Boyfriend cheated on me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend cheated on me. He confessed and I do want to make it work. He doesn’t have the girl he cheated on me with on any social media but I’ve just discovered that he still has her number. Why has he kept it?

[SjE78]

clearly you dont mean to him as much as you hoped or as much as he claims...
1) if he felt strongly about you he wouldn't have cheated..
2) if he felt strongly about you he wouldn't have her number
3) if he was any bit interested in you he wouldn't have lied...

he still has her number cos he intends on keeping going behind your back and seeing her, i bet the only reason why he confessed was cos you had proof or he thought you had proof... and that he had no other options, he chose to admit to convince you that you will believe him when he said he wouldn't see her again, chances are he has a back up alias on social media with her on it...

you are to him the sure thing, you are the safety net... this other woman is the bit of fun that he is going for you are the woman where the home is kept tidy and (if any kids) the family is looked after... you are who keeps his bed warm when he chooses to share it... and the one who keeps him looking honest around his family and friends, and even coworkers... i would cut your losses and boot him out cos if he can lie to you over that so easily, he won't stop lying until he's lost everything... and even then chances are he will do what he can to make himself look the victim...

[Asker]

Even though they aren’t speaking right now, has he kept the number to start contact again at some point?

[SjE78]

I would say that is his plan, and tbh i would even say that either he is only using that time without contact with her as a means to convince you nothing is gonna happen, and then contact her when your confidence in the matter being resolved is higher... however chances are he may actually be using other phones to call her...
cheaters rarely cut ties with their flings unless their flings dump them or something bad happens between them...

so in my opinion he's either gonna wait a few days until things calm down, and he believes you are less suspicious of him and his actions, or he'll make excuses to go somewhere and either call from a payphone or a friends phone to set up a meeting point... or time to see her.

[Asker]

Thanks. It’s only been a couple of weeks which isn’t long as this has been going on for a long time. So if he was really done she would be completely off his phone? You think he’s just biding his time? And thanks for your great honest advice by the way

[SjE78]

you are welcome...

yeah my first girlfriend was cheating on me with her lover for a whole year before i found out, they used coded messages, my oldest kid to pass love letters between each other and it wasn't until 6 months after we had broken up that i actually started finding out the truth... he ended up cheating on her after we had split too, he got his ex's son's fiancee pregnant while he was with my first ex... ironic really... she went after him cos she was drawn to the badboy image..

but yes if he was really done with her and they were completely over, there would be no reason for him to have her number on his phone or even any trace of her anywhere in his contacts...
i believe so yes, as cheater's won't willingly admit or allow themselves to be found out unless they believe they can benefit from being cooperative and honest... also their honestly isn't 100% but rather a means to an end, some way of getting what they want.. so i can pretty much guarantee that if you started acting as though you believed him and appear to relax your guard around him and what he's done, he will start taking chances assuming it is safe to do so :(

you are welcome, i only wish you didn't have to experience that or any kind of dishonesty from someone you out your trust and heart into...

[Wise4myage]

Dump him. He kept her number so he can keep banging her.

[Asker]

Do you think that’s why he’s kept it? To carry things on with her?

[Wise4myage]

Of course.

[Asker]

If it was truly over that would have been the first to go right? And thanks for the honesty :)

[Wise4myage]

Yep.

[Charli7]

How did you discover that he still has her number? Did you ask him? Did you look at his phone without permission? And, did you ask him why he still has her number? If so, what did he say? How did you find out he cheated? Did he confess to cheating because you asked or did he come clean on his own or was he caught in the act? Now that you know he's cheating and her name clearly he knows you will catch him cheating again by checking his and her social media sites. You should be asking why he cheated, has he cheated on you before and/or in previous relationships, and if so, how many times? You know the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater!"

[sweetcocoa_]

Girl why are you still with him? DUMP him. You deserve better. Please.

[Asker]

Am I stupid in thinking the number should have been the first to go?

[sweetcocoa_]

He's going to keep cheating on you.
Leave now while your dignity is still intact. PLEASE.

You'll find someone better I promise you

[Crazyguy222rt]

I really can't say anything. You know him better. You should confront him.

[Asker]

Thanks but that wasn’t really what I was asking

[Crazyguy222rt]

He may not cheat you again but he don't want to end everything with that girl at once so he have her number. If he has her number it doesn't mean that he still have sexual or romantic feeling for her.

[Asker]

So why keep it then?

[Crazyguy222rt]

He dont want to end the friendship

[Asker]

He doesn’t want to end the friendship with the girl he cheated on me with

[Crazyguy222rt]

Yes.