Boyfriend is uncomfortably close to his sister?

[Anonymous]

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. As our relationship progresses, I feel more and more insecure about the relationship he has with his sister. For references, he has 8 siblings, 5 who were already married since he was young. Besides that is his two older brothers and his older sister. His sister has been taking care of him since he was young, as he is the baby of the family. They’d sleep together, bathe together, etc until middle school. His sister is a tomboy since she didn’t have her sisters to grow up with, she also has a strained relationship with her sisters due to some family problems.
In the beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend would often compare me to his sister about everything (Cooking, makeup, etc.) It did irritate me but I didn’t think much of it. Occasionally he would make comments about her body to me. I’m not sure if he’s seen her naked but he’d say things like “my sister has a good body shape” or “she has big boobs”, etc. I found it strange but brushed it off cause maybe they’re just close. My siblings and I are not close so I’m not too sure what is “normal” between siblings that are close. Eventually he told me that his family thought they were intimate because she would come to his room to play video games all night. He denied it and said nothing had ever happened. Putting everything together makes it seem more than possible for them to be intimate. Since then, I continue to feel insecure and disgusted by their relationship and don’t know if I’m being irrational or not.

Updates

+1 y

His sister also has a brocon, which makes me feel like there’s a mutual thing between them. She has been single for all of her life and he has often dated her friends. She also used to tell me about all the time they would spend together. She told me they would go out to eat, watch movies, and hang out all the time before I started dating him. The other day she said she wished there was a song about a brother’s love for his sister.

[humanearth]

Look sounds like your pretty uncomfortable with this situation.

I also think since you have these feelings about. I say trust your gut.

Say you keep things going with him. You will always have this wondering what if he did with his sister.

And you will get more and more disgusted. Then that would lead to fights.

Then in a blind rage you stab his ass. Now you have a murder to cover up and we watch it unfold at the coffee house. While waiting for our coffee.

They catch you hiding in the woods like some crazy cave woman. You get lose and bite the cops ear off.

The cops are force to shoot you down.

So instead of going though all that. Just break up with the guy thats fucking his sister.

Now you can live and tell this tail about the One Eye Purple People Eater to your grandkids

[Asker]

Thinking of a reply to this made me stress. I have so many conflicting feelings that I couldn’t even think of an explanation to why I don’t leave. Simply put, I can’t leave because I love him, I’m tied down to him, and I literally sacrificed everything to be with him. Culturally we are considered engaged because we have a tradition which says that sleeping at a s/o’s house (who lives with their parents) will “wife-trap/husband-trap” you. Despite feeling disgust and hatred building up, I can’t say anything to him and the thoughts suffocate me. If I bring something up too much, he gets upset because he feels like I should feel secure after the first time he comforts me.

[Asker]

If you see in my response to someone else, little things are starting to trigger me. I get so enraged but can’t say anything. I just give him the cold shoulders and pretend I’m okay.

[humanearth]

You can tell me if I am wrong here. Your not from the USA.

[Asker]

I am, but we’re first generation Americans who still keep up with old traditions and ways.

[coffeewithcream]

Yikes. When the words "enraged" and "disgust" are being used it might be time to consider jumping ship.
When you say it's part of your culture there is a "wife-trap/husband-trap" what culture is that, if I may ask?

[humanearth]

@coffeewithcream I was just wondering that myself

[N192K001]

Yeah, there are some weird things about their sibling-relationship. (And this is coming from a big-brother who's been often misconstrued as my little-sister's significant-other when we're out doing normal, everyday, platonic stuff, like choosing cereal in the grocery-store.)

I only bathed my little-sister when she was too young to do it herself, and she took-over long before middle-school age. And I NEVER comment on her body like that.

I've heard tomboys have issues getting boyfriends, which could be contributing to her singleness, though being too much of a brocon may also be a factor, causing an unfortunate cycle.

Other than that, I really don't know what else I can advise on this matter. Man, this is just weird.

[Asker]

Her standards are pretty high which also leads to her singleness but I feel like it’s mostly because she sees him as her “ideal man” which makes her avoid dating. I always say it’s weird but he claims that I just don’t know because I’m not close to my siblings. He says that he sees her everyday so it’s “impossible” not to notice her body. I feel like him looking at her like that is sexual but he disagrees.

[Felicityoyo]

My husband is really close with his sister because their parents werent really there for them and they're very close in age and they would often date each others friends. Its caused a few issues as she does not like me at all... but it's nothing like what you're describing. It's super weird to make comments about your siblings body. Like... super gross. I have a brother and I can't imagine saying anything like that. And the fact his own family think they had a thing... that's super disturbing.

[Asker]

That’s exactly what makes me so uncomfortable. He insists that nothing ever has and that she’s nothing more than a sister to him but she’s strange about him as well. She says weird things specifically about his and her relationship which makes me feel like she has feelings for him. She literally said she wished there was a song about a brother loving his sister, specifically implying him and her! She’s not like that about her other brothers, only him. And when he said it would be strange if there was, she disagreed.

[Felicityoyo]

Have you brought up these specific instances to him?

[Asker]

We have conversations occasionally about them and he always tells me the same thing. I’m overthinking, nothing has ever happened, they do not have feelings for each other, etc. i can’t even stand to watch them be around each other regularly anymore. I do feel slight reassurance but I’ve decided to watch them more closely before I determine anything.

[Felicityoyo]

It's important that he at least tries to see things from your perspective. Do you guys have any friends or family who see this behavior and agree that it's weird? Maybe have them approach him about it. Maybe multiple people addressing it will make him rethink things?

[Asker]

He does understand how I could perceive some of it as weird but overall it’s still that nothing has or could happen. He tells me if I don’t trust him then I could ask his sister but if they’re in it together then obviously she won’t tell me the truth.

[Bhavin2184]

I mean your boyfriend and his sister relation is bit weird
But he compares you with her because he see her as a ideal type of woman.
Honestly tell him to stop constant bragging about her because your are feeling insecure and disgusted because of it

[Asker]

He’s aware of my feelings so he’s decided to avoid saying certain things but ever since I’ve known about everything, it’s hard to watch them be around each other normally.

[COMMODOREII]

Not sure what to think. I want to say not a big deal but i see why you might be changing your mind about it especially if the family is questioning it.

[Asker]

I argued with him using that logic and he claims it’s because I don’t trust him that I think it’s possible. But I can’t help but feel these type of things are definitely weird things between siblings.

[Anonymous]

What is a brocon?

[Asker]

A brocon is a brother complex. I don’t really know how to explain it but the person cares a lot for their sibling, slightly excessively.

[Opinion Owner]

Why isn't it called a brocom? But I would be worried if I were you. Unless you wanted to have a threesome with a brother and sister; then this would be your best chance. However, I don't get that vibe from your post.

[Asker]

Brocon comes from a Japanese term for brother complex. I don’t get the logic behind it either but it works. Although their relationship is weird, if they’ve never done anything then it feels irrational to be so worked up. I feel like I could deal with everything else as long as they really never crossed the line. He rarely compares me to her now and has ceased the comments but seeing them mess around gets under my skin.

[Asker]

Just today, he did something which triggered me. Usually when we drive in one car with his older siblings or parents, I’d sit in the middle with him next to me and his sister sits on the other side. Today he said he didn’t want to sit in the middle, but when we got in the car, he sat in the middle. And he even put his arm around the top of her chair. It sounds completely irrational to myself as well but it just ticked me off!! He didn’t do that to me or even hold my hand like he usually does.

[Opinion Owner]

It sounds like you have plenty of reason to be angry with him. It sounds like he either is or wants to cheat on you with his sister. You should leave him for someone who isn't infatuated with his sister.

[Asker]

I’m still unsure whether he’s infatuated with her but I know for sure she feels something more than sibling love. She really treasures their relationship and sometimes says weird things specifically about their relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe you should setup a trap for them and see if you can catch them in the act.

[Asker]

We’re always together so I don’t really get to see them interact but I’ve decided to watch them closely from now on.