I’m really attracted to my coworker but he has a girlfriend. What should I do?

- I think you already made up your mind and you're gonna keep crushing on him. But let me tell you something: this guy is no good. Breaking up with someone because it doesn't feel good anymore is one thing, but breaking up because of someone else is as low as it can get. It only means that he is unreliable. It's not like they were dating for few months, it's 6 years! It only tells me that this guy eventually gets bored and will most likely get bored with you too. And you're gonna live in fear of that as long as you're with him. Do you really want a man who complains about his girlfriend but is still dating her and emotionally cheating on her? She probably has no clue. I know it's easy to fall for the "it's her not him" trap, but trust me it's always the other way around. You might think that it will be different with you because you're better then her or you're more compatible or whatever, but it's not like that, the only problem here is this guy and his mindset. I dunno, however I look at this, it doesn't look good.
My ex boyfriend of 5 years dumped me for someone else by the way. I had no idea, I thought we were doing great, it's what he kept telling me and showing me all the time. He was obviously a very skilled liar. We had it all, and about to married, but his craving for some fresh meat was stronger then his ability to think and feel like adult. I dodged the bullet! I do not a man who changes his mind just like that. It's immature and unreliable. They dated for few months by the way then she dumped him (I loved her for that!). He came back begging for second chance but I didn't give him of course. He dug his own grave. I heard he has a long term girlfriend now but I see him on Tinder, lol. People don't change!Is this still revelant? - I have always looked at it this way..
unless he is married to the girl, she is just a girl friend.
Dating different people, often at the same time, shows you what traits you like and want in a future mate.
Since you know he likes you, tell him that you like him, and could you get a cup of coffee to "talk".
ask him about his girlfriend, the level of relationship they have, and be honest above all else... "I really like you and feel you really like me."
The worst that could happen is you go on a date, find it is not clicking with you, and then stay friends.
The best is he really likes you, you two decide to go out, and he has to let his girlfriend know since they are only dating, he has found some one else he wants to date...
if it is my strange world, the girlfriend would agree to share him with you and the 3 of you end up having "fun" together...Is this still revelant?based upon what you update posted, this man will GO out with you if you ask..
he is not happy with his girlfriend, she is pressuring him to get married, and after 6 years if he has not married her, he is only staying with her since no other pretty girl like you has come along and shown interest!
Ask him out...UW
There is nothing here to insult! Girl, you deserve to be happy!
As soon as I found out he was not happy with his girlfriend, if i was in your shoes, I would ask him out today!
i am not shy around guys and girls. If i see something I want, I ask. Otherwise, I have found whether it is a boyfriend, a job i want, a raise I feel I deserve, or the last piece of meat on the plate at home, if I dont ask, I dont get it.- Show All Show Less
drop him a greeting card with how you feel in it..
no face to face.. if he is interested, he will respond...
safer this way and less chance of embarrassment.You are both ignoring the fact that everything about his relationship is coming from HIM. It could all be a total lie. Cheaters aren't known for being forthright.
This isn't about insulting you. It's about you protecting yourself. This guy sounds like he's dishonest. You think he's t elling his girlfriend he's dating someone else if she's wanting him to marry her and he's been with her SIX years... She's not simply someone this guy has been "dating." He's not "fair game." Doesn't matter that he's "not happy." This is the line every married man dumps on a mistress he'll never leave his wife for. You can accept the girlfriend and the fact that he's cheating on her with you, but I don't know why you would.
@wingattebaby16
That is crap advice since you are telling her to go for someone who has been in a relationship for six years. You make it seem that being a boyfriend/girlfriend you nean nothing to the other person until you are married. If someone is your boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance/fiancée or husband/wife they should matter to you and mean a lot to you or if they do not mean much to you then you should not be with them. How would you feel if you were in a relationship and someone was trying to take the person away that you are with? You are telling her to be one of two options. In other words a side piece or a rebound.
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- Probably too late to answer this but I don't think you're at a fault here. From your perspective i feel you should not just stick to this guy alone and keep your options open because the guy seems to be in a dilemma or confusion right now so he's pretty much vulnerable to flip from his decision any second. Give him enough time and space to settle things on his own and he himself should communicate to you whether he wants to be with you or not and from thereon the things would change for both you.Is this still revelant?
I think i was able to give you a sound advice because my close friend is in a similar situation right and what you have written lined up exactly the same except there i am being a devil's advocate. So i have figured out how things would work out.
- If you were flirting with a married man, you would be a home wrecker.
As it is, he just has a girlfriend. It's up to him to decide if he wants to continue with her. People move on from relationships all the time.
If I were you, I wouldn't discourage the friendly relationship you have. See how things progress. See what he wants do. If he asks to take you out and you want to go out with him, there is no ethical issue holding you back.Is this still revelant?
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4571- I would keep it strictly professional, as @Kdude010 said. It seems like things are already bordering on inappropriate and I feel that it would be wrong to interfere with his relationship or do anything you wouldn't be comfortable with another girl doing with your boyfriend. It's just the right thing to do.
Also, keep in mind that if he were to leave his girlfriend for you (and even the fact that he's showing interest while in a relationship), chances are he will do the same thing to you as well.ReactLike
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- Nothing. He is a piece of shit. The end.React
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- Show All Show Less
Cheating with a guy with a girlfriend is basically just as trashy as cheating on somebody.
"But some people here seem obsessed with emotional cheating"
I'm sorry but you are just absolute garbage. There's nothing else to say about that. You might as well advocate for molesting children and blowing up schools.They're comparable in this sense that they're all fucked up. Clearly you're not much of a mathematics / logic person here. Avoid the critical thinking class.
- Asker+1 y
They’re not married, they don’t own each other. I guess I just have a different perspective on relationships than the majority of people but this is why so many people are unhappy. They stay with someone who they’re not even happy with because of society’s silly expectations. They limit themselves from talking to people who can potentially bring out the best in them etc.
"They stay with someone who they’re not even happy with because of society’s silly expectations. They limit themselves from talking to people who can potentially bring out the best in them etc."
That sounds like a heavy rationalization to me. You don't know if he's not happy. It's not like cheaters are never happy in relationships. You're going to bring out the best in him though. Okay sure. You know that somehow. What's really happening is you're praying on his natural inclination to be a cheater. I have a feeling you're not much of a believer in monogamy by the way you talk. If a person will cheat it must mean that they're being limited somehow.To simplify this for you, because you're busy with your PhD and cannot fully grasp cheating, you may consider "emotional cheating" = cheating. Like texting another guy when you're next to your boyfriend and he keeps staring at you wondering for how long you'll pretend to be single.
"I just don’t understand the concept of emotional cheating. Like I said, it’s literally depriving yourself of connecting with others just because you’re in a relationship"
was in the same paragraph as
"I think I have logic"
What's next?
"I just don't understand physical cheating. It's literally depriving yourself an orgasm with others just because you're in a relationship."
😅
Maybe I'm being too mean. I feel like I'm calling a spade a spade though.
- Don't stop. You want to keep going to don't stop but also be careful. Don't tell him how you feel just yet. But if get goes further then yes you two need to talk about it because you could hurt some girl out there that is just like you and you wouldn't want to be hurt like this. Note that you two work together and whatever happens you two work together. So handle this nicely either way. But also realize this guy could just be a cheater. Maybe when you two hang out he'll talk about his girlfriend and you'll find out they are breaking up or something who knows. Don't just stop talking to him though. You get this life so you can live it honey. There is no passion and playing small ball.React
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Good to hear the update. Just be careful like I said. If she wants to marry him then she's deep in her emotions. Have you ever seen that show, "Why Women Kill"?
- I don't know you tell me, if you were the girlfriend would you be okay with some chick flirting around with him knowing he's with you? Also he's flirting up/giving attention to another female while he's in relationship, then he's already showing he's easy wanderer and will start looking at the next shiny thing that comes a long. He's also shown you that he is not a good partner to be with, do you want to jerked along for 6 years with a dude who still doesn't know if he wants to be with you for life? I know I wouldn't. As woman, you should leave him alone out of respect for the other girl and put yourself in her shoes...React
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- I get that you can't help who you like but the right thing to do is do nothing.
If the roles were reversed and you were his girlfriend how would you feel if another woman did it.
Plus years later do you want to look back and remember how you first met.
Well I stole him from another woman and helped to devastate her.
Also if he is willing to do that to her he would do it to you.
Also for the part of being friends can you trust yourself to not take it to far?
That's something only you can answer.
Sometimes the right thing to do isn't the easiest decision.
Keep your head up.ReactLike
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- Do you really want to date a guy that has so little respect of his girlfriend?
Yes he is probably interested in you and it sounds like he want ti cheat on his girl. But this shows that he has no character and doesn't have the guts to break up with her out of fear of beimg alone.
What you do is your thing but I would never like such a looser.
Imagine you're boyfriend you love and want to marry massages another woman and texts her all the time etc. Imagine how painfull this isReactLike
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Yeah... and the next thing he is gonna do is blame his girlfriend that she is bad etc and complain to you. Just to make himself feel less guilty and to indirectly tell you, its ok if we cheat.
That so typicall happens all the time, and I don't know why y'all still fall for this shit- Show All Show Less
Not trying to hate on you, but honestly open your eyes... people like that mean no good.
And massaging a female coworker isn't really normalIf he's telling you about how "UNHAPPY" he is, he is playing the pity card and is too lazy to confront whatever is wrong in his relationship. You'd be the piece on the side, just as he's probably had other pieces on the side. This guy is a shit. Sounds like a legion of married men with mistresses.. who they'll never leave their wives for. Get woke.
A BIT! I'd say a total chickenshit. Ugh. And lazy too if he doesn't want to clean up that OLD mess.
- The right thing to do is give him space to cleanup the relationship he has and express interest if he decides to move on from her. you should not bait him away until he does otherwise you are the rebound girl, and that's bad, or you become the side chick which is also bad. If he does it to her, then he could do it to you too... this is a character challenge.
it is bad enough he is engaging you after work and going out, so the other relationship sounds like it is DOA.ReactLike
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- Go talk to his girlfriend tell her you are interested in her man..
But only if she is leaving him..
Because you do not want to ruin her relationship..
And just go and see how his relationship is..
If she says NO then assure her you aren't doing anything with his men.. Behind her back..
And Move on to the next guy..
Because trust me she already knows about you and calls you "The office bitch who wants to steal her man."
This is man rule..
Keep things clear no complications.ReactLike
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- You're suffering from some massive delusional thoughts. "I can tell he's attracted to me too." Yeah, okay... you are reading too much into things and aggrandizing them. Goddammit, people are stupid. Anyways, before I uninstall this app let me throw in my opinion into the void of depravity that is the internet.
First, if your assertion is correct, he will cheat on you. Look for someone else. Second, office relationships rarely work. Do you enjoy your job? Can you afford not to be working? If the answer is no to both of those questions, fuck it go for it boo. What you should do if you find someone else to fuck and suck that won't cheat on you or get you fired/hate your job.ReactLike
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Then he's a potential cheater. Is that the type of guy you want. You're very foolish and self destructive if you do.
- Show All Show Less
He's a taken guy who texts another girl until 2AM. You will be his girlfriend while he texts another girl at 2AM. It means that, first of all.
Second, I think there's a name for women who go for unavailable men. Can you help me remember it?@themaker39 If you're going for an unavailable man who's a cheater, you want to suffer. So masochist, mostly. Sadist wants to make OTHERS suffer, though I guess you can say she wants to make the girlfriend suffer... but I don't get that she's even thinking of the girlfriend. It's all about what SHE wants.
@Darknut If you're texting someone who isn't your girlfriend at 2 am in the morning... seems really fishy...
- if you go out with him , then tell him that since he has a girlfriend that this is the first and last date you will have with him until he ends it with the girl he is seeing now ! once you tell him this , then do not talk to him for he should be talking to his girl and not you ! then go on with your life until he is done with his girl ! for you are to good to wait around for him and deserve to date a man who is not involved with someone alreadyReact
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- You should be sure first.
When I worked on a project at the school where my gay brother works I witnessed a situation concerning a female co-worker of his. She was absolutely sure of his affection to her. Then her husband showed up demanding answers.
Spare yourself the humiliation.ReactLike
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Oh, I have to know. The woman thought your GAY brother had the hots for her. OK. How did the woman's HUSBAND find out anything about her attraction/desire for a relationship and COME TO WORK to confront her (and I expect your brother!!!)... You have got to tell me... Would help me personally too, besides being fantastic gossip... PM me... Thank you.
@Screenwriter Well she was in love with my brother. Her husband wanted to know what was going on, not being entirely stupid he must have grilled her to confess what was going on, so she confessed, banging on how they were finishing each other's thoughts (based on a single staff meeting where they agreed on one issue) etc etc etc. Completely delusional and tainted by nothing more than wishful thinking.
Honestly, if it weren't so utterly bizarre, degrading and downright idiotic it would have been funny.
It did mean the end of her tenure as a teacher there.
- Anonymous+1 yBeing attracted to people is normal. That doesn’t mean that you and that person have any business being together.
Have you been in a relationship or had sex with every person you’ve ever been attracted to? Doubt it.
Let it go and get someone that’s not your coworkerReactLike
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- I think you are more attracted to him BECAUSE he has girlfriend. And since he has girlfriend he probably cares less if you are attracted to him or not. He wants to get along because it’s work. But he’s not overly worried if you like him or not. That of course given backward feminine thinking makes him good lookingReact
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That sounds like borderline cheating. If he will cheat on her, he will chest on you.
He hasn’t done it yet but he’s contemplating it. That text was very inappropriate.- Show All Show Less
Yes that’s dangerous. There are different gradations of cheating, but that’s stepping in that direction.
But I have to tell you of this possibility. He might look at you completely platonically and feels comfortable talking about work, life, etc. Women do this to men all the time (including single women who friend zone guys). But the reverse does happen as well. I do have one gal pal I used to chat with like this.
But let’s imagine you were his girlfriend and he had this same kind of relationship with some with another girl. How would that make you feel if you found out? Look at it from that perspective.
- girl code!! if you know he has a girlfriend you back off, if you go out on a date with him and you later find out he has a girlfriend then you tell her
if it's just a friendly hangout then i would say keep your feelings to yourself but also keep your distance
can't do her like that :(ReactLike
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@smølf Most people don't have common decency so fuck it if she wants to go for it that is up to her not for anybody else to judge
- Has the though crossed your mind that he is just grooming you for sex? If he was truly unhappy with his relationship he would have bailed by now. I think he doth have cheating on his mind and I think he has his sights on thou.React
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- he’s taken. that’s it. he’s off the market. whatever he wants or whatever he does, he’s STILL off the market. you are only ever allowed if he becomes single again. for now, forget it absolutely because it’s anti-good-moralsReact
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- You’re being so dumb. He isn’t going to leave his girlfriend for you. He’s been with her for 6 years. Can you really be that naive? Do yourself a favor and don’t see him until he actually does break it off otherwise he’s going to play you, well I mean I guess he already is 😂 Ask yourself if you were that girl how would you feel? To be real reading your post kind of made me sick. Good luck you need itReact
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- You don't see anything wrong with what you are doing because he claims he doesn't want to marry his girlfriend, and she is pressuring him and blah blah. You what HE is telling you about his marriage, which may not necessarily be true. Cheaters lie, frequently. So I assume that you won't have a problem when he cheats on you then? I would strongly advise to not hang out with him outside of work (does his girlfriend know about this?), and stop messaging him. He wants to fuck you, nothing else.React
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- Let him go... Go looking for someone else. A lot less stress on you, it sounds like you are in his "friend zone"... Don't ruin things between yourself and a good friend. But, don't hang on with hopes and dreams for a relationship either. So... Yeah...React
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