Do women avoid single fathers?

[Anonymous]

Hi all,

I have recently become a Father to a gorgeous little girl. She's now 8 weeks old.

I'm sure you've worked out from the title of this question that I'm single. For reasons I won't go into now, my baby's mother and I split up just after Christmas due to some long standing problems in our relationship.

Well, at the age of 25 I've become a single man for the first time in my adult life, and I'm ready to start getting out and about and meeting women.

The question I have is this. Do women avoid single Fathers? Do women see men with babies or small children of having "baggage"?

The reason I'm asking this is because there is a certain girl I've taken a bit of a shine to. But I'm quite worried she'll run a mile if she finds out I have a baby.

Does anybody have any experience and/or advice in this area? I'd love to hear it.

Many thanks.

Updates

+1 y

Sorry, I should point out that I don't have residential custody of my child. She lives with her Mum and I have her 2 days a week.

[lokii]

I know this probably isn't what you want to hear but I'm going to be completely honest. I would not consider dating a man with kids at this point in my life, for several reasons.

I date with the ultimate goal of finding someone to marry and build a life with and I want to be certain that the person I settle with will take the commitment seriously. He would have to have a VERY good reason for no longer being with his child's mother. Too many people today don't take marriage and parenthood seriously and I don't want to be with someone who has already shown that he's okay with separating from the mother of his children. That tells me that if I get involved with the man, I could very well end up in his ex's shoes someday, being single again and raising a kid that I will have the majority of the responsibility for to boot. Unfair as it may be, women still have to bear the majority of the burden in caring for children when a couple separates and that's a lot to take on. I don't want to be a single mom, I've seen what they go through and it's a thankless, stressful job.

Another factor to consider is money. I want to be with someone who is going to be able to make an equal commitment to our family. If he already has to support one family that he started with someone else, that bothers me. The economy sucks right now, what if he loses his job? What if I do? I want to make sure that any children I have will be adequately provided for. It's riskier if my future partner has two sets of children to worry about providing for.

I'll also admit to feeling the jealousy that some of the others mentioned. I don't have children yet and I feel that the first pregnancy and birth especially will be special to me. I want to experience this with my partner, I'm going to feel resentful and jealous if he's already been through it with someone else.

Drama is another consideration. I've seen what some of my single parent friends go through with their exes and I don't envy them a bit. I also have older friends whose step-kids are now teenagers. Most of them got along really well with their step-kids until they hit puberty and then the rebellion starts. They get the "I don't have to listen to you, you're not my mom/dad!" crap and they usually don't have as much authority to set limits or discipline the kids. I don't want to deal with that. Teenagers are difficult, at least if they're mine I'll be able to handle it as I see fit instead of having to run everything by their real mother or arguing over parenting differences.

There are women who feel differently and would date you. Finding a single mom is probably the best bet, you would be able to relate to each other more. I realize that as I get older more and more guys will have children, if I don't find the right guy before then I may have to reconsider but for now that's how I feel.

[Asker]

Thank you. Although that's not really the answer I wanted to hear, it's probably the best and most detailed answer I've had to one of my questions to date. So thank you for taking the time to answer my question.

[Anonymous]

I don't know about other girls, but I avoid single fathers.

To be honest, the idea of my correct match having a child with another woman pisses me the f*** off. Parenthood is very special. The experience of creating life, bringing life into this world and seeing what it's like to have a human being totally dependent on you in so many ways. It's a huge deal and I feel like the amazing depth and poweful experience of parenthood gets overlooked because unplanned pregnancy is so common these days. Parenthood is so special. You're creating the framework for a life, one of the most poweful things anyone will ever have be it a good or bad framework.

I'd be pissed if my man has already shared this with someone else. I want a family of my own. I want us to have just children of our own. Him having a kid just because he couldn't f***ing keep his d*** in his pants would make everything complicated. Especially as that child grows older because if the child doesn't like you then it would cause stress and friction in the relationship. You gotta worry about the mother getting all pissy and territorial and not wanting another woman around her child, which is something that I totally get. Ultimately, you can't even have him to himself because he's always going to have to put his child first and use his time spending time with the child and earning money to provide for that child. So no, I would avoid him like the plague.

[Opinion Owner]

I just feel that firsts are special and that's a first I want to give to my man. I can't stand the idea of him having it with someone else. Past a certain age, like 35, I'd be more open to it and understanding, but under the age of 35 hell no

[Asker]

Okay, I'd like to just point out that none of this happened because I "couldn't f***ing keep my d*** in my pants". I was in an 8 year relationship and had dreams I wanted to achieve before I wanted children. My girlfriend knew this and said she accepted it. Little did I know that she had decided to stop taking her contraceptive pill because she wanted to get pregnant and make it look like an accident. Hence the breakup.

[Opinion Owner]

point blank, had you excercised some self control as far as it came to sex, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place. sorry your girlfriend was so stupid

[a88ie100]

Yea blaming the woman is a dick move

[Anonymous]

Most guys want you to take care of their kid much too early in the relationship. Even a few days a week is tough, because there is a lot of work involved in raising a child -- ESPECIALLY a baby. I think it will get easier on you when your child gets over. Also, women want to make sure the baby mama drama is over with, because we've seen a lot of guys flip flop back and forth between the new woman and the old one -- its even more intense when a child is involved. Third, the idea of having a built-in-family just a few months into a relationship is pretty daunting. That means changing diapers, cleaning up messes, scheduling, crying, limited social life, etc... A lot of work that many women chose not to pursue on their own, for whatever reason (too busy, not into children, wrong time of life, etc).

[Anonymous]

It depends on the woman and how she feels about the responsibility of having a child at that point in her life. When you become serious with somebody who has a kid, it's almost like that child is also yours. You have to spend time with the kid and not just the guy and usually also help share the responsibilities of raising a child. So if the girl wouldn't having the responsibility of raising the child it most likely wouldn't be an issue to her. But if she weren't ready for that kind of responsibility yet, like myself, then she probably wouldn't want to date someone with a child.

[Opinion Owner]

if the girl wouldn't mind having*

[Opinion Owner]

Since you seem to be asking this with a specific girl in mind you need to tell her the truth. If she's the right girl for you then it won't be an issue to her. And you wouldn't want to start a relationship with somebody by lying to them about something this big because it will only come back to bite you in the end.

[jujubeetzzz]

well a child is baggage whether you like it or not. the girl really has to decide if your worth the trouble of taking care of a kid and she has to decide for herself if she's ready for that sort of responsibility. I guess what really matters is how you present the situation and what you expect future gfs to do for your kid...just acknowledge their existance or actually be part of their lives? and how do you want your kid to see your gfs?

[missjustina]

It depends on the person. Me personally, I wouldn't wanna date a man with kids. I don't think I'm ready for a kid yet. however- I definitely think you should bring up the kid right away. You shouldn't try to hide the kid from a girl your interested in.

[bsorensen78]

There is no way to just answer this question. It depends on the women. Some woman really want kids and they think it's adorable when a man is a loving and caring father. Then there are some that stear clear of men and babies all together. The fact is you have a daughter and you are a father. There is no point in hiding who you are. Just be honest and if she is not OK with it, then she is not the right woman for you.

[a88ie100]

What stands out to me and a valid question,

Why did you have a child if you had long standing issues. It just says your irresponsible and maybe a liar? dont mean to sound harsh but why did you do it then if you were going to split?

And this is what women will think.

[pepper01]

i would stay away! I'm not gonna be a "mom" to someones child whos not mine

[dwiller943]

No. Some do. But some don't. My ex is a single father. I never met his son yet though.

[Anonymous]

i try to stay away from guys with children because of the definite and permanent baby mother.