I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now , I love him , I want to be his wife , I'm shy to talk about this but I want to just ask him when he's willing to get engaged , I want to know if he wants the same thing as me , I really don't want to get hurt and waste a lot of time , should I tell him and how?
Tell him now
Do not tell him now
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Do you think a year is enough time to talk about marriage with your partner?
I think there are a lot of factors, and while I agree you're probably not going to get married in the immediate future, it's good to have these conversations at any point to 'feel' out his opinions on marriage in general.
Most people never actually feel ready until they've seen that it's not so bad, and that they're on the latter side of the friend group to jump off the iceberg.
You can tell a lot by someone's willingness to entertain the topic or determination to avoid the topic where they are mentally. Some people staunchly want 5 years under the belt before considering, some people are fine with 6 months if it's a very upfront traditional courtship with parent involvement.
Many people are in between, probably 2-5 years until it's signed and sealed. I highly recommend going to couples counseling BEFORE getting married. They'll walk you through those deal-breaker conversations that are much easier to have when you're 'happy happy rather than angry at each other, one party dragging the other to the shrinks office lol.
You are looking for engagement to give you confidence that you aren't wasting your time... by making him declare his intention to spend the rest of his life with you after only a year.
If you love him and want to spend your life with him. And are confident he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Then you are not wasting your time. Even if you were to not become engaged for another 3 years.
The only possible way you could be wasting your time with this guy is if things don't work out between you two. If things don't work out between you two... that is going to happen regardless of whether or not your boyfriend makes the commitment of becoming engaged. T
THAT is where your making your mistake in thinking.
You see engagement as meaning more secure from the bullshit that comes along to breakup most couples.
I seriously considered getting married when I was 18.
I had a serious girlfriend of 2 and a half years. We were good friends for years before that. And it didn't seem insane to know that I was going to spend my life with her, eventhough I recognized that 18 was young.
Well I have had 3 more serious relationships that were longer than a year (all considerably longer). I'm a monogamous guy, who's always been all about finding that right person and spending your life together.
So if any of those three girlfriends (who again, I was open about wanting to marry) had done what you're thinking of doing... nailing that down with an official engagement... after a year...
I would have proposed. I would have proposed because the alternative would have been to lose them. At the time... each was the 'love of my life'. I can say that without irony or any contradiction. I wouldn't have been in a relationship that long if I we weren't going to get married. I can say that I believe they each, genuinely felt the same way about me and building a life together.
So... if any of them had forced me to declare my intentions with an official engagement. I would have agreed with pure intentions.
Well, I am single (and have been for a while actually). Meaning I was wrong FOUR times. Four women were wrong about me. I would have proposed to each of them had they forced the issue.
Getting engaged doesn't protect you AT ALL from things not working out between you two down the road (wasting your time).
All an engagement can do is to make you more confident that he in fact is as committed to marrying you and spending the rest of your lives together as he claims to be. It can help you feel reassured that he intends to committ to you long-term.
If you need that official step TO CREATE that assurance that he is as committed and in love as he says he is... then that's a clear sign that it's too early.
You should be positive that you cannot possibly be wasting your time. Because you both are so clearly and openly committed to each other that there is no doubt that whether he proposes next week, next year or the year after that... that it makes no difference. You are going to be together from this day forward. Or something will happen and you will break up down the road. Whether or not you are engaged next week or next year has zero impact on that.
You do however need to talk about whether or not you are looking for the same things. It's just, that conversation (at least to me) comes LONG before any engagement timeline stuff. You do need to make sure you're on the same page. Just... don't look to nail down an engagement soon. But you should definitely start having some serious talks about your future together.
Depends on the man. Some men avoid this topic and some don't. You can start talking about marriage after one year dating, but take it subtle. Don't ask him "let's get married" instead say something like "what are your thoughts about the future/our future?" Or "what do you think of marriage?".
There are enough people who got married within a year. If you talk about marriage with him and he doesn't want to talk about it, let it go. Don't push him to talk about this.
I would say to discuss the future (it’s important to know his views on marriage). But you need over a year to really get know someone in my opinion. So make sure not to sound like you’re pressuring him into a wedding tomorrow. You want to take your time a little bit if you spend the rest of your life with them.
Whether you're someone's girlfriend or someone's wife, it's about the quality of the Relationship not the title. Does he love you? Does he remain faithful? Does he make you a priority in his life? If yes, then how are you wasting your time,?
That is how I got married to my wife now. We had been dating maybe six months and she asked me if we were going to get married or should we. I then proposed and we got married.
I have relatives though that dated for 3 months, got engaged, married 3 months after that and been married for 20 or 30 plus years.
The key is, realizing that people change with time and learning to grow and change together. If one or both is unable to do that, that is when marriages fail. It takes a 100% from both (not 50% each) to make it work.
There is no such thing as the perfect spouse, you do the best you can and work at it.
Good luck in talking with him, if he feels the same you might engaged in a little bit.
I’ll talk about it on a first date. Idgaf. I only date to marry so if he doesn't believe in marriage then i dont wana waste my time dating him. That said, im not trying to marry him in less than a year/half. Just sayin he has to also date to marry
I think that really depends on a number of factors. A year is still not very long to be dating someone before the marriage talk happens, but it also depends on the situation. For example; it is more appropriate for couples in their 40’s to discuss marriage after that length of time than it is if you’re in your 20’s. If you have a kid together, then it is more acceptable. But in general, I don’t think it’s really long enough to thoroughly get to know someone well enough to marry them yet.
The problem is that you feel you are wasting your time. If true, then the relationship is not right for you. You will never have more time - it is the only thing we cannot create more of. But the value is your time is in what you take from the experience. If you are enjoying yourself, happy, and feel good... ask yourself why it matters what you are called in your relationship (girlfriend, fiancé, wife). Is this a label you need, or one that society has told you is needed?
Go ahead and talk to him about it. If you do not, you will never find peace. Personally, I prefer to wait 2-3 years before proposing. Any less than that is too little time to know someone and any more than that would take a good chunk of my life away.
Love is funny and sometimes it happens with one look. It did with my wife and me. Saw her across the street and knew she was the one. Nine months latter we were married four years latter we had our beautiful daughter. We are still happy and in I love 20 some years latter
The next time you go out with him or see him, ask him about marriage. He might not be ready for marriage quite yet. Some relationships develop very quickly, while others don't. I have a cousin of mine who within months of meeting her now husband, decided to marry him, and they are happily married with a young son. The same thing happened to my sister and she's married with an infant daughter.
This is one of things i don't understand about the western culture how someone get in relationship without knowing if it will end with marriage
In my country girls will never accept to be in relationship with you unless you want to marry her.
Don't feel shy about knowing your future. This is your life you can't waste it with someone doesn't share the same goal. this is your right.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
You can bring up the subject as in "does he want this?" Does he see the relationship heading that way? It's a bit early to actually get married. You should continue to get to know each other for 2 years before marriage. You should also try living together for a period of time first, and even pre-marriage counselling I think is really smart.
What is silly is that it hasn't already been brought up, discussed. You're simply not ready, neither one of you. Keep dating... maybe he'll figure it out. But yeah, you can TALK about it on day one if you like.
A year isn’t all that long. How is your relationship? Are both of you in a position financially to afford being married? For me, I was very happy being his girlfriend for three (almost four) years before mine proposed.
I don't believe there is any reason to be with someone if you can't see them as a potential life term pertner so wouldn't that imply said subject before the thought or talk there of occurred?
does he have instagram./facebook? let me talk to him and ask this question myself that is the only way to give guaranteed accurate answer for your question
I think within a year you should know where you stand with regards to marriage so as you're both in the same page. Actually getting engaged can take a couple more years and still be fine.
So you are going to give him an ultimatum, marriage or fuck off. A coworker of mine tries that with her boyfriend and he told her (correctly) to fuck off.
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