Is she trying to punish me?

[es20490446e]

--- SUMMERTIME ---

Last summer I dated this girl, who I knew for two years, for two weeks straight. Seeing each other daily.

But she had already planned a trip with another guy after those two weeks. I overlooked it because they planned it before deciding to start dating each other.

Nevertheless, before leaving, she told me that she would rather want to have an open relationship. I replied that I didn't see those kinds of relationships as natural or healthy.

This was different from what she told me two weeks before, where she said that she no longer saw open relationships as good.

--- THE RETURN ---

When she returned back from the trip she told me that she was sorry but that, at that stage of her life, she didn't want to have the kind of relationship I was pursuing to have.

I told her that was the only kind of relationship I was willing to have, including "friendship", although I would be okay being in good terms with her in case we saw each other by chance in our daily lives. After that we stopped meeting each other.

--- THE INSTAGRAM ---

Since that moment she has kept posting suspicious things on her social media. Things like "you shall not let others limit what your heart wants" or that "love always prevail over the barriers of fear". I suspect she is referring to me, but I did nothing about it for a long time.

But the last thing she posted I found specially disgusting. Basically it was a trip that she asked us to do, but now with another guy. Her post says:

"A month and a half away, walking without letting fictitious borders clip our wings. Walking without problems, traveling and living the adventures that our hearts awaited. That fear has no power over love! Free yourself from mental limitations, from the conditioning of the environment and be you! Follow your heart, now is the time 💚 "

--- WHAT? ---

Is she doing this on purpose to trigger me? Am I overreacting? How shall I interpret such situation?

Likely yes

Likely no

[Medlife]

If a person confuses others they are most likely confused them selves. U seem like a man who knows what he wants, hanging on to someone who has no idea what or whom she wants it with is already dragging u down. I do not think this us what u want. If you are not someone's priority then they should not be yours. I guarantee you, if she felt the same about u as u feel about her, she would be clear with her intentions as well as actions. A confused butterfly will always end up in a spiderweb. Do not let people drag u down, if u two are meant to be she will come back. Mean time do not pause your life, your progress, your growth for anyone. You will always be more important that anyone else.

[PetrovaFire92]

Facts.

[es20490446e]

Thank you both ❤

[Anonymous]

Bruh I don’t think you understand how she feels. The thing about open relationships is that people will judge you for it, so you always just want to convince yourself you don’t want it. But eventually some people just get sick of bsing themselves. I actually applaud her for doing what she wants.

The thing is, if people can have multiple friends why can’t they have multiple boyfriends? People get multiple crushes at once, it’s not like they have feelings for only one person. Why does it HAVE to be one person?

I think society has done a good job of convincing people that possessiveness and sacrifice = love. I’ve seen people find male leads romantic because they only give attention to the female lead and are only nice to the female lead. Never mind that the male lead never make the girl feel strong and never expresses their emotions without an attitude of some sort. But it’s “deep, passionate love”. People would forgive a jerky character because the character makes sacrifices. Society does not care about the value of the relationship, only how much you give up for it.

Honestly, I don’t think I could ever give up one of my boys for the other and I don’t think they’d ever want me to either. I have loving relationships with both of them, I am attentive to their emotions and they are attentive to mine, and we are all satisfied with the amount of time we spend together. Rather than being rivals, they are friends, and very close friends too. The fact that they are both dating me makes them even closer. No one feels miserable, everyone feels like they are loved and important, and everyone is free to do what makes them happy. There would be more problems if I forced myself to pick one because I love both and they both love me and the only reason I would be doing it is because “relationships HAVE to be monogamous” which is just an arbitrary rule that probably was created because the medieval people wanted to make marriages of convenience and it fit well with their plan. Polyamory was not a problem in the much older days.

You don’t have to like open relationships, but you have to understand that your ex does not have the same feelings about open relationships as you do, and other people’s feeling exist for a reason, not “just because”. No matter how crazy a person seems, they have a reason. Open relationships have granted her a new freedom, one that she is very happy with. She has reached a point in her journey where she is doing what makes her happy rather than what others want her to do, and choosing herself has made her very giddy. If you read her posts again, you can see the pure happiness emanating from her decision. Perhaps she wants you to know she is happy to prove you wrong or perhaps she doesn’t care and is just expressing her happiness, but she is very clearly happy. The location thing could go either ways, if she wanted to go somewhere, she doesn’t have to go with you, maybe she just likes the location. You could check to see if she’s gone to that place or mentioned it before in her timeline or something.
Although I have replies enabled, I won’t be replying to anything, that’s why I’m an anon. Not for a mean reason, but too many replies and reply wars from people, and I’d rather spend my time in peace than respond to replies.

[es20490446e]

Thanks for your response.

The thing is I don't need relationships to be either way or the other. I personally do so many things that do not follow the societal normal that people usually ask me which country I was born in.

It simply happens that poly relationships doesn't seem to follow the dynamics that I observed naturally happening in human relationships during the years.

It's my observation that if two people have sex and intimate a minimum with each other, they naturally tend to develop feelings for each other, sexual exclusivity, and not liking anyone else having sex with their partners. They don't have sex with anybody else because they intuitively know their partner would always prefer that.

The only way of having a poly relationship is either by keeping emotional distance from each other (like not knowing who your partner is fucking with) or only perhaps if all the people involved in the harem live together and like each other very much.

Also animals that are poly don't fall in love, love is something intended to breed sexual exclusivity. That's the simplest explanation I came with.