Raising someone else's kids is like continuing a game from someone else's save point.
I read that this morning and it seems to fit here very well.
That being said I have nothing agaisnt a single mother and that's not a deal-breaker to me but to be fair, for me to date a single mom she really needs to be an amazing once in a lifetime person because if she's just average then I'll find someone just like her but with less baggage. And that's actually in her best interest because most single mothers don't realize that their case a tricky one especially if the kid is young. Anyone they date will be part of the kids life and it can turn out great just as well as horrible and the kid has already lost enough losing his dad from the family but welcoming someone unfit would be a traumatizing blow.
What I suggest is for single mothers to find single fathers, for starters they both are parents even before meeting and anyone who knows the struggle understands the value of having a partner, not to mention she raises his kid he raises hers and their kids also get to experience having a sibling if they didn't already it's a win win win win
No. When I was in my 20's and I was single, when I had never been married. I never would have been with a woman who had kids. I never would have even dated a woman who had been married before. I've turned down dates with women who were divorced.
I would only have been with a woman with no kids. I would only have been with a woman who had never been married before. I would have only had kids if they were mine and we had them together. I would have only married a woman in which she was my first wife... I was her first husband.
Well, I am 30 now. I am married. I have kids. So, if I were to become a widower. I am now entering the dating market at a different age, at a different stage in my life. Most of the women I'd meet would probably be around 30 and I'd guess many already would have kids and would have been married before. We'd be in the same boat.
If I were to become a widower now... having been married, having my own kids I would NOW date a single mother. If I got in a time machine and went back to 23 years of age. I would then not date a single mother at that stage of my life.
Sort of on the fence, depending on age of course. They wouldn't be ruled out just by having kids, but I would want to be very careful about meeting them and such as I would not want to feel like I'm intruding for the kids, or want them to get attached to me in the early stages.
I have no interest in a parent. I will be their friend - as I am to a single father right now - but I am not going to be a partner to them. It would be unfair to them and, more importantly, to their children.
Absolutely not! There is little benefit for a man to raise another man's child. Here is why:
1) - You get 100% responsibility with almost no authority. Next to the fact that I refuse to take care of child that isn't biological mine, more often than not single mothers scold the man for trying to discipline the child. Whenever he tries to do that, she stops him and calls the kid HER child. But when the time comes to pay bills, it become "our child" all of a sudden.
2) - Another issue is that the biological father is also more often than not somewhat in the picture. The mother will always have certain feelings or desires for him. And the kid (s) will grow up resenting you as a step-father. Because they see you as an obstacle for any chance of rekindling between their biological father and mother. You will also be met with backlash from the kid (s) whenever you try to discipline them. You will be met with comments like "You are not my dad! So don't tell me what to do!"
3) - Now imagine the relationship ends (break-up or divorce). You as a step-parent have no rights to the kids, despite you've invested in them. They will be gone. Poof! Just like that. at least with your biological kids, you would have some rights.
A little disclaimer: Even though I've not experienced these things first hand, I know plenty of men (including family members) who did. And the things I've named above are all what they have experienced themsevles. So if they tell me not to go that road, why should I?
4) - Last but not least. I refuse to further someone else's gene pool if I can invest in my own. The more time and resources I spend on another man's child is taken away from my own. The only time I would accept taking care of another's child is if it happened to be a family member (niece or nephew). Other than that, if it's not my seed, then it's not my problem.
I have dated a few single moms after my divorce. It's a huge problem. First, kids come first at all times, and if it gets serious get ready to pay for the kids anytime you go out. Small kids no big deal, but a teen will eat you to the poor house. I made the mistake of dating a mom with three teens. It was nearly $100 a meal just to feed them.
There is no spontaneous dating, no getaway vacations. Many mom's get friends to watch their kids while early daring, so they like to stay within 50 miles of their kid when dating. Or worse, they have to pay a sitter and have time constraints.
There is no wild and crazy sex unless the kids are with dad, or away. And some fathers will be uncomfortable with you dating his ex and hanging out with his kids. I had one father constantly driving up and down the street checking on me and his ex. That was scary.
And single mom's are often looking for anyone who will give them a save. So her options expand, and they often have a much larger body count. I had one that was well over a 100 guys, 40 just looking for a father for her son. Might be contraversial subject, but women who have body counts are more likely to leave you if better comes along. Being so impechous in most cases, you're setting yourself up for an expensive relationship doomed to fail. It doesn't sound intuitive because you would think they would be extra loyal, but they are not. I got cheated on by two with former boyfriends they couldn't get over.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
For me the answer is: C - it depends on how and why she became a single mother. The issue of fatherless children is a huge problem in society today with far reaching negative consequences, not only for the children but for society as a whole. Research has shown that children who don't have fathers present during their upbringing are at far greater risk for all kinds of problems.
I have no respect for men who father children and don't do the right thing and be a good father and a lasting presence in their children's lives.
But, I also have no respect for women who casually sleep with men who they don't have good reason to believe will make good fathers to their children in the event they get pregnant. As a society we hold "deadbeat dads" in very low regard, and for good reason. But I don't believe we hold women accountable enough for their choices. Instead we usually view them as victims.
Often times single mothers are victims, but in many cases they are just irresponsible. I have no tolerance for it, and I would not date a woman like that.
I wouldn't because: - I don't want kids, - I don't want the responsibility of helping raise someone else's kids, - I don't want to have to deal with situations when the other parent appears, - I don't want to hear "you're not my father!" if I marry the kid's mom and decide to raise the kid, - and honestly, I want to always be the top priority to my partner (not her kid).
There are many other reasons, but these are the ones I can think of now. Yes, some of them are selfish. I know that. That's just more of a reason for me to not have kids. Not everyone is mentally/emotionally qualified to be a parent.
I would. But I'd also be a bit worried about it because when there is a child involved they sort of grow on ye'. It's always a package-deal and it comes with some hoops to jump. 1. So if it don't work out then Im also leaving a child in the dust, who most probably don't understand. I'd feel responsible. 2. Kids take a lot of time. Time that I would use on hanging out with the mother. There's just lesser alone-time. 3. When I start a family I would like that decision to be part mine and that I have a say on how to raise the child. In this scenario I have neither.
However at 40 I'll have less options and then I'd have to be okay with some of that. Until then I'd explore other options first, but then emotiind have a way of making you make bad decisions.
Single dad myself & I know full well I have pretty much zero chance in the male heavy dating market. I do not want to date anyway after the hell marriage I endured , and knew I wouldn't want to , on binning my insufferable ex wife & taking majority custody , . The very few options I may have are single mothers... and that would be complicated & messy. I want as much peace as possible for the rest of my life & like being single too much. So a no from me for dating a single parent , and a no for me being one , from women too , works both ways !
I’m dating a single mom now (widowed). It has its ups and its downs. But honestly, if I’d have to do it all over again, I’ll more than likely wouldn’t. Not to be an ass about it but when it come to certain things, you have no authority over the say so involving her kids, even if you help take care of them. When it’s convenient, things are let’s do this and that as a family until something happens, then, it’s let me handle my kids. But if you, being a man, have kids yourself… your kids don’t get the same treatment as she expect you to do for her kids. If that makes sense. After a good talk… I think things are at a good understanding for now.
Moving in is huge, the ideal ways to handle issues is penal each other of feelings, good times and bad and ask questions. Have a good relationship as you get together and exchange as switch notes as me to her and her to me. This is a helpful emotional tool to help individuals understanding through reading and emotionally and mentally relax to have reality set in on facts and heartfelt. If the heartfelt note it then then talk about it more. If the answers were answered in note exchange then awesome! That is the point. To often we don’t let the other person talk and sometimes we allow emotions to stop our full topic communicating, in this way we are not fully happy or heartfelt as some are left with no answer. This is a helpful way to communicate, this not full proof. Yet, this helps lengthening the happiness and maybe wholesomeness to be or not to be with each other. Communication is TOP PRIORITY. Learn how and secure a future or not.
Pretty much zero benefit dating a single mom. They don’t have time to date which is understandable—-junior’s sick and she needs to stay home or something came up. They don’t have free time.
Also it’s like playing some dude’s saved game file. So…single girl with no kids it is!
No. I was sterilized at 21 because I don't want kids in my life. My limit is seeing my neices and nephews for a day or two, but then I'm just so exhausted and I want my space back. And that's not someone you should want around your kids, so it's a win for the single parents I'm not dating.
I would like to add a "Unless..." Okay so say I start dating someone new when I'm like 50. They *have* kids, but their kids are grown and moved out. In that scenario I would be find dating a parent because I can have regular conversations with their adult kids, who won't be there all the time
I do not date single mothers on the sole position that based on my "social status" and my experiences, they're either competing with a brick wall in terms of intelligence or just want me for my money to help raise their kid while not wanting to have many, if any more with me themselves.
Few of these girls are even divorced or such, they just simply hooked up or had a short relationship with some dirtbag before they could drink and not want you to help fix their problems.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I wouldn’t.. but I’d possibly have a short term fling, only if I was very attracted to the person. To be honest, I find most younger single mothers (20s-30s) to be fairly unintelligent and lacking common sense. Unfortunately they just aren’t worth my time as I usually cannot stand them. I’d surely never invest any effort in them. Many poor, innocent men had deemed these women suitable mates in the past, but they obviously learned the opposite is true. Also, I wouldn’t want to deal with their children. Unless they were my own children, I wouldn’t want anything to do with them.
Pretty much have to. I'd be terrified of a woman who is in my wheelhouse and was never married and had children. Those are selfish broads, unless she was held captive in N. Korea for 20 years. Preferably those children are grown or nearly grown... Been an dad and a step Dad. Loved it, but don't want to do it again.
Yes. I'm currently dating a single father. I was hesitant to date him at first because he had kids but it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. He's amazing and his kids are wonderful.
Yes because one day you will lose your attraction to your lover and their child will eventually reach adult age and you can transition into a romantic relationship with the offspring. :)
Choices and dedication. Lol... it’s life. There is not a 100% wrong way to view this, if the kid or kids are now 18 and you are great or not so great in the relationship of the mom. Isn’t the understanding of caring, yet not to be manipulated between any relationship of blackmail. Yes. The goal is to enjoy life healthy yet allowing people to know how to prosper. Many are okay with these modifications in life. Will 1 person always have an attraction to the 1. Sure. Life in time you can know this. Or if life took a toll, then you have the option. The issue is not always bad, if in fact you now don’t want the mom. That is okay, it has happened throughout human history. If the 18 19 21 years old now has a great understanding in life. Move on with her if you don’t believe a family can be kept together under 1 roof this way. Multiple ways this could be. If you define items of what you may be okay with or might not and why. Or are you just scaring yourself not to be in a relationship depending how much you like the mom?
First of all, Yes why not... 2nd there're some complications which might need to be in favor. Like kids acceptability and comfortability with me.. plus single mother also must needs to know how to balance between kids and me.
I'll support and understandable, sometimes both cannot be at the same page..
I would... As long as I was a lot older than I am now. As well as if the other parent of the children never interfered with me and my partner and won't fuck with our relationship. I love kids, if they like me, and I'm loved by partner, all is well.
Im not gonna spend to limited resorces and time to raise another mans child. He gets to bang her when she's young hot and fresh and I have to pay for it while she was calling me a loser during this time. You get what you desvere. Women need to be punished for going out with men with bad moral caracter
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
No, i dont date leftovers men since many of them are the absent dad of many kids of different mums in my experience. I have never ever seen a single dad who only impregnate one girl lol. I even would not date a good single dad because I want to be mum of my own kids and not want to care of other women's kids. HOWEVER, if I become a single mum, then i would date them but this will never happen to me. I am very careful person and i wait til till marriage
Yes I would because a single parent sometimes it's just more responsible sees things more clearly it doesn't mean that she has she's Radioactive oh she has cooties yes I would date a single mother
Generally I prefer child free men (I don’t have kids) however, if I was in love with him and got along well with the kids, and I didn’t have to worry about the mother interfering then yes, I would
Nah. I'm not a huge fan of kids and that would also mean the kid's mother is still in the picture. It can be messy. Also means the kid would have to be his first priority.
@Coulis Widowed is different, that's of no fault of their own. However, I primarily don't want kids among other things. Someone's failed marriage and kids is not my problem.
Not at my age, no. I do expect to move to multiple different countries soon (Italy, Netherlands, UK, maybe US eventually), so I don’t want to get bogged down anywhere
I have specifically been intentionally NOT impregnating women BECAUSE I didn't want any kids. So why would I now want a kid? Especially since ejaculating inside a vagina is really fun.
As a parent myself I couldn't be wasting my time on somone that wasn't a single parent. It's rare for a non-parent to know what they're getting themselves into.
In middle age, the never a parent pool starts to grow slimmer.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
No never. But we've seen this kind of question a hundred times. Why not be a little more original? You warm up the same questions and put them before us again.
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