Wow, that's quite a mess and one can only imagine the tangled tentacles back home. Those kids need their father, they want their father and they are being traumatized without him. If it's one thing I've learned, it's the value of father... and mother.
The monetary thing is a challenge, but I would think... I want to make more for the kids sake and my girlfriend. But in some cases, it goes to the xWife and that could feel awful if they are using it as weapon against him, throw in in his face, etc.. Doesnt' the male of most any species go out to find food and protect? Thus, sounds like he's really subconsciously... beat down.
If he (in my case a she) was able to stay in good concert with the kids, then maybe. For example, some dads go in military and are deployed for 9 months, or in sales and gone all week. Kids can adapt to a rhytm, calls over Skype, facetime, etc.. But abandonment, that's another level of messed up. I know a family where dad left the kids for drugs. New father figure came in... he's no substitute, but the kids are better off without the other dad. Can tell... it still hurts the kids though... but at least they have love of mom and safe.
One would wonder if he's so traumatized from prior relationships that he cannot feel, and so that would be the reflection of "narcissism" that you express you experienced. The emotions are there, and they come out intesely as theya re bottled up.. and in relationships... they flow out onto each other, the bad stuff too as the flaws are exposed and the rough edges cut. Our souls want love, connection, etc.. The drugs of sex only pacify this so long... then the inner emotional flaws come out and that is when we see the real emotional state and pain and suffering ensue.
That's what I learned... something like that anyways.
So... relationship has GREAT value in that it is like a stone and a knife, sharpening the souls of each other. It's not what WE want, but it is what our souls need to expose the flaws so they can be healed. We should experience pain and suffering (good kinds that challenge us inside)... it's the ONLY way we will change to align and resolve the hurts/flaws in our sub conscious which block us from the true love we are made to be. We run from the pain, mask it, hide and with men so often... don't feel it.
In short, it's a really selfish thing to do unless the loose strings are tied up well back home. I can see how and why someone would do it, doesn't mean it is good. It is hard to sacrifice and go empty (if that's the perception of staying there with hopes of new love).
I know I'm a guy.
But as a man who wants to be there for my kids and even if it meant most of my support was throwing money towards. The mother of our kids that I couldn't be with for whatever reason. I'd never run like a coward from that. Its my mother effing blood. I gotta represent and care for it.
In other words. I'll out right say it that mans a coward. He deserted his own blood for what his greed. chances are if he's after you he's just going to do it again. Cause he obviously can't handle owning up to his own doings. Talk about a major red flags all over the place. Not to mention he sounds SUPER lazy like how did he get a girl in bed in the first place.
I don't really even care if he deserted the ex gf/baby momma ya don't desert you're kids if your the dad. It doesn't matter how embarassed and effing greedy you are. That KID IS ALIVE CAUSE OF YOU. And you gonna make their life miserable cause you want to be a lazy cheap old fool. Man GTFO. To be brutally honest his kids are going to grow up hating him. At this rate if he don't get his act together and start caring for the family HE MADE.
I agree. His kids will grow up hating him.
He told me he had to leave Germany because once he got a divorce, he didn't have citizenship. Turns out that's not true. He has dual citizenship. He just chose me over them. He said that I "distorted" what he told me or that I misunderstood.
I made a huge error in judgment. He's an amazing liar and manipulator.
He's still reaping the rewards of his lies about me. If you were to read them, you'd second guess everything you just said here. He's that good.
It would depend on his reasoning and if in fact he moved to abandon his children. As far as him not wanting to get a higher paying job it's TRUE in a lot of cases the courts take a percentage of a man's paycheck not caring if it leaves him enough money to support himself or even be able to afford to go see his kids. And let's say he gets a higher paying job so he can maybe afford to see his kids. Would you not ask for even more child support? Like I said I'd have to know more about the situation from both parties before i would judge the situation. I know there's some dead beat dads and moms out there. But not in every case.
No it's a red flag. It's speaks volumes about his character. Considering he could have tried to get full custody. Or work it out with his ex to prevent the current situation aka anything other than abandoning his child. People who abandon their kids are not to be trust.
I have a rule I rarely date men with kids however if I were to consider it he must be an active father. That's not even optional.
Next question: Why are you dating deadbeats?
Leave them in the bottom of the barrel where they belong.
He gave me some story about having to leave there, which he later said that I misunderstood.
Well Syd, you either need better taste in men or he really pulled the wool over your eyes, but good. Anyone who would do this wasn't a nice guy to begin with, but just another douchebag in hiding.
Oh my aching head...
A little of both, darlin. But more of the wolf in sheep's clothing with this one.
Opinion
19Opinion
Well, sounds awful but specifics do matter. Imagine if this man didn’t want children and his wife decided to have children anyway, due to not having safe enough sex. This man would have to be forced to pay for children that he didn’t want to have. Now, perhaps the moral thing to do in this situation would still be to pay or help the children especially if they need it and of course because they’re your blood so that adds some element of moral obligation on a person’s part in my opinion. Also, perhaps this man is dealing with somewhat of a vindictive, vengeful, or horrid wife, ex-wife, where she tries absolutely everything to drain this man’s money even though she/they doesn’t need it.
I agree with most of what you said except if he didn't want kids then hoping she'll never accidentally get pregnant not only once but twice obligates him to those kids. A man that doesn't want kids should get a vasectomy and a woman who doesn't should get a tubaligation. In my eyes having consensual sex obligates anyone because we all know that's how kids are made.
Yeah, I’m talking about some crazy situation where the man wasn’t intending to have children, but something transpired, perhaps out of his control, where the woman is all of a sudden pregnant with his child. It’s perhaps not realistic or likely what I’m talking about, but nonetheless I added it in.
In all honesty, I agree with you completely. I’m pro-life, so i believe that you should take care of the child if you managed get pregnant, because that’s your moral obligation and because I believe no one gets pregnant by accident, save for nonconsensual circumstances (rape).
He has three children with her. He said the first one was a surprise and the other two were planned
Yeah, specifics do matter. In my opinion, most of these situations are perhaps either planned or known that pregnancy is imminent or likely to occur.
@EmbraceThePain you sound like a liberal. This made me sad.
No hero in that
The odds are that she filed for the divorce thus she abandon him and since the courts favor women in custody/child support/alimony etc. it’s not really 50/50. Like you said he didn’t want to send "more" child support which means he had to send child support to begin with to her. If he had 50/50 custody there should be no child support or alimony to begin with. They should run their own lives and support their kid during their half of the time they have custody, but the system isn’t fair or balanced to begin with. Thus when the laws are unjust in one country, the only fair thing to do is completely abandon the kid and move to a country that doesn’t collect child support to be sent back to the host country and start over with a new women in a new land.
Your comment is incorrect. Child support is awarded quite often to the other parent in shared custody arrangements. The 50/50 is irrelevant here. Its not based on percentage time with either parent but based off who earns less. So if parent A earns $150,000 and parent B earns $60,000 - the courts will force parent A to pat support to B to level the playing field.
He earned a lot less than his ex.
@spaceycowboy Since you are uneducated, odds represent the probability of an event happening. According to the How Couples Meet and Stay Together survey conducted by Rosenfeld at Stanford, 69% of divorces are initiated by women in contrast to 31% of divorces being initiated by men. This means that out of 100 possible outcomes, odds are that there will be 69 instances of women initiating divorce and 31 instances of men initiating divorce. Just in case you are not aware, 69 is a larger number than 31. Therefor it is more likely that the women initiated the divorce. Thus what I said is factually correct and what you did was talk out of your asshole. You’ve been humbled, go home with your tail between your legs.
On to your next point if you can call it that. Clearly the question Sydney asked gave relevance to 50/50 nature of custody, therefore it is not irrelevant. Just because you don’t like the wording of the question, doesn’t mean she can’t ask it. If it were irrelevant to her then she would not have included it in the question and given it priority in the wording of said question. Thus you’re wrong twice in a row.
@spaceycowboy On your third inane rant. A 50/50 split means that each party gives the exact same amount of themselves. It doesn’t mean they arbitrarily split their input based on the whims of a bias judge. My points specific spoke to the bias in the court system that often discriminates against men. I’m aware of how child support can be split through a judge's order, and how that often doesn’t align with an even split. That was the entire point, but that flew right over your head just like everything else. There are tons of studies that back what I am stating, but even in her anecdotal case as she put it “He earned a lot less than his ex”, yet he was paying child support to her forcing him to take on a greater financial burden with less available resources at his disposal while simultaneously having an equal time burden. That’s unjust. Guess that’s three strikes. Go wipe your mouth with toilet paper, because all you do is talk shit.
Where does the word 'abandon' come from?
If HE stated it, it's a quite ruthless thing.
However - there ARE cases after a divorce where the ex wife uses her 'chances' to bring up the kid/s against their father in his own absence.
Happened to me. Happened to a good friend of mine.
'We' later became sort of 'ex-fathers' by -emm - choice of the children and were only good to be financially exploited, but further contact was avoided; and also 'sabotaged' by 'our' ex wives.
Sad as this is in itself... I felt no moral obligations to stay around when I was offered a job overseas.
To 'take care of the family' is a two-way thing.
I to have seen ex wives alienate their kids from their fathers. And I've seen men act just as bad. When it comes to divorce and child custody/support it's like the couple forgets they actually cared about each other once and don't behave in ways that are truly in the childs best interest. No parent should ever speak badly about the other to the kids. But their anger just seems to blind some.
It depends on the relationship. Honestly, if things were toxic between us I would stay in contact with my kids from a long distance or wait for them to grow up a little bit. It's not good to stay with a girl that is going to be abusive even if it's verbally. That being said, reasoning is important. Staying for the kids is a lot to ask, because that means he is forced to have contact with her. But again, it depends on what happened. If it's his fault then yes he should send time with his kids but shame could also play a role... This could go a number of different ways
Absolutely not. I knew of a guy around my age who impregnated at least 4 different girls and gave them all of these empty promises and crap, then bailed on both the mom and baby and moved on to a new girl. I never understood why the ones who knew about his past tried to make excuses for it and gave him a chance, only for it to happen to them, too. They insisted that he said they were different from the rest and that he really wanted them and had changed and blah blah blah, but surprise! He lied.
Anyone who would willfully abandon their own children (not have them taken by the other parent, but actually WILLFULLY abandon them) is not a quality individual. If they'd do it to the kids they have, what would make you think they wouldn't do it to yours?
Nope. I was raised by a single mom. My father abandoned me and contested paying child support. I know how much that hurts. I would not date a man who would do that to his children
Thank you for sharing your experience. ❤
Wow LOTS of dirty laundry you and your ex are both airing here.
Don't you think that's a bit childish? Why did you even date him? You had to be aware of the fact that, if your relationship was to have future, he'll have to abandon his kids eventually unless you want to move.
To answer your question, no I wouldn't.
As for better paying job thing. If he is already earning enough money to suport his kids and give them decent life, and the new job would be much mkre stressful and difficult, I think it's fine that he doesn't want to get that new job.
Also how old are those kids? I thought that guy was at least 15 years older than you so the kids probably aren't that young.
I am together with a guy that has 2 kids but doesn't get to see them at all. I puts on a front so it looks like he doesn't give a shit if he gets to see them or not but you can see it in his eyes that it hurts him. I guess it all depends on the situation at hand and why the person isn't willing or doesn't see his kids
No!! I have NO Respect for a Man or Woman who Abandon their Child (ren). It's one thing to put up for Adoption so they have a chance at a better life but outright Abandon and then Bitch about supporting Financially!!! First of All that is NOT A MAN ny NO means!!! THAT IS A PATHETIC COWARD...
Mmm no.
But ya know. I don’t know what happened and I’m certain that you feel pain and anger. Wake up tomorrow, knowing you have the little one, and a job and you have a new day. It’s not fun or easy but you’ll get there.
I understand if somebody gets a divorce because things didn't work out or you got married because you were young and dumb or she became a bad person but to abandon your kids they didn't do anything wrong to you my mom left me when I was a kid and never tried to get me back and I resent her but no I wouldn't date a person like that because I plan on having kids and I don't want the same thing to happen to them and I don't want them to be angry and upset how I am
Any man who abandons his children should be hog tied and dragged behind a speeding car across streets paved in broken glass!!!
Other than that I really don't have a strong opinion on the matter.
Don't date someone that already has familial responsibilities. Primarily because you will NEVER be their top priority - EVER. You'll always take a back seat to everything that is going on with their life. It's an ugly place to put yourself.
And don't place qualifications on it, abandoned this or that, or whatever. Just skip them, make your own family.
That's not always true because when my bio mother left and my dad got me the lady I call my mother now stuck around and we've been a perfect family for 18 years
@mental_status Your anecdotal bullshit is irrelevant.
Well from a guys point of view , What Man would abandon his Children
in another Country to be with a Woman in another Country , if i was a
Father i sure wouldn't do it? That is like my cousins late Father abandon
her in the State of Pennsylvania , she and her ex-husband went to the
State of New Hampshire to visit him and he would just stay in his room
he would not come out and he lived with a much older Woman who he
never married cause he was still married to my second cousin in PA?
How is it child abandonment if the mother threw him out and he still pays money?
This guy has had his children kidnapped from him and the kidnappers are using the government to keep extorting money from him and you somehow got that twisted around in your retarded female brain that HE'S the asshole?
On behalf of all men everywhere, FUCK. YOU.
She didn't throw him out. He chose to leave.
Are you unable to read?
Sounds like bullshit, what can I say.
He sounds like a bag of dicks dipped into a basin full of urine. Know what I mean?
🤣🤣 great description
I appreciate your weird!
HELLNO
abandoning children is NOT on my list
If the father abandons his children that tells me that he doesn't love them and doesn't want nothing to do with them ,, etc and he is a self fish asshole
He sounds like an uncaring cheapskate. Ugh. Revolting. If he's that unemotional about his own children and doesn't want them to share in his economic gains so they'll have a better life, how's he going to treat YOU? Run away.
No. In my opinion, children should always come first over. Somebody abandoning them like that would be a huge red flag.
I dont understand how you can have 50/50 custody while being in different countries.
Word salad?
He was in the same country but moved to a different country, away from them.
Oh right.
I really dont care, children are overrated.
A couple of hundred years ago no one gave a flying fuck about children, at all.
Now everyone gets their panties in a bunch over nothing, its ridiculous.
The whole idea is ridiculous.
The guy living in a different country could still see his children more than someone who was serving in the military but no one is going to come on here raging about how soliders are dead beat dads.
@Imcmullan lol
Of course it isn't.
Its voluntary.
Using grandious language 'serving the country' doesn't change anything, its a job and doing that job is a choice.
At least the guy who just left the country will presumably survive, the solider may well get themself killled.
So either abadoning your children in this way is completely fine.
Or leaving your children is so awful that soliders are bad parents.
You can't have it both ways.
He willingly left them. NOT serving his country
@SydneySentinel Read the whole thing you clearly didn't bother.
He didn't leave for a job to better his life.
@SydneySentinel Who are you to judge whether or not his life is better as a result of the choice?
Maybe you should have phrased the question more honestly because this will be on the way to becoming a different question soon.
I think I just reject your question, its not actually a question its just anti male hate speech or something.
Because its so shallow.
This could easily be a very good thing or a very bad thing or not particularly important at all.
Really, the fact that he has changed country tells us essentially nothing about his opinion, atttiude or commitment to his children.
We dont know anything about why and it clearly matters because you and ImcMullan seem to think that infact there are good reasons for even abandoning your wife and children in this way.
So i will return you to one of my first comments, that the whole idea is ridiculous.
Its a nonsense.
Dont bother having a point or making an argument just neg me and disappear. Pathetic.
You must have a job that allows you to be on the phone all day. You're also not my first priority.
He abandoned his children and isn't making an effort to improve his situation so he can improve his kid's lives.
Back to your second comment, you said you really don't care. Did you change your mind about that?
didn't change my mind, I still really dont care if someone decides they want to move to another country.
I notice you still dont have an argument.
Any man who willfully abandons his children and refuses to support them is pure scum and good to neither Man, Woman nor beast.
I have the urge to use all kinds of abusive language to describe this guy. So mad just hearing about this. Good riddance to bad rubbish
if he doesn't want to work
I understand why
she fucked him up in the head
when you kidnap a kid from a parent
the parent becomes very anger
or they decide not to care so
they don't hurt themselves
so you toss it out of your head
so the memory won't hurt
WHY DO YOU THINK HE DOESN'T WANT TO WORK
his kid is taken away
HE HAS NO REASON TO WORK
when he can't even see the child and trust me it's the mothers fault 70% of the time
IT'S THE MOTHER
women are vengeful hateful creatures
his EX should be killed
anyone who kidnaps shall be put to death
I voted C, but don’t stoop to his level. U r better than that.
After is 4th question/mytake about me, I've had enough. I know I should be better than that but tonight I'm not.
Okay
You're right though. I appreciate your response.
You’re welcome 😊
I don't know the exact case scenario but it doesn't sound like he's a good man. So nope.
Man...
No because a man like that is a total worthless, heartless piece of shit.
It shows a lot about him as a person, cuz who abandons their own creation, if he can abandon his own creation, sis he can abandon you in a click of finger.
Date single mom we had problems she wanna party and leave me home with the kids I had to ended. It depends how she treat kids and baby daddy.
Nope I wouldn't date anyone who abandons their child
No I would never date a guy like this.
If he can't love his own children how can I expect him to love me?
No way, that tells you a lot about his priorities... himself, selfish piece of shit
I'm pretty sure as long as a guy isn't short, they can get over it
Why would anyone date a deadbeat?
... I hope Hell shows him no mercy.
Seems like a lot of red flags
Yes, there are women who would do that.
I hope not
Wow what a bastard.
Hell no. That's disgusting.
Noooo
that soundsnot good situation
Yes they sure would.
No piece of shit
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