. You'll look back on this one day and wonder what the hell you were thinking.

And I know you'll just think I'm old and dumb, and not with it and too out of it, and you'll likely not give a shit what I say. But the seed is now planted. One day when this shit blows up and blows by you'll think back, 'yeah, I guess they had a point. Why didn't I listen.'

[imbittered_punk]

That's such a misinformed view. Sure people can abuse weed, just like they can abuse cheese burgers, but those people are loosers before the outside influence.

[Browneye57]

@imbittered_punk Now that's funny. Honey, there is no one more informed that this old geezer. BTDT go the t-shirt.
I grew up with a handful of them. Been around the stuff for more than forty years. If nothing else here, just know that this is about as 'informed' as you can get.
And no, pot heads are not loosers from outside influences. They're loosers cuz they can't accomplish anything. Just look at your beau - what exactly is it that he's really good at? Athletic? Makes lots of money? Gets good grades. Has a six-figure job offer after college?

I know, you don't care about any of the. I'm telling you, one day you will. So go ahead and waste some time with him now. Then move on and make something of yourself. Just don't get pregnant, and don't get married. That way you can walk away when you're strong enough.

[imbittered_punk]

I use weed for a condition I have (inner ear, throws my ballance all to shit), I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it too, if I didn't I'd be an even bigger stereotype of the grumpy vet. I've never blown any job interview, work project or skipped a day at the gym because I'm a motivated person.

[cipher42]

Okay you're just objectively incorrect here buddy. There's plenty of very successful people who smoke weed, but I guess you've just bought into the stereotypes too much.

[Browneye57]

@cipher42 okay you're clueless. LOL

[cipher42]

No, I'm talking about reality. You're talking about some fantasy world.

[3336PS]

@ OP
@cipher42
@ imbittered_punk

you have to have strong will to balance such need/hobby.
if it consumes more than 2-5% of your salary, best to quit now.
Most ended up like what Browneye57 said.

Also, another stated that most jobs require drug testing. So it will affect your boyfriend and your career.

[cipher42]

@3336PS: who even said anything about me being a stoner? All I'm saying is that there are many very successful stoners, and that weed is honestly no worse than alcohol, and yet society is absolutely fine with people drinking regularly. So this prejudice against weed is honestly idiotic.

[Browneye57]

@cipher42 No, the same can be said for anyone that is drinking to a buzz every day. Same deal.
One day you'll get it. If you don't now that's fine, but you're still wrong.

[cipher42]

Stoners don't necessarily smoke every day? Also some people do use weed medically, for things like anxiety and soforth. But even so, I can tell you as someone who lives and goes to school in an area with a huge number of people who smoke weed regularly, stoners are entirely capable of smoking weed regularly, even every day, and still keeping up in school and work and generally being very productive and successful people. Some stoners are bums, sure. But plenty of people who don't do drugs are too. Plus, often the lack of success causes the drug use, not the other way around.

[imbittered_punk]

@3336PS I have Meniere's disease, and the cocktail of canibaloids that you find in most sativa strains is the only thing that works for me.
No job outside of the armed forces, police or fire brigade can legally drugs test you in the UK. That's an enormous invasion of privacy.

[Jager66]

Joseph Smith revelation:
"And whosoever among you are sick, and have not faith to be healed,
but believe, shall be nourished with all tenderness, with herbs and mild foods."

Is depression and anxiety not a mental illness that marijuana heals?

D&C 59
17 Yea, and the herb, and the good things which come of the earth, whether for food or for raiment, or for houses, or for barns, or for orchards, or for gardens, or for vineyards;
18 Yea, all things which come of the earth, in the season thereof, are made for the benefit and the use of man, both to please the eye and to gladden the heart;
19 Yea, for food and for raiment, for taste and for smell, to strengthen the body and to enliven the soul.
20 And it pleaseth God that he hath given all these things unto man; for unto this end were they made to be used, with judgment, not to excess, neither by extortion.

Does your mom only eat meat sparingly and in the winter or during Famine? She may be a hypocrite

Word of Wisdom D&C 98 12-13
12 Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with Thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used sparingly;

13 And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.

[RockingRitu]

Whoa. You are just 17 and assuming your boyfriend is 1-2 years older than you. I would say. What? You are smoking weed? Hate me, Block Me, Do whatever you want. But what your mom is doing might be correct cause she don't know you smokes too. I don't know why kids nowadays are doing all this stuffs.

I would rather suggest you to quit and make him quit smoking. Tell your mom the fact and all Done! Live in peace. you are younger enough to do all this.

[madhatters4]

your mom is trying to protect you. she may be going overboard but she thinks she's doing the right thing. if you truly can look at your life and see that it is better with him than without him try your best to not let your mother's judgments impact you... just know that in your heart of hearts she is wrong, even though she may have good intentions

as for the guy. it seems like you are still going to see him so i guess nothing changes there the only problem is that your mom can't know about it

[martyfellow]

Sounds like your mom knows you pretty darn well! She's just trying to watch out for you. She may be going overboard about his ruining your life and such, but she means well.

Soon you will be 18 and out of high school; you can escape this strict control at that point.

And by that time, you probably will have broken up with him. Problem solved!

[deraz24]

That's a tough situation if it's indeed real follow your heart try explaining it to her the best you can and reassure her that you're responsible and not doing anything stupid, either way you're risking something

[slatyb]

You are almost 18. Is there somewhere else you could live after you turn 18? Or are you going away to University next year?

Your parents could be right or wrong about this guy. What does he do besides smoke weed?

[Asker]

Nothing that's literally all he does... they think that it's a hard core drug too... and my parents don't want to pay for my college because it's not the Christian college they want me to go to. My boyfriend offered to live with him and his parents offered to pay for my college but I don't know if that's a good idea... I still haven't decided what I'm doing but I already got accepted to colleges

[slatyb]

I meant what does he do when he's not smoking weed? School? Job? How are those going for him? Good luck with college. I hope you can attend the school of your choice.

[Asker]

He's doing very well in school and got accepted to the same college as me. He's a senior like me, he used to have a job but he's looking for a new one

[bente2]

Why don't you just visit the police and discuss with them how to leave the abusive household you live in. Don't tell them about the weed, just ask how you would have to take action considering you are a minor.

[3336PS]

OMG!!! break up a family and get the police involve and lie? for a guy who smokes weed? i am so confused.

[bente2]

@3336PS uhm, a family that is mentally and emotionally abusive is one I would leave for someone I trust everyday.

Family isn't always stronger than friendship.

[CocoTeaREX]

I can't stand people who smoke, they are all annoying and stupid af. You should tell your mother to shut up tho, she also seems to be extremely annoying.

[Elarra]

Um... maybe I missed it, but how did she even find out?

Anyway, as much as your parents may not like it, it's really none of their business who you date.

[SuccessfulHornDog]

Your moms is right. You'll understand when you're older

[3336PS]

What % of your salary do you spend on weed?
and your bf?
Is it possible to quit if its for recreational?

[singlebee]

Tell your parents to stay out of your personal life... Cause I would if mine intervened like that...

[ColinHarvey]

Just tell him to stop smoking. Then have him tell your parents that he regrets it. You're not dating a loser, your parents will be okay with him and he gets to hang with you. Problem solved.

[lovydoey]

U should break up with him. They are your parents and are trying to look out for you.

[Anonymous]

Break up, he will only lead to problem (a guy who smoke weed aren't a good frequentation).

[Anonymous]

it is funny how people expect others to be perfect humans.
we all have something in our past that would strike fear into the hearts of the bravest of men...

[Opinion Owner]

and make women and children wet their diapers.
I was once a fear demon who wiped out cities and dynasties.
but then i ended up destroying everyone who feared me.

[Mr-Kabuki]

is your boyfriend a pot head or just likes to smoke the occasional joint?

[datgirl]

Yeaaaa... I'd listen to mama.

[IsraeliSoldierr]

Break up.