How do I keep this man interested? Males perspective wanted?

[samatho]

I just typed a super long question and somehow it got deleted and I’m so sad so I’m gonna keep this a lot less detailed and more to the point but basically this whole past year I’ve lost a ton of weight and my self confidence has been the best it ever has and I’ve been going down an excellent career path and have wonderful friends in my life and I feel like everything is truly great and I haven’t actively been really looking for a guy since my breakup in January and it’s been fine! I’ve just been chilling and then this man pops up in my life from my past, talked to him when I was like 17, hardly remember why we stopped talking, nothing that was a big deal but anyways we started talking, he is the most attractive man I’ve ever seen in my life like so perfect, personality wise too, we have a lot in common, our chemistry is very good and so is the romance aspect of it and he’s very passionate but the problem is, every time we hang, we end up hooking up at the end of the night. I don’t want to stop hooking up with him because I genuinely don’t want to jump into dating right now anyways, but I also don’t want him to think I’m a hoe and like just treat me like some hook up. Which he doesn’t, he’s very respectful to me and literally called me “his girl” and has called me baby and babe and not in a fuckboy way either cuz usually I cringe at that but it actually gave my tummy the 🦋 feeling which I hate, gross lol.. feelings. But genuinely I’d love to see where it goes with this man, don’t wanna lose him by scaring him off with bringing emotions into this, he just recently got out of a relationship also and I’m totally fine w it staying at this level for now until we’ve gotten to know each other more. But how do I keep him on his toes? Keep him interested and not just seem like I’m another hoe?

Updates

+1 y

I don’t wanna come to my friends with these questions and seem annoying because most of my friends are in relationships or just date very seriously and I feel like they don’t understand hooking up and stuff like that. Which is fine, but I come on here for that reason so please help hahaha

[Anonymous]

Well, I feel like other missed your point.

It is completely possible for a guy and girl to be friends with benefits without guy thinking that the girl is a hoe. Not unless that guy is super immature douche. Which does not seem to be the case with you. SO I would say enjoy while it lasts. However, you can maybe talk to him about being exclusive. Not with a ring of course, but just his word. It is important because, well, you both wanna stay healthy. And you both don't wanna end up in situation where you are unknowingly fighting someone else.

Having said that, coming back to your ACTUAL question: how to keep him interesting. Well, the simple answer is, be a friend and have fun. To elaborate on it, talk about his day. Talk about past. Go places with him. Go on long drives. And be just enjoy. You can talk about his likes fantasies, your likes fantasies etc. Its not that difficult. The girls who has problem that the guy "loses interest" in them mostly happens because they make guy work for everything. They expect guys to be constantly upping their game and work for sex. At some point,. it becomes too much work. I sense from your description that you are not planning to be like that.

[Barbaric]

You won't keep him interested if you keep hooking up with him casually and if you keep doing this thing where you play it cool, or you're afraid of scaring him away by admitting that you like him. Too many young women today do that shit thinking it scores them points when really they're just shooting themselves in the foot. Also thinking about "keeping him on his toes" would mean a lot of unnecessary game playing which would also probably just push him a way.

You've just got to be real with the guy, and with yourself. You just sound confused. On one hand you want him to take you seriously but on the other hand you don't. It doesn't work like that. For guys it's mostly either/or. You're either girlfriend material or you're not. The longer you stay hooking up the less he'll see you as girlfriend material. You've got to decide what you really want now.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yes hooking up is no good, you got to be bold say
I just want to be friends lets go out to get a coffee or go get
something to eat or maybe take a walk or to a coffee shop
spend sometime talking and getting to know each other I
think you two should just be friends for now cause neither
one of you are over your past love and as much as you
want to say yes it's never true, I know when my very first
girlfriend broke up with me and ended our engagement
I could not get over her for quite some time it was horrible
we ended up at the magistrate's office over legal issues
she started so I ended it and it almost costed me so
I hope this gives you some advice

[bowenw]

It sounds like he's a good match for you. I don't understand why you don't want to date him. To your question, I think you should just be yourself and see where the relationship goes. Try doing different things with him rather than just hanging out and having sex, such as going for a walk, going shopping, spending a day at the beach, or whatever you normally do for fun when he's not around that won't be considered as dating.

[Anonymous]

He will treat you like a hoe until you stop letting him. Tell him you just want to hang out and not have sex. If he doesn't want to keep being around you unless you have sex then he will never love you.

[samatho]

That’s a very good point like I know these things but I just need to hear it from another person sometimes, thank you!!

[Opinion Owner]

Sure, good luck.

[Gooblegobble]

The way to not be another hoe is to just be yourself and show emotion. If you're not showing emotion, he's just going to see you as a hookup, and therefore, another hoe. Do you really want him around if he only wants you to be his hoe? What is dating if not what you're doing? You're getting to know each and having sex. If you're the only one he's doing it with, you're kind of dating and if you aren't the only one he's doing it with, have some self respect.

[UrBrotherCain]

take the man on a date, buy him flowers, get his favorite jersey/video game, invite him to meet the parents.
courtship goes both ways and one of em will probably land.
do not " keep him on his toes" becuase you aren't ready for a relationship; men don't take half measures.

[that1guy19]

Well if you only chill and fuck that's what he will come to expect. You gotta switch it up a little or ask to be more than a fuck buddy. Either you want to be fuck buddy or you need to ask for more. If you're happy with how things are going I don't know why you're asking, bc it seems like he is happy too rn

[Blaine999]

I understand where you're coming from and I'm happy for you. But I think the question has to be asked "Do you want to be my Boyfriend?"

If he says yes then that's brilliant but if he says no , refuses to answer or evades the question then he's not the one for you and just views as a Friend with Benefits at most.

Ask him the question and I hope you get the answer you want :)

[ColHathi]

in my opinion, you gotta try your best to be true to yourself instead of whatever you feel is necessary to keep him interested. Otherwise he's gonna be interested in something that isn't you, which is just gonna cause problems down the line one way or another. Same goes for the 'hoe' thing. Be you. If that puts him off or makes him think that you're something that you're not, then that is a shame but it's also his problem. At least you've been true to yourself.

[Citizenkirk]

Continue showing an interest in him, if you want him to continue showing an interest in you.

[bklynbadboy1]

Just be yourself and open your new things be fun and spontaneous and trust he'll stay interested