I think there are a lot of factors, and while I agree you're probably not going to get married in the immediate future, it's good to have these conversations at any point to 'feel' out his opinions on marriage in general.
Most people never actually feel ready until they've seen that it's not so bad, and that they're on the latter side of the friend group to jump off the iceberg.
You can tell a lot by someone's willingness to entertain the topic or determination to avoid the topic where they are mentally. Some people staunchly want 5 years under the belt before considering, some people are fine with 6 months if it's a very upfront traditional courtship with parent involvement.
Many people are in between, probably 2-5 years until it's signed and sealed. I highly recommend going to couples counseling BEFORE getting married. They'll walk you through those deal-breaker conversations that are much easier to have when you're 'happy happy rather than angry at each other, one party dragging the other to the shrinks office lol.
I would say no. Definitely not.
You are looking for engagement to give you confidence that you aren't wasting your time... by making him declare his intention to spend the rest of his life with you after only a year.
If you love him and want to spend your life with him. And are confident he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Then you are not wasting your time. Even if you were to not become engaged for another 3 years.
The only possible way you could be wasting your time with this guy is if things don't work out between you two. If things don't work out between you two... that is going to happen regardless of whether or not your boyfriend makes the commitment of becoming engaged. T
THAT is where your making your mistake in thinking.
You see engagement as meaning more secure from the bullshit that comes along to breakup most couples.
I seriously considered getting married when I was 18.
I had a serious girlfriend of 2 and a half years. We were good friends for years before that. And it didn't seem insane to know that I was going to spend my life with her, eventhough I recognized that 18 was young.
Well I have had 3 more serious relationships that were longer than a year (all considerably longer). I'm a monogamous guy, who's always been all about finding that right person and spending your life together.
Depends on the man. Some men avoid this topic and some don't. You can start talking about marriage after one year dating, but take it subtle. Don't ask him "let's get married" instead say something like "what are your thoughts about the future/our future?" Or "what do you think of marriage?".
There are enough people who got married within a year. If you talk about marriage with him and he doesn't want to talk about it, let it go. Don't push him to talk about this.
I would say to discuss the future (it’s important to know his views on marriage). But you need over a year to really get know someone in my opinion. So make sure not to sound like you’re pressuring him into a wedding tomorrow. You want to take your time a little bit if you spend the rest of your life with them.
Opinion
26Opinion
Whether you're someone's girlfriend or someone's wife, it's about the quality of the Relationship not the title.
Does he love you? Does he remain faithful? Does he make you a priority in his life? If yes, then how are you wasting your time,?
u Just ask him where he thinks you guys will be two years from now.
That is how I got married to my wife now. We had been dating maybe six months and she asked me if we were going to get married or should we. I then proposed and we got married.
I have relatives though that dated for 3 months, got engaged, married 3 months after that and been married for 20 or 30 plus years.
The key is, realizing that people change with time and learning to grow and change together. If one or both is unable to do that, that is when marriages fail. It takes a 100% from both (not 50% each) to make it work.
There is no such thing as the perfect spouse, you do the best you can and work at it.
Good luck in talking with him, if he feels the same you might engaged in a little bit.
I’ll talk about it on a first date. Idgaf. I only date to marry so if he doesn't believe in marriage then i dont wana waste my time dating him. That said, im not trying to marry him in less than a year/half. Just sayin he has to also date to marry
I think that really depends on a number of factors. A year is still not very long to be dating someone before the marriage talk happens, but it also depends on the situation. For example; it is more appropriate for couples in their 40’s to discuss marriage after that length of time than it is if you’re in your 20’s. If you have a kid together, then it is more acceptable. But in general, I don’t think it’s really long enough to thoroughly get to know someone well enough to marry them yet.
The problem is that you feel you are wasting your time. If true, then the relationship is not right for you. You will never have more time - it is the only thing we cannot create more of. But the value is your time is in what you take from the experience. If you are enjoying yourself, happy, and feel good... ask yourself why it matters what you are called in your relationship (girlfriend, fiancé, wife). Is this a label you need, or one that society has told you is needed?
Go ahead and talk to him about it. If you do not, you will never find peace. Personally, I prefer to wait 2-3 years before proposing. Any less than that is too little time to know someone and any more than that would take a good chunk of my life away.
Love is funny and sometimes it happens with one look. It did with my wife and me. Saw her across the street and knew she was the one. Nine months latter we were married four years latter we had our beautiful daughter. We are still happy and in I love 20 some years latter
The next time you go out with him or see him, ask him about marriage. He might not be ready for marriage quite yet. Some relationships develop very quickly, while others don't. I have a cousin of mine who within months of meeting her now husband, decided to marry him, and they are happily married with a young son. The same thing happened to my sister and she's married with an infant daughter.
This is one of things i don't understand about the western culture how someone get in relationship without knowing if it will end with marriage
In my country girls will never accept to be in relationship with you unless you want to marry her.
Don't feel shy about knowing your future. This is your life you can't waste it with someone doesn't share the same goal. this is your right.
You can bring up the subject as in "does he want this?" Does he see the relationship heading that way? It's a bit early to actually get married. You should continue to get to know each other for 2 years before marriage. You should also try living together for a period of time first, and even pre-marriage counselling I think is really smart.
What is silly is that it hasn't already been brought up, discussed. You're simply not ready, neither one of you. Keep dating... maybe he'll figure it out.
But yeah, you can TALK about it on day one if you like.
A year is plenty of time to get a clear idea if the relationship can advance to marriage or not.
A year isn’t all that long. How is your relationship? Are both of you in a position financially to afford being married?
For me, I was very happy being his girlfriend for three (almost four) years before mine proposed.
Haha oh dear, I had the guy tell me what he wanted in the future (Marriage, kids etc) on our second meeting. There's no timeframe.
does he have instagram./facebook?
let me talk to him and ask this question myself
that is the only way to give guaranteed accurate answer for your question
I think within a year you should know where you stand with regards to marriage so as you're both in the same page. Actually getting engaged can take a couple more years and still be fine.
Ask him what his thoughts on the future of your relationship are.
Trust your gut feeling & Good Luck!!
I hope your relationship works out well! 🙂
I don't believe there is any reason to be with someone if you can't see them as a potential life term pertner so wouldn't that imply said subject before the thought or talk there of occurred?
