This is my first relationship. I've gone on many dates in the past but never really wanted to date anyone. Im 24 and my man is 15 years older than me. I knew that before me he was married once and cheated on and that's why the relationship ended. He didn't see anyone for a few years after. He's a real gentleman though and always dreamed of a family and being the perfect man for his girl. This is exactly the way he treats me. He does nothing wrong. Our relationship was perfect. I knew that end of 2019 he was sexually deprived and decided to see an escort. They didn't end up having sex that night. He befriended her and fell in love with her and they ended up seeing each other throughout 2020 as friends and more. However she wouldn't quit her job and seeing other men so he ended their relationship because he wanted something serious and for the future. I didn't really mind this. When I asked him if he saw any other escorts or slept with other women last year he said no. I was so insecure about this and snooped through his phone and saw he was chatting to many escorts last year but not sleeping with them. He was chatting to them to see if he would actually see them because it was a rebound from the other woman. Then I saw that he was on a sugar daddy website and actually met up twice with a 21yo girl. They had sex. He stopped talking to her in September and I met him in November and by December we started dating. After reading the convo with the 21yo Im not sure why Im so hurt. Because he told me he didn't see anyone other than that escort or that she's younger than me or what? I can stop imagining the sex that they had and her image won't leave my brain. I become distant from him and obsess over the thought that he misses her and wants to have sex with other people when he's actually very loyal. Anyway, I haven't told him I know all this. How can I stop caring about it and go back to the peak of happiness and romance that I was in only a few weeks ago? Please help.
Updates
+1 y
I feel that the attention I receive from him now is less than before but that's only probably because we see each other everyday and are over the "honeymoon phase". He tells me he loves me everyday and cares for me through his actions. But i can't help imagining the scenarios I mentioned above and feeling as if we are distancing.
