Some time ago I confessed my feelings to my long term crush. He turned me down nicely and offered to hang out sometime. It was hard for me to accept it as I was so sure he felt the same for me. Regardless I kept texting occasionally to keep in touch but he slowly started to ignore my texts and gave one word replies. I even made a plan to meet which he didn't reply to for days and then made an excuse. Now I already have self esteem issues and my pride is broken. I feel unwanted and pathetic because he didn't even keep me in the friend zone.
Then I tried talking to talk to this new guy I found interesting but he too started stalling conversation with me after a day. I can't shake the feeling of being unwanted and feel like a loser. Whenever I see my crush on instagram I'm reminded of my insult again and again and it messes me up.
I tried blocking him but I keep adding him again as I start missing him and feel weak for removing over this reason. A part of me still wants him to be in my life in some form.
See, the mistake here was you told him without trying to get a date with him. Nobody likes to get overrun I think you will agee on this one.
You got to have self confidence because nothing is more attractive then a women that got self confidence. I don't care if you are an hiphop dancer and metal girl at the end of the day you are a women and sou got to set your standards. Take your time. Relax everything and the right one will comenwhen you don't force it and take care of yourself. See before I found my wife I did nothing then taking care of myself. Suddenly it just haopen and I never expect it. now I'am married for 6 years and we got a son. For everyone nature made the right partner in this world but the time he will or she will show will time decide not us. As long as you take care of yourself, the one men will find you and he will fight you. The last thing this advice, if a guy shows up and trys to get sex from you, use the ninety-day rule. Ninety days without sex, if he can stand that he will value much more when the ninety days are over.
This is kind of a multi-part question, so I'll break it down:
1. The first part is about getting over your crush. Just because he's not talking to you now doesn't mean he never will. He might need to let some time pass until he feels like your crush has ended. He also might be trying to give you some space to get over your crush, which will be harder to do if you're in contact with each other. I don't necessarily think you need to block him, but you'll have to try really hard not to check his profile page constantly. I briefly dated a guy, and when it crashed and burned, I was extremely hurt. In hindsight, I made it so much worse for myself by constantly checking his Facebook page.
2. The new guy you started talking to... realize two things. After only talking for a day, he didn't even know you, so you can't take the rejection personally. There are a million reasons why he might have vanished. Maybe he was also talking to someone else and decided he wanted to focus on that. Maybe he has an ex he's not over. Maybe someone from his past popped back into his life. Maybe he lost his phone. Who knows? Either way, him vanishing is much more likely about him than it is about you.
3. Rejection in general is a deceiving thing. It's so easy to think it has something to do with ourselves, but that's not usually the reality. We may be the kindest, most beautiful person in the world, but we still won't be for everyone. Everyone on this planet has different tastes, and just because these two guys weren't interested is absolutely no reflection on you as a person. Think about a celebrity who almost everyone agrees is hot but you don't see the appeal. Example, I know a lot of people think Johnny Depp is sexy. He's totally not my type and I don't see the appeal, but that in no way means he's not attractive.
I relate to this sooo much. Like every single part of it. I’ve done the blocking and re-adding and feeling weak and embarrassed. I don’t know the shortcut to getting past it. For me, I had to deal with the pain and with my own lack of control over the way I responded to it. Eventually I always got to a point where I was exhausted and done trying to get the guy to at least be my FRIEND. Unfortunately, I’d only get to that point after embarrassing myself by begging for things to go back to normal. Sometimes things just can’t be the way they were and the friendship ends but then you realize it wasn’t a true friendship if they didn’t want anything to do with you after you were vulnerable in telling them how you felt. I wasn’t over them but I accepted that they were out of my life. Then, someone else would come along. Someone refreshingly different. I think the only comfort is in knowing you won’t ALWAYS feel that way. It’s temporary and you will get past it. You’ll get to a point where you look back and realize that person was so wrong for you because you want to be with someone who values you, would never want to lose you and cares for your feelings. Even when it comes to platonic friendships, you want friends who won’t drop you on your ass when you’re vulnerable and who will have compassion. But hopefully you’ll be more discerning when it comes to trusting people with your feelings because most people can’t be trusted. Hopefully you’ll think more highly of yourself and have the standard that you’ll only want to be with someone who cherishes you.
That is a shitty feeling and it happens to a lot of us when being rejected by someone we really like and admire , it just recently happened to me , I ran into a beautiful girl I met at a restaurant bar that gave me those butterfly feelings , i struck up a conversation with her and things were going well it seemed we both enjoyed each other conversation so I asked her for her number and she gave me her Snapchat instead , she said she was single but just got of a relationship, so I kind of took a step back to give her some breathing room and slowly tried to get to know her , she posts beautiful pictures of herself and my mouth drops every time I see them , I try striking up conversations with her and at times she will respond but other times she won’t , I pretty much already feel she isn’t really interested in me but I still attempt from time to time with hopes she might change her mind lol I compliment her beauty and tell her she is gorgeous but As much as I want her I just accept the fact that maybe I am just not her type and it sucks cuz I know I would cherish and adore her but I don’t beat myself up over it. So the best way for you to stop feeling unwanted is to realize it isn’t you, it’s just them , think about times that you might of turned someone down just because you weren’t into them , they probably felt the same way you are feeling now. So just realize it isn’t you, it’s them, we have to accept that we can’t always get what we want but the fact that we try is better than not trying at all , And yes it’s sucks but we live and learn and eventually we meet someone that finds us amazing and wants us the same way we want them , just know you put the ball in their court and if they want to play with you they will throw the ball back. If not find someone else to play with
Well nothing is really gonna stop that feeling of rejection it happens. Just have to try your best to move on. and remember you a strong one and always will be cause it takes strength to tell people you like you do. Personally i will never understand why someone cannot be more nice and helpful and stay friends even if they don't like like you the same. But then again Sometimes it is better for them to leave so you can truly move on otherwise you may just stay stuck on him. Which if you already are now seems it would of stayed too if you kept friends. In the end the likeness of something going right is very small but one day it will. And always know you may have been rejected by him or another person, but that 100% don't mean your rejected by everyone. So your not unwanted just the person who wants you hasn't found you yet. And i don't think caring about something so much it hurts is pathetic, it is just perfectly you.
Been in your shoes only it was with an ex I still had feelings for. But I got through that one because I kept myself occupied doing things that made me happy like gaming or drawing. Eventually I found someone else who liked me back and that was that. Now the first girl is just a memory of mine that doesn't bother me anymore you know? Do you see this person irl often? If so it'll be harder. But if you don't then just block them or remove them and try and forget their number or profile. If possible make it impossible for yourself to re add them. You'll miss them at times but if you make it harder for yourself to go back to them it will be easier for you in the long run. You gotta just do you until you meet the right person or move on
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
This might be bad advice, but it helped me. I was in a similar situation and I got straight online dating again. I tried chatting to one guy at a time, and I found it doesn’t work as very rarely do they turn out the sort of guy I would date or vice versa.
At one point I was talking very seriously to 4 different guys. We weren’t in a committed relationship so I see no problem with it.
Not only was it an ego boost to have 4 guys talking to me, it was nice to feel I had options and to not rely heavily on one guys attention. Eventually they all whittled down to just one, the one I felt I matched with best.
Trying to be too loyal too soon only gets you hurt, get out there and talk to AS MANY men as you see fit, you’ll soon realise you are desirable and you do in fact have a choice, everyone does, but sometimes we just have to find the right person.
Your problem is not the guys, it's you being creepy or aggressive in your approach and engagement.
You're behaving like a jilted ex, when you haven't even been in a relationship to begin with.
Take a chill pill and fix your personality. Stop being so needy and aggressive to guys who have little interest in you. That they don't even want to be friends, should tell you a lot about yourself. Get out and engage with people and learn how to communicate with people. A manner that is good and gracious, is what is required if you want people to be good and gracious with you.
This is not the movies, don't expect "I have the pussy, I decide if you want me" to hold any real weight in the world. Reality is, its not about looks, status or money, it's about communication.
There's no quick solution to getting over what you're feeling its something the majority of people goes through at least once in there life... some people more then once or even a few times.. my suggestion is to keep yourself busy with work and/or play chill with your friends, family ,.. etc Having a crush is a lot like applying for a job its not the job that rejected you it was the company you just have to keep applying to different companies until you find the job & company that's a perfect combination for you.. I don't know if that makes any sense but don't feel bad about yourself put a smile on your face every day and go about with your life as if you've never been hurt, then when you least expect someone will be crushing on you and hopefully it will be mutual
Uhm... you've been rejected by two guys in a row. I thi k it's a thing of attractiveness to them. It's better they didn't hit and run on you. That aside, you should know what your aim is with a guy. I noticed you started talking to one just because the other (your main guy) isn't paying you any attention anymore. Its situations like this that the guy, though not liking the girl just sleeps with her and leaves. Be careful. Learn to live without a dude being around you if you can. If you can't, at least just learn to say no to the urge of reaccepting people who aren't on the same page with you thought wise back into your life.
Easy you use it as a foundation to reinvent yourself.
Being turned down over and over was the best thing that ever happened to me. I felt miserable for so long but then I realized that these were failed tests but that doesn't make me a failed person and so I began changing myself and evolving ento somthing I love seeing in the mirror and eventually things got better for me.
I'm still single for the moment but I have much more success with women.
I wish. We had an interesting conversation but not much else. It was very dry, I tried many times to compliment her and point out that it's a date not a job interview but she wouldn't go there with me.
So now I'm left wondering if she was letting me down gently by making the date very platonic or is she just not good at dates.
Actually I belive that's a mistake that costs time. No one will truly love and care right out of the box. First you got attraction then a connection and after a little while begins the loving and caring.
The hard part is taking the risk on someone and you need to do that with many people to find the right person. Not saying doing anything special with them but you need to basically meet people
Ohh ok the usual kind yeah. Well honestly i don't always stick to the one by one rule. Like i would date one then another then the first one. But once I commit to one person I never play around
I'm sorry that you had to experience such a thing. I once confessed to my crush but he turned me down as well. He had another girl in mind. What I'm trying to say is things happened. It's nothing to do with you, he just don't like you that way. So stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop trying to contact these guys and move on. Don't make yourself look so desperate.
i can't believe a girl would feel this way, girls are beautiful and there's at least a handful of guys who are always attracted to them, i thought only guys feel this way, i got rejected by every girl I've ever had crush on.., about 100, i feel extremely ugly and unloveable :(
but your a girl tho... and girls are all beautiful... (including you too probably) so why would u let 2 guys rejecting you make you feel unwanted? maybe theyre jus gay or have weird taste and prefer old and fat woman, there’s probably tonnes of other guys who would like to be with you, so dont let 2 gay guys gets you down, jus look in the mirror and look at how beautiful you are... tonnes of other guys would want you (including me too probably)
so fuck those 2 gay guys, forget about those faggs and think of all the other guys who find you beautiful and are desperate to make you there's... im sure there is tonnes
Honestly, take a break from dating and focus on bettering yourself. You might have to distance yourself from your crush as well. Even if its only temporary. Because it put you in a situation where you move forward and start feeling less unwanted, only for your contact with him to snap you back to ware you are now. Think it like trying to run with a longer rubber band strapped to you. Once you hit the end of that rubber band, it's going to pull you right back.
That's so sad How he even neglects your friendship Do you feel you may be attracted to the wrong type Your still young and shouldn't commit especially when your feeling like this What I would say Dont make it easy for them Slow down make them work for your attention Your work so much more than the 2 clowns you've looked at You don't need to impress them They should be impressing you What do you look like underneath that lone ranger mask
The last time I recall feeling that way, was back in my mid-thirties. The lady who I had a crush on went for another guy when she and I were somewhat dating. I got over it after not too long. The guy she went for was very irresponsible and unemployed. I just figured if that is the kind of guy she goes for it was a compliment that she didn't go for me... LOL
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
It’s really hard to continue being friends with someone that you have just rejected I feel sometimes it can have more of a negative affect on someone continuing being friends with them knowing they like you more then a friend and you don’t then It does walking away Every one of us has experienced rejection we just have to pick ourselves up and work on our self esteem
First thing to do is remove him from your life completely even on social media. Anything that reminds you of him get rid of it. You are amazing just the way you are accept it. Anyone who can't see and appreciate that doesn't deserve to be with you. You are queen and must be treated exactly like that anything less than that doesn't deserve you.
I've been there except dat guy dated me for 10-15 days and I got so much caught up with as I fall easily that after being dumped I as it already had low self esteem issues after dumping had more. Begged him to stay didn’t work and he acts a lot insensitively towards me and it hurts me as hell I have become depressed because of it and started taking medicines. He’s not the only Cauz of my depression but a part!
Being rejected- and feeling the subsequent loneliness- is just a part of life. We have good things happen to us, and we have bad. This is one of those esteem-beating bad things. You will get over it. You will not necessarily FORGET about it, buy you will get over with it and be able to put those thoughts in a little box and tuck it away.
Really depends on how invested you are if its just that you like this person and there might be something then sulk for a day because it sucks and then move on. If they're leading you on and then reject you I typically just take a break from dating in general for some time.
So after reading both the men's comments and the women's comments on this post, it seems safe to assume, general consensus is to drop your contact and friendship with these guys and move on. Ironically, the friend zone is both feared by men and women, because it's only hurtful. And to stop that pain, you have to stop being friends. Not exactly how the friend zone is saposta work. The friend zone. Not good for friendships.
You need to refocus on yourself. Seems you're trying too hard to not be single. Enjoy being single and focus on being the best version of yourself. If you're still hung up on this guy, then you have too much free time that you keep dwelling on it and aren't moving forward.
srry you takin this so hard... you may need to detach yourself from the situation and look at it... from the top down... with all the facts on tha table... it may help you to move one, even if it dont make it hurt less... but he may gather interest in you some day... i wouldn't go and wreck anyone's current relationship to steal them... cuz a stolen man/woman is worthless
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