How can I attract a bougie guy?

Question

“Bougie” in this case meaning classy, educated, and earning an average or above average salary.  I only seem to attract low-class men who are work minimum wage jobs.

PlacentaSalad · Accepted Answer

I don't particularly understand why his education or salary also demands he be the one initiating a greeting. Your own status proves that you are a woman who is independent and who doesn't need to rely upon anybody for anything. Unless you can describe yourself as a traditional woman (your education and salary doesn't indicate such) then it is unfair for you to simply just show up while looking pretty and sit there waiting for men to act traditionally by approaching and courting you instead. These are not roles that are exclusive to men anymore and women cannot expect it to happen all the time even if it does sometimes. While I don't believe you are shallow for your standards, only specific men can really satisfy your desire and instead of hoping he notices you or trying to find ways to ensure he does, you should make more effort instead.

I believe the problem many women have is that they refuse or are unwilling to make the first move. Making the first move doesn't mean returning a gaze or putting on makeup either, it means approaching a male who interests you and offering conversation. From one of your responses, it seems you frequent areas where you can commonly find these men and are waiting for them. Logically, you know to try something else since they are not approaching you but what more can you really do to get quicker results than to simply go to him? Are you going to change your hairstyle or something instead? There's not much else to do.

If you play something like tennis, ask to 'spar' with some dude, or whatever the tennis lingo would be, to take that first step. You also have to remember that plenty of men, even relating to your socioeconomic status, may not put such an importance on your education and salary as you do so you definitely don't need to say "Hey, I have a master's degree but they never taught me how to play tennis in college so how about it?" A lot of people don't realize that they are doing or saying something that turns other people off even if there is a lot in common, not that you are but it's always something to consider as a possibility. In your case, we don't really know.

MannMitAntworten · Accepted Answer

I know a few women who call me “bougie”. Although always said with a cutesy smile, I do detect a hint of criticism in their utterance. Shat strikes me is this bizarre necessity those same individuals have at pointing out they came or have nothing. I coined a phrase for this calling it, “poverty pride”. I enjoy my little fineries in life. I really don’t need to be told I am haute in so many words followed by their braggadocious poverty woes. It has this paradoxical sense of being insecure and prideful all at the same time. Meanwhile, I am sitting quietly to myself enjoy my glass of wine or whatever but it is seeing some article of finery with me that this necessity of their’s to express my being, “bourgeoisie”. It is always women. Why?

No, I get where you are coming from. I also read your attempt at dating older. That works best if you are both at the same points in your lives... which quite frankly can be said about any meaningful pursuit. My recent ex was 26. We were briefly on the same page till she decided that she needed to be single a few more years. I get it, reaching one’s 30’s and still single gets awfully damn difficult to meet someone who doesn’t have ex-spouses and a children you then must work around. Loose translating, little time for you, ‘too’. It’s hard... I truly get it. It took 17 years to happen upon the recent ex. It took that long to meet someone worth while calling, “girlfriend”. The legitimate, “One”. C’est la vie...

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

go for guys that have always had a job history. i used to date guys who had degrees and super smarts but they never ended up making much money. now im engaged to a guy whos never not had a job. since he was 17 and dropped out of school he's only ever had 3 days of being unemployed. he's an extreemly hard worker and he's charismatic. the kind of guy that other people flock to. this makes him extreemly attractive to hire. natural confidence in his skills (different to cockiness). he's extreemly honest and down to earth with his employers. he's only just now in the last few years (early 30s ) found a job that pays 100k a year. by the way we were involved before he got this job.

when we got together i was looking for someone who wanted to get serious about life and have a career and a family and had traditional values. this was him in his early 30s

. look for an older man than your age who wants a serious career. has the drive to get it and the confidence. u want the guy who can bark at idiots and then can actually knock them out when they come flying at him.

lovedejj_xo · Accepted Answer

I have a masters degree as well and with time I can make 6 figures if I go into private practice.
Boujee is pretty much middle class (Nothing wrong with that). Anyways I suggest looking for well mannered guys that treat you right, but aren't completely broke. My Ex was an engineer and made 6 figures and my friends were actually mad that I broke up with him since “he had status”. I don't know about that he was a dick. Money can’t buy happiness. My current boyfriend is actually not who I would have dated at all if I had the same mindset from 20-21. He didn’t go to college and makes wayyyy more than me still, he also treats me well. So don’t judge a book by its cover.

Finchie40 · Answer

If you are basing love off of wealth and education you are setting yourself up for disaster , it’s ok to be attracted to someone that has a lot of similarities as yourself but to limit yourself to only dating guys that have the particular background you are in for a rude awakening , love shouldn’t be based off of someone’s background or status considering not all jobs last forever. So if you end up meeting a guy that has a good job and you marry him and then he loses his job are you going to divorce him cuz he isn’t making the money he was making before? So to limit yourself to wealth and status you will never really experience true love

Barfyman362 · Answer

I’m not sure how you present yourself, but I notice women today make less and less effort in their appearance when going out to try and meet men. For “girls night” they will always dress to the nines, but if you and a friend are going out to meet men, you’ll usually be more casual. I would say you should take out one of your girl friends, get dressed really nice but also somewhat modest and go to a nice place like a steakhouse downtown or near a professional part of town. Two well dressed women can easily approach 2-3 nice looking men and strike up a conversation and get some drinks bought. More than 2 women is a chaotic crowd and can be loud and off-putting. I’d also recommend learning to drink bourbon, scotch, or another manly drink and and reading up on it a bit, this will give you something to talk about and make you stand out to them as sophisticated. A “Bougie” guy is also probably more of a gentleman and not as forthcoming as some of the working class guys you say that you attract. Additionally, these guys are smart and can sense that you’re sizing them up from a mile away. So I would recommend that you approach them first and try not to talk about money or work aside from just small talk. If you seem too interested in money or titles then they’ll think you’re after money, even though you have plenty yourself. Finally, keep a classy composure unless the context permits a looser vibe. Many times I have met classy women out on the town and we decide to go to another place to let loose and dance a bit, then they show that they can carry themselves in any setting which is very attractive. Classy men do not want a crazy liability as their arm candy to professional dinners or functions, but they also want a woman who can let loose at the appropriate time and place.

Anpu23 · Answer

There are a number of factors at play.
First, understand that I am an entrepreneur. I've been quite wealthy in the padt. Lost the business, and am currently working on a set of new business ventures. I have many friends and associates who are business owners and some who are quite wealthy. I am currently middle class and am hoping to be able to break back into a better situation here soon. I also work a full time job, run a company, am either on the board of or an associate of at least 5 other ventures. I also speak well and have a sense of style and flair, am literate, I follow art, music and theater and I enjoy opera. So I believe that I know about the type of men you are looking for. First I can tell you that you are looking in the wrong places. I'm busy, my friends are busy, we don't have time for pretense. When I go out I don't go to the most expensive, I go to the place that's comfortable to me, I have no need to impress, I dress how I want (my wife often says that I dress how many men wish that they could) not how others expect me to. I drive a Smart car and am thinking of importing a Luka EV, when I was at my wealthiest I didn't own a vehicle. My house now is modest in an "up and coming" neighborhood, my home then was a rented townhouse (though I was planning on buying my wife a very nice home for Christmas -this would have been 1994). The men you are seeing are the ones who are trying... The ones who are living above their means trying to impress, the ones who are hoping to catch a woman like you.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Another girl who needs to be shook! "For the record, I have a master’s and make close to six figures, which is why I want to date someone in a similar status." This is your problem.

Look at my perspective. I don't have a masters but I have 3 bachelors degrees and I make 6 figures self employed. I work about 5 hours a week. I am currently on vacation for 3 weeks with my girlfriend. My girlfriend is an expert chef like food network competitor level. She is young and energetic 10 years younger actually. Works out at the gym hikes bikes swims etc with me all the time. She is a size 0. And she is just the sweetest girl ever.

The fact she doesn't have a masters or have a job at all for that matter has no bearing on if i want to be with her. Everything you're accomplishing is for you, not for men. And thats why men dont care.

Broke men love sugar mamas and thats why you keep attracting them. Men on your level like lets just be stereotypical but bimbo housemaker sorts of girls.

Anonymous · Answer

There are executive dating services. You could try one of them. I think there is one called “It’s Just Lunch” or something like that.

You could ask work friends to set you up.

You could join a sporting league/association or take lessons. (Golf, tennis, sailing, etc.)

If you prefer the artsy type of guy, sign up for a class on whatever interests you… photography or whatever… or do a high end cooking class. A lot of guys with STEM jobs are avid musicians on the side; try a jazz club with friends.

Anyway, there you have some ideas. Good luck!

chapawapa · Answer

Soo, I came here and read everything. I agree with you, girl, on a spectrum of things. I am in the same socioeconomic status you and I grew up very poor. I lived in the worse part of town, and my city was voted in the top 10 most dangerous city in America. Anyway. Having come so far and now looking back on the mind set of some people I have grown up with is astonishing. I am comfortable meeting someone who makes 50k and works in a stable career field, but as long as we can have in-depth conversations and he is financially stable. Because I do have a particular lifestyle, I enjoy living, and he needs to keep up. I need someone who is driven, goal-oriented, and ambitious. If not im fine on my own

Bananaman177 · Answer

I'm sure that you know or at least interact with tons of single guys who fit that bill.

But I'm sure none of them would touch you with a 10 foot pole because look at your attitude and how you judge men.

What you don't understand is that your attitude is not only a red flag and a huge turn-off to men who can't meet your standards, it's also just as disgusting and offensive to men who meet and exceed your standards. They look at you and see the same stuck-up entitled skank that low-class men see when you talk like that.

lucas262 · Answer

Women do not want equals. They want men better than them.

Good for you making your money and having and education.

Im a working class man, and I take offense to the term ,, low,, i stain decks for a living yesterday of which was a 10 hr job.

Money dosnt mean my life isn't worth as much as a millionaires

And I like to educate myself I don't know if I would spend the money to get into debt to go to school to get a job I hated.

in my opinion school teaches you to be a worker and college teaches you to be a specialist but neither teach you to be successful as in getting rich. Most rich people are self made.

I'm sure you didn't mean to insult i just don't like the term.

Anonymous · Answer

Hang out where those sorts of guys hang out. Cultivate social networks with them. Be comfortable with the sort of stuff they're into. Recognize they may skew towards industries you're not in.

Also I suppose, be the sort of woman they're into. I'm not sure how different that is from what 'low-class men who work minimum wage jobs' are into, but there are some differences in tastes between groups.

EyesOfGod · Answer

Income is not something that should determine a relationship. But women like you are so materialistic, it makes me sick. We guys don't give a shit what a womans job or education is whats important is the person themselves not their status. by the way more women are graduating college then men now so good luck finding a guy with your level of education. Im well educated but i would never date a woman but educated women are the ones i avoid. Also on the lighter side of things if you look like a 4/10 your going to attract a 4/10.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Tbh, I kind of take offense at you assuming a guy is ghetto or trashy just because he doesn't make a lot of money.

However, I don't begrudge you wanting to be with someone who is successful. As far as where to find them, why not try the local Bar? (The lawyer kind, not the alcohol kind.)

centerline · Answer

its all in who you flirt with and how you flirt... when a girl flirts in a classy way, she attracts classy men, but if she resorts to flirting like a slut, she attracts guys a little lower on the "evolutionary" scale... which doesn't mean we dont like slutty flirty women, but just not as someone we want to plan a life with...

winterfox10 · Answer

You have to hangout at places where established professionals are. Think about places like country clubs, or bars near hospitals and courthouses. It's probably also a good idea to stop using the word "bougie." I went on a date with a captivating lady who used that word, and while we got along great; it felt like a major cultural disconnect.

blutwolfe · Answer

well... You're not, most women want an educated man, and those get swept up fast, many more women also go to college than men, so it's already a small market in comparison with women of similar mindset. Then there's the fact you have a low class personality which is why you attract low class guys, no guy worth his salt is gonna want someone who's gonna bring him down.

stargazeraug · Answer

My advice would be to spend your time frequenting places where people on the same socioeconomic tier as yourself tend to congregate. That would afford you the greatest opportunity to meet someone who meets your personal criterion. Where do you generally hang out in your freetime?

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

Join some social or professional clubs appropriate to your class and occupation. Maybe like a book club or something? Talk to your college’s alumni association about social events and stuff

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Men don't care about your level of education and salary (mostly). We are more interested in who you are as a person. From the way you throw out your education and salary you sound like the kind of woman who is more interested in competition than harmony, which is a huge turnoff to men. We have to compete every moment we are at work, who needs that shit at home.

purplepoppy · Answer

This is the 2nd time today you've mentioned your masters and 6 figure salary. It sounds more like your here to boast. The type of guy your after quite likely finds such behavior distasteful which is why they're ignoring you and you're attracting guys looking for a meal ticket.

jahaims · Answer

This is geared towards the updated part of your question. I would say it is "so wrong" because you are missing out on a lot of good people. People who are struggling or had to struggle tend to have more character. If you make six figures that is plenty to have a family with and let him me a stay at home dad if you want kids.

yucychan · Answer

Maybe the places where you hang out consists mostly guys whom you normally wouldn't be attracted to?
I get what you are saying. We all tend to look for someone with at least some level of a common background.

michol1 · Answer

You would have to go places where theses men are and develop hobbies they enjoy I ain’t bougie I a boogie lol so I don’t know perhaps a wine tasting at a vineyard, a ski resort, a exclusive vip party try that

seth900 · Answer

Maybe thanks to feminism and that government didn't cared much to mens education in my country almost 80 per cent of women have higher education and men care less about studies so there for there is much less with university or master degrees men. So you attract what is out there i guess around you the good value men get taken really fast

JosyJosy · Answer

By being a classy, educated and average to above salary earning woman

SphynxUK · Answer

Find out where these types spend their free time, or try a dating app. That way, you can narrow down the pickings and hopefully meet with a few likeminded individuals.

Dansnlawlipop · Answer

Thanks for clarifying your definition of the word. Meetups? I personally wouldn't look for this in a man as a start, though for the long term, it is important so I'm not very sure.

Anonymous · Answer

Salary? Why would you be after someone who works for someone else and earns a salary? How is that classy? That's not class. That's peasantry regardless of the amount of income. At least 1/3 of your waking hours will be given to the will of someone else. That's not at all classy. I am sorry. It is nothing short of a complete self-disrespect. At the outset, if you do not respect yourself, how could others possibly do the same?

MissDawn7961 · Answer

take what you can get in a man for - beggars can not be choosers - ! thanks

Daniela1982 · Answer

I thought a bougie boy was one who picked his nose to get out those bougies.

DCooper · Answer

Like this guy?

Anonymous · Answer

Here's a thought: Why dont you stop evaluating human beings based on how many resources you can extract from them?

bluetoblack99 · Answer

I’m glad you are having realistic standards. In my experience women have higher standards for the men they dare then they do for themselves.

jasco · Answer

Well put yourself out there make yourself look presentable, make yourself like a happy, mature person who can be a good wife i really don't know sometimes looks has something to do with

gaygod_19 · Answer

tbh u just gotta ignore the trashy ones and expand your social circle

jkm1864 · Answer

That's because Your social circle on includes those types of men.

young_nd_confused · Answer

Just be urself nothing extra. Classy men should see the beauty in that. No reason to go the extra mile when ur beautiful at the soul 😍.

jamesgoldman · Answer

Learn to talk about wealth... worked with my wealthy associates and friends

Eagle_93 · Answer

Ok, so would you consider a guy thay makes $120k per year as a software developer, a "bougie"? Lol

Anonymous · Answer

Lol, how about you? what is your level of education, and the amount of money you earn?  Shallow bitch.

DiversityHire · Answer

Just keep being you, and don't settle for less than you're worth. It'll take time, but that's alright.

Anonymous · Answer

oh so basically being a gold digger. here's a newsflash I don't work for minimum wage I used to a long time ago not anymore I mostly work for myself doing 5 or 6 side hustling jobs and I use that money to invest

Anonymous · Answer

try wearing skimpier clothing i guess and putting on your dating profile 'must make at least 100K a year'

AmeerX · Answer

Well, you have to dress up appropriately and have a pleasant personality

Xoirwinkan · Answer

I dont know. And many women in your position dont know either. So find one that got married and ask her.

ChefPapiChulo · Answer

bougie refers to bourgeois class in medieval France. It doesn’t mean most of the things you said. Being Bougie means you represent the middle class.

WowwGirl · Answer

Gotta look high class then and you have to act how they act.

Twalli · Answer

I bet you attract those guys, you just don't find them attractive

Anonymous · Answer

What age group you looking at. Because you might. have to look a little older.

SHREYASH007 · Answer

you are not shallow dear, it is obvious to get a man of similar status.

NortyRich · Answer

Can i ask u how u dress and what kind of places u go to see

Anonymous · Answer

I don't make quite as much as you; but I am not far off. Would you consider me bougie? As I would love to date someone who has a master's or PhD.

Anonymous · Answer

If you have to ask this question, you'll never find one.

Bratsondanielle · Answer

Lol I think this post is trolling just saying

Anti-Matter · Answer

Why is that boogie?

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Sign up for a matrimonial site

Sylvanas_Windrunner · Answer

Where do you attract these men?

martinxdenver · Answer

Be cute, be feminine, be smart.

Anonymous · Answer

Have you tried not gold digging?

Anonymous · Answer

Just like you would any other guy

jimmy2 · Answer

I am him lol

How can I attract a bougie guy?

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