I’m really attracted to my coworker but he has a girlfriend. What should I do?

Question

I can tell he’s attracted to me too. He’s always looking over at me and messages me after work for hours (nothing flirty or inappropriate). We get along really well and have so much in common. We’re also hanging out outside of work for the first time next week. Only thing is, he has a girlfriend. Should I stop talking to him or should I tell him how I feel? Or should I keep being friends even though I have these feelings?

little_bird1 · Accepted Answer

I think you already made up your mind and you're gonna keep crushing on him. But let me tell you something: this guy is no good. Breaking up with someone because it doesn't feel good anymore is one thing, but breaking up because of someone else is as low as it can get. It only means that he is unreliable. It's not like they were dating for few months, it's 6 years! It only tells me that this guy eventually gets bored and will most likely get bored with you too. And you're gonna live in fear of that as long as you're with him. Do you really want a man who complains about his girlfriend but is still dating her and emotionally cheating on her? She probably has no clue. I know it's easy to fall for the "it's her not him" trap, but trust me it's always the other way around. You might think that it will be different with you because you're better then her or you're more compatible or whatever, but it's not like that, the only problem here is this guy and his mindset. I dunno, however I look at this, it doesn't look good.
My ex boyfriend of 5 years dumped me for someone else by the way. I had no idea, I thought we were doing great, it's what he kept telling me and showing me all the time. He was obviously a very skilled liar. We had it all, and about to married, but his craving for some fresh meat was stronger then his ability to think and feel like adult. I dodged the bullet! I do not a man who changes his mind just like that. It's immature and unreliable. They dated for few months by the way then she dumped him (I loved her for that!). He came back begging for second chance but I didn't give him of course. He dug his own grave. I heard he has a long term girlfriend now but I see him on Tinder, lol. People don't change!

wingattebaby16 · Accepted Answer

I have always looked at it this way..

unless he is married to the girl, she is just a girl friend.

Dating different people, often at the same time, shows you what traits you like and want in a future mate.

Since you know he likes you, tell him that you like him, and could you get a cup of coffee to "talk".

ask him about his girlfriend, the level of relationship they have, and be honest above all else... "I really like you and feel you really like me."

The worst that could happen is you go on a date, find it is not clicking with you, and then stay friends.

The best is he really likes you, you two decide to go out, and he has to let his girlfriend know since they are only dating, he has found some one else he wants to date...

if it is my strange world, the girlfriend would agree to share him with you and the 3 of you end up having "fun" together...

mk200195 · Accepted Answer

Probably too late to answer this but I don't think you're at a fault here. From your perspective i feel you should not just stick to this guy alone and keep your options open because the guy seems to be in a dilemma or confusion right now so he's pretty much vulnerable to flip from his decision any second. Give him enough time and space to settle things on his own and he himself should communicate to you whether he wants to be with you or not and from thereon the things would change for both you.

Lliam · Accepted Answer

If you were flirting with a married man, you would be a home wrecker.
As it is, he just has a girlfriend. It's up to him to decide if he wants to continue with her. People move on from relationships all the time.

If I were you, I wouldn't discourage the friendly relationship you have. See how things progress. See what he wants do. If he asks to take you out and you want to go out with him, there is no ethical issue holding you back.

aWes0MeNeSs · Answer

I would keep it strictly professional, as @Kdude010 said. It seems like things are already bordering on inappropriate and I feel that it would be wrong to interfere with his relationship or do anything you wouldn't be comfortable with another girl doing with your boyfriend. It's just the right thing to do.

Also, keep in mind that if he were to leave his girlfriend for you (and even the fact that he's showing interest while in a relationship), chances are he will do the same thing to you as well.

Pinay_ako · Answer

Put yourself in his girlfriend's shoes and then answer your question...

Account · Answer

Nothing. He is a piece of shit. The end.

EABsTUQ · Answer

Don't stop. You want to keep going to don't stop but also be careful. Don't tell him how you feel just yet. But if get goes further then yes you two need to talk about it because you could hurt some girl out there that is just like you and you wouldn't want to be hurt like this. Note that you two work together and whatever happens you two work together. So handle this nicely either way. But also realize this guy could just be a cheater. Maybe when you two hang out he'll talk about his girlfriend and you'll find out they are breaking up or something who knows. Don't just stop talking to him though. You get this life so you can live it honey. There is no passion and playing small ball.

NickiB · Answer

I get that you can't help who you like but the right thing to do is do nothing.

If the roles were reversed and you were his girlfriend how would you feel if another woman did it.

Plus years later do you want to look back and remember how you first met.

Well I stole him from another woman and helped to devastate her.

Also if he is willing to do that to her he would do it to you.

Also for the part of being friends can you trust yourself to not take it to far?

That's something only you can answer.

Sometimes the right thing to do isn't the easiest decision.

Keep your head up.

OBanana · Answer

Do you really want to date a guy that has so little respect of his girlfriend?
Yes he is probably interested in you and it sounds like he want ti cheat on his girl. But this shows that he has no character and doesn't have the guts to break up with her out of fear of beimg alone.
What you do is your thing but I would never like such a looser.
Imagine you're boyfriend you love and want to marry massages another woman and texts her all the time etc. Imagine how painfull this is

lightbulb27 · Answer

The right thing to do is give him space to cleanup the relationship he has and express interest if he decides to move on from her. you should not bait him away until he does otherwise you are the rebound girl, and that's bad, or you become the side chick which is also bad. If he does it to her, then he could do it to you too... this is a character challenge.

it is bad enough he is engaging you after work and going out, so the other relationship sounds like it is DOA.

BrittBratt2416 · Answer

I don't know you tell me, if you were the girlfriend would you be okay with some chick flirting around with him knowing he's with you? Also he's flirting up/giving attention to another female while he's in relationship, then he's already showing he's easy wanderer and will start looking at the next shiny thing that comes a long. He's also shown you that he is not a good partner to be with, do you want to jerked along for 6 years with a dude who still doesn't know if he wants to be with you for life? I know I wouldn't. As woman, you should leave him alone out of respect for the other girl and put yourself in her shoes...

Nik1hil · Answer

Go talk to his girlfriend tell her you are interested in her man..

But only if she is leaving him..
Because you do not want to ruin her relationship..
And just go and see how his relationship is..
If she says NO then assure her you aren't doing anything with his men.. Behind her back..
And Move on to the next guy..
Because trust me she already knows about you and calls you "The office bitch who wants to steal her man."

This is man rule..
Keep things clear no complications.

Question_Everything · Answer

You're suffering from some massive delusional thoughts. "I can tell he's attracted to me too." Yeah, okay... you are reading too much into things and aggrandizing them. Goddammit, people are stupid. Anyways, before I uninstall this app let me throw in my opinion into the void of depravity that is the internet.
First, if your assertion is correct, he will cheat on you. Look for someone else. Second, office relationships rarely work. Do you enjoy your job? Can you afford not to be working? If the answer is no to both of those questions, fuck it go for it boo. What you should do if you find someone else to fuck and suck that won't cheat on you or get you fired/hate your job.

MissDawn7961 · Answer

if you go out with him , then tell him that since he has a girlfriend that this is the first and last date you will have with him until he ends it with the girl he is seeing now ! once you tell him this , then do not talk to him for he should be talking to his girl and not you ! then go on with your life until he is done with his girl ! for you are to good to wait around for him and deserve to date a man who is not involved with someone already

xoamanda · Answer

girl code!! if you know he has a girlfriend you back off, if you go out on a date with him and you later find out he has a girlfriend then you tell her
if it's just a friendly hangout then i would say keep your feelings to yourself but also keep your distance
can't do her like that :(

CeciliaMaria · Answer

You’re being so dumb. He isn’t going to leave his girlfriend for you. He’s been with her for 6 years. Can you really be that naive? Do yourself a favor and don’t see him until he actually does break it off otherwise he’s going to play you, well I mean I guess he already is 😂 Ask yourself if you were that girl how would you feel? To be real reading your post kind of made me sick. Good luck you need it

spartan55 · Answer

You don't see anything wrong with what you are doing because he claims he doesn't want to marry his girlfriend, and she is pressuring him and blah blah. You what HE is telling you about his marriage, which may not necessarily be true. Cheaters lie, frequently. So I assume that you won't have a problem when he cheats on you then? I would strongly advise to not hang out with him outside of work (does his girlfriend know about this?), and stop messaging him. He wants to fuck you, nothing else.

LoU_Hades · Answer

> "Should I stop talking to him or should I tell him how I feel?"

Both options are desperate and radical. Keep talking to him and give him some hints about your interest. A guy who is in a relationship will very likely say "no" if you openly reveal your feelings to him, even if he likes you.

Moonchild714 · Answer

If something develops, do you really want to be with a guy who can Cheat or Disrespect a Girlfriend he's been with for 5 years. If he does it to her, you're no different!!! People use the I'm not Happy Card to Justify Cheating and get that Sucker willing to help them Cheat. I wouldn't soend timecoutside of work with him unless others were coming also such Co- workers, Friends, or Significant Others... Why Risk it?

Daisy007 · Answer

I would say if you really like him just keep it as a friendship (for now) DON'T act on it since he has a girlfriend... if he breaks up with her thennnn? & bc if you were on the opposite end I'm sure you wouldn't even be questioning that.

mornings98 · Answer

I was in the exact same situation once upon a time ago... he kissed me and broke up with his girlfriend. He never got with me either. Said he wanted to have some time to himself and stay single for a while. It's a trap girl.

talloak · Answer

If you tell him how you feel you risk ending any sort of friendship if he doesn’t return the feelings. If he does have feelings for you, you will force him to choose between his girlfriend and you. Either way, it puts him in a difficult situation.

BrotherFrost · Answer

Don't say it unless you want to go "all in" knowing that you can lose. I mean for fuck sake you girls practically invented subtle hinting. So do that hinting thing we all hate so much and see how he responds.
However always remember that attraction is almost completely irrelevant. I am attracted to a new good looking girl every day, yet 99% of the time i don't even try to do anything about it. And i'm not even in a relationship

I’m really attracted to my coworker but he has a girlfriend. What should I do?

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