My mom hates my boyfriend because of how he looks?

[Anonymous]

Well I started dating this guy and my mom doesn't like him and keeps saying he has nothing to offer me. He has a full-time job, his own apartment. He doesn't gave a vehicle right now because his car broke down but he's working on saving for a new one. He pays all his bills on time, still has money left over which he saves, takes care of his son and is very active in his life. He also treats me very very well. He is always kind and understanding towards me, does nice things like make me dinner and takes me to lunch, and always insists to give me gas money whenever I pick him up even if it's a short distance. The main reason she doesn't like him is because of the way he looks. He has tons of tattoos (full sleeves on both arms, his neck and legs) and has his ears gagged. She calls him a freak or refers to him as "that freaky guy". She makes it difficult on me by getting angry with me when I am talking to him and refuses to see him at all. I just don't know what to do, he is so kind to me and the first time he met her he was very polite. She wants me with a clean cut guy who makes lots of money but I've dated guys like that before and they all turned out to be jerks but she liked them...

Updates

+1 y

Oh and by the way none of his tattoos are of anything offensive.

[heatherlu]

Be mature about this.

Okay - so you live with your mother, but that doesn't force her involvement with your boyfriend. I understand in an ideal world that yes, you'd like your parents to approve of your partner, but sometimes it just takes a bit of time.

As things are in the situation you're in - make it easier for yourself by keeping those parts of your life kind of seperate. Not extremes, but maybe not having him round you place. Maybe not inviting him to family functions if you know there will be tension, things like that.

And then just let time mend the rest. She might not approve of his look - but if you two last together for long enough, and you're happy together. Most people will see the difference, and warm to him. So it's likely your mother will do the same. Explain you're an adult, you love her, but don't seek her approval. You're capable of making your own decisions, and are dating this guy based on the way he treats you. Despite his looks, he's a good guy and treats you well - better than the previous men you've dated. And whilst you don't expect her immediate approval, you'd appreciate her to accept your decision.

[Asker]

Yea I suppose you're right. It just sucks because he introduced me to his family and they were all very kind and accepting of me. I just don't want him to feel judged or hated for no reason. But you are right, sometimes these things take time.

[mce90]

I am going through the exact same situation right now with my parents. They haven't even met the guy but don't allow him to come over to the house (except to pick me up) because of his tattoos. Last night we went out and got home around 130, since he is not allowed in the house we sat outside on the curb and went for a walk. I feel ya girl, it sucks. But I am learning just to enjoy time with him regardless of their approval. Parents are pretty headstrong and I think part of the reason your mother isn't giving him a chance is because she might actually warm up to him and hate admitting she was wrong. As childish as that sounds that's how I feel in my situation. So in conclusion, just do your thing. Do not let their opinions affect the way you see him and be with who you want. Can't please everyone in life so might as well please yourself!

[prophecy]

don't listen to that maniac Konnour down there. he's insane. he doesn't know what his talking about. you are right not to live with this boyfriend of yours - it's just too soon.

now, I really don't know what do you wanna hear. just ignore her. that's the only thing that you can do.

does she know that he's a nice guy?

[Asker]

Yea she knows he's a nice guy. She just automatically assumes (influenced mostly by her judgmental boyfriend) that he is a loser for the way he looks, when he's not. She knows he's kind to me and makes me happy, but she wants me to be with some suit and tie wearing, straight laced guy with a white collar job. And to me all that doesn't really matter.

[Konnour]

If you're not lying about your age and if your parents have no law-given rights to choose who you marry... you can just tell her to f... to stop freaking out.

You're an adult.

[Asker]

Yea I know. I told her this. I do live with her for now but it's only temporary til I can save up enough to move out on my own (which will be within the next 6 months) I just hate having these rifts with my family because I do love her, she's just being so judgmental.

[Konnour]

Why can't you live at his place?

[Asker]

It's just a step I'm not ready to take yet. We've been dating 4 months and I don't want to rush into anything like that even tho I do care about him a lot.

[Konnour]

Well - then you are making a problem purposefully even though it can be solved easily.

You hate living with your parents. They give you a hard time, they don't like your choices even though you're an adult with a "record of service"

There's an easy solution - move out, live with your pal, and when you'll make enough, you can also have your own place too.

But for some weird reason you're not taking this chance...