Is she mad at me?

[Anonymous]

Day 1: girl texts me because I haven't texted her first in a few days. Half a day later, she double texts me. A few mins later, I respond. I tell her that I was busy all day, etc. We chat a little bit, she seems happy. I end the conversation after a few minutes because I have to go. Then, she tells me to let her know when I'd be free to spend time with her. A few hours later, I tell her I'd be free on (day 3 and/or day 4).

Day 2: we don't talk. She doesn't check my message.

Day 3: She doesn't respond to my message, but she texts me first and talk to me about a tv show. She asks me a question about it. I reply a few hours later.

Day 4: No response by the middle of the day, so I text her again. I tell her that I wouldn't be available this week after all (which is 100% true). She checks my message a few hours later but leaves me on read.

Day 5: no response from her.

Day 6: no response from her. I text her in the late evening. I ask her a question.

Day 7: she replies to me early in the morning. She tells me that everything is fine and that she has just been busy (and that she will be during the weekend as well). We talk for a few minutes, she doesn't seem to be mad at me, etc. Then, she suddenly goes offline without saying bye.

Day 8: she sends her reply at the EXACT SAME TIME as on day 7. Her first message has a cute emoji, but the 2nd one seems a bit cold (no emoji). I respond 20 minutes later. She checks my message a few hours later but leaves me on read again (though, my message didn't require a response... but still a bit rude). But again, she's supposedly busy for the day... I send her another text, letting her know when I'd be available to spend time with her (for real, this time). I ask her if she's still interested in going out.

Day 9 (as of now): she doesn't check the messages. Still on delivered. But again, she's supposed to be busy today.

Updates

1 y

But I can see that she's active a lot on her social medias. But again, everyone can access their social medias on their phone... so maybe she is still busy. Though, we usually chat on a website that doesn't seem push notifications.

[HollyK21]

I doubt she’s mad, she just may not be a fan of the dynamic you two have created when it comes to communication. As the days progressed I could see where she may have gotten the wrong impression, like you not texting her first, taking long gaps of time to chat, making a plan and cancelling it without offering to arrange another time, etc. I’m sure you meant well, as there’s no reason to lie about the situation on this forum and you’ve noted that these were harmless actions on your part. But just as you are taking each scenario and trying to make sense of it, she’s doing the same. So stepping into her shoes and looking at how things have unfolded, I could see how it’s gradually gone wrong. On top of that, I don't know how long you two have known each other before day 1, but if this is a new relationship (I don’t mean boyfriend/girlfriend, just a generic one) it doesn’t seem like any real traction picked up for either of you to develop solid feelings. Not much talking, not so interesting topics, etc. This situation comes off as two people giving each other a shot, and one not being pleased with how things were going, so she’s stepped back from putting in effort.

[Asker]

Well she's a friend. We used to talk daily (and in the beginning stages of our friendship, we would sometimes talk for hours). After a few months, I noticed that she started taking longer to reply (1-2 days). Not everytime, but once in a while. But this tendency has increased in the last few months (we have known each other for 8 months). But despite that, we were still spending time together once in a while (to watch films, TV shows, etc.). Sometimes, I'd ask her to do something, sometimes, she'd take the initiative. She took that initiative basically a week ago.

Now, I gotta be honest, I got sick of waiting 1-2 days (sometimes 3) for her replies, so I started making her wait for my replies. It's dumb, I recognize, but I thought that it would make her realize that my world doesn't revolve around her and that I can be busy too. So on the 3rd day, when she texted me about her TV show, I made her wait on purpose. I didn't open the application, but I could see her text thanks to the push notification (turned them on in the settings of the website). I did the same thing on the 1st day as well (that time when she double texted me after half a day). I did so because I was starting to feel like that she didn't care about me, etc. I wanted to step back from putting in a lot of efforts. I wanted to see if she would put in some efforts. I could have replied earlier, but I decided to reply after my work shift. But anyway, I've been doing this for a few weeks now. I just wanted her to realize that I had a life too, etc (saying this because I used to be more "needy" in the first months of the friendship). It's dumb, but it's still not AS BAD as her taking 1-2 or even 3 days to reply... I can't even imagine how she'd react if I'd make her wait that long.

[HollyK21]

Oh man, it probably would’ve been good to clarify that this is a friend in your initial post (and if you for some reason post about this again in the future), because I completely thought this was a girl you were pursuing, and I think that is where the issue lies. To me she sounds like an attention seeker, and you feed into that more than a friend should when you’re putting in the sort of energy that you would give to a girlfriend or someone you’re dating at least. She’s fine coming and going as she pleases because she isn’t making you a priority as she would someone she was romantically interested in. Yet she enjoys getting that attention from you, and I don’t find that healthy at all. Going forward, you should set some healthy boundaries between being friends vs two people giving each other boyfriend/girlfriend privileges. Why? Because eventually one of you is going to find someone (I’m actually thinking she may have her sights on someone now). Obviously you can’t carry on with such a close friendship once either of you are dating someone else, so it would make your relationship feel foreign and uncomfortable. You’ll feel confused and bothered, just as you are right now, when really nothing is emotionally wrong, you’d just be accommodating your friend not being single anymore. So if you want to remain friends with her, then I’d say to keep things at this pace. Like you don’t need to be investing so much time and attention into a friendship, you treat her just as you would any other person.

[Asker]

She has a boyfriend (open relationship). But ok, honestly, she is just an online friend. We have never met in person, and she is from another country. But we follow each other on social medias now. But the thing is, when I don't text her first for a few days, she usually asks me if I'm okay or stuff like that. So I feel like she's expecting me to text her more... But yes, I did try to reduce the attention that I give her. And I'm not sure if she appreciates it..

PS: she hasn't unfollowed me on social medias. So I take this as a good sign (and her "following" number was reduced by like 30 lately, but she still didn't unfollow me).

[HollyK21]

So you haven’t met this girl in person, she lives in another country, and has a boyfriend? You don’t need me to tell you this, but it’s probably better to step back from the situation. I was already thinking this, but now that you’ve added the full story I believe distance is better even more so. When you say that she reaches out to check in after a few days, I don’t think that’s her prompting you to text her more, it’s just that as you said for a while you were communicating a lot more, so that’s what she’s used to from you. But I wouldn’t say it’s cause to be more active, especially since she has a boyfriend. Open relationship or not. I’m not sure where you stand, like if you’ve developed feelings for her (which I’m guessing you have somewhat, to give her so much attention and the situation so much energy), but it’s probably better for you to give another woman that attentiveness. It’s just better all around.

[Asker]

I understand, but I only see her as a friend. But she still double texted me and asked me when I'd be free to spend time with her. :/ So I don't think she's just texting me because she's used to the attention. Or else she wouldn't even want to plan things with me, y'know? I guess she would just text me and that's it (if it were the case). We only see each other as friends.

[HollyK21]

Asking for your time is asking for attention, dude. Not saying that in a rude way at all, it’s just facts. If I’m not contacting a guy at all, then I don’t care about our time and the attention he’s giving. But if I’m double texting, wondering what happened etc then of course I’m missing that attention. It could also be a thing to where she’s not getting much of it from her boyfriend, and the fact that they’re in an open relationship only adds to that notion.

[Asker]

Yeah well she did double text me like 8 days ago (after half a day)

[HollyK21]

I bet it’s because you’ve shifted your attention. Like are you talking to any other girls?

[Asker]

No I don't talk to other girls. But I don't initiate as much conversations as before due to the fact that she now takes longer to reply. So I don't give her as much attention as before.

[DoctorSex]

I had to look at your age before posting. lol

You sound young. Focus on your school work and money and you'll never run out of women and opportunities, you keep focusing your time on women and you'll loose all your money and end up being played.

Stop it,


Choose Being a man.