Before you vote, I think it’s better that you talk to multiple people at once because you can easily move on from girls that you have less in common with. For example, if you only talk to one girl, you would be kind of forced to settle and accept the differences you otherwise would not. If you talk to two girls at once, you can compare and see who is a better fit for yourself. Now, throw in multiple people at once and you get to choose the best partner possible for yourself. This is just smart in my opinion. Obviously, I only mean “talking” or “dating” and not anything serious that may be considered cheating.
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Do you think it’s okay to talk to multiple girls at once (I have a reason for doing this)?
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Yes to talking/chatting, no to dating multiple girls being a smart move. Maybe possible with two first dates the same week, but that is it, then make a choice. If you are equally into both then you are not really into either. If you want something serious I think it is better to invest in one person at a time and not keep looking and comparing with others. Anyone you had some dates with and you hit it off is better than how another person looks on paper.
I've done it a bit, but just talking, so the first couple of times. I would never do it like for dating, I'm exclusive with one person only. I think you should make up your mind if you're talking to multiple as soon as possible. It's also fair to the other person. And, if I don't think we're a match, I tell them straight up.
It's not always what you do it's how you're doing it that can become the issue... When you talk to multiple people, are they aware they're not the only one you're talking to? (Then no big deal) Or do you let them think they're the only one you're talking to? Make excuses or lies to cover the fact that your talking to other females? (Cuz that's where the issue comes in) And then also, are you okay with not being the only person they're talking to? Because if you think it's okay to talk to multiple people to weigh your options, then they should also have that option. Can't expect to be someone's "only" if they're not your "only".
Then you should stick to the ones that are... Covering up your actions because you know someone wouldn't be okay with it is the same as lying, either way you're still deceiving someone... And again, are you okay then if they do that to you?
But the question is would you be okay with not knowing, them making it like you're the only one they're talking to, or would you rather them be upfront and honest with it?
For myself tho, to me the more people you're talking to at once, the less you're really getting to know them individually or them getting to know you... Example: one guy and one girl spend two weeks talking every day, spending time together a couple times each week... Versus one guy/girl talking/juggling 2-3 at once, which means spending less time talking and hanging out with each one individually, which scenario do you think better accomplishes getting to really know that person and bond and connect with?
I could see pros and cons on both sides. You listed a pro in terms of only talking to one person but I feel like there is more pros or advantages in terms of getting to know more people and have more options
I guess we'll have to agree to disagree 🙂 I think that's a big part of why people have more problems, dating, staying in relationships these days... Always thinking there "might be" other options, something "better" make people less able to realize, appreciate what they "really" have or "could" have seeing what would happen if they invested that time, caring, love into one person and one relationship instead of trying to spread it between too many people.
Question: How would you feel if they did it to you? I find that a cowards move like I told somebody else who did that to me. It's manipulative and it's wrong. Nobody can force you to do anything you don't want to do. Period. I say your spewing BS right now and your the one who wants to control women. Nobody is better fit for you. You are dating for the other person, not solely all for yourself. This is a person who have red flags and insecurities and both of those women will get hurt. They are better off with other men. You can do what you want. But understand women like myself would rather drop you like a bad habit. Selfish and narcissitic. People who do this are secretly unhappy. Guys who do that are being miserable. When women do this it's deserparate to not be alone. I can't with such men.
People are not OBJECTS! That is your problem. Then when girls pick other men over you, then your biggest complaint is: Why can't I find a woman? Let alone a GOOD WOMAN? Aren't women interetested in men?
Hmm. I wonder why? Oh, wait. They're AVOIDING YOU because you treat people like objects. And if a girl do it to you, then you'll call her a whore or a b****. I know what I need and desire in a man. It is you who is fickle and selfish. So you attract somebody who doesn't take you seriously either.
That's why people like you don't NEED to be in relationships or married or dating. You need to be single if you're that fickle. It tells others you don't know what you want and your wasting their time while giving them emotional baggage to carry because you're playing the field. This is why I don't date strangers and every guy who asks me out that I don't know personally and isn't a friend for the very reasons you're doing. You're not serious. This is why you be FRIENDS FIRST for a very long time before going on dates. You're messing yourself up and creating unnecessary baggage. It is not hard to find and get a date. But you have a hard time keeping relationships. Having all of these experiences yet you haven't learned. All it says is that you don't know what you want. And why many people (women in this case) will not respect you. Sure they will date you, fool around. But that's it. They wouldn't want anything permanent and move on to other men they do want.
Your the type of guy a woman may say yes to just to ghost you later while your the many 200+ guys they're fooling around with until they find their preferred partner. You on the "Waiting list" as the rest, and how you treat her. Play games with women, we'll play games with you. Don't like that? Don't do it to other people. Otherwise, you can do what you want. I just reject guys like yourself and move on with life to better things. Not hinderences.
Young. Part of being young is being STUPID? That's why you getting treated like no offense, like s***. Because you people like that stuff. You be reckless and then your miserable, then you blame other people for your misery. Your not adults. Your children. Immature ones at that. That's why others have, you do without. Because you take everything for granted. And when years pass by you wait TOO LATE to get it together. YOu are 23 years old. You decide the future you want. I never dated or done any of that stuff. I had and have fun playing my video games, watching anime, reading manga, fiction, my Bible both spiritual and enjoying my spiritual time with God, etc. Not this crap your spewing. That is not what youth is for. That is not what dating is for. Dating is for finding somebody to be with long-term. If you're going to fool around. You don't need to be dating. You need to be single. I avoided people like yourself for a good reason and this is again, one of them. I made a lot of success in a way in life because I did what I needed to too, and still have a healthy social life. While many of you are running through people and are still miserable. So I don't know what girls your picking up. But good women don't want guys like you. And if they see you like this they run. Your just selfish and want control which is why you get treated the way you do. You helped cause your own dating problems. It is not other women.
I had guys from a child as a child tell me the nonsense and then shame me for being a Christian and a virgin. Guess what? Find me again at 19/20 and tell me from all those 10 years..."You were right. I should have listened to you." Now he has girlfriends and no relationship or virginity later asking me if I am still a virgin. Why do you THINK he ASKED ME THAT? A guy who isn't Christian who didn't have to talk to me that day, found me walking and have me STOPPED to see me after he emotionally abused me and hurt my beliefs in men or ever having a future with one beyond friendship? The 1st boy to ask me out, helped scar me for life besides others. You're a risk and a danger to somebody like me who deserves better. Not to be used for your entertainment. I am no man's whore or entertainment. Why have relationships or dates when you can just have sex like dogs in the street. So of course you have a reason. But that same fear is making make the same mistakes when it's preventable. Do what is hard for you to do and be wise with your decisions. Because your attitude may drive a good person away or cheat on you if you don't do it first.
There are billions of men in the world and millions more born every day. Why should any woman have to settle with you but you don't want to be exclusive with just one? Hypercritical and hypocritical of you to do this. You decide what kind of future and life you want. Your decision is going t o hurt these women because, in your heart, you're hurt. It's revenge for you. Not protection. So I know why you have the problems you have. You don't want to change, and you don't want to fix it yourself. Your running from your problems by dating many women so you can blame women for your own adult choices and decisions. You date without purpose. This is why more than half of you people don't have love in your love, marriages/relationships, and don't even know what love even IS. Your that afraid of love and true commitment. See, unlike you. I am not afraid of love. But what I am afraid of is having somebody take advantage of what I have and stealing what doesn't belong to them. You are not entitled to a woman as we aren't to you. As I said previously. Nobody is FORCED to settle with anyone. There is a reason people courting for eons while dating is new. It is less than a century old and yet we have so many PROBLEMS. WHY? Because your dating WRONG and for the wrong reasons. It's for marriage. It is not for fun and games. It doesn't mean you can't or don't enjoy who you're with. But it is serious BUSINESS at the core. It is meant to be enjoyed by couples who desired a romance and sexual union in marriage. Dating is to see romantic compatibility. It is not for test driving sex or fooling around. If you want to get to know a person, that is what FRIENDSHIPS is for.
Friendships are casual, but it is also meaningful and deep. True friendships have love, respect, honor, accountability, compassion, etc. All things that a romantic relationship is supposed to have. Do you know why so many marriages and relationships don't work? Hint: it's not just a lack of compatibility. There is no friendship. Because they never LEARNED to be a FRIEND. But you people don't want to be a friend. You just want to be a lover. And yet the old saying is "A lover is also a best friend". So what do you have? Only sex.
You lack the knowledge and the discernment that leads to success. But it is too prudish, boring and religious to you people. You ask for things and getting into things you know nothing about. Yet when you get them, you can't take care of it either. But you think you know everything. That is why I am glad I never dated or desired anything on that level. Can't even do that. Because so many of you refuse to change and do the right thing.
Depends on if you two have gone exclusive. If you're saying you are single when you are not, then obviously that isn't a brilliant thing to do.
However if it's just female friends or just being friendly in general, then I think it can be ok if you ask me. Or maybe you might be finding a date and you just so happen to be meeting with multiple girls to see who you like best. And that's ok as well in my opinion.
Basically, if you aren't committed yet and/or are just being friends with girls, then sure. If you are committed though then be sure to keep it friendly and you should stay out of trouble.
I think it is okay yes. You have people who consider being polygamous with multiple lovers at one time so they do not constantly see the same face and voice every single day but also if you are not interested in love such as myself and you are only interested in friendship then obviously you have the opportunity to build friendships with those people over time regardless of gender. More friends means most likely more diverse input and more responses to issues you deal with or perhaps more suggestions for things to consider.
I wouldn't really mind in the getting to know phase. But I don't have that much experience in dating that I would know when it would start to bother me.
Yes it's more or less expected early in a relationship, otherwise you can't give people a chance and to make a good choice out of whatever options you got. You should not hide or lie about it. But this is just okay when your still qualify as single, as soon as you make your pick you should be open and close down remaining not selected options, not just ghost them.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
any guy who does this is a complete scumbag and since you're wanting to this that makes you a bigger piece of shit then the women you whine bitch and complain about who do this sort of shit with guys. fucking hypocrite. Here's a fucking clue for you. how about actually talking to a girl and getting to know her to see if you like her or not and to see if you're compatable with her instead of getting your dick wet in every vagina you see. so quit screwing around and quit being a hypocritical piece of shit.
Well I'm going to put it to you like this nobody told me that I had to put a cap on how many friends I have and what sex they were or what color they were so if I talk to five girls at once I talked to five girls ones I treat them all the same you know but if there's one that I like she would be the should be the you know the one you know I could have as many girl friends as a damn well please there's many friends is that damn well please any color has that damn well please
Yea just be upfront about it if asked you’re not doing anything wrong unless boundaries were established already but before that play the field god knows she sure is
Yeah it's okay to do this, but myself i can't help but feel guilty. Cuz i really don't want to hurt either so i just end up torturing myself from who to choice eventually, not that healty i know :) but hey, at least they get less hurt
It is impossible to pay attention to more than one thing at a time. When you multitask you are really doing many different things and doing them all badly.
You should BE with just one girl. But TALK? You can talk to all the females in the world at once and it would still be ok. Work by eliminating those not suitable for you, like you've said, until you remain with the relevant ones!
I’m single and talk with as many woman as I damn well please. There is that and just because I talk with them does not remotely mean I view them as an option. Just that I talk with them is all.
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