The guys who run away don't want to raise someone else's children. Make sure you advertise that you're single parent. Then men who don't mind kids won't be run off by the revelation.
I am honest and up front. But I also try to be protective. There are a lot of perverts out there. And it would not end well for anyone who tried anything...(clears throat).
I can understand that position. Well, you don't have to advertise their ages or anything. Just say you're single parent of two or however many. Those who aren't interested won't come calling. You'll have to vet the ones who do. Look up police records if you feel you need to. There are those services if you feel you're getting serious with a particular person...
Conservative-Pehtaq - you are so right ! your children come first ! do not just date any man either ! for you and your children deserve better then for you to date just any man and that is that ! thanks
If the children come first, and you're thinking "There are a lot of perverts out there." I'm wondering if you're not just scaring off and villifying men that come into your life.
In your original post and your replies to comments you come across as being oddly angry with men for not being interested. I can see why if this is how you behave.
Where’s the father? Make him help take care of your kids. Single moms need to start enforcing some boundaries with this. Don’t allow him to force parenthood on to you. As for your other question, be patient and filter for better quality men who will love you AND your kid.
Those men are shallow and really can’t afford to be picky since their options are limited anyway, but their racism and attitude towards women won’t allow them for that level of self awareness or empathy.
Small sticking point, the race of your ex or your children is irrelevant and that guy was totally being racist. Please don't excuse his racism so casually. It's a problem.
They don't have to, and I'll never support the mindset that they do. We're more than our base instincts and better than all these basic tendencies. We prove it everyday.
Whole wars are fought over such a defeatist mindset of "That's just how it is" or "that man's hownits always been". I'll NEVER stay silent in the face of things that can and should change
Yeah, I choose not to give those extremists and terrorists an excuse. They're the exception, not the norm. You wouldn't want to live in a world where their messed up ideologies were acceptable either.
@DorkVader believe or not it's the norm most people are selfish by nature or sometimes sadistic
I know violent kid who got look up in asylum for life , he didn't suffer from any abuse , bullying or neglect , he no brain damage either
He was just born evil , let that sink in for a while because if you really that's an exception then get ready to have a lot and I mean lot of exceptions
@The_man_whol_aughs Doesn't make it right. Neither does the fact that one person was institutionalized because they were "born evil". Exception to the rule. Most people aren't. Most people are born able to comprehend tolerance and empathy. That's the nature part, the part that adopts animals as pets and raises stray children as our own. The nurture part is when you learn racism and bigotry. That shit is taught, and it is wrong.
There is so much wrong with this statement, I swan. You're right, kids in foster care in the US are abused regularly and I see that as a failure of the system. They need a better vetting process for fosters. Children of both sexes are targeted by pedophiles and probably the same rate. Nobody says you have to have faith in humanity, but since pedophiles come in any race, creed or gender, how you gonna find the right way to discriminate? Furthermore, most people, when wronged by 1 individual don't write off the whole race. A rational person would say, "Hey Joe is a fucked up individual. I'm not gonna fuck with Joe again." You can't make sweeping judgments about any group due to race or religion because it's inaccurate and just plain lazy. Not everyone is the same.
All I'm saying is you can choose to live your life anyway you want, big picture. It's no skin off my ass. Still doesn't mean others have to or should accept your shortsighted world view
Frankly I have never had a problem in dating single moms... at least not where their children were concerned. Where my problems with single moms was an issue was if they were divorced single moms who were holding on to their anger and bitterness towards their ex so damn much that it spilled over into our relationship. Talking about them constantly then going as far as contrasting all my good aspects into something awful just because their ex began as good in their minds and did some of the things I do (positive speaking) and then making the positive ‘A’ translate into becoming negative result ‘Z’. Where to them all positives lead to only sabotages a relationship and sabotages themselves. It just makes them undatable because no man (and I imagine no woman in a reverse scenario) ever wishes to be held responsible for another’s transgressions. Anyway... point is, single moms are easy to date. Divorced single moms on the other hand can be a hell of a challenge.
It's the "finding out" thing, if you ask me. If indeed you are all you claimed to be - why do they need to "find out"? Why don't you begin your communication with them by revealing this crucial fact about you? Don't get me wrong, I see absolutely nothing wrong with single parents finding love, but if you don't want to raise suspicion - you have to be bluntly honest. To the point of your first ever message containing the words "I am a single mother, kindly stop wasting my time if you've got a problem with it".
Them wanting the man to support their kids is only one of the reasons why many men avoid single mothers. There is the potential for drama to deal with from the ex that will be involved. The kid not wanting to follow the new guy's rules in his house. If the guy is family oriented and wants kids of his own he likely wants someone without kids already (and under 30). The first part of a relationship when you need more attention from a partner, that time would be taken up by their kid instead, so the beginning of the relationship will never be as good as it could have if their attention/affection wasn't so divided. There are more reasons, but those are the main ones.
I think your best bet would be to look for a single father so you are both in the same situation from the start.
Why in God's name would they? Raising a child is a shit ton of work; mental, physical, emotional and financial. The one reward is the knowledge that you brought a life into this world, someone who will always love you as their mother/father.. So basically u are expecting them to do all of the work with none of the reward. I can see why its a good deal for you (and the guy who knocked you up). But what's in it for the cuck, besides access to your tired, blown out pussy once a month (if he behaves)?
This is nothing to do with the wallet even though I agree. It's to do with your irrationality and indecisiveness. What do you want? When you married your ex-husband did you know what you wanted? Did you even look at him and ask is this man marriage material or did you just say ill go with it? You can't expect us, men, to lead everything including your life. And that's the biggest mistake you made that other men are not willing to make. Like every young girl, you just don't know what you want and have no direction in life you literally just say meh ok and we don't want a relationship or marriage like that.
Oh, no - that is an entirely YOUR problem to solve. Why did you dump/chase away the father of your children? Do you realise NO ONE ELSE CAN ever be a FATHER to those children? Where in the world do you believe your right to just grab a man and saddle him with YOUR children comes from? What gives you an idea your children are of any relevance to another man? Nobody needs to care about your children but you - I'd NEVER date a single mother. No way. The worst type there is - took someone's child away, dumped them, now wants another man from the conveyor belt - under the excuse her children need a father - the man she alienated. Why were you not thinking about their needs then?
How do you know it's entirely her fault she's single now? What if the husband turned into a fucking sad cunt who treated the whole family like shit. Or simply didn't fulfill the mandatory requirements of a husband? You're just blaming her without knowing anything about her. I'd say let's stay objective and not pick a side too fast.
@BagoH A woman that feels ENTITLED to a REPLACEMENT father for her children? How do you not know? She would have asked 'guys, I know it's really hard even contemplating raising someone else's child as a proxy/replacement father - do you think anyone would do that'. That, you'd call being humble. This, pure arrogance. By all means, offer the benefit of the doubt, someone has to do that too. It just isn't me on this topic - my mother gave up on my father who wasn't at fault half as much as the place she brought him to made it out to be. And her astounding level of entitlement didn't stop there either (mind you, she mostly forgot about her older son, was only interested in the 'disadvantaged' younger one, to date a lying insecure prick - but that's another story - all courtesy of a frivolous woman doing her over-the-top bidding with no shame)
You know, single moms always say they're looking for a father for their children, but whenever you try to actually discipline the kid, the mom always takes the kids' side and tells the man to "back off."
It's pretty hard to do a job when you're not actually allowed to ever do it.
I dated one for 2-3 days. A very good looking woman. But I started caring for the kid more then for her, he was super cure and lacking in some basic parental attention. And I didn't need any of that. She needed to sort things out with the kid's father, she was unfair to both her son and his dad. You have a child, you stay with the man.
@soleil2666 Most of the time, single moms are single for a reason, either they drove off a good man or else they picked a bad one to begin with. Gotta be one or the other.
Yep, I agree. Or both - took a man not that good/confused - and made it all worse for him, playing ignorant, or genuinely being ignorant of how things are and go. And then just raise her hand and go 'oh, my children need a plag-in dad, guys - life is haaard, jump in and save me from my own mess'. Then abuse the kids further playing it is for them.
@Bananaman177 A lot of truth in that, and there isn't a problem with it - there are well behaved, well intentioned and even well mannered children - raised by such parents/mothers. And there are obnoxious, nasty, entitled, whiny and ill mannered ones.
Dating a single mom is hard. You know you'll never be a priority, you know she'll be busy quite often so going out or seeing each other is hard, and even if it works with her, it also has to work with her kid, because if the kid don't like you, the mom will reject you too. And even if it works, there are still issues. What will be your place in the family? Do you have any say on how to raise the kid? Is the real dad still around, and willing to let you be a part of the family? Because if things become serious, you can't stay forever the "boyfriend on the side" who isn't part of it. In theory I wouldn't mind dating a single mom. In practice... things are harder.
I'm not going to talk for most of men but on my case.
I were in love with a mum with 2 children and it was a problem but I felt able to pass it. Problem comes if you define yourself as just a mum with 2 children.
I want a woman, in fact I love them, and I understand you have children, friends, an ex husband... But I still want it, although it's a bit. All your reasons to date are... My children need a father.
Do you miss the time of being a couple hugged? Or the time in which you planned a trip?
Start thinking about what things do you want to do with a husband and you will start being more lucky.
Besides the fact that most guys likely assume that what you mentioned applies to you, there are: 1. The crazy ex (es). 2. The extra responsibility. If it doesn't work out, there is not only the lady to think about but the possibly devastated kids. 3. The extra time constraints. Children take a lot of time and attention, so given the choice between a single without and a single with, all other things equal, 19 out of 20 guys will take the single without.
But there are decent guys who will date you. They are just a smaller % of the population than if you were childless.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
They need the love of THEIR father, not just anyone. Think if it was reversed, would you want to be the parent to a child that isn't yours? Plus on top of that, a child takes up a HUGE amount of your time and energy, what's left for us and the relationship? We may not want to "share" you if you know what I mean? Meaning this is a lot of baggage for someone and a new relationship, baggage a lot of people don't want. That's not to say "it's hopeless" for you, it's not, but finding the right guy will be harder for sure.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
Men between your age and mine who don’t want kids don’t want to be your child’s father. Those who do want kids can, if they’re employed and have their lives together, relatively easily marry an early 30s woman and have their own biological children. the men are most likely to be interested in a single mother are those who have kids of their own, are looking for a “parent” lifestyle but don’t want to have more. However more men don’t have custody of their kids so even those men would often rather have a childless partner.
Guys just don’t want to raise and spend money in another mans kid plus if you are a mom you are going to spend more attention on your kid the guy will never come first. Which he really shouldn’t it should be the kid.
This is a very good point. I have a friend who married a single mother. She only had one kid from a previous relationship. Any guy worth his salt knows kids come first in a relationship! Well, that's why the natural order is date, fall in love, marry, have children and it takes 9 months... so you have 9 months to get you s*** together. Hopefully the mother and father are bonded by this point. With a single mother their is no bonding time. It's not a secret that kids strain relationships.
I once was involved with a woman that had two children on purpose, to different men and didn't marry either one of them. Wasn't a good situation to get involved in. Couldn't depend on either of the men showing up for there visitation days so that the mother and I could do something alone together. But on the other hand, I once dated a woman with a daughter that I fell in love with and had the love returned by the daughter, but the mother lied to me a lot and dumped me when she no longer needed a repairman to sell her house. Not sure of your situation, but these are just two of mine.
Well I'm sure you have heard about the fictional story of the "1 bad apple makes the entire bunch look bad". I'm sure you're not like that.
I have once dated a single mother. I will admit you are right. She only wanted me, not my wallet. ... but she strangely up & just broke it off from me after 2 months worth of dating & then shortly after, she began playing some ridiculous mind-game with me. I didn't cheat on her at all, I was making a lot of effort to be with her but nope! After 2 months, she just gave me the whole "This is the reason why we need to break up, so bye!" and that was it.
After that I thought "Whatever..." & have been single ever since. This was back in I think 2016 or 2017.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
The fact is that today when it comes to marriage, parenting and child custody issues, men have more responsibilities than rights, so it should come as no surprise to anyone why men are very reluctant to willingly step into a scenario like yours.
I'm not saying all women are bad or unfair, because they're not. And there are also a lot of irresponsible and selfish men, like your ex husband for example. But in general, the deck is staked against men in marriage and parenting today, so you do indeed have an uphill battle in finding a willing man.
I sorry you are facing this because you sound like a good woman who actually values men and the important role a father plays in a child's life. I wish you the best of luck and hope you find a good man who treats you right and will be the father your children need and deserve.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
The simple answer is that they don't want a second hand family. Sure, fatherlessness is bad, but that doesn't mean I'm obligated to to be a dad to them. I have no problem being a dad to my own kids. But it feels ridiculous invest my resources into other guys' offspring, particularly guys who (usually) bailed on the family in the first place. It's like they are going off and doing whatever, while I sit here footing the bill for them to propagate their degenerate genes. Kids should have fathers in the home, but they should have *their* father. I want my own family with woman who has only had kids with me and we invest in that like together. No second hand family.
Because many men don’t want to raise another man’s offspring. Raising a child requires resources e. g. time and money. Many men just feel like they’d rather use those resources on their own offspring. That plus baby daddy drama isn’t fun to deal with.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
113Opinion
The guys who run away don't want to raise someone else's children. Make sure you advertise that you're single parent. Then men who don't mind kids won't be run off by the revelation.
I am honest and up front. But I also try to be protective. There are a lot of perverts out there. And it would not end well for anyone who tried anything...(clears throat).
I can understand that position. Well, you don't have to advertise their ages or anything. Just say you're single parent of two or however many. Those who aren't interested won't come calling. You'll have to vet the ones who do. Look up police records if you feel you need to. There are those services if you feel you're getting serious with a particular person...
I will be doing that. My children come first.
Conservative-Pehtaq - you are so right ! your children come first ! do not just date any man either ! for you and your children deserve better then for you to date just any man and that is that ! thanks
If the children come first, and you're thinking "There are a lot of perverts out there." I'm wondering if you're not just scaring off and villifying men that come into your life.
In your original post and your replies to comments you come across as being oddly angry with men for not being interested. I can see why if this is how you behave.
Where’s the father? Make him help take care of your kids. Single moms need to start enforcing some boundaries with this. Don’t allow him to force parenthood on to you. As for your other question, be patient and filter for better quality men who will love you AND your kid.
He ditched us. He was abusive so I'm okay with him not being in the picture.
He needs to pay.
That's the one thing he does do.
The man had the right to decide if he wanted to be a father or not ok
Just like how a woman can decide to have an abortion
Ok then he has the obligation to pay child support.
That's again his choice besides she said she's financially stable
I could understand your argument if we had just "hooked up". But we didn't. We were married. So, it's a little different.
So it’s the law, as it should be.
Ok one small question is your ex black? That would also explain why your still single
Woah... wow. Um, no. He wasn't.
Wow deflection and racism in one.
Well he might be making a point that some men might avoid me on that point. And it's all data points to me. Don't pull punches! Keep 'em coming.
It's the truth many men who wouldn't even look at a woman if she had mixed kids of a specific race especially black
It's racism but it's also facts , block me if you want but it's the truth and it's uncomfortable
No I understand you aren't being racist. You are simply pointing out that some men are. I get that.
Good , well then good luck
Thank you and to you.
Those men are shallow and really can’t afford to be picky since their options are limited anyway, but their racism and attitude towards women won’t allow them for that level of self awareness or empathy.
You talk as if having no empathy is a bad thing
It is a bad thing
Not possessing empathy is a common symptom of many behavior disorders: narcissism, psychopathy, sociopathy... etc.
Small sticking point, the race of your ex or your children is irrelevant and that guy was totally being racist. Please don't excuse his racism so casually. It's a problem.
@DorkVader maybe I am but I that's just how it is
Racism , sexism , sadistic tendencies all these exist in every human being
As long as their is another human being , there always gonna be conflict and discrimination
They don't have to, and I'll never support the mindset that they do. We're more than our base instincts and better than all these basic tendencies. We prove it everyday.
Whole wars are fought over such a defeatist mindset of "That's just how it is" or "that man's hownits always been". I'll NEVER stay silent in the face of things that can and should change
@DorkVader yes we prove it everyday people like Ted Bundy , the KKK , Hitler , Nikolas Cruz and have proven it soo many times
I admire your noble cause but tell you this your going against nature , you can hold her back but you can never really stop it completely
Yeah, I choose not to give those extremists and terrorists an excuse. They're the exception, not the norm. You wouldn't want to live in a world where their messed up ideologies were acceptable either.
@DorkVader believe or not it's the norm most people are selfish by nature or sometimes sadistic
I know violent kid who got look up in asylum for life , he didn't suffer from any abuse , bullying or neglect , he no brain damage either
He was just born evil , let that sink in for a while because if you really that's an exception then get ready to have a lot and I mean lot of exceptions
And yes their are countries with these ideologies
Also MzAsh aren't women as shallow as men
@The_man_whol_aughs Doesn't make it right. Neither does the fact that one person was institutionalized because they were "born evil". Exception to the rule. Most people aren't. Most people are born able to comprehend tolerance and empathy. That's the nature part, the part that adopts animals as pets and raises stray children as our own. The nurture part is when you learn racism and bigotry. That shit is taught, and it is wrong.
@DorkVader often those orphaned kids are often abused
Lady don't pretend like that little girls aren't targeted by pedophiles and rapist
It's happening far too common for me to have faith in humanity
Plus as young ones they may not be racist but if something goes wrong between them it's gonna lead discrimination
There is so much wrong with this statement, I swan. You're right, kids in foster care in the US are abused regularly and I see that as a failure of the system. They need a better vetting process for fosters. Children of both sexes are targeted by pedophiles and probably the same rate.
Nobody says you have to have faith in humanity, but since pedophiles come in any race, creed or gender, how you gonna find the right way to discriminate?
Furthermore, most people, when wronged by 1 individual don't write off the whole race. A rational person would say, "Hey Joe is a fucked up individual. I'm not gonna fuck with Joe again."
You can't make sweeping judgments about any group due to race or religion because it's inaccurate and just plain lazy. Not everyone is the same.
@DorkVader you still can't deny there have been multiple patterns that lead to generalisation
You can't keep denying a crime that is commonly commited by a specific race or gender
You will see me as a psychopath for saying all of this but is a sign of ignorance , inexperience and close mindedness
Whenever you think of rape who do you think is the rapist and the victim?
Obviously you will think the man is rapist and woman is the victim
That's understandable as it's very common.
It makes me laugh every time a person is surprised a heinous crime is commited as history has shown time and time again how fucked crimes can get
It makes me laugh when people call criminals disgusting , as if they are any better than them
Really I lack empathy for everyone except my family and I accept it
I seen how evil both men and women can get
Also people have proven more times than not that they let their basic instinct get the better of them
All I'm saying is you can choose to live your life anyway you want, big picture. It's no skin off my ass. Still doesn't mean others have to or should accept your shortsighted world view
@DorkVader they don't and I'm not forcing them to but they can at least keep it in the mind as such situations are maybe rare but very much possible
Anything that's humanly possible whether it be great achievement or a disgusting crime is possible
Still no cause for bigotry. Awareness at most
@DorkVader oh for the love of God it's not what I think but it's what I heard other people say and experienced
If you are so sensitive to anything that involves race and gender , then you consider moving to another topic
Seriously can't tell an opinion
You keep tagging me and carrying on the conversation, fool! Seems like you love the attention
@DorkVader well you did change the subject now first I was bigot for stating an opinion and
I'm an attention whore for trying to defend myself
Next your gonna call coward for not responding now
Well then I'm done see ya
Awwww, so nice of you to pay attention! Best wishes 😘
Frankly I have never had a problem in dating single moms... at least not where their children were concerned. Where my problems with single moms was an issue was if they were divorced single moms who were holding on to their anger and bitterness towards their ex so damn much that it spilled over into our relationship. Talking about them constantly then going as far as contrasting all my good aspects into something awful just because their ex began as good in their minds and did some of the things I do (positive speaking) and then making the positive ‘A’ translate into becoming negative result ‘Z’. Where to them all positives lead to only sabotages a relationship and sabotages themselves. It just makes them undatable because no man (and I imagine no woman in a reverse scenario) ever wishes to be held responsible for another’s transgressions. Anyway... point is, single moms are easy to date. Divorced single moms on the other hand can be a hell of a challenge.
Women who can kick out their children's father certainly won't be kind to another man
It's the "finding out" thing, if you ask me. If indeed you are all you claimed to be - why do they need to "find out"? Why don't you begin your communication with them by revealing this crucial fact about you? Don't get me wrong, I see absolutely nothing wrong with single parents finding love, but if you don't want to raise suspicion - you have to be bluntly honest. To the point of your first ever message containing the words "I am a single mother, kindly stop wasting my time if you've got a problem with it".
Them wanting the man to support their kids is only one of the reasons why many men avoid single mothers.
There is the potential for drama to deal with from the ex that will be involved.
The kid not wanting to follow the new guy's rules in his house.
If the guy is family oriented and wants kids of his own he likely wants someone without kids already (and under 30).
The first part of a relationship when you need more attention from a partner, that time would be taken up by their kid instead, so the beginning of the relationship will never be as good as it could have if their attention/affection wasn't so divided.
There are more reasons, but those are the main ones.
I think your best bet would be to look for a single father so you are both in the same situation from the start.
Never expected a man to support my kids. 😂
Why in God's name would they? Raising a child is a shit ton of work; mental, physical, emotional and financial. The one reward is the knowledge that you brought a life into this world, someone who will always love you as their mother/father.. So basically u are expecting them to do all of the work with none of the reward. I can see why its a good deal for you (and the guy who knocked you up). But what's in it for the cuck, besides access to your tired, blown out pussy once a month (if he behaves)?
This is nothing to do with the wallet even though I agree. It's to do with your irrationality and indecisiveness. What do you want? When you married your ex-husband did you know what you wanted? Did you even look at him and ask is this man marriage material or did you just say ill go with it?
You can't expect us, men, to lead everything including your life. And that's the biggest mistake you made that other men are not willing to make. Like every young girl, you just don't know what you want and have no direction in life you literally just say meh ok and we don't want a relationship or marriage like that.
Oh, no - that is an entirely YOUR problem to solve.
Why did you dump/chase away the father of your children?
Do you realise NO ONE ELSE CAN ever be a FATHER to those children?
Where in the world do you believe your right to just grab a man and saddle him with YOUR children comes from?
What gives you an idea your children are of any relevance to another man?
Nobody needs to care about your children but you - I'd NEVER date a single mother. No way. The worst type there is - took someone's child away, dumped them, now wants another man from the conveyor belt - under the excuse her children need a father - the man she alienated. Why were you not thinking about their needs then?
How do you know it's entirely her fault she's single now? What if the husband turned into a fucking sad cunt who treated the whole family like shit. Or simply didn't fulfill the mandatory requirements of a husband? You're just blaming her without knowing anything about her. I'd say let's stay objective and not pick a side too fast.
@BagoH A woman that feels ENTITLED to a REPLACEMENT father for her children? How do you not know?
She would have asked 'guys, I know it's really hard even contemplating raising someone else's child as a proxy/replacement father - do you think anyone would do that'. That, you'd call being humble. This, pure arrogance.
By all means, offer the benefit of the doubt, someone has to do that too. It just isn't me on this topic - my mother gave up on my father who wasn't at fault half as much as the place she brought him to made it out to be. And her astounding level of entitlement didn't stop there either (mind you, she mostly forgot about her older son, was only interested in the 'disadvantaged' younger one, to date a lying insecure prick - but that's another story - all courtesy of a frivolous woman doing her over-the-top bidding with no shame)
You know, single moms always say they're looking for a father for their children, but whenever you try to actually discipline the kid, the mom always takes the kids' side and tells the man to "back off."
It's pretty hard to do a job when you're not actually allowed to ever do it.
I dated one for 2-3 days. A very good looking woman. But I started caring for the kid more then for her, he was super cure and lacking in some basic parental attention.
And I didn't need any of that. She needed to sort things out with the kid's father, she was unfair to both her son and his dad. You have a child, you stay with the man.
@soleil2666 Most of the time, single moms are single for a reason, either they drove off a good man or else they picked a bad one to begin with. Gotta be one or the other.
Yep, I agree. Or both - took a man not that good/confused - and made it all worse for him, playing ignorant, or genuinely being ignorant of how things are and go.
And then just raise her hand and go 'oh, my children need a plag-in dad, guys - life is haaard, jump in and save me from my own mess'. Then abuse the kids further playing it is for them.
@soleil2666 The reason women are so good at taking care of small children is that they are big, overgrown children themselves.
@Bananaman177 A lot of truth in that, and there isn't a problem with it - there are well behaved, well intentioned and even well mannered children - raised by such parents/mothers. And there are obnoxious, nasty, entitled, whiny and ill mannered ones.
Dating a single mom is hard. You know you'll never be a priority, you know she'll be busy quite often so going out or seeing each other is hard, and even if it works with her, it also has to work with her kid, because if the kid don't like you, the mom will reject you too.
And even if it works, there are still issues. What will be your place in the family? Do you have any say on how to raise the kid? Is the real dad still around, and willing to let you be a part of the family? Because if things become serious, you can't stay forever the "boyfriend on the side" who isn't part of it.
In theory I wouldn't mind dating a single mom. In practice... things are harder.
I'm not going to talk for most of men but on my case.
I were in love with a mum with 2 children and it was a problem but I felt able to pass it.
Problem comes if you define yourself as just a mum with 2 children.
I want a woman, in fact I love them, and I understand you have children, friends, an ex husband... But I still want it, although it's a bit.
All your reasons to date are... My children need a father.
Do you miss the time of being a couple hugged? Or the time in which you planned a trip?
Start thinking about what things do you want to do with a husband and you will start being more lucky.
Besides the fact that most guys likely assume that what you mentioned applies to you, there are:
1. The crazy ex (es).
2. The extra responsibility. If it doesn't work out, there is not only the lady to think about but the possibly devastated kids.
3. The extra time constraints. Children take a lot of time and attention, so given the choice between a single without and a single with, all other things equal, 19 out of 20 guys will take the single without.
But there are decent guys who will date you. They are just a smaller % of the population than if you were childless.
They need the love of THEIR father, not just anyone. Think if it was reversed, would you want to be the parent to a child that isn't yours? Plus on top of that, a child takes up a HUGE amount of your time and energy, what's left for us and the relationship? We may not want to "share" you if you know what I mean? Meaning this is a lot of baggage for someone and a new relationship, baggage a lot of people don't want. That's not to say "it's hopeless" for you, it's not, but finding the right guy will be harder for sure.
Men between your age and mine who don’t want kids don’t want to be your child’s father. Those who do want kids can, if they’re employed and have their lives together, relatively easily marry an early 30s woman and have their own biological children.
the men are most likely to be interested in a single mother are those who have kids of their own, are looking for a “parent” lifestyle but don’t want to have more. However more men don’t have custody of their kids so even those men would often rather have a childless partner.
Guys just don’t want to raise and spend money in another mans kid plus if you are a mom you are going to spend more attention on your kid the guy will never come first. Which he really shouldn’t it should be the kid.
This is a very good point. I have a friend who married a single mother. She only had one kid from a previous relationship. Any guy worth his salt knows kids come first in a relationship! Well, that's why the natural order is date, fall in love, marry, have children and it takes 9 months... so you have 9 months to get you s*** together. Hopefully the mother and father are bonded by this point. With a single mother their is no bonding time. It's not a secret that kids strain relationships.
I once was involved with a woman that had two children on purpose, to different men and didn't marry either one of them.
Wasn't a good situation to get involved in.
Couldn't depend on either of the men showing up for there visitation days so that the mother and I could do something alone together.
But on the other hand, I once dated a woman with a daughter that I fell in love with and had the love returned by the daughter, but the mother lied to me a lot and dumped me when she no longer needed a repairman to sell her house.
Not sure of your situation, but these are just two of mine.
Well I'm sure you have heard about the fictional story of the "1 bad apple makes the entire bunch look bad". I'm sure you're not like that.
I have once dated a single mother. I will admit you are right. She only wanted me, not my wallet. ... but she strangely up & just broke it off from me after 2 months worth of dating & then shortly after, she began playing some ridiculous mind-game with me. I didn't cheat on her at all, I was making a lot of effort to be with her but nope! After 2 months, she just gave me the whole "This is the reason why we need to break up, so bye!" and that was it.
After that I thought "Whatever..." & have been single ever since. This was back in I think 2016 or 2017.
The fact is that today when it comes to marriage, parenting and child custody issues, men have more responsibilities than rights, so it should come as no surprise to anyone why men are very reluctant to willingly step into a scenario like yours.
I'm not saying all women are bad or unfair, because they're not. And there are also a lot of irresponsible and selfish men, like your ex husband for example. But in general, the deck is staked against men in marriage and parenting today, so you do indeed have an uphill battle in finding a willing man.
I sorry you are facing this because you sound like a good woman who actually values men and the important role a father plays in a child's life. I wish you the best of luck and hope you find a good man who treats you right and will be the father your children need and deserve.
The simple answer is that they don't want a second hand family.
Sure, fatherlessness is bad, but that doesn't mean I'm obligated to to be a dad to them. I have no problem being a dad to my own kids. But it feels ridiculous invest my resources into other guys' offspring, particularly guys who (usually) bailed on the family in the first place. It's like they are going off and doing whatever, while I sit here footing the bill for them to propagate their degenerate genes. Kids should have fathers in the home, but they should have *their* father. I want my own family with woman who has only had kids with me and we invest in that like together. No second hand family.
Because many men don’t want to raise another man’s offspring. Raising a child requires resources e. g. time and money. Many men just feel like they’d rather use those resources on their own offspring. That plus baby daddy drama isn’t fun to deal with.