Yes, for me, that would be a dealbreaker. I'm in a place in my life now to have experienced and seen a lot of things that would definitely impact that decision. When I found my life partner, I committed to her first before anything else in my life. I want her always to be my most important.
I've known in a girl (early 20s) who would low key gripe every day about having to be at work, and a lot of her conversation dealt with how she just wanted to be a wife and a mother instead of working. That was her total focus. She moved out of town here for about a year, then got quickly into a relationship in her new city. Shortly after, she became pregnant, and within several months she and her new boyfriend moved back to town. There is talk about a wedding, but I would never want that to be me.
I've also known an older couple who were married and waited a few years before becoming pregnant. Great people, ended up with two sons. The younger one was physically handicapped, paralyzed at birth from the waist down. The older one was fine until late into high school, when he developed a drug habit. He was never able to break free and ended up committing suicide in his late 20s/early 30s. Several years later the younger son, after going to college and earning several degrees, had a massive heart attack. He survived but suffered debilitating brain damage. He is now, for all intents and purposes in kind of a gray area between life and death. There they were, in their 60s, having lost both children. Without keeping each other first, as a couple, they would have never made it.
Life with a partner has to be much more than just about having children, even if that is important to you.
Its a big deal breaker if you mention children in the first date itself. The first date if to know each other and see if they should be in a relationship or not, hence the second date. But its not like you get committed the moment you go on your first date. If you mention kids, then he or she will get scared he is going to fast and is already serious about a relationship. Thats not a good thing.
A lot of men I have dated said if a girl brings up kids or marriage on the first few dates, she is tooooooo relationship and marriage obsessed and the guys usually move on!
scares guys off
i dated a couple guys that did the same thing asking me about marriage and kids.
Its fine but only with these factors - If we are in 20s - if we;ve been dating for a really longass time -if we are fine with it and if our parents are also fine with it --- if not these then when u bring it up, talk about it in a future sense then thats fine...
It probably would be for me... I don't want kids at all so that just shows how far apart we are mentally, our core values and beliefs would be too different. However, if we could spin it into a fun night I wouldn't mind, with the knowledge on both our sides that we probably won't get serious.
Well if she wants a baby now then yes it's a deal breaker I'm not pregnant a woman on first date but if she says if we ever get married then have baby then there no problem if she just saying she wants kids in the future no problem but she wants a child now then I'll say this is going way way to fast and were done sorry for the long typing but gave my options
I don't see why would it be a deal breaker. At some point we all gonna hear that in our lives like a million times. Even when you meet a girl that doesn't want kids! Either my parents gonna ask about little adorable grandchildren or my girl's parents gonna ask and they do all the time. It's normal to me.
No, actually. If she wants kids (I don't), the sooner I find out, the better. Saves me from having to ask her. And if she also doesn't want them, well then there's nothing to be pressured about anyway.
No, I think it's a fair question, because if you're not both on the same page, then the likelyhood of the relationship actually working out seem pretty low
Typically I talk about my life and interests and see where the conversation goes then I will say I have a kid but if he does feel confortable with it then I won't say anything
I had a guy bring up him wanting a baby with me and we never even had a date yet... I think saying you want children one day is normal but saying you want a baby with a person you don't know is weird
no. i think it's ok to see how your date thinks about that, cause if you want children really bad, i understand that you're not gonna wayste time with a guy who doesn't want children.
i think it's efficient to ask this on the first date, to sift out the duds.
It's kind of okay since it establishes what she is looking for in a relationship. I'd be looking for a girl who doesn't wsnt kids, so this way, there won't be a problem in the future. I don't want go out with a girl who thinks I'll eventually change my mind.
Exactly my point. I know what I want in a relationship so I wouldn't want to be with someone who expects something else, we'd not be compatible. That way we don't waste each other's time.
As someone who married a woman with a child, I can say that if they bring up having a child on the first date, that's fine, but wanting another is no way.
Yes it's a big deal breaker. First dates are there to get to know each other better. With the kids around this would not be possible. Also the topics are limited of the kids are around
If she HAS them, then she better. Otherwise it is a bit odd, if she talks too much about it, but if she just asks if you ever want to have children then it isn't because she may find your answer a deal-breaker.
Not a deal breaker but I would hope she gets to know me before she starts throwing stuff like that on the table. At least let me get my drink and appetizer order in first
I don't really do "dates" but answer would be "n/a need more information." does she seem rational and sane otherwise, or nucking futs? If it's just the former, then idc, I want kids too, but I won't rush it even now.
On our first date, it came up in conversation and we both said that we would like to have children. Our relationship has been very good, it was literally a year ago that I showed him the test and our boy is now just over 18 weeks old.
@Secret6620 The one girl I dated said she'd be OK with kids, but after we broke up, she said she never really wanted them anyway. (So, glad we broke up.)
I met my wife working with kids, so it was a pretty good assumption that she wanted them. We even discussed quantity, not on the first date, but probably around the 10th date. We agreed on 4, but only had 2 as she had lots of post partum problems. She's been a great mom to our boys.
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