Guys, What would you think of a woman if she approached you?

[Purple_Rose]

I know society has this unspoken rule that men are supposed to approach women if they want a date and that women should just sit and wait for the guy to make the first move.

I'm honestly sick of waiting. It's not doing any good for me and the only guys I attract that approach me are pervs. They literally start talking about sex and my body within five minutes of our conversation.

I want to take a chance and try asking out guys this new year. But I will admit I'm worried at the kind of feedback I'll get. I don't want a guy to think I'm a slut, or desperate, or easy. I don't want to give that impression.

[Cynicaldreamer]

As someone that's approached guys before, let me give you my feedback on the situation-

No, guys don't mind if you approach or ask them out! Just be warned, we can get rejected just as easily as a guy can... unfortunately, lol.

I hear all these guys on here saying how much they wish more women would be more proactive and ask them out. Yet when some of us do guess what? They reject, friendzone us, or they consider us "desperate."

In other words, if you're not a guy's type, or he doesn't consider you attractive, no, they don't want you approaching him.
That sounds unfair, but that's pretty much how it goes. I'd suggest flirting and talking with the guy beforehand and gauging if he has any interest in you before asking him out. That way you won't waste your time.

[SnuffleMuffins]

Ignore the guys who consider you desperate! They are stupid and not worth dating at all! Second of all, when guys say they want girls to be more proactive in making the first move that doesn't mean there won't be rejection involved. Rejection and friendzoning is a normal part of the dating world. Men have been having to put up with this shit for the entire span of our existence and it's time we divide the responsibility among the both of us! Men have feelings too. We're human too. We have self-esteem, self consciousnesses, and fear just like any other human being. Instead of men having to endure 95% of all rejection related fears, lets distribute the responsibilities of the dating world fairly among men and women.

[iseekpinetrees]

Honestly guys don't do this shit hardly ever anymore. They are too shy and worried about rejection. I think women need to start adopting asking guys out in general. Most often in the past if a guy did approach me I felt uncomfortable but I had a good reason. Often I was at school and I was worried they'd follow me to my car and my car was distinctive. So didn't want anything to happen to it since I was far away from home. But if a stranger came up to me and asked me out or asked for my number I would have been so open to it. Lol even to this day if a guy came up to me and asked for my number id prob give it to him he'd be wasting his time cause it wouldn't lead to a goddamn thing but hey I'd let him get the win of getting a girls number.

[iseekpinetrees]

I think for most guys if a girl did approach them they would less likely reject them because they rarely get attention like that. I feel it would be a oh shit really? Your interested in me? Hell yea! Moment for them.

[SnuffleMuffins]

The reason you're saying we are too shy and worried is because we are human too. This first paragraph feels like you're subjecting men to their masculinity and making them seem like less of a person because of their fear about rejection.

[HawkPerception]

I personally have a higher opinion of her if she initiates. Although it doesn't mean instantly "Yes I'll date her for sure because she initiated" it means I will definitely listen more intently when conversing with her and give her more effort than if I was the one initiating. It shows she's not a sheep that follows societal norms and that she takes life into her own court.

Just to clarify here, just because a girl initiates does not mean she is guaranteed to find a good guy. It just means she has better chances of finding mr. right because it's not the dudes ogling her that initiate. You can't know everything about a person at a glance. You still have to converse and learn about them to find out if they're a real one. There are no shortcuts in this.

[SnuffleMuffins]

l like what you said in the first paragraph. I definitely agree that it's very attractive for a woman to have her own mind and not follow a sheep like behavior. I would love it if women would stop expecting men to make the first move and decide to take more responsibility in the dating world.

[mk200195]

It depends on what you mean by "approach." I have had women compliment my answers for being well reasoned, thorough, insightful or eloquent. None of these women are acquaintances or friends in life outside GAG. My response is usually to thank her for her appreciation, and then check out her answers to see how she writes; not to evaluate her or any such thing, but out of curiosity, to know her viewpoints on subjects on which I have a view on, or an opinion about. If a woman tries to get to know me better, then I'm usually happy to have a conversation. I'm a sucker for good conversations, be it from men or women. That's about it I guess. I am not however a person to volunteer personal information to someone unless she specifically asks for something.

[jennifer_bloom]

You could both approach and not approach which is what I do

If I like a guy I will smile and act sweet and excited and happy around him and put extra effort into being hard working and smart and clean and nice

Than if the guy isn’t interested he can ignore me and if he likes me he can pursue me by initiating contact and sacrificing his time to be with me

So I entice by making myself sweet and kind and he pursues by chasing and showing up

[ioan12]

The question was "will you approach a man in a more direct manner" not "what you do to approach a man" (don't read it like I'm going for please). What you just said is what usually happens. We, men, see you all pretty, preeny, good looking, smelling like flowers and walk like panthers, but we don't how your messages (the one written above) are for xman or yman or f man. We don't if you look in a certain way because you like to look like that or if you want to get someone. Do you feel me?

[SnuffleMuffins]

Men would absolutely totally love it if women were more proactive in making the first move and asking guys out!!! It would alleviate so much stress from men having to take the all the responsibility and initiative of the dating world. Ignore the social norms in the dating dating world; they're nothing but toxicity; it's unhealthy for both men and women.
Men are human too! We have feelings, self esteem, self consciousness, and fears as well! Rejection is a normal part of the dating world and both sexes should have fair distribution when it comes to making the first move. It shouldn't be one-sided.
Men today have self esteem issues despite having a good personality or being attractive because in reality they feel unattractive due to women rarely attempting to make the first move. Women most likely find these men attractive, but these men have no idea they're attractive because women don't act on showing interest or making the first move towards the guy. So if you're interested in a guy or find him cute at least, then what are you waiting for? Make the first move! show him you're interested in him! Ask him out! Ask him for his phone number! If he views you negatively then he was never worth dating in the first place; you'll end up saving valuable time!
And finally, if any man or woman views or considers you negatively because you decide to take initiative, then screw them! They're stupid and only follow the crowd. They don't have their own minds to think for themselves if they're too busy criticizing others to even focus on their own lives.

[Anonymous]

It's less about you approaching and more about how you approach. I had one girl I used to have class with approach me two different ways. The first time, she felt smug, almost as if she expected me to go out with her. After that, she approached more casually, and tried to make small talk. Once she started doing that, I started to become more interested, because it no longer felt like she was smug about it.

Some guys probably won't like the girl approaching them, but a lot of them will. It means the girl knows what she wants (and it's them, which is really flattering). If it's someone you see a lot, just approach them and make small talk intially, and just feel the situation out.

[Don-__-Don]

Personally I wouldn't think nothing of it.

I don't care much for some of the "traditions" that dating has.

My first legit girlfriend was the one who ASKED me our at school because she had a crush on me. Didn't have a problem with that at all. I dated her, I found it cute actually.
If you're the one who's initially intrested in the first place, you should be the one to ask him/her out.


Imagine that girl that had a crush on me getting mad at me because I didn't ask her out despite the fact she's the one who feel head over heels for me.

That just makes you look like an entitled little brat who thinks people should cater to them just because.

No one in thier right mind is going to want to date someone like that.

If you like someone, you ask them out, period. Don't expect everything to fall into your hands. (Not talking about just you, just talking about people in general).

[ioan12]

I think it's OK for a woman to approach a man. I don't get why it is such a taboo, but anyway, I think I would be intrigued. I would listen maybe even date her. Sometimes guy are too shy or too anxious to ask a girl out. That would be a helping hand for both of the sides.

[Kurαȷ]

It does not appeal to me and I will almost always perceive it in a negative way.
But it's not like I will go out of my way to be an ass about it, I will usually just not reciprocate their flirt, or politely stop them in their tracks if they are more direct about it.

I will only be an ass if they cross the line (frankly, a lot of women who made the first move with me did cross the line, which is the main reason why I've developed a strong dislike towards it).

[DWornock]

Men should never approach a woman unless she makes the first move by smiling and saying, "Hi" or doing something to indicate that she is receptive to being approached. Otherwise, there is close to a 100% probability of being rejected; often rudely rejected, and occasionally falsely accused of sexual harassment. If a girl is interested, she will find a way to let you know and, if she doesn't a man is a fool if he approaches her other than possibly asking her a question or otherwise speaking if there is an opportunity that doesn't appear that he was approaching her.

Of course, there are far too many stupid men that approach pretty girls when their experiences should have taught them that they have no chance.

[TheorionMage]

I would think that she's extremely honest with herself and that she sees something in me that interests her.

Were I in her place, I'd ask if I'd like to have coffee somewhere in a public setting we could get to know each other better---

As a man I'd be flattered and a DAMNED FOOL to not take her up on her offer to spend some time.

Every life's adventure BEGINS with the FIRST step... <3 :)

[ShadezMcgee]

I think it really depends. I barely got approached by women when I was single, now that I have a girlfriend more women have been talking to me than normal.

Prior to that though, I would be flattered and possibly a little suspicious of her intentions like if it was a prank or she was trying to get something from me. Never would have thought it was genuine and to see such a paradigm shift, it would have ended no different if I had approached instead.

[Anonymous]

"C'mon... women will never, ever, ever, ever and ever approach a guy! Period! It's not her role to do that despite the progression women have made in society at large; i. e., salary, jobs, positions, women in military, etc... Gentlemen, regardless if a woman is a CEO of company, a government official, 5 star General, department head in a company, women are still women. You can't change that. It's your inner strength, your character, your personality. It's demonstrating you have high value, are self-amused, your value doesn't come from women but from your own life!"

That doesn't mean I believe that's how it should be, or the way it has to be, but sadly I strongly get that feeling this gender dynamic will always be this way despite how harsh it is.

I never liked it but sadly can't do anything about it, as in, unfortunately can't change the system

[pepperhicks]

If you are interested in a guy, go ahead and ask him out with friends, or if you are feeling it, alone with him for lunch or similar. If you are sensitive about more aggressive guys, maybe the guy you want is less aggressive and needs a little encouragement to get to know you better. Let go of the idea about society's "unspoken rules". This is an area where you need to make your own rules and decisions.

[Lliam]

I never had any problem with the idea of being approached by women. I didn't have any negative feelings about it. It just depends on how she does it. The same thing applies to the way me approach women. But if someone just comes over and starts talking in a friendly way, what's the problem?

[Doflamingo1]

It is the biggest compliment you could give to a man.

The first time a women directly approached me, and asked for my snapchat I was speechless for a good minute. I just couldn’t believe that someone found me so attractive that they would approach me.

[SnuffleMuffins]

I wish that could happen to me :(
In the world of dating so far, women view being approached by men as something not uncommon, but men view being approached by women as something of a miracle or special occurrence like a shooting star that passes by once in a very very great while.
It's a disappointment that society has to be this way.

[lordskull69]

Ot just happened to me and I can't tlstop thanking her for taking the plunge because if she hadn't I most likely would not have the relationship we are now building for a whole. jost of fe reasons at the time I had no I te soon of approaching her in this way. Bit she came at me and here I am

[Avicenna]

I don't think you have anything to worry about as long as you do it in a way that isn't "slutty", and I'm sure you wouldn't.

If a woman approaches me (and at my age this is generally women in their 40s and 50s), I assume nothing more than she finds me attractive in some way.

[guesswhoseback]

it’s actually a very good thing. Takes the guesswork out which is something many men are really getting sick of in our so called “equal” society.

But it’s possible he might not be interested. You have to accept that. Be forward but not aggressive. Just ask him if we would like to get a drink. Make a comment that he’s cute. But do not overdo it.

[Anonymous]

It astonishes me that women are still asking his question today. Men love being approached by women, just like women love being approached by men. But don't make the same mistake many women do and assume that if they approach a man and it doesn't go well that men in general don't like to be approached. When men approach women it doesn't go well most of the time either.

[I-have-a-biscuit]

I don't mind, as long as she doesn't get freaky with me too fast. My girlfriend is a person who takes what she wants, and even though I was the one to start talking with her she was the one who proposed a relationship with me. I like women that know what they want, means I don't have to babysit them through life.

[MannMitAntworten]

What I think of them as a result of their approaching me never becomes a thought. What I think of them as we converse on the other hand can be quite fluid one woman to the next. The last woman who approached me was a couple of months ago and we still speak. I even saw her tonight. We became instant pals so apparently I think pretty damn well of her.

[JSmuve]

Well you might give off that impression anyways. It's the risk that one takes when they approach someone. Like I don't think those guys approached you hoping that you'd think they're pervs, but here you are.

My opinion of a girl approaching me would depend on how she looks and how she acts. Look good, show interest in me, flirt, smile, and don't be pushy.