Would you date a single mom or dad?

Question

You found the perfect gal/guy, they are pretty attractive, make you laugh, and make a pretty good salary to support themselves. Only catch is they have a kid or two from their previous marriage or past relationship. What does this change for you? Are you no longer interested in pursuing them? Why or why not?

ShadezMcgee · Accepted Answer

I would not and I have my reasons listed below here. I don't hate single parents, but the amount of things that come with dating or getting into a relationship with a single mom tend to be more of a hassle.

1.) The kid will always come first over you, rightfully so. A kid requires a lot of time, especially when the mom is not working to make money. Her spare time will mostly be dedicated to the child. Any dates will be dependent on baby sitters and her schedule from her commitment to work as well. This isn't counting any emergency the kid may have like sickness, school, etc.

2.) The baby daddy. Most of the time the baby daddy is in the picture one way or another be it with split custody or alimony. If she still has any interaction with the man who is the father of her child to a heavy degree, there is a good likelihood she would go back to him on a physically intimate point and I believe a part of that is do to pair bonding and biology. I would rather not deal with being in competition with or face a possibly hostile dude.

3.) The kid. I don't like the idea of helping raise a kid that isn't biologically mine. The possibility of getting attached to him/her and vice versa or him/her resenting me just sounds like an annoying hassle to deal with. The other bit to go with that is I have no say on how the kid is raised if there is something I don't like. Plus I feel rotating doors of men in a single mom's life takes a toll on the kid emotionally and psychologically.

4.) I would rather date a woman who is free from those commitments by being single and not having the responsibility of having a kid.

5.) This one is a personal opinion and very judgmental, but in my eyes, unless she married and widowed young, if she is single and taking care of a kid at a young age I feel it is a sign of poor judgment and decision making. Divorce, impulsive decision on having sex with the wrong man, etc.

6.) Financially I am really only able to support myself. Taking on a woman and her kid as well would be a bad move on my end.

razelove · Accepted Answer

With your description of the question I would if they could make time for us. I dated several single moms in the past, and the most awkward part of the relationship is before you meet their kids and are figuring out if the two of you will be with each other long enough for that to happen.

That window of time is like walking on eggshells, they still have a job and kid (s) to take care of, you still have your life, and are both trying to make time for each other. Generally you get during the day when the kids are at school if they're old enough, or wait longer for them to have their parents, or someone else they trust watch their kid (s) for a day or two so you do get to spend time together.

Your schedule doesn't stop during any of that, but it creates an enormous amount of pressure on your end to make that time free when it becomes available to them. Hence, the eggshells. If you get close enough that you get introduced to their kid (s), then it's all gravy, otherwise things might cool off and distance a lot during that meet and greet part.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

I lose interest in them as soon they say they've got kids.

No offense to you single parents out there, but I hate kids. I sure as heck don't want to be involved in, or date a person with kids. Plus there are so many factors to consider-

They are ALWAYS going to put their kids before you. Rightly so. I rather be with someone where I'm not sharing their attention all the time.

Also, if you don't have kids, it's going to be hard to relate to them. And imagine the kids and how confusing it will be introducing a new person into their lives. They might think you're trying to replace their mom or dad.

Plus I have no maternal instinct at all. I can't even stand the sound of a kid crying, yuck.

Perfect guy or not, if he had a kid, I'd politely tell him that while he's nice, I'm not looking for that type of relationship.

The ONLY exception would be if the kids are grown (17-18 years old) before by that age they're old enough to take care of themselves, understand about their parents dating new people, and said parent can lead his own life.

ragequeen · Accepted Answer

No, but mainly because I'm too young to take on baggage. I have massive respect for those who take on someone else's child, especially if they don't have any themselves. It's emotionally very difficult I've heard. It's just the fact that you take on so much extra responsibility. Private time with your so is limited, and every decision has to be made according to the child. Once you're in the child's life, you're accepting the responsibility of a parental figure, and therefore you cannot leave whenever shit goes down. You have to provide stability.

You also have to ask yourself what happened to the last parent. Why did they leave? Was the child unplanned due to irresponsible decision making? Are the parents emotionally mature? Does the parent you're dating have a past of infidelity and disloyalty? There are so many things to consider. Raising a child who has grown up in unstable and rough environments may also not be the easiest child to raise and get along with in the long run.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

For me the problem is not the child but the fact a guy left his wife or girlfriend after they had children together, if he did it to her, he might do it to you.

Account · Answer

I would be no longer interested.
Why?
Because of the inevitable break up in the future.
If we became serious/long-term I'd have no interest in raising a child.
Especially a child that I never chose to have.

Jjpayne · Answer

Here's the thing, how passionate are they with their kid? Because that makes a difference!

If anything and everything their kid does is gold, that's going to be terrible to walk into.

For example, if her kid hits you and hurts themselves doing it, you could have "see that's what you get when you do things like that" teaching their kid good behaviors and manners around strangers but if she goes "wtf did you do! Did he hurt you baby? Mommas gonna make it alright... Leave now before I can the cops" someone like that would be horrible. I get that your kid is amazing to anyone but there is a place of kid worship that is just too much. You need to acknowledge that other people live in this world too. I'm not saying that, you should never look out for your kid or protect your kid but sometimes you can be so sensitive that its damaging not only to your other relationship but even to the child themselves.

There is also the place of the father. How involved is the father and what will my place be? Will he be threatening, supportive, friendly or have a negative vibe around me? That could make or break it too.

I'm sure I will be with a mom based on my age now but It will be a mom that is helpful and supportive of the people around her with a healthy relationship with the father.

For me, if either of those are too crazy then it's time to move to another girl

MCheetah · Answer

I think I answered this before (assuming my comment didn't get erased). Unless she was legit perfect, no, I would have no interest in dating a single parent. It is twice as much work, as you not only have to please her, but her kid (s) as well. And unless she was an awful parent (which would make her undateable anyway), the kid (s) is GOING to be in her life, and I'm not changing any diapers or buying her kids presents like a literal cuck. Very VERY few single mothers are not looking for surrogate fathers to be in their kids lives. And while I don't blame them for that, I have no interest in being a cuckfather, let alone wanting any kids of my own, in general. This may be ironic or logical, given I'm a teacher and all. Worse yet, if they're bad kids (and statistically, they likely are misbehaven little sh*ts), you can't even do anything to discipline them in most cases, as they're not your kids. WTF wants to deal with all of that?

But no, I don't want to expend twice as much effort and work in dating someone plus her children. There is literally no benefits to dating a single parent and a lot of extra work and baggage involved. I don't care what any single mother says, she's GOING to want you to replace the father figure and likely GOING to want you to open your wallet to do so, in some way or form. And as another guy said on here, you're always going to be second or lower-tier to her in some way.

hahahmm · Answer

"they are pretty attractive"
My time is very important to me. Being "attractive" in and of itself isn't reason enough for me to give away my time.

"make you laugh"
I can pay a comedian to make me laugh or watch a comedy show on tv so it's not a selling point for me.

"make a pretty good salary to support themselves."
I'm a successful man. I don't care how much money a woman makes. I do care about her character which has little to nothing to do with her income.

"Only catch is they have a kid or two from their previous marriage or past relationship."
Very unlikely I would go for this deal. Maybe if her ex was a very honorable/high quality type person who died in a car crash because then I don't have to ask myself questions like: Why did he leave her? Why did she pick this guy to have a baby with? How many hours/week or per month is she going to need to be talking to this guy with the excuse that it's just "for the good of the children"? Why am I paying for some other dude's kid to get new shoes or whatever? Would a good mother have a stranger (like me) around her kid? Did she just get pregnant to try and trap her ex? Why is her life more about her and less about caring for her kid?

crazyish · Answer

I think I got about half way through the men's opinions. Super disappointing. I honestly didn't think of what men thought of single mothers. I assumed that it didn't matter. I thought dating was really just about the other person. It was a reality check that I needed. Most men will find my worth as only fuckable. Tbh that's good to know. And to answer the question, yes I would date a single dad. It takes a mature and responsible man to be father and even more so to be a single dad. Plus he's not going to play games. He ain't got the time for that. After this, I should probably just go for single dads. Don't think I could trust any other man's intentions now.

FatherJack · Answer

Single dad myself , not wanting to date after the marriage I endured... and know full well my options would be next to zero anyway , there are far more available men than women in the dating market... I knew I could never compete. A " blended family " would be incredibly difficult... and not worth the drama and stress this would inevitably bring.

ImSparkly · Answer

I'm planning to marry one this weekend. Yes, becoming insta-step-mom are giant shoes to step into and having the kiddo around can make dating difficult, but conversely when your looking for parent material, they have already shown where they stand.

I was lucky though that he's a widower, so I do not have a crazy ex to also deal with.

t-8900 · Answer

Nope. If she has kids I come second. If she has a kid and dog I come third. If she has a kid, dog, and cat, I come forth. Why would I accept such a raw deal? I still have to be all committed on my end but she can't put in her 100% on her end. That's not fair to me.

Novacane · Answer

No. Don’t get me wrong I have respect for single parents, but dating them means that their kid is obviously going to be apart of it and a major factor. It’s one thing for me to be with someone and find out I am going to have a kid, I at least get to prepare but in this situation I’m walking into a whole family which I am not ready for. Not to mention the baby daddy drama.

amadimal · Answer

Even if I don't want to have children, I love them & I would date a man that already has children. I wouldn't care if he raises them by himself or if he shares custody with their mother. As long as they are mature about it and there's no drama, I don't see this as a problem, if the guy would be worth it.

worldscolide · Answer

I won't date a single parent. No because they are somehow bad, cause they aren't.

I dated a single mother once, good lady.. Her kids loved me.. But things didn't work out. The break up didn't just break my heart once, it broke my heart twice, once for her, and once because of the kids..

I decided at that point I would never date a single mother again. It was not worth the pain for me, or the kids..

Avicenna · Answer

No, she’d have to be the most incredible woman for me to wade into the complexity of a relationship with a single mom. And women that incredible are only extremely rarely single moms.
i also don’t have any desire to raise someone else’s kids- I rather have my own biological kids.

MissRomantic · Answer

If I really liked him than yes. I’d really prefer if my love interest wasn’t a father yet because I’m pretty needy of love and attention 😆 I doubt a relationship like this would work out for me because I know kids need a lot of attention from their parent meaning I would get in the way of that. I love kids but no one loves kids as much as their own.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

I don't want kids, be it my own or someone else's, I'm just not interested in the role of "dad", or any other childcare related tasks.
I would rather date a person who is not only childless, but stays that way indefinately.

True_Sage · Answer

No one in their right mind wants single moms. Bad track record. Women start 70% of divorces bc they think Mememe and rarely compromise or treat their men right.

single moms have the stink of unfaithful selfishness on them. It's all about their kid and chances are they don't want more. No good man wants a single mom. It's only a desperation move. We all know they're petty judgmental and can't compromise. Red flag.

The kids say you're not my dad, and the man gets to make no decisions as mom says "it's my kid". No one wants that. Hence no one wants single moms. You don't even get to feel like a father. Waste of time that just ends in another divorce no way.

Suicides better than paying child support for some other man's kids

Anonymous · Answer

I have before. People have kids. It happens. Most women I’ve met with kids are actually more cool because they have their act together more and aren’t into playing games. And sometimes their kids can be cool too.

HawkPerception · Answer

As I get older, I start to notice that that the amount of single women without kids around my age decreases. Right now I'd much rather and probably never date a girl that has kids. But in 10 years down the road when I'm 37, I'll probably have no choice and would get used to the concept in my head.

cheapshotbob · Answer

it changes it for me some times because these single moms are looking for guys who come straight out of movies , if you dont make enough they over look you like you disrespected them or something. i get they have kids but they really treat the guys who are interested like real crap.

CasaNorba · Answer

fuck no!

Guanfei · Answer

Kinda hard.
You're never a priority, they don't have time or freedom.
And even if it works somehow, you still have to get along with the kid, because if you don't it's over anyway.
And on the other hand, you could get attached to the kid but it doesn't work with the parent, and you wouldn't be able to see the kid anymore.
Would I still try? Probably. But I know it's not easy.

Miristheiss · Answer

When I was single... late teens, early to mid twenties and I had never been married before. No. I wouldn't never date a woman with kids from another man. I never would have dated a woman that had been married before either.

I am now married with a child. If I divorced or became a widower I'd now be a single dad who has been married before. I would now date one with kids.

PinkHamster · Answer

No way. The last thing I want is being forced to deal with kids that aren’t mine. It doesn’t matter how he makes me feel as long as his ex will always keep coming back to destroy the relationship we have out of jealousy or by using the kids for that. If I ever become a single mom I’d date a single dad only if our kids become close friends but otherwise no thanks!

jshm2 · Answer

Depends. Is the dad still active? Is he giving her issues? The relationship side of things, and the kid (s) are rarely the issue. It's normally the baggage that is the issue.

SirJohn42 · Answer

Not the childs fault. If im in love with mother then children come as the whole package.

exitseven · Answer

I know it makes me sound like a jerk but I just don't want to be in a relationship where a kid (s) would be front and center. I think at this stage of my life I am entitled to be a little selfish.

PinkMichae · Answer

Yes. And I did. Granted I was a single parent too. It's just a little more complicated because you have to make sure you all connect together instead of just the one connection.

ManHater · Answer

Nope I'm not interested in hearing from an EX man who ditched her because she was crazy. No because in order... this is how it works... Baby 1st and it's not yours, 2nd her, 3rd food, 4th money and last 5th you. You are dead last.

TheUniqueOne96 · Answer

Probably not, because I feel like I'm going to have to play a part in raising the kids, which isn't something I'd want to do, especially as I don't want my own either.

Agape93 · Answer

Probably not, I don’t want to deal with their kids nor will I want to be seen as a mother figure.

AdithyaR · Answer

Neither do I want kids nor am I capable of looking after kids.
Dating someone with kids then becomes a no for me. Moreover, once I'm in a relationship with this person there's the added pressure of whether the kids like or not; also if we break up it's also affecting the kids.
Too much work for me.

K-I-S-S · Answer

Depends.

Would mostly be a big minus, and a No usually.

Another guy will always be part of the relationship, and his parents. Rightfully so in many cases.

In these situations the guy will always come after the kid or kids. Understandable but unwanted in a long term relationship.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Well, being divorced is a much bigger red flag than having kids.
And her having kids is more of an inconvenience (for the guy) than a red flag.

Still, I would not date a woman who has kids. Because I don't even know if I want kids. And if I do, I'll make my own.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm dating a guy that has 3 kids from a previous marriage. (She cheated on him multiple times.) He's everything I've ever wanted in a guy and I know I'd be a good step mom. 😂 I love kids.

Abtraction · Answer

she obviously can't pick a good man or can't keep him or make good decisions. Also I don't want to be her next child support check. Waiting for all the hate from women who can't accept reality, lol

aliali8 · Answer

Generally , if the person is young, then they won't be interested. But if the person is old such as 40+, they would be much more open minded to it.

Cicero79 · Answer

A woman with kids still has her ex in her life. I have no need to deal with her kids daddy. Plus, often kids resent a new man in their mother's life.

Browneye57 · Answer

Not a fukkin chance. For a LOT of reasons, but primarily cuz YOU will NEVER be their priority. The kids, their ex, their parents, and their job, will ALWAYS come before YOU.

beldath · Answer

I dated single mothers before I had a kid. I still would. No kids is easier, but I always enjoyed the idea of a family, even if imjusta newcomer.

lovedejj_xo · Answer

Honestly no Id get annoyed every time the mom was around honestly and they need to communicate so out of respect no kids I don’t want to deal with it.

AnthonyJ01 · Answer

I had known my ex for 16 years before I married her. She kept up her fake persona for a year or so. Everything slowly came out. Her having to be in control of everything and when it did not go her way, she tried to completely destroy me and who I am. False claims to the police, lies by her, her kids and her mother. Theft by them all. You have to really be careful of people.

The_Outlaw · Answer

I have and it was a disaster. She was as cool as hell and her child had nothing to do with it. It just didn't pan out. We just came from totally different backgrounds.

Bethann40 · Answer

I would if the kids were very disciplined and raised well and if they were ok with us dating

mazeltov · Answer

Nope. Well, I might consider his feelings that what they had wasn’t true love. But I don’t know how I’ll cope with my partner being in contact still with his ex because of the child. So no I want a peace of mind life is very very short.

Ifriqyan · Answer

No I would not. I might change my mind in 10 years if I'm still single. But as of now it's out of the question.

REALSTEEL · Answer

absolutely not!! ever ever again i did it twice both time her kids did absolutely everything in there power to break us up cause the kids want there mom all to there self been there done that twice and NEVER EVER AGAIN

pervertedjester · Answer

I have in the past but refrain from it now. Statistically the majority of them go back to their Exes. And so far my experiences have verified this often enough to deter me from future attempts.

CreamySeed · Answer

I would never date a single mom you as a man will always be 2nd fiddle and yet be obliged to take care of her brood financially and with your time. Only exception to this maybe if she was a loving devoted husband but widowed in some freak accident.

Anonymous · Answer

Pretty attractive, makes me laugh, can carry their own weight. Well considering i warm up slowly to women. If i'm feeling all these things i've probably known her for a little while at least. So my question is why was she hiding the fact that she had a kid? That would give me pause right thete. What else is she hiding?
Aside from that the fact that she has a kid is baggage. I would have to take it very slow. I mean she's already made 1 mistake i don't want to be the 2nd one.

Anonymous · Answer

All depends on the age of the kid (s) 4 and under sure  Older probably not unless I'm old enough to be pursuing women who have kids but they have moved out

Lady_Ann · Answer

I don't want to have his ex wife in my hair, simple as that. Women are mean to other women.

admles · Answer

Dating a single mum right now, best relationship I’ve ever had.

iLoveJuice · Answer

I’m talking to a single dad right now. I’m a lot cooler with it now than when I was younger. Plus I actually prefer it in a weird way (personal reasons).

RyzaStout · Answer

Yes I would, my hubby was a single dad when I met him.

Anonymous · Answer

No sorry. I dont want to date a guy who left his wife and kids. I am also not ready to be a mum and i can't imagine being a stepmum at this age

SmolSlav · Answer

I would date the person and if it gets to marriage, as far as I am concerned, that is also my kid (obviously the biological father should still pay child support).

Nahid1707 · Answer

Something else (comment) I don’t think single mums like me

Cowboy6666 · Answer

yep i have dated in the past and would date a single mom again if i really loved her

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

I would but I need to find out the real reason first.

GolxDX · Answer

Nope. Red flag. Who want's someone's sloppy seconds?

Would you date a single mom or dad?

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Would you date a single mother/father?

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