Would you date a single mom or dad?

[just_a_potato]

You found the perfect gal/guy, they are pretty attractive, make you laugh, and make a pretty good salary to support themselves. Only catch is they have a kid or two from their previous marriage or past relationship. What does this change for you? Are you no longer interested in pursuing them? Why or why not?

I would still date him/her

I would no longer be interested

Something else (comment)

[ShadezMcgee]

I would not and I have my reasons listed below here. I don't hate single parents, but the amount of things that come with dating or getting into a relationship with a single mom tend to be more of a hassle.

1.) The kid will always come first over you, rightfully so. A kid requires a lot of time, especially when the mom is not working to make money. Her spare time will mostly be dedicated to the child. Any dates will be dependent on baby sitters and her schedule from her commitment to work as well. This isn't counting any emergency the kid may have like sickness, school, etc.

2.) The baby daddy. Most of the time the baby daddy is in the picture one way or another be it with split custody or alimony. If she still has any interaction with the man who is the father of her child to a heavy degree, there is a good likelihood she would go back to him on a physically intimate point and I believe a part of that is do to pair bonding and biology. I would rather not deal with being in competition with or face a possibly hostile dude.

3.) The kid. I don't like the idea of helping raise a kid that isn't biologically mine. The possibility of getting attached to him/her and vice versa or him/her resenting me just sounds like an annoying hassle to deal with. The other bit to go with that is I have no say on how the kid is raised if there is something I don't like. Plus I feel rotating doors of men in a single mom's life takes a toll on the kid emotionally and psychologically.

4.) I would rather date a woman who is free from those commitments by being single and not having the responsibility of having a kid.

5.) This one is a personal opinion and very judgmental, but in my eyes, unless she married and widowed young, if she is single and taking care of a kid at a young age I feel it is a sign of poor judgment and decision making. Divorce, impulsive decision on having sex with the wrong man, etc.

6.) Financially I am really only able to support myself. Taking on a woman and her kid as well would be a bad move on my end.

[just_a_potato]

I like your opinion, very respectful while also stating your beliefs. Cheers.

[razelove]

With your description of the question I would if they could make time for us. I dated several single moms in the past, and the most awkward part of the relationship is before you meet their kids and are figuring out if the two of you will be with each other long enough for that to happen.

That window of time is like walking on eggshells, they still have a job and kid (s) to take care of, you still have your life, and are both trying to make time for each other. Generally you get during the day when the kids are at school if they're old enough, or wait longer for them to have their parents, or someone else they trust watch their kid (s) for a day or two so you do get to spend time together.

Your schedule doesn't stop during any of that, but it creates an enormous amount of pressure on your end to make that time free when it becomes available to them. Hence, the eggshells. If you get close enough that you get introduced to their kid (s), then it's all gravy, otherwise things might cool off and distance a lot during that meet and greet part.

[razelove]

I'm sure that's 100% legit, so let's not and say we did.

[Cynicaldreamer]

I lose interest in them as soon they say they've got kids.

No offense to you single parents out there, but I hate kids. I sure as heck don't want to be involved in, or date a person with kids. Plus there are so many factors to consider-

They are ALWAYS going to put their kids before you. Rightly so. I rather be with someone where I'm not sharing their attention all the time.

Also, if you don't have kids, it's going to be hard to relate to them. And imagine the kids and how confusing it will be introducing a new person into their lives. They might think you're trying to replace their mom or dad.

Plus I have no maternal instinct at all. I can't even stand the sound of a kid crying, yuck.

Perfect guy or not, if he had a kid, I'd politely tell him that while he's nice, I'm not looking for that type of relationship.

The ONLY exception would be if the kids are grown (17-18 years old) before by that age they're old enough to take care of themselves, understand about their parents dating new people, and said parent can lead his own life.

[just_a_potato]

Made a lot of good points. Interesting

[likelyOK]

This to me does not seem mean but practical bc you don’t even like kids.

The other point stuck out to me the part with other kids being older bc they are independent compared to being young and seeing The old dudes on here say they would not be dating a single mother and I’m thinking to myself but wouldn’t the single moms you would be dating have grown kids? Or some real old guys, the kids of the moms could be married with kids of their own

[Cynicaldreamer]

@likelyOK Right? Don't you just love the double standards on here?

I'm noticing most of the men on here, regardless of age, are quick to shoot down a single mother, regardless of reason. By the time a mother is in her late 40s, 50s? Her kids are grown! So dating should NOT be an issue for her because her kids can take care of themselves.
Whereas most women are a bit more forgiving or willing to go on a case by case situation. I'm not justifying it, but it's interesting to see how peoples views are on the matter. It seems like single parents have a terrible time in terms of dating.

[ChrisMaster69]

Yep it’s always a discussion point lol.

Noticed the same as well.

[ragequeen]

No, but mainly because I'm too young to take on baggage. I have massive respect for those who take on someone else's child, especially if they don't have any themselves. It's emotionally very difficult I've heard. It's just the fact that you take on so much extra responsibility. Private time with your so is limited, and every decision has to be made according to the child. Once you're in the child's life, you're accepting the responsibility of a parental figure, and therefore you cannot leave whenever shit goes down. You have to provide stability.

You also have to ask yourself what happened to the last parent. Why did they leave? Was the child unplanned due to irresponsible decision making? Are the parents emotionally mature? Does the parent you're dating have a past of infidelity and disloyalty? There are so many things to consider. Raising a child who has grown up in unstable and rough environments may also not be the easiest child to raise and get along with in the long run.

[True_Sage]

Don't forget you will also always be vetoed by the real mom If she wants to do anything different. No compromise. No power. "Ots my kid". Very demasculating and not the role of a real man.

That abd the kids probably won't respect you like a real dad. "You're not my father" is a trope for a reason.

Beware

[jennifer_bloom]

For me the problem is not the child but the fact a guy left his wife or girlfriend after they had children together, if he did it to her, he might do it to you.

[iLoveJuice]

What if it was her fault though?

[beldath]

I have 50% custody of my son and would follow him to the end of the earth.

[Account]

I would be no longer interested.
Why?
Because of the inevitable break up in the future.
If we became serious/long-term I'd have no interest in raising a child.
Especially a child that I never chose to have.

[Jjpayne]

Here's the thing, how passionate are they with their kid? Because that makes a difference!

If anything and everything their kid does is gold, that's going to be terrible to walk into.

For example, if her kid hits you and hurts themselves doing it, you could have "see that's what you get when you do things like that" teaching their kid good behaviors and manners around strangers but if she goes "wtf did you do! Did he hurt you baby? Mommas gonna make it alright... Leave now before I can the cops" someone like that would be horrible. I get that your kid is amazing to anyone but there is a place of kid worship that is just too much. You need to acknowledge that other people live in this world too. I'm not saying that, you should never look out for your kid or protect your kid but sometimes you can be so sensitive that its damaging not only to your other relationship but even to the child themselves.

There is also the place of the father. How involved is the father and what will my place be? Will he be threatening, supportive, friendly or have a negative vibe around me? That could make or break it too.

I'm sure I will be with a mom based on my age now but It will be a mom that is helpful and supportive of the people around her with a healthy relationship with the father.

For me, if either of those are too crazy then it's time to move to another girl

[MCheetah]

I think I answered this before (assuming my comment didn't get erased). Unless she was legit perfect, no, I would have no interest in dating a single parent. It is twice as much work, as you not only have to please her, but her kid (s) as well. And unless she was an awful parent (which would make her undateable anyway), the kid (s) is GOING to be in her life, and I'm not changing any diapers or buying her kids presents like a literal cuck. Very VERY few single mothers are not looking for surrogate fathers to be in their kids lives. And while I don't blame them for that, I have no interest in being a cuckfather, let alone wanting any kids of my own, in general. This may be ironic or logical, given I'm a teacher and all. Worse yet, if they're bad kids (and statistically, they likely are misbehaven little sh*ts), you can't even do anything to discipline them in most cases, as they're not your kids. WTF wants to deal with all of that?

But no, I don't want to expend twice as much effort and work in dating someone plus her children. There is literally no benefits to dating a single parent and a lot of extra work and baggage involved. I don't care what any single mother says, she's GOING to want you to replace the father figure and likely GOING to want you to open your wallet to do so, in some way or form. And as another guy said on here, you're always going to be second or lower-tier to her in some way.

[hahahmm]

"they are pretty attractive"
My time is very important to me. Being "attractive" in and of itself isn't reason enough for me to give away my time.

"make you laugh"
I can pay a comedian to make me laugh or watch a comedy show on tv so it's not a selling point for me.

"make a pretty good salary to support themselves."
I'm a successful man. I don't care how much money a woman makes. I do care about her character which has little to nothing to do with her income.

"Only catch is they have a kid or two from their previous marriage or past relationship."
Very unlikely I would go for this deal. Maybe if her ex was a very honorable/high quality type person who died in a car crash because then I don't have to ask myself questions like: Why did he leave her? Why did she pick this guy to have a baby with? How many hours/week or per month is she going to need to be talking to this guy with the excuse that it's just "for the good of the children"? Why am I paying for some other dude's kid to get new shoes or whatever? Would a good mother have a stranger (like me) around her kid? Did she just get pregnant to try and trap her ex? Why is her life more about her and less about caring for her kid?

[crazyish]

I think I got about half way through the men's opinions. Super disappointing. I honestly didn't think of what men thought of single mothers. I assumed that it didn't matter. I thought dating was really just about the other person. It was a reality check that I needed. Most men will find my worth as only fuckable. Tbh that's good to know. And to answer the question, yes I would date a single dad. It takes a mature and responsible man to be father and even more so to be a single dad. Plus he's not going to play games. He ain't got the time for that. After this, I should probably just go for single dads. Don't think I could trust any other man's intentions now.

[ChrisMaster69]

Ditto I was a bit surprised at some replies.

In real life, girls seem to be more accepting of me having a daughter and definitely not as judgmental.

[crazyish]

I thought that to be true of men irl also. But now I'm wondering if it's them just saying it's ok just to have a fling/sex and have no intentions of any relationship. Tbh I'm not looking for one right now anyways but it's helpful to know that I need to be more careful when I do.

I finished the opinions even the girls. It's really surprising!! I must be naive lol

[ChrisMaster69]

Nope I don’t think you are.

It is like they don’t want completion for their attention.

[FatherJack]

Appreciate that response , thankyou ... have even had women approach me , then turn their noses up at me , because I 'm a single dad , and I had no intention of dating them anyway especially after that !! You are very much in the minority of women.

[crazyish]

I'm not superficial and I don't like superficial people. If other's can't see past real life enough to appreciate the person then honestly that's their loss. I hate games so I'd rather just not and go for real people. And honestly you can't get more real than single parents.

[19magic]

I don't remember see this before, but it is strange, before I even ended up a single mum I would have still entertained dating a single dad. I probably would have been a little more wary how much contact does he have with the ex, is he expecting me to immediately be a mum to his kids, how much time will I actually be able to spend with him, what kind of custody does he have is it part or full. But I would never flat out refuse like many on here, we're all human and all make mistakes ya know what does it matter

[FatherJack]

Single dad myself , not wanting to date after the marriage I endured... and know full well my options would be next to zero anyway , there are far more available men than women in the dating market... I knew I could never compete. A " blended family " would be incredibly difficult... and not worth the drama and stress this would inevitably bring.

[just_a_potato]

Damn have a virtual hug 😊👐

[t-8900]

Nope. If she has kids I come second. If she has a kid and dog I come third. If she has a kid, dog, and cat, I come forth. Why would I accept such a raw deal? I still have to be all committed on my end but she can't put in her 100% on her end. That's not fair to me.

[PinkMichae]

In my family they all come first. Just in different ways. I have enough love to spread it around to where they are happy.

I did ask my husband if he feels 2nd., 3rd., 4th., 5th, 6th., 7th, or 8th to the kids and animals. His answer with no hesitation was,"F'CK NO! Maybe some aren't capable. Just saying it's not always that way.

[t-8900]

@PinkMichae its true its not always that way. But its like that on the surface for sure. It's a dread guys fear. If a woman understands a man's needs, can help him with said needs than she can still be a catch for some men who dont want kids of their own.

[t-8900]

@PinkMichae my old man set me straight so I renounce the previous statement. We had a discussion about this topic.

[Novacane]

No. Don’t get me wrong I have respect for single parents, but dating them means that their kid is obviously going to be apart of it and a major factor. It’s one thing for me to be with someone and find out I am going to have a kid, I at least get to prepare but in this situation I’m walking into a whole family which I am not ready for. Not to mention the baby daddy drama.

[ImSparkly]

I'm planning to marry one this weekend. Yes, becoming insta-step-mom are giant shoes to step into and having the kiddo around can make dating difficult, but conversely when your looking for parent material, they have already shown where they stand.

I was lucky though that he's a widower, so I do not have a crazy ex to also deal with.

[amadimal]

Even if I don't want to have children, I love them & I would date a man that already has children. I wouldn't care if he raises them by himself or if he shares custody with their mother. As long as they are mature about it and there's no drama, I don't see this as a problem, if the guy would be worth it.

[worldscolide]

I won't date a single parent. No because they are somehow bad, cause they aren't.

I dated a single mother once, good lady.. Her kids loved me.. But things didn't work out. The break up didn't just break my heart once, it broke my heart twice, once for her, and once because of the kids..

I decided at that point I would never date a single mother again. It was not worth the pain for me, or the kids..

[Avicenna]

No, she’d have to be the most incredible woman for me to wade into the complexity of a relationship with a single mom. And women that incredible are only extremely rarely single moms.
i also don’t have any desire to raise someone else’s kids- I rather have my own biological kids.

[MissRomantic]

If I really liked him than yes. I’d really prefer if my love interest wasn’t a father yet because I’m pretty needy of love and attention 😆 I doubt a relationship like this would work out for me because I know kids need a lot of attention from their parent meaning I would get in the way of that. I love kids but no one loves kids as much as their own.

[True_Sage]

No one in their right mind wants single moms. Bad track record. Women start 70% of divorces bc they think Mememe and rarely compromise or treat their men right.

single moms have the stink of unfaithful selfishness on them. It's all about their kid and chances are they don't want more. No good man wants a single mom. It's only a desperation move. We all know they're petty judgmental and can't compromise. Red flag.

The kids say you're not my dad, and the man gets to make no decisions as mom says "it's my kid". No one wants that. Hence no one wants single moms. You don't even get to feel like a father. Waste of time that just ends in another divorce no way.

Suicides better than paying child support for some other man's kids

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't want kids, be it my own or someone else's, I'm just not interested in the role of "dad", or any other childcare related tasks.
I would rather date a person who is not only childless, but stays that way indefinately.

[just_a_potato]

Wait you said be it your own or someone else's, so if you were to get a partner pregnant you wouldn't step up and take care of your child even if you and the woman didn't work out? Or am I reading you wrong?

[TheSpaceGnome]

@just_a_potato Nope, You read it wrong.

Another user asked the question:
"If a girl tells you that she's not on birth control and asks you to cum in her, would you?"

They then followed it up with:
"Would it matter if she can make you sign a document releasing you of all responsibilities"

My reply to that was:
"Nope, not in a million years.
I don't want kids, I also wouldn't agree to having kids just to abandon them (I'm a practical person who understands that kids suck up too much time.. and smell... and break stuff that can't be replaced, and therfor I don't want any... but I'm not a deadbeat, not by a long shot)."

So basically either pregancy isn't possible or my dick isn't going in there. I would either stick to oral/handjobs or find a sterile woman near my age. Vaginal sex is out of the question so long as even a 1% chance of pregnancy exists, I don't even feel comfortble relying on birth control methods because 53% of pregnancies occur while the couple is using them.

[just_a_potato]

I don't think the birth control statistic is truthful and it definitely doesn't apply to all birth control but I understand what you mean now. Not wanting children is understandable thanks for the opinion

[TheSpaceGnome]

Your welcome, and I tend to not rely on statistics either, but if you do the math:

99% effective = fails 1 out of every 100 uses.

1 use per day means 365 uses per year.

365 uses per year means that at least 3 failures per year.

Now when you factor in that pregancies can only happen once per year because gestation period is 9 months, then you are left with the ironic result that for a couple who has sex daily, there is no difference in liklihood of getting pregnant when on or off birth control. So 99% effective will always equate to 0% effective, which is why that 53% statistic even exists.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You're*

[TheSpaceGnome]

Now If a couple rarely had sex, then bc would make a reliable impact, but thats no fun.

[SirJohn42]

Not the childs fault. If im in love with mother then children come as the whole package.

[just_a_potato]

That's kinda beautiful 😌

[hahahmm]

That's sweet. Now pony up college payments for her four 17 year-old kids.

[SirJohn42]

Well if I love her amd kids are old enough Ill do just that. Im not going to ket silly things stop our love. If its meant to be then it will work put.

[SirJohn42]

Your welcome just potato.

[t-8900]

you honestly smell of desperation my dude.

[SirJohn42]

not desperate. Just a guy knows what he wants. Knows how to be a man. Knows that a woman with a child is not a deal breaker.
doesn't bother me.

[just_a_potato]

Why are you men picking on this guy, is it because you wish you could have that kind of patience or compassion? Are you bored? Or is this a "I'm the alpha male" kind of circle jerk?

[Anonymous]

I have before. People have kids. It happens. Most women I’ve met with kids are actually more cool because they have their act together more and aren’t into playing games. And sometimes their kids can be cool too.

[just_a_potato]

Aww, interesting perspective thanks

[cheapshotbob]

it changes it for me some times because these single moms are looking for guys who come straight out of movies , if you dont make enough they over look you like you disrespected them or something. i get they have kids but they really treat the guys who are interested like real crap.

[CasaNorba]

fuck no!