Has the “hook up” culture made women more apt to friendzone guys when they don’t make a move early (and the woman knows he interested)?

[Anonymous]

Once upon a time I felt guilty about “hook ups” in my late teens and early 20s. Back then I actually had a few girls hop on me. I would follow up with them later to just hang out, just to be “nice”. Other guys would say “wtf you doing? You got your half”. Surprisingly there are some women who use men for sex. It’s much less insulting on male side when this happens. It does leave a bit of a hollow feeling though.

I also acted chivalrous and “took things slow” with the girls I really liked. That got me friendzoned 100% of the time. Every single time.

I’m my late 20s I just started banging everything in site. I have had three relationships in last 8 years. (From 8 months to a year long). Every single one these relationships we had sex within the first 3 dates.

When it comes down to it I WANT to take things slow and get to know a woman for who she is before sex. I could even wait to marriage for the right woman. But does that kind of woman only exist in the strict religious sectors? I’m spiritual myself but I’ve never found a woman I was crazy about in church. Please no rude atheist remarks to that observation. thanks.

But again I’m I guaranteed to get friend zoned EVERY time I try to take things slow? Nothing worse than putting in all that effort and anticipation just to be ditched for being too chivalrous and boring.

Yes

No

[Anonymous]

I don't hook up so i'd probably thank God if someone didn't want to do that right away. But there is such thing as taking it toooooo slow. That can come off as wasting our time. Can i ask how slow you took it?

[Asker]

Well the most obvious example was when I was 21 and I met a beautiful 19 yr old virgin who admitted she had a big crush on me. We made out a few times. One time got real hot and heavy. I was between her legs kissing her and I could feel a combination of fear and excitement in her breaths. But I stopped and told her that I didn’t feel right doing it in a dingy dorm apartment. She thought that was “sweet”.

Well weeks later she lost it and it wasn’t to me. It was some guy that she said had “feelings for although he might cheat on me”. She just had to tell me the details of how he did the honors in the shower.

That was a very long time ago. But she wasn’t the first girl that I had a chance with and I slowed down out of respect. I then or rewarded by being friend zoned.

[Asker]

*I then get

[Opinion Owner]

That's not taking it slow. That getting hot and horny, then breaking the mood by bringing her attention to the fact she's in a gross dorm.

[Opinion Owner]

Taking it slow would be being clear about your intentions in the beginning. Not suddenly pulling back during an intimate moment.

[Asker]

Her nervousness is what made me pull back. I felt her freeze up and I mentioned it. She said “that’s because I’m scared” but also ask “did you like that”. And she giggled and said “none of your damn business”. I then told her I would like to make it special somewhere. She responded with “that’s so sweet”.

[Opinion Owner]

Okay, when did you take her out next? At some point you must have given her too much space

[Asker]

I was planning on a nice place somewhere, a hotel I could afford. But I did give her lots of "space" after that.

She had a very weird personality anyway. Loud and sometimes obnoxious. I felt worried about her acting stage 5 clinger times a thousand if I got the cherry popper badge. She was beautiful though.

Ironically a few years later she got fake tits and became a stripper. She was all about being circumspect when we first met.

[Opinion Owner]

Thank fuck she ditched you. You sound like a heap of flaming garbage.

[Asker]

Again her freezing up and saying "she felt scared" just didn't sit well with me. I always stop the second I feel any hint of that from a woman. But it was a "virgin scared" i. e. she was very excited but also very nervous. A part of her wanted me to push through. But still I don't feel right in that situation. I need some sort of obvious signal of consent and can't rely on my intuition on a "no yes".

[Opinion Owner]

Nope, dude. She could probably get your vibe. That last message you wrote showed your true colors; you're a grade A douchebag.

[Asker]

Whoa, I you completely misread what I'm saying. I thought you were smart enough to pick up on the nuances. I slowed down OUT OF RESPECT.

Many (if most) guys would of kept going. I didn't. Didn't feel right about it. Quit taking your negative experiences and trying to take it out on someone else out catharsis. Read between the lines. I wanted it to be special.

But I'm guess you will give some bitchy remark to that won't you.

[Opinion Owner]

You called her personality weird, you called her obnoxious, you called her loud, you used "cherry popper badge" (fucking weirdo), then shit on her even now.
You're a grimy creep and are probably NOT a good guy.

[Asker]

She called ME weird to my face. It’s not like that came out of nowhere. I had lots of confusion given my strict religious background vs. trying to be more direct with women. That probably confused her. But she would all the time say “I’m sweet” and was one of the only people who cared for her.

But don’t call me “grimy” or some other bs. I’ve been completely honest. If you read something you don’t like ASK for context. Yeah I wish I got to do the honors back then. But it didn’t work out because I didn’t feel right about it.

[Opinion Owner]

fuck off; now you're backtracking.

[Secret6620]

I definitely think so... Even when I was single I would instantly friendzone guys who got too sexual too soon...

[Secret6620]

YAY 🙋 Thanks for most helpful girl 🎀

[TacocaT6969]

Hookup culture has made decent women reject any man who seems like he would want to hookup.

[Asker]

But what if he’s a decent man but had horrible experiences of being friendzoned for being too chivalrous? What if he purposely hints around to prevent being “boring” but deep down wouldn’t mind committing as long as she commits as well?

[TacocaT6969]

Decent women will reject him.

[TacocaT6969]

Only whores reject men for being too chivalrous.

[Asker]

So in the last 15 years ago all those women were “whores”. I’m not lying about what really happened. Every single time I tried doing that it didn’t work.

[TacocaT6969]

Yes. The majority of women have caved in to being whores as that’s what’s seen as “cool” in this hookup culture.

[Asker]

And the majority of women find chivalry “boring and weak”’. They automatically default to friendzone when that happens. So guys like me have two choices: hook up early and hope a relationship happens or be treated like complete shit (friendzone).

That’s the dilemma. Feminism started this crap with “women’s sexual liberation”’. Both decent men and decent women have suffered because of that.

[Avicenna]

Depends on who else is interested in her, really.

[Asker]

Good point. But nowadays it feels like “you got to strike the iron when it’s hot”. Because it cools down and never gets hot again.