How can I tell my son about my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Hello! I've been divorced for 3 years and my 12 year old son has never met any men I've dated since then. I have had a boyfriend for almost a year now and am so happy with him. We talked about slowly introducing him to my son. I want to casually bring up the fact that i have a boyfriend a month or so before they meet so there's no pressure but there's never a good time. How do i i bring it up in a way that is a bit casual?

Updates

+1 y

I realized i never posted an update! So my son actually asked if i had a boyfriend and then asked if he could meet him lol so was easy in the end

[abc3643]

Say to your son that you have an acquaintance or friend that you are going out to dinner in a restaurant with and that you'd like the boy to come along too. While out to dinner, you and your boyfriend DO NOT mention at the dinner table that you are a couple. Do this a few times and even mix it up a bit by inviting the friend over to your house for dinner and/or go to his house for dinner.

All the while, the boy needs to see all three of you together. At 12, he shouldn't be totally clueless, so I suspect one of those nights after the man has left, the boy might ask you if the man is your boyfriend. If he doesn't, then, maybe after the 4th time, when all 3 of you have dinner together the 5th time, tell the boy the truth. At this point, it shouldn't be shocking to him because the man isn't some random person, but, over the course of the few dinners, he has become a person in your lives (and his life, in particular) just like any other friends that you see casually.

However, there are 4 ulterior motives to all this:
1. You want to see how this man interacts with your boy. He may be great with you, but a shithead with kids.
2. You need to see how the boy likes the man as a person BEFORE the boy knows that the man is a potential step-father and replacement in your home for his father. If the boy doesn't like the man even before he knows that you are romantic with the man, then you know this might not work out.
3. If the boy knows he's the boyfriend right away, his emotional state of upset will cloud his attitudes toward the man and so you can know how the boy truly feels about the man as a person. That's why you need this technique of introducing the man as someone in your life without the boy knowing the man is a romantic partner.
4. Through their interaction, you will need to see if YOU can handle the idea of a melded family versus the two distinct lives that you are living now: 1) Mom and 2) Girlfriend. You may come to discover that you don't want to change things for several years until the kid is grown.

[abc3643]

5th Ulterior Motive: To see if the man can handle it. For all you know, he may not like the boy or have the chops to be a step-father. Right now, to him, your kid is an abstraction. The reality may be completely different than what's in his mind. Furthermore, he may not know himself: He may think he can be a step-dad, but the reality may be different and he may discover that harsh reality. You want to know these things as early as possible. It's best to do that in a way that does not stress the 3 of you out. This is why I say do the casual dining with all three of you - and maybe a day trip on a weekend. Those two need to get to know each other as human beings before they know each other as your son and boyfriend.

[ZaneGoicovich]

This is a hard one I think, I am a 15 year old answering this question. You could as him to come talk to you when it works best for him but be warned he might be mad for a little while. That’s one way. This is a hard one to answer because it sounds like you didn’t just get with him and you have been with him for a year without him knowing so it might be more difficult. You could introduce him not necessarily as your boyfriend first and see how he interacts with you son. If I were me I would tell him in a talking calm place and let him yell at me if he needed to and get his feelings out about that and know that eventually he will probably except it.

[ZaneGoicovich]

You could also say you that your taking someone out but if he found out about you being with him for a year me might feel hurt or lied to. I know when my mom lied to me it stuck with me for a long time and it’s still their. I would tell him if it was me. but I also see the point of not telling him too.

[Helpmeplease10106]

Maybe just let him hangout with your son a couple times and then if your son ends up liking him then tell your son he's your boyfriend I hope everything goes great and everything works out for you and your son and boyfriend and of course do a group activity with the bolth of them your son and boyfriend

[jasco]

Honestly find something that the kids like to do that can be two player, say you brought a friend over and say he would like to play with you. See how the kid reacts to him being around. If it goes good, keep letting him spend time with the child, let the child grow onto him. Later on he may actually want him to be his dad. But do not force him into it because he will hate you

[Anonymous]

Then after the ex husband hears about you dating then he comes back into the picture then fight for you then win you back then both of you continue where you left off and start making more babies again. Good terms or not. The exs always come back fully in the picture. I know people on here they have suggestions but you might not like it on what they have to say and they chewed me out because I dated a single mother but she when back to her husband 😐

[Opinion Owner]

Ex husband...

[Asker]

I just saw this! Sorry for your experience. I understand your pov but i personally will never get back with ex husband lol was not a happy marriage and i was very happy to leave it. Have never looked bavk or cried about it since

Still with my lovely boyfriend :) he's moving in next week and we are planning on having more kids in a year

[Opinion Owner]

Congratulations

[KralArthur]

On his birthday maybe I don't know