I’m really attracted to my coworker but he has a girlfriend. What should I do? (Page 2)
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Anything he does with you now he will do to you later. Remember that.
Do whatever you want. He'll decide one way or the other. Him having a girlfriend doesn't mean he's dead.
They’ve been together 5 years
Okay. Why do you mention that?
She wants to get married soon, but I know he’s not happy with that
Right. That's what I'm saying.
Move on lol. That's what I would do. Once I know/hear they are unavailable, I'm done.
Now in your case, if he makes some kind of move towards you (interest), then I'd be telling him he needs to break up with his girlfriend before you do anything at all. But that's my view and what I would do.
I think you are more attracted to him BECAUSE he has girlfriend. And since he has girlfriend he probably cares less if you are attracted to him or not. He wants to get along because it’s work. But he’s not overly worried if you like him or not. That of course given backward feminine thinking makes him good looking
Really? He knows I just accepted another job offer though. Why does he message me until 2AM?
That sounds like borderline cheating. If he will cheat on her, he will chest on you.
He hasn’t done it yet but he’s contemplating it. That text was very inappropriate.
Given it’s timing
It’s not one text. He literally messages me the moment he gets home until he sleeps
Do you consider it emotional cheating? Even though we don’t flirt through messaging? We actually have really good talks about life and art, as we’re both artists.
Yes that’s dangerous. There are different gradations of cheating, but that’s stepping in that direction.
But I have to tell you of this possibility. He might look at you completely platonically and feels comfortable talking about work, life, etc. Women do this to men all the time (including single women who friend zone guys). But the reverse does happen as well. I do have one gal pal I used to chat with like this.
But let’s imagine you were his girlfriend and he had this same kind of relationship with some with another girl. How would that make you feel if you found out? Look at it from that perspective.
Thank you for that appropriate analysis. Hope she listens.
I honestly wouldn’t care if I knew for sure they weren’t having sex. I think it’s good to mentally connect with others. I’m just confused as to whether he sees me platonically or not. I’ve never had a guy friend message me that much and that late at night.
You would know if it was beyond platonic. But that mystery is driving you nuts
Just be friends but you know no matter how hard you try the feelings that you have for him will eventually be revealed as his because what happens in the dark comes to the light so if you two aren't planning on being together your best bet is to keep a friendship with boundaries because the flirting is crossing the line and you wouldn't like it if he were your man at work flirting and hanging and texting late nights keep it one hundred
You need to back off if you have any self respect. He has a girlfriend of six years and is telling you that he is not happy but chooses to stay with her. Whether he is into you or not does not matter because he is taken. You need to learn to respec someones relationship. Do you want to be a rebound or a side piece? Think about that.
I can understand that you can’t control crushing on someone so I don’t think anyone should blame you for that. However, knowing that he has a girlfriend and your feelings toward him, I’d keep distance. Who cares if you feel like he’s interested in you? He’s in a relationship & most likely will not leave it due to the history they share. And if he’s doing shady things with you that she doesn’t know about, that should be an immediate turn off. He won’t be different for you later on.
Find a way to get him to move in with you as a roomate, so you both could help each other out financially. It would be weird if he moved in with his girlfriend. That might spoil the relationship anyway if they move in too soon. And only a paranoid, severely insecure and thus unattractive partner would actually think you and your coworker are actually doing anything sexual while living together. If she's smart she'll trust you two alone together every night.
Please note that this is complete sarcasm. Do not do any of this. If he's taken, you should keep your feelings in check and let him be faithful to his girl. Find someone else, as there are plenty of reasonable, willing guys.
You should be sure first.
When I worked on a project at the school where my gay brother works I witnessed a situation concerning a female co-worker of his. She was absolutely sure of his affection to her. Then her husband showed up demanding answers.
Spare yourself the humiliation.
Oh, I have to know. The woman thought your GAY brother had the hots for her. OK. How did the woman's HUSBAND find out anything about her attraction/desire for a relationship and COME TO WORK to confront her (and I expect your brother!!!)... You have got to tell me... Would help me personally too, besides being fantastic gossip... PM me... Thank you.
@Screenwriter Well she was in love with my brother. Her husband wanted to know what was going on, not being entirely stupid he must have grilled her to confess what was going on, so she confessed, banging on how they were finishing each other's thoughts (based on a single staff meeting where they agreed on one issue) etc etc etc. Completely delusional and tainted by nothing more than wishful thinking.
Honestly, if it weren't so utterly bizarre, degrading and downright idiotic it would have been funny.
It did mean the end of her tenure as a teacher there.
Yeah that's not right unless it's purely friendship. Secondly if something was to develop you'd have in back of ur mind what he done to her and likely he'd do it to u too. There's plenty available men out there without going for another girks long term partner
such a good point - if something did happen he'd probably do it to you too eventually!
After reading your update doesn't so much look like you are looking for opinions more looks like your looking for reassurance. If you have to ask if somethings right to ease your guilt then the answer is likely no. Whether he wants to marry her or not has nothing to do with you. You should respect the boundaries. I was with my ex husband for 7 years before getting married then someone came in done exactly what you are doing. Just note you do not know what he's telling her. You know half a story. Would you like if u were with a man and he was doing same as this man is to you? Even if things aren't going well with the relationship he has a responsibility to her and himself to be honest about it prior to exploring another revenue. That shows the true character of a man. It shows his strength and his respect towards others.
Move on he has a girlfriend.
Put yourself in his girlfriends shoes. Would you be ok with another girl doing what your doing with him? Eventually he will find someone else and do the same thing to you
Being attracted to people is normal. That doesn’t mean that you and that person have any business being together.
Have you been in a relationship or had sex with every person you’ve ever been attracted to? Doubt it.
Let it go and get someone that’s not your coworker
I wouldn’t get caught up with a guy who’s in a relationship, regardless of its status. Like you don’t want to be a part of that
Now would you want your man to be persuading another girl while with you behind your back?
not cool. He’s taken. Don’t be trying to push it. It has to be his own decision since he’s in a relationship. Not cool dude.
I think you should genuinly ask the guy whether he is phasing out of his current relationship and looking for new partner. Based on that, you can take your call. If he wants to maintain his current relationship along with you, this can create complications later on.
Has the though crossed your mind that he is just grooming you for sex? If he was truly unhappy with his relationship he would have bailed by now. I think he doth have cheating on his mind and I think he has his sights on thou.
Just be work friends. Why would you even consider being a relationship wrecker? That won't endear you to him. In fact, it will likely turn him away from even a platonic friendship with you.
Thanks, I think I should stop talking to him because soon we won’t work together anyway.
he’s taken. that’s it. he’s off the market. whatever he wants or whatever he does, he’s STILL off the market. you are only ever allowed if he becomes single again. for now, forget it absolutely because it’s anti-good-morals
Don't be a homewrecker. You're bound to find someone else who makes you feel that way.
You should keep a distance from him since he's already in a relationship. If he's not ok with the pressure from his girlfriend then he should talk to her. In the meantime you should let them resolve this on their own.