My girlfriend holds on to her male besties grad photo. Is it normal for me to feel uncomfortable?

[Anonymous]

I don’t care if my girlfriend had guy friends, but they should be at a distance. Her talking to them everyday and holding on their grad photo is just too close. This makes me very uncomfortable. Even though the relationship is good n she does a lot for me. I’m slowly distancing myself from her. And thinking about dumping her. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

[SteveSmith1985]

No I don't think you are wrong for feeling that way. I think that anybody would feel the same way in your shoes.

If you are hoping to salvage the relationship, then you have to talk to her honestly about how you're feeling.

I get where you're coming from. You don't want to be "that kind of boyfriend". You want to not be controlling; or jealous; or get in between her and a friend.

In 99.9% of cases, it's a good thing to follow those instincts to... and that instinct is a good one. It is wise to follow that instinct in most situations.

In your situation, however... she is the one who is in the wrong. Her behaviour is inapropriate for someone with a boyfriend. It would be absolutely fair to confront her about it (ideally nicely).

If on the other hand you are already pretty sure you've distanced yourself enough that... you're going to end up dumping her. My advice is don't put it off. Do it asap. I know you won't follow that advice... but you should.

[White_Widow]

I understand where you're coming from, but I am wondering how it is a bad thing to have a picture of a friend? Does that mean that once your in a relationship you can't hold on to pictures of friends of the opposite sex?

I have pictures in my house, of friends and family. Do I get rid of half of them once my partner moves in?

[SteveSmith1985]

@White_Widow

No, that's not at all what I was trying to say.

I also have old pictures. But... to be honest with you it's not the grad photo so much that I was reacting to. It's the talking about him everyday, if anything that's the problem.

But really the problem is the way the guy is feeling. He's saying..."I'm distancing myself out of a relationship because I am extremely uncomfortable with how close my girlfriend is to this best-friend of hers.

So whether or not he has justifiable reason to feel that way or not... he does feel that way, and is distancing himself and talking about ending the relationship over it.

My advice was that he needed to talk to her. And if she thinks there's nothing wrong, then ok, she can tell him so. Then, if that's not acceptable to him. He would be clearer about ending the relationship. If she could understand where he might be coming from, then talking would still be a first step.

I DO think she's in the wrong. If she's talking about him everyday, that seems wrong. The holding onto his grad photo... I get the feeling this isn't just one amongst several pictures of friends and family in a box or photo album or something. I am assuming (and I could be wrong) that this is an ongoing thing for him. He has to see this picture regularly... is the sense I get.

[SteveSmith1985]

So I was also basing this on the context of this dude seeming to be a decent guy. I think that the guy who would get mad it a totally inappropriate way about the photo (like you're suggesting)... would have additional complaints as well--some of which would be obviously inappropriate.

The guy who would actually have a problem with his girlfriend having old pictures (in the way normal people keep pictures) is going to have a problem with A BUNCH of other things as well. His thinking about relationships and his expectations would have to be way out in left-field. There is no way he would be totally unreasonable on this photo thing, and not be unreasonable on other things as well.

Since his only issues with his girlfriend are the grad photo and her talking about him everyday (and he is hesitant to confront her about that for fear of being out of line)... this guy really doesn't seem to be taking the position you're talking about. I certainly am not. 🙂

[exitseven]

If the photo is on her nightstand it would be weird but unless you find that she is doing more than friend stuff with these guys then I would let it alone.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO.

[yourbabygirl921]

I do that because I love my guy best friend much and he's like a brother to me and I wouldn't exchange him just for a boyfriend who gets jealous, my ex do that thing trynna compare himself to my gbf and ofc he knows I'll pick my gbf but still I am with him becuz I'm romantically attractive to him not not my best friend

[yourbabygirl921]

That boy in the picture is fine tho 😂

[jennifer_bloom]

Have you thought about introducing him to another man who can replace your girlfriend as his best friend?

[Jaylaaa2000]

Absolutely you should dump her.
You be doing her a favor.

Your insecurity and jealousy will on get worse the longer the 2 of you are together.

[Interstate]

If it is a picture of her best friend, there is nothing abnormal about that. It is always the close friends that exchange pictures first before anyone else. There is no reason to be uncomfortable about it.

[Ansoohe]

Well guy best friends and boyfriends are totally different! I love my best friends and I trust them completely. But although I think they're attractive I don't want a romantic relationship with them. It's probably the same for your girlfriend, it's like holding on to your favorite picture of your brother.

[LeoElias]

Coming off too insecure and too controlling. If you end things you'll just be proving to her that you weren't worth her time. Honestly, you should end things. She needs to find a guy without a fragile ego

[Dinklex3]

Kinda a red flag to feel uncomfortable about that.
I have 2 of my best friends graduation photos still. They have mine as well.
Break up with her and do her a favor.

[Inexpensivefurniture]

Yeah you should dump her, then she can find a guy who isn't so threatened by a photo

[ShedzJo4322]

No man nothing wrong with that. I have a pic of me and the male bestie laying on the bed. Him naked ( He is a nudist or likes being nude infront of me) and I was in underwear.

[Twinrova]

Your boyfriend should dump you; perhaps he is too desperate.

[ShedzJo4322]

@Twinrova I don't have one. If I did, I would not have left shit like that on my phone.

[Jaysonava]

Hmmmm. It's not weird to hold on to that photo. It's also not weird to feel uncomfortable about it.

I think this is a common thing in relationships

[kkirk4442]

Yes, it's normal to have some jealousy, when a girlfriend hangs on to a photo of a previous lie.

[joeldalton]

If you can't dick her down well enough that this guy is a threat, you've lost.

[JamieLoves]

No.. We feel what we feel. Just nay e you’re sensing that he or she has more in their minds

[OddBeMe]

Ehh, some people have affinities for such crap. Like yearbooks.

[Anonymous]

yeah that is odd. If she seems to like them more than a friend its definitely a dump situation.

[Anonymous]

i would take it from her and spit on it and then flush it down the loo

[In_Trance]

Does it have grool stains on it?

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

yeah