1) I have to raise someone else’s kids. It’s similar to building a house with your own sweat and money, but then letting someone else live in it. No thanks.
2) If the biological father is still involved, you inherit him too. You have to see her communicate with him, see him at family gatherings, potentially deal with issues if he’s insecure with mental problems.
3) The child/children may never warm up to you since you’re not their real father. Depending on the age, they might hate you.
Don’t make it difficult. Sorry single moms, I have nothing but respect for you. I know things happen. But this is the reality.
I coached soccer for many years. A lot of the kids on my teams over the years had stepfathers. I cannot think of a single kid that actually had anything good to say about them.
Thing about that is usually it's the single mom who prevents the stepdad from taking the traditional role of leading on disciplining the kids so the kids get to run wild but the 'dad' takes the blame. A smart guy isn't going to get into that situation.
Well, kids know what they feel. Some used to have pet names for their step parents. None were very endearing. Parents think it's going to be like the Brady Bunch.
Because 1. Her kids comes 1st, a man comes 2nd or 3rd where biological father ain’t deadbeat. Step and biological dad paying up bills? It’s jackpot. 2. No man wanna be IMF or ATM, there is a 90% chance of the child linking with the biological father even if he were fucking deadbeat. 3. Due to point 1 above, there is 80% chance her children will treat him like shit. Disrespectful and arrogant and mom will do no shit about it.
However, personally I wouldn’t mind a genuine widow who has no tight ties to her previous in-laws, no black widow and shit because it’s easier to win her child or children respect and love because they got no alternative, you main dad now.
The other thing is these single moms almost always insist on having total control over disciplining the kid which takes the man's balls. Then he can't be a dad. He's just an actor who looks like a dad & has to pay to be with her.
Probably evolutionary reasons too. The reason for sex and relationships is basically to pass on our genes. If a woman already has kids, she will have less energy to invest in your kids with her, if you have some together. And that is bad for their odds of surviving and reproducing. So it's bad for you. So maybe you would rather find a woman who hasn't had kids yet.
Because no one wants to raise other men’s children. Because it brings complications and burdens. Because men want to invest in someone who can give them their attention and single moms have to give their attention to their children. Because the children can hate and resent him. Because he is not their father. Because there are too many options out there for us to go for a woman with kids. Duuhhhhhhhh
I can only speak for myself. For me her needing a shoulder to lean on to isn´t the big thing, I actually like that. It´s rather the feeling that I have to be a father figure of these kids and that´s something I´m honestly not ready for yet. I just manage to get my shit to gether and live my life. I´m not ready to be that kind of a role model yet.
Dating a single mom is hard because her kids are her priority and you end up having cancelled dates. You also have to compete with the kids for her attention because they can get needy. Depending on the custodial situation, you might not get a lot of alone time with her. Its hard to make a connection when that happens. Also, if you make a connection with her and the kids, it's like you're losing a family when you break up.
You also have to eventually step into a parenting role and help her get them to school or pick them up. This part happens when you start living together.
I did it once, I would prefer not to do it again.
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I will tell you why:
1) In a normal situation, the mom's priorities are as follows: her children first, then her, then you... That's on a good day! 2) As time passes, the possibility that financial obligations including her kids may fall on you. This may be a "test" of how much you care. 3) There is always the possibility that you may have to cross paths with the dad. 4) The kids may become antagonistic towards you or already have behavioral problems before you even show up on the scene.
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
To begin with a single mom could mean living in adultery if she's divorced. Also a single mom wouldn't think twice about picking up and leaving in the middle of the night not even allowing you to tell the children goodbye leave you devastated and heart broke. There are many angles to cover actually to include them all here. I wanted children of my own it didn't matter if they weren't my biological children or not however I'm coming to terms knowing that it wasn't meant to be a part of my life and I've moved on.
Because I would get attached to children I have no rights to. If she leaves that relationship would be broken.
I grew up with a single mom, she had a really nice boyfriend, for a few years who treated myself and my sister like his own.
When she left him (for the steriotype bad boy) he was broken up.
So, even though I always wanted children of my own , one if the reasons I stopped dating at 30 was most women ether had children by then or didn't want any.
I personally don't want to take care of another dude's kids. They'll always symbolize the fact that she was serious enough with the guy to go that far with him. Either that or she made a mistake. Neither is ideal to me. I also want biological kids of my own, so I'd rather not.
Most of my guy friends wouldn’t truly be interested... neither would my boyfriend I asked him. My cousin who’s 27 is engaged to her boyfriend who has a 4 year old and crazy ex that’s her business couldn’t be me but I’m glad she’s happy. So while there are plenty that would people need to respect why people wouldn’t want to.
@TruthBringer Hey... you can date all the hot single moms you want, but you don't have to marry them, move in with them, or support them or their kids. If they start asking for money, you can stop dating them. You don't become a financial cuck unless you allow it.
@loveslongnails That's the thing, dudes like him would allow it hahah. I don't even date single mothers because I can easily get with childless women like I already do now. I don't have to aim for low hanging fruit. But I get what you're saying
@TruthBringer You're kind of an asshole so I hope you end up alone. It has nothing to do with not being able to get women or not being able to date "higher fruit". I've just met some truly incredible women who just happened to be single mothers. In one instance her boyfriend let her because he decided last minute he didn't want to be a father and she's an incredibly strong and intelligent women who still managed to put herself through College. You're just a man who lacks substance.
@InventorofWarp Hahahah You're calling me an "ass" and then wish I end up alone. Quite the irony if you ask me. If you have any knowledge about the dating market, then you know that single mothers are usualyl low hanging fruit because they are aware of their situation (being a single mother) puts them in a disadvantage. So they lower their standards in order to get a beta provider such as yourself.
What you have to realize is that they (and you) always blame the men in that, but who opened their legs for the wrong men? Ding ding ding. So if the man is such a bad dude, why get with him in the first place? 9 times out of 10 it's some form of badboy who managed to give them the tingles and now they reap what they sow.
"You're just a man who lacks substance". A beta male provider tells me I lack substance LMFAO. No, I'm a man who is very aware of the dangers of dating a single mother and who have 0 issues attracting and getting with childless women (like I already do). Unlike you that is. But by all means, keep coping. I can smell your insecurity and emotional state.
@InventorofWarp But by all means, don't let me stop you from raising another man's child. Next thing you know, you're raising my child. Alpha fucks and beta bucks scenario. We appreciate it <3
someone needs to lay off the soap operas and romantic novels @loves2learn
" a woman who pulls her own weight and also happens to have a child."
who pulls her own weight and has a child because she either had trouble keeping her legs close or was too unstable to keep the father of her child around. may I ask how the F can these type of relationship be "amazing and fulfilling?"
@CasaNorba I honeslty didn't expect anything better from a beta male provider. If you check out that dude's questions, he exposes himself to be a loser (no prospects and hard time getting women). So it's obvious that he aims for low hanging fruit. And yet he is sitting here telling an Air Force officer in fighter pilot training, who also has a relationship with a childless woman that he has "no substance". Gotta love when people project who they are unto others 😂. He wants me to end up alone because he himself is miserable and alone.
And don't mind snowflake @lovestolearn. She got a soft spot for me for some time now.
@TruthBringer lmao that is the vast majority of the users in this site. people who are stranded in their parents basement because they're too afraid to go out into the world and make shit happen. so they use social media to scape their reality as much as possible
@loves2learn And yet you go into incognito mode just to read my stuff, even though blocked me. This goes to show that you have a soft spot for me. Snowflakes like yourself call anything "sexist" that aims to criticize women for bad behavior, even though there have never been sexist intentions. I bet you wouldn't call something sexist if it is aimed at men (something I have done plenty of times aswel).
A sexist is someone who hates all women. A person who criticizes women while also learning more about them is hardly a sexist. But of course this 23 year old has to educate you at the age of 38 what "sexism" even means. Stay mad, sweetheart.
@TruthBringer You're such a fuckin' moron you're not even worth my time. Any dumb dipshit who uses terms like "beta male provider" is a fucking idiot who'll spend his lifetime throttling his cock or at the very least end up bitter and alone like you are. Good luck dude, you're not worth anymore wasted brain cells.
@InventorofWarp I just love how you projected your own failures and insecurities onto me. All because I associated you with an internet slang. Last time I checked I have a wonderful career and a wonderful relationship, while you have none of the two. And yet you're sitting here condescending others while you couldn't stoop lower yourself. Get a job mate. And enjoy getting catfished overseas, pal, lmfao
@loves2learn No such thing, that single mother will always put her kids above everything and will always take their side even if they are wrong. Been there, done that, never again. Single mothers always make excuses for their kids. They will expect you to support them and treat them like your own kids then the second you attempt to instill any discipline in the brats she will immediately make the remark, "Those are my kids not yours". Stay away from single mothers at all costs.
@johnsmithjs Very well said! I've noticed many men who have gone on that path to complain about the same thing. It has become a pattern and men of value are wise to avoid them altogether. I'm glad you got yourself out of that mess.
@TruthBringer I sure did, I felt sorry for her eldest son and thought I could help him. She asked if he could stay with us until he got on his feet. I agreed but said he had to sign a contract stating he would not do drugs and would get a job. Well he breached the contract no job and was smoking dope. I told him that is not acceptable he got tried to throw a punch, I knocked him on his ass and she had the balls to tell me I was wrong. Well, she found out exactly how wrong I was when I had a professional moving company pack all her shit and her kids shit, within 8 hours she was gone. Never again, my house my rules! She even tried to apologize after the fact but you do that once you will do it again. Good Bye!
Men don't avoid them. They are easy so men will fuck them. However, if their looks are equal, their baggage makes them less desirable. Nevertheless, for a relationship, average men men can attract a 7 single mom but only a 5 single girl and, even with their baggage, men may choose a 7 single mom over a 5 single girl.
Dating a single mother in my country is too often for my liking a thankless job. The truth is that kids take up vast quantities of space, resources, and intimate time; and disciplining kids that aren't yours is often difficult and problematic.
I avoid single moms because I don’t date women with a history of bad decision making and your problems are not going to become mine. I want a family and kids; I don’t want to be second priority to some bastard children that you had with some dude that you’ll consider a mistake for the rest of your life.
I avoid them because, she had children with someone that wasn't me. Wich makes it more possible that she will leave me after we have kids of our own I won't be capable of dealing with not being allowed to see my own children.
I can handle rejection pretty well but break ups I can't handle that at all don't want children involved in that
As selfish as it sounds, I'd like to be loved too. With single mothers you'll have to wonder if you're just a meal ticket and you'll eventually have to talk out your place in the family. There's also the fact that some single mothers project onto you what they disliked in another man/men. At least that's what I think from my limited experience.
I dont my friends a single mom, she's always bothering me to meet up with her but she makes my anxiety go nuts. She and I have the same Dr (so does my two other friends) I dated her cousin. Which Im still kicking myself I didn't marry her. I think I could of been better off
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
99Opinion
Let’s count the ways.
1) I have to raise someone else’s kids. It’s similar to building a house with your own sweat and money, but then letting someone else live in it. No thanks.
2) If the biological father is still involved, you inherit him too. You have to see her communicate with him, see him at family gatherings, potentially deal with issues if he’s insecure with mental problems.
3) The child/children may never warm up to you since you’re not their real father. Depending on the age, they might hate you.
Don’t make it difficult. Sorry single moms, I have nothing but respect for you. I know things happen. But this is the reality.
I coached soccer for many years. A lot of the kids on my teams over the years had stepfathers. I cannot think of a single kid that actually had anything good to say about them.
That’s really sad
Thing about that is usually it's the single mom who prevents the stepdad from taking the traditional role of leading on disciplining the kids so the kids get to run wild but the 'dad' takes the blame. A smart guy isn't going to get into that situation.
Wow... Do you think the kids are honest?
Well, kids know what they feel. Some used to have pet names for their step parents. None were very endearing. Parents think it's going to be like the Brady Bunch.
I’m pretty sure this question is asked to shame single moms.
I can say there is the exact same reason why women avoid single dads too
Sorry if you see it like this... Definitely not in fact single moms are true warriors i respect them... And yes I'm going to ask the opposite soon 🙂
There is nothing wrong with not wanting to date a single mom. I won’t want to date a single dad either
But you don’t ask questions as an attempt to bully Harrass or attack a certain group of people
Because
1. Her kids comes 1st, a man comes 2nd or 3rd where biological father ain’t deadbeat. Step and biological dad paying up bills? It’s jackpot.
2. No man wanna be IMF or ATM, there is a 90% chance of the child linking with the biological father even if he were fucking deadbeat.
3. Due to point 1 above, there is 80% chance her children will treat him like shit. Disrespectful and arrogant and mom will do no shit about it.
However, personally I wouldn’t mind a genuine widow who has no tight ties to her previous in-laws, no black widow and shit because it’s easier to win her child or children respect and love because they got no alternative, you main dad now.
The other thing is these single moms almost always insist on having total control over disciplining the kid which takes the man's balls. Then he can't be a dad. He's just an actor who looks like a dad & has to pay to be with her.
Probably evolutionary reasons too. The reason for sex and relationships is basically to pass on our genes. If a woman already has kids, she will have less energy to invest in your kids with her, if you have some together. And that is bad for their odds of surviving and reproducing. So it's bad for you. So maybe you would rather find a woman who hasn't had kids yet.
Because no one wants to raise other men’s children. Because it brings complications and burdens. Because men want to invest in someone who can give them their attention and single moms have to give their attention to their children. Because the children can hate and resent him. Because he is not their father. Because there are too many options out there for us to go for a woman with kids. Duuhhhhhhhh
When I'm driving in my car, I try and avoid everyone.
I try to hug them but they run away 🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️
I can only speak for myself. For me her needing a shoulder to lean on to isn´t the big thing, I actually like that. It´s rather the feeling that I have to be a father figure of these kids and that´s something I´m honestly not ready for yet. I just manage to get my shit to gether and live my life. I´m not ready to be that kind of a role model yet.
Dating a single mom is hard because her kids are her priority and you end up having cancelled dates. You also have to compete with the kids for her attention because they can get needy. Depending on the custodial situation, you might not get a lot of alone time with her. Its hard to make a connection when that happens. Also, if you make a connection with her and the kids, it's like you're losing a family when you break up.
You also have to eventually step into a parenting role and help her get them to school or pick them up. This part happens when you start living together.
I did it once, I would prefer not to do it again.
I will tell you why:
1) In a normal situation, the mom's priorities are as follows: her children first, then her, then you... That's on a good day!
2) As time passes, the possibility that financial obligations including her kids may fall on you. This may be a "test" of how much you care.
3) There is always the possibility that you may have to cross paths with the dad.
4) The kids may become antagonistic towards you or already have behavioral problems before you even show up on the scene.
To begin with a single mom could mean living in adultery if she's divorced. Also a single mom wouldn't think twice about picking up and leaving in the middle of the night not even allowing you to tell the children goodbye leave you devastated and heart broke. There are many angles to cover actually to include them all here. I wanted children of my own it didn't matter if they weren't my biological children or not however I'm coming to terms knowing that it wasn't meant to be a part of my life and I've moved on.
Because I would get attached to children I have no rights to. If she leaves that relationship would be broken.
I grew up with a single mom, she had a really nice boyfriend, for a few years who treated myself and my sister like his own.
When she left him (for the steriotype bad boy) he was broken up.
So, even though I always wanted children of my own , one if the reasons I stopped dating at 30 was most women ether had children by then or didn't want any.
I personally don't want to take care of another dude's kids. They'll always symbolize the fact that she was serious enough with the guy to go that far with him. Either that or she made a mistake. Neither is ideal to me. I also want biological kids of my own, so I'd rather not.
The same reason I avoid single dads... why would I want to be bothered with that at 25.
Me and a lot of 24-year-old guys would totally date a single mom if she's awesome enough.
@InventorofWarp Because you got nothing going on in your life and no self-respect. Enjoy getting financially cucked
Most of my guy friends wouldn’t truly be interested... neither would my boyfriend I asked him. My cousin who’s 27 is engaged to her boyfriend who has a 4 year old and crazy ex that’s her business couldn’t be me but I’m glad she’s happy. So while there are plenty that would people need to respect why people wouldn’t want to.
look at that a single dad down voted you.
@TruthBringer Hey... you can date all the hot single moms you want, but you don't have to marry them, move in with them, or support them or their kids. If they start asking for money, you can stop dating them. You don't become a financial cuck unless you allow it.
@TruthBringer You must be lovely at parties.
@InventorofWarp Not sure what that non-sequitur is about but yes, I am lovely at parties. :)
@loveslongnails That wasn't directed at you genius.
Read the damn at sign.
Can y’all stop arguing 😅 we know who would and wouldn’t date someone with children at this point
@InventorofWarp Seems like it considering I often get invited.
@loveslongnails That's the thing, dudes like him would allow it hahah. I don't even date single mothers because I can easily get with childless women like I already do now. I don't have to aim for low hanging fruit. But I get what you're saying
@InventorofWarp Hey, I missed it. I'm on post surgical pain meds, cut me some slack. lol
@TruthBringer You're kind of an asshole so I hope you end up alone. It has nothing to do with not being able to get women or not being able to date "higher fruit". I've just met some truly incredible women who just happened to be single mothers.
In one instance her boyfriend let her because he decided last minute he didn't want to be a father and she's an incredibly strong and intelligent women who still managed to put herself through College. You're just a man who lacks substance.
BOOM! @InventorofWarp gets it!
@InventorofWarp Hahahah You're calling me an "ass" and then wish I end up alone. Quite the irony if you ask me. If you have any knowledge about the dating market, then you know that single mothers are usualyl low hanging fruit because they are aware of their situation (being a single mother) puts them in a disadvantage. So they lower their standards in order to get a beta provider such as yourself.
What you have to realize is that they (and you) always blame the men in that, but who opened their legs for the wrong men? Ding ding ding. So if the man is such a bad dude, why get with him in the first place? 9 times out of 10 it's some form of badboy who managed to give them the tingles and now they reap what they sow.
"You're just a man who lacks substance". A beta male provider tells me I lack substance LMFAO. No, I'm a man who is very aware of the dangers of dating a single mother and who have 0 issues attracting and getting with childless women (like I already do). Unlike you that is. But by all means, keep coping. I can smell your insecurity and emotional state.
@InventorofWarp But by all means, don't let me stop you from raising another man's child. Next thing you know, you're raising my child. Alpha fucks and beta bucks scenario. We appreciate it <3
@loveseslongnails " If they start asking for money, you can stop dating them. You don't become a financial cuck unless you allow it."
why do you think single mothers date for in the first place?
@loves2learn get's what? his bank account drained over kids that aren't even his?
@TruthBringer amen brother!
"Me and a lot of 24-year-old guys would totally date a single mom if she's AWESOME ENOUGH"
OTFRL! who the fuck says this?
@casanorba an amazing and fulfilling relationship with a woman who pulls her own weight and also happens to have a child.
someone needs to lay off the soap operas and romantic novels @loves2learn
" a woman who pulls her own weight and also happens to have a child."
who pulls her own weight and has a child because she either had trouble keeping her legs close or was too unstable to keep the father of her child around. may I ask how the F can these type of relationship be "amazing and fulfilling?"
@casanorba you paint with a broad brush, sir. Your loss.
@CasaNorba I honeslty didn't expect anything better from a beta male provider. If you check out that dude's questions, he exposes himself to be a loser (no prospects and hard time getting women). So it's obvious that he aims for low hanging fruit. And yet he is sitting here telling an Air Force officer in fighter pilot training, who also has a relationship with a childless woman that he has "no substance". Gotta love when people project who they are unto others 😂. He wants me to end up alone because he himself is miserable and alone.
And don't mind snowflake @lovestolearn. She got a soft spot for me for some time now.
@loves2learn you evaded my question, therefore you destroyed yourself first
@TruthBringer lmao that is the vast majority of the users in this site. people who are stranded in their parents basement because they're too afraid to go out into the world and make shit happen. so they use social media to scape their reality as much as possible
@casanorba 🙄🙄🙄🙄 your question doesn't deserve an answer because its a broad generalization. And i resent the soap opera and romance novel comment.
@truthbringer I've beyond had it with you and your sexist bullshit.
@loves2learn And yet you go into incognito mode just to read my stuff, even though blocked me. This goes to show that you have a soft spot for me. Snowflakes like yourself call anything "sexist" that aims to criticize women for bad behavior, even though there have never been sexist intentions. I bet you wouldn't call something sexist if it is aimed at men (something I have done plenty of times aswel).
A sexist is someone who hates all women. A person who criticizes women while also learning more about them is hardly a sexist. But of course this 23 year old has to educate you at the age of 38 what "sexism" even means. Stay mad, sweetheart.
@TruthBringer You're such a fuckin' moron you're not even worth my time. Any dumb dipshit who uses terms like "beta male provider" is a fucking idiot who'll spend his lifetime throttling his cock or at the very least end up bitter and alone like you are.
Good luck dude, you're not worth anymore wasted brain cells.
@InventorofWarp I just love how you projected your own failures and insecurities onto me. All because I associated you with an internet slang. Last time I checked I have a wonderful career and a wonderful relationship, while you have none of the two. And yet you're sitting here condescending others while you couldn't stoop lower yourself. Get a job mate. And enjoy getting catfished overseas, pal, lmfao
@loves2learn No such thing, that single mother will always put her kids above everything and will always take their side even if they are wrong. Been there, done that, never again. Single mothers always make excuses for their kids. They will expect you to support them and treat them like your own kids then the second you attempt to instill any discipline in the brats she will immediately make the remark, "Those are my kids not yours". Stay away from single mothers at all costs.
@johnsmithjs Very well said! I've noticed many men who have gone on that path to complain about the same thing. It has become a pattern and men of value are wise to avoid them altogether. I'm glad you got yourself out of that mess.
@TruthBringer I sure did, I felt sorry for her eldest son and thought I could help him. She asked if he could stay with us until he got on his feet. I agreed but said he had to sign a contract stating he would not do drugs and would get a job. Well he breached the contract no job and was smoking dope. I told him that is not acceptable he got tried to throw a punch, I knocked him on his ass and she had the balls to tell me I was wrong. Well, she found out exactly how wrong I was when I had a professional moving company pack all her shit and her kids shit, within 8 hours she was gone. Never again, my house my rules! She even tried to apologize after the fact but you do that once you will do it again. Good Bye!
@johnsmithjs That's how you do it! Good job!
Men don't avoid them. They are easy so men will fuck them. However, if their looks are equal, their baggage makes them less desirable. Nevertheless, for a relationship, average men men can attract a 7 single mom but only a 5 single girl and, even with their baggage, men may choose a 7 single mom over a 5 single girl.
Dating a single mother in my country is too often for my liking a thankless job. The truth is that kids take up vast quantities of space, resources, and intimate time; and disciplining kids that aren't yours is often difficult and problematic.
I avoid single moms because I don’t date women with a history of bad decision making and your problems are not going to become mine. I want a family and kids; I don’t want to be second priority to some bastard children that you had with some dude that you’ll consider a mistake for the rest of your life.
I avoid them because, she had children with someone that wasn't me. Wich makes it more possible that she will leave me after we have kids of our own I won't be capable of dealing with not being allowed to see my own children.
I can handle rejection pretty well but break ups I can't handle that at all don't want children involved in that
As selfish as it sounds, I'd like to be loved too.
With single mothers you'll have to wonder if you're just a meal ticket and you'll eventually have to talk out your place in the family. There's also the fact that some single mothers project onto you what they disliked in another man/men.
At least that's what I think from my limited experience.
I dont my friends a single mom, she's always bothering me to meet up with her but she makes my anxiety go nuts. She and I have the same Dr (so does my two other friends) I dated her cousin. Which Im still kicking myself I didn't marry her. I think I could of been better off