What happened and why is the guy I’ve been seeing acting this way?

[lovelyl99]

The past month I’ve been seeing/dating a guy and things have gone really well. We’ve really connected and spent a lot of time together, becoming emotionally attached and bonded. Ever since our first conversation ever, we’d talked every single day since with him initiating every time. He’s been wanting to see me multiple times a week and always initiates plans saying he misses me, even if he just saw me. He always compliments me, my heart, and my looks. We have been intimate and he’s admitted I’m one of the best and that we have really good sex. Last weekend, I met his dad. He met my friends and sister and we had a long weekend together at my vacation home. He has shown me to his best friend and even said he wanted to make me his girlfriend soon but wanted to be sure before jumping in which is very reasonable. He’s said to be on various occasions that I’m the only girl he’s talking to/seeing without me asking at all. He is starting a fellowship next school year and will be an hour away and even said that it wasn’t a big deal and we will still see each other, so he was thinking ahead. Yesterday, he opened his dating app and started messaging someone right in front of me and I got upset because I thought things were heading differently and that I was the only one as he said. He said at the time he said that, I was the only one, now I’m not apparently. Then later at night, he said he’s not really into the BBW stuff because I’m a bigger girl even though he said I’m still very attractive and that he feels emotionally strong for me. He seemed confused and I know he’s a bit more casual and takes longer to commit but my head is spinning over all this. We kinda left things up in the air and are giving each other some space to think.

[Truthbewithyou]

What happened was you conjured up a situation that was going better in your head than in real life.

I do not mean to be mean or offend but often times we women tend to do this.

We meet a guy who we like or who makes us feel better about ourselves and whatever we don't know about him, we just assume it because things are going well in our heads.

For example: You wrote "We’ve really connected and spent a lot of time together, becoming emotionally attached and bonded" but then went on to write how he behaved as the opposite. You wrote that here: "said he wanted to make me his girlfriend soon but wanted to be sure before jumping in" Here: "Yesterday, he opened his dating app and started messaging someone right in front of me" Here: "He said at the time he said that, I was the only one, now I’m not apparently." and Here: Then later at night, he said he’s not really into the BBW stuff because I’m a bigger girl. This doesn't sound very emotionally attached on his end at all.

Furthermore, A month is not long enough to know someone and a man telling you, you are a better lay than his previous partners is not a compliment to take. It's quite rude and belittles you to your skills in bed. A man introducing you to his friends or family does NOT (I can't stress this enough) does NOT mean he is serious about you. it means you are the one who will be around for now. And a man who uses needing time to commit is a man who doesn't believe you are the one he wants to take that leap for. Again, I don't mean to offend but he's just not that into you.

[Libbers]

Sorry to hear this. You definitely have to move on. If he does come back you will always have doubts.

[lovelyl99]

Great point, thanks.

[Truthatanycost]

You were intimate before knowing anything about him, and before becoming official. This shows you do not have clear boundaries and do not know what you have to offer. Talking every day is also unnecessary, and often detrimental too. What you need to do is develop clear boundaries, know what you are looking for, what you have to offer, and learn how to slow things down. Sex is never casual... no matter what society tries to sell you.

[lovelyl99]

I agree. I was in a 5 year relationship until 6 months ago. Sex is not casual for me at all. I wanted to wait until we were in a relationship because this is the 2nd guy I’ve been intimate with but it happened, and I will deal with that on my own.