New study on dates shows that men paid for the majority of male-initiated dates (68%), but women or both paid only 33% of the female-initiated dates. Everyone on the internet keeps telling me, the one who asks should pay for the date.
Some other interesting findings -
1. In more than 60% of the dates, the male initiates the date, pays for it and initiates the sexual activity.
2. Sexual activity occurs in 56% of male-initiated dates compared to 63% of female-initiated dates.
3. Women initiates sex in 13% of the male-initiated dates, the percentage more than doubles (30%) in female-initiated dates. So yes, if she is attracted to you and asks you out, she won't probably make you wait.
4. No money is spent in 26% of the female-initiated dates, whereas for male-initiated dates, it's 15%.
Not sure. I think for my generation (early 80’s millennial), it might be because a lot of us were raised by previous generations who considered it proper courtship “etiquette” ( for lack of a better term LOL) for the man to make the first move, pay the entire bill, pick the girl up, etc. My grandmother gave me two pieces of advice when I was 13: 1.) never make the first move. Always let the boy ask you out, and 2.) never pay your own way. That’s the guy’s job. These might have been nice concepts in the past however, times changed. The men were different then, so were the women. My grandma meant well but the woman was still mentally living in the 50’s right up until she died. Women are out earning men now in many cases, we can start pulling our own weight. Dating norms need to change.
I can only speak for myself but I prefer to go dutch on dates, especially in the beginning. No expectations of any sort and if either of you (or both possibly) have no interest in seeing each other again then you’re not obligated to pay for anyone except yourself.
okay so being an early millennial can you tell me if sometimes you feel like you are in limbo juggling between how we were taught and what our society is now? Does it ever feel weird? I've always found myself unable to adapt to "the changing times". I just look at my grandparents and they rocked and I aspired to be more like them. But its weird because those values dont even exist now but in my heart they are very near and dear to me. My grandparents were The Greatest Generation WW2 vets and survivors. I don't know they never complained, got it done, kept the house in order, I loved that about them.
In the depends on where you live. Some european countries and American states are very conservative. So you have to consider these countries/states too. Then there is a difference between equality under law and equality in the society. Feminism is a thing for one/two decades-yes it existed longer but I dont think that many people know about it. I dont know. Changing a society takes so much time. It may change in min. 50 years. I dont know. By the way we also can't force anyone to change their dating preferences. It is ok when a woman prefere a provider or it is ok for a man to prefere a housewife.
So they asked a bunch of college students in the US from 2005 and 2011, and that’s how the real world works today?
quote - We used data from the Online College Social Life Survey (OCSLS), which was developed by Paula England and collected between 2005 and 2011 from a convenience sample of 24,131 students across 21 institutions of higher education in the United States. Unquote.
A rather pointless article when you get into it and the data samples, age ranges, society sample, age of data and changes in society since data taken.
The guys are still listening to the 'White Knight' BS put out by TV and Movies, along with the women wanting 'Equality' until they have to pay up on dates then they all expect the guys to pay up. That is why when I date its One drink - but with the option to extend if I like the person.
Equality does not mean that we are identical, act alike, and all do the same thing. You could also ask why, in this age of equality, do women do most of the child rearing, cooking, house cleaning, and nurturing within the family. Some people are fine with traditions, particularly when those traditions do not in any way demean either gender.
I wouldn’t even want to date, it’s so awkward. Would just want to talk online or email or call on the phone or hang out at the house and eat oatmeal and popcorn.
because society won't change history of men dominated behavior over night, and also its a preference. In my experience men would always insist on paying and would not allow me to pay. A lot of women have harder time when it comes to getting good paying job and being payed equal so often men still earn more. To top it off men's roles is mostly to protect and provide so him paying isn't necessarily not equal, just that we have different roles to fill.
So are you advocating traditional expectations for women as well, or just men? If a hot dinner is on the table every night as the husband you lost your virginity to gets in the door and their pipe and robe are laid out on their recliner for later I’ll take you seriously, but since that is unlikely to be something you are interested in then the standard must be equal or it’s logically inconsistent. Neither modern nor traditional gender roles are inherently superior, but you must agree that it is the height of hypocrisy to expect a traditional man as a modern woman.
Also have you looked at university admission and graduation statistics lately? Women outnumber men in admissions and degrees, so in a knowledge economy which the boomers have outsourced manufacturing and other traditionally male jobs which don’t require academic permission to work in, the hypergamy express is about to pull into the station for a loooong layover until men finally catch up to women’s graduation rates.
@Sixgunsound women are better at school, that is well known, jobs are something else and in higher positions are sill men (just look at all the presedents or any major companies)
When it comes to equality people dont get it that its not really about 1+1 is 2. Men and women are not equal in terms like "same", men are sstronger thus women require more safety, women give birth while men cannot do that. So what will you equal out with woman giving birth? Usually its men being provider. There is nothing else really. And fyi equality is mostly about same respect and rights. I am not strictly conservative, i work and earn well and i dont look for a man that earns more than me. But with a man a woman needs to feel safe and so she wants a man that is capable. Money, good career are often equvivalents to safety. Guy paying is a proof of him being able to take care of a woman while she may be vunerable and provide a man with emotional safety, baring him children and taking care of them.
Glad someone is finally asking this question!! My rule has ALWAYS been, we go Dutch on the first date. That way if we don't click, it was just our time that is wasted. If we do click and he wants a second date we can discuss who pays. I've worked my entire life and have my own money, been a single mom and reared my two sons. I don't mind contributing or even paying. It's 2022, women can pay too!!
I imagine it's because the men want to pay. In the age of equality, a man can't be forced to pay for a woman (unless she's a thief and, like, eats and literally runs).
The men may also make more than the ladies, and pay to cover the date because it's easier for them.
I've gone out on dates where I've paid because my date was either tight on cash or earned less than I did, and I wanted to make the evening stress free for them.
Like seriously. Who sits around figuring out all these numbers and stuff lol? Anyway, if a guy asks a girl out he should pay for the date. If she asks him out she should pay. Simple. And it’s sad that that many people get sexual (I define sexual as more than kissing) on the first date.
Kissing is an intimate act that leads to Sex. I wouldn't want some woman who claims to love me to be kissing someone else. But I can't do anything about it if she does which is why I prefer to stay single. Women are impossible to trust
@SolitarySolace no! I don’t mind kissing on the first date if I like the person. I just don’t wanna go further so soon. That survey said that more than half the people in it got sexual on the first date. I think. Unless I’m misreading it.
I personally won't let the guy pay for me. I prefer to take care of myself or us both. I don't like men to feel I need taking care of its insulting. I went on a date last night. He told me to order for us I asked what he prefers to eat as far as fish chicken or red meat then ordered and paid for it. I don't know a lot of women want equality until it comes to finance.
Don't buy into behavioral statistics. You cannot take a sample group of people, and then infer that people not in the sample group, would behave similarly, and within the same percentages.
A different sample group almost always leads to a different percentage rate, these sorts of "studies" are non replicable.
Because etiquette dictates that the person who initiates the date, aka asks the person out pays for it. You wouldn't invite someone over for dinner then expect them to bring their own food... if you don't want to pay for a date, pick something that doesn't cost money... At the end of they day, men pay for dates because they choose to, if they don't want to they don't have to.
I don’t mind paying for dates? Am I old-fashioned? I genuinely kind of like it! I would definitely feel like a loser if she paid for me on a date. That’s just how I feel about it. She could probably choose from 50 dates that night but she chose me, which makes me feel special. The least I can do is pay ffs
If we need dating RULES for paying (etc.) - then dating becomes a mere 'transaction' :D What you have read about and found out are perhaps correct 'numbers'. But only because half the world goes silly, I see no reason to join in that. I'll still do what I feel is o. k. to do - for myself.
I refuse to go on dates in today's modern world. I don't feel like act women in interested in care enough to move forward with me unless I'm doing so the work. All the effort. It feels like shit knowing you're the only one trying. Makes you feel even more alone in the world.
A lot of the time the man does insist on paying, I like to split it but sometimes they won’t actually let you so it could just be that a lot of men still want to do that
isn't it mens own decision to pay for date? Why you ask her out to place where u have to pay for date? So on and so on. Its good to see that number has dropped means men are learning, but u see 60% men are still clueless donuts.
No it means women have more money and aren’t going on as much dates with you guys. Stop being delusional, men will always be the one paying for stuff more than women. Stay mad about that though.
@Aphrodite801 simps do exist I agree, they enjoy paying they think they can buy womens heart that way, but you and me we know it's not the way things work.
Feminists believe in equality in the Orwellian sense that they are more equal than other people who they consider beneath them. Egalitarianism seeks equality, feminism seeks superiority.
men and women were never equal aren't equal and shouldn't be equal. equality is not a good thing inherently. it does not inherently have a component of fairness or equity. in fact equality can reduce fairness and equity.
American culture. Dating culture is that men pay for the dates (at least in the beginning). However, more women are paying now too though. I pay for the 2nd date.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
always expect to pay for your own part unless they said it is their treat, like with the phrase: I want to take you out for dinner. Especially on first dates it is odd to expect the other person to pay, regardless of gender.
Because like many things with women, it only applies in SOME ways, not all lol. Ones that benefit them. And I'd be surprised by that %, I think it's probably still a lot higher than that?
Same reason there aren't 50% female bricklayers. It's not equality, it's more like the ascendancy of a specific few special interest groups.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
They choose to by trying to buy notches on their bedposts
So far I've spent £200 outta that £79,000, no plans to spend any more especially as it'd take me 13 years and 2 months to earn, that's almost half my remaining life expectancy
I posted a question on here about the very same thing, and all the women denied not paying their fair share. The men all claimed to never pay more than their half of the bill. If you believe that I have a bridge for sale, and I'll give you 50% off. lol Heck, I might even throw in some swamp land.
I believe the bread winner should pay MAJORITY and that means not all. They should still get treated out to within the means of the other person. The Majority could be a 60/40 split or a 80/20, just depends on the disparity of wealth imho. i see nothing wrong with a woman paying. I used to but looking back it simply makes no sense beyond stroking my own ego.
If you want to be a rock star, find a single mom who would LOVE a night out on the town, but can't afford it. When you get to heaven, God will give you a bass fishing boat, a golden retriever, and a cooler full of beer.
That's awesome to hear. My message was for all the guys on here that say they're going to switch to hookers. That money will be used for crack and meth. Why not help a single mom put presents under her Christmas tree? I've tried to convey that message on this site, but it's a waste of time. No one listens to any advice. You could feel like a hero, the kids will believe in the magic of Christmas, and mommy will rock Santa's world. lol
It's also traditional for women to be fit, feminine, friendly, and cooperative, but today that's the exception, not the rule (such women definitely do exist, though, and they are highly valued).
If you are dating a traditional woman who is happy with traditional gender roles, then those traditional rules absolutely apply to men too.
But if you are dealing with a "modern woman" (aka Feminist) who demands equality, then it is a huge mistake for a man to give her the benefits of a traditional woman, because she's damn sure not going to give you the traditional benefits in return.
That's fine - and smart - but in my opinion you need to qualify such broad statements because other people - especially younger people - might blindly follow (or expect) your statement even when it doesn't apply. You know how to pre-filter, but a lot of guys know nothing about that, and would just try to act traditional with women who are anything but that, and that would be a disaster for them.
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