What am I doing wrong with men?

Question

I'd say I'm a caring, down to earth girl with a good attitude, somewhat of a tomboy but I love laughing too. I don't expect a guy to pamper me or kiss my ass and can generally provide for myself. I'm pretty low drama too. Im always there to console guys who may be going through a rough time emotionally and I mean they'll tell me things they don't want others to know but same said guys I can't get a date with. I always try to keep a positive vibe but what happens is they'll be interested and we'll get close emotionally then they back off start ghosting and then keep up with me on my stories. One even kept sending me info and photos about his kids so I got a minor attachment to them but then he just started pulling away ghosted and yeah like i said just looks at my stories. What could I be doing wrong? I'm not bitchy or needy at all but im tired of doing the initiating and follow up like I'm not a dude.

virtue2332 · Accepted Answer

Whatever you are projecting isn't being received like you think it is. People often are confused when it comes to understanding how to communicate effectively. What I mean by this is we assume that words or phrases we use has the same value or meaning to the people we are communicating with. We also refrain from being direct and assume they understand our intentions that seem clear from out perspective. Perspective is going to win when things are not clear. You may say "I wish I could find someone like you." With the intention of letting him know you are interested with out making it obvious" He might think " they all say they want to find someone like me but no wants me what am I missing". Why does this happen to me? Maybe let him know by saying I've been waiting to meet someone like you would you consider dating someone like me. He is either going to say yeah or stall. If he stalls maybe he's not into you or maybe he can't emotionally be into you because he is not in a place to be. Either way pull back and maybe don't invest so much energy in that guy. You pulling back maybe what they need to see that they do like having you around and can see maybe giving it a shot. Somethings are not meant to be it has nothing to do with you as long as you are genuine its them who can't appreciate what they have in front of them. The last thing you want to do is invest so much energy and time into something that has no chance because it's not easy and you don't want to carry that energy into your next situation. You don't even want to talk about it with the new guy. Then he might prematurely wonder what is wrong. New guy clean slate don't talk about past failures only positive futures. Like they say in investing "Past performance is no guarantee of future results" so with that in mind Invest your time wisely. Good luck!!

Browneye57 · Accepted Answer

There's just SO much wrong with this, it is absolutely amazing you don't get it.

So let's just break some of this bullshit down for youl
1. Tomboys are nobody's favorite. Guys like GIRLS. So the more you try to be like a guy, the less desirable you are to them.
2. Guys WANT to pamper you and kiss your little ass - that you don't need or want them to precludes their basic drive to GIVE to you. You just don't NEED them and that's what makes people click - you need and want them. My guess is you never let them know how much they mean to you, how important they, how they are the most important thing in your life. For if he's not, find one that IS.
3. NEVER hook up with a guy that already has kids. For a LOT of reasons. Primarily you will NEVER be their first priority. In fact, you actually become their LAST priority - those kids, their ex, his mom, his job, his friends, ALL come before you do. f
4. Social media is ALL fake. You simply cannot forge a relationship by texting or social media - it's VIRTUAL. You have to DATE in REAL LIFE.
5. Guys don't need or want consoling. It's not your job, you can't fix them, and you're not their mommy.

So that's a start, but this whole self-centered attitude of not needing or wanting guys is just a complete turn off.
Good luck.

Ez-Bri-Z · Accepted Answer

Maybe it's the type of guys you are going for? They might just be looking for a certain type of girl and if you are largely self sufficient it can be a little intimidating to some guys.

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

You swear which very few educated woman do. In my 6 years in university, I only heard one person swear in front of me.

Crazybeeguy · Answer

Did you meet any of these guys in real life?
I have female friends in Indonesia, we've been talking for awhile, but it doesn't replace actually being together.
It's hard to commit to someone that may never sit beside you.

Also, cool you are all those adjectives but who are you?

Without actually meeting you we can't figure out if you are giving off the wrong vibe. Also maybe you are picking the wrong guys there's not enough info.

exitseven · Answer

I don't know. You sound very nice. I have had many female friends and I know a couple of them wanted it to be more. I thought about it more than once but I just did not love them them the way I should for that kind of relationship.
You might not have met the right person yet. I wish I had a magic answer for you but all I can say is don;t give up.

Anonymous · Answer

How do you look compared to the girls they're actually dating?

if it's not that you may be putting out a "I don't like sex" vibe.

i guess there are other possibilities but those are the two most likely.

he-takes-a-part · Answer

Oh better solution to this would be to see your photos and then make an inform decision send them in pvt

Dchrls78104 · Answer

Maybe you're dating or attracting the wrong type of men.

Still-alive · Answer

How are your looks? Yes that can be a factor for many guys and women

Scorpio11 · Answer

Work on yourself. Sooner or later the right guy will come around to stay and not waste your time.

jerdanro · Answer

You sound like the kind of woman I would fall in love with.

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe it is the guys you are going after. Most people try to date interesting people; but they are usually the worst at forming a stable relationship. If this is you, try dating boring guys.

Luckycharms12 · Answer

Maybe being more of friends than a lover. Don't show your interested right away make a guy work

ItsMeItsMe1989 · Answer

most men don't know how to get a girl because most men don't know what impresses women

Anonymous · Answer

Being a Tomboy can be a turn off for a lot of Guys.

zagor · Answer

Not enough evidence to draw a conclusion.

SamFromFL · Answer

Lose some weight if you wanna be more attractive

Anonymous · Answer

Are you asking them out or not?

What am I doing wrong with men?

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