Would it be okay if I just date someone because I'm lonely?

[Anonymous]

i'm never dated before as i'm getting older

i'm getting more loney

[Interstate]

How would you feel if a Woman says to you, "I am only dating you because I can't stand to be by myself"? I would get up, leave and tell her she is dating you for the wrong reasons. She shouldn't get involved with somebody, unless feelings grow between the TWO OF YOU. If she dates somebody just to avoid loneliness, not is she with you under false pretenses, but in a sense she is using you to avoid her feelings and using you to solve her insecurities. NOW... turn all that around. YOU would be the villain in this case.

[Walt832]

When i was 24-25 i had girlfriend but didn't last because her parents were always in the way. Basically, i was dating them. It was really awkward and really controlling. I understand they wanted a good man for your daughter but hey, she must explore and learn her mistakes and let her fall in love, not run them away.

I am glad that happen 😃 because I was in the middle of thinking and placing a business. Well i did in 2016 landscaping. Been single ever since then. Until, lately i am 31 been feeling i need a friend to hang out and talk. Bring some good moments and if we click then we to relationship. I am in no rush.

The question where to start? I've seen apps and read some reviews. Not convinced. I want to start with friends 🙂

[MecNuggets]

Sounds like a typical Asian family. Some are like that.

[NoLookingAtSoleil]

Well you ALWAYS date the parents, in fact.
When you like someone, you like the way their parents treated them. That IS the 'liking them for who they are' (i. e. how they got to become that way). You become their son-in-law, someone happy with the way they treat their children.

[Walt832]

But every single step we take. Parents need to leave their daughters some space. Is one of the reason daughters always say they are single or going with friends but in the reality going to date someone. As soon she says i am dating. Oh hell entire family comes in and over take the relationship. Trust me is annoying, even my ex said it was to much. I hate it when she argue with her parents to stop controlling. I had to talk to her is best we break up. I really didn't want see family to break all because our suggestions.

Until this point she is still single in her 28-29. They won't even let her get her own apartment. She even told me, the only way she could be out of her parents house, completely. Is to be married. I am like 😳, WTF? "So no boyfriend an girlfriend living together to see how things works out and if we see we do get along x years move to marriage but straight to marriage from your parents house. Naaaaa that is ridiculously.

Occasionally yes invite her parents for example BBQ, fishing, park, restaurants or even to your own apartment and i cook. But being on top every single step nope.

Honestly, we only had one intimacy. After that lol we both were graving it. 😂

[Goddess_Lexii]

Absolutely not. Codependency is often a sign of depression and low self esteem. The answer is not to drag someone else into your situation to help yourself. Unless you are willing to hurt another person (emotionally) for your own benefit.


The healthy thing to search for is someone to talk with. Someone who is understanding, supportive, and genuinely cares about you; a friend.


If you’re lonely, why don’t you private message me and tell me a little bit more about your situation. I may be able to help, or at least motivate.

[Goatmeal]

I honestly feel like there's a risk with all this talk of self-development and loving yourself before you love others and avoiding codependency that people will spend their whole lives reading self-help books and going to the gym and repeating the mantra that they love themselves while looking in a mirror, only to wake up at 55 years old realizing that life has passed them by.

[Goddess_Lexii]

Exactly. That is simply the opposite end of the spectrum. The healthiest option is to be content with oneself, and move on to confidently live their life. (Easier said than done for some people). People who do not come by this naturally, need to do some “self help” and dig deep into their emotions to find out why they are struggling. Then, once they identify the problem; fix it! It should be a process, not a lifestyle. Unfortunately, like you mentioned, there are plenty of people that make the “self help” cycle a way of life. As opposed to a process that is naturally completed by resolving their issues. Those people that you speak of (who are constantly absorbed with “self help”, meditation, spiritual exploration, etc.) are simply avoiding reality. Notice how those people never seem totally content and/or happy? How they always need something more? This is because all of that meditation and “self help” becomes nothing more than a distraction from reality, an avoidance of problems, and it’s just utopian nonsense. They are numbing their pain, and avoiding the real emotional work. Meanwhile, completely losing sight of the outside world. Often failing to maintain any genuine friendships or relationships because of it.
All of this happens to be signs of depression and low self-image as well.

Also, if they are looking for “self help”... why read a book written by somebody else? That’s not “self help”... that’s help! If they did it themselves, they didn’t need help. 😂

[NoLookingAtSoleil]

BS, again. Complete BS. You are selling sex-as-commodity.
How do you distinguish between genuine interest/desire and codependency?
If you are the abusive/manipulative type, that is the problem. You always look to use not to contribute.
If you are normal, you cannot be codependent.
It is not a relationship type but a personality type. And the asker does not sound manipulative or abusive else they would not be lonely but already milking someone.
Read the tone of the asker a bit before denigrating them based on who and how you are.

[jennifer_bloom]

Yes you could date a girl for companionship, just make sure she respects you and treats you well

[Asker]

thanks

[scholastic_vibez]

It’s one thing to date someone because you feel lonely, but don’t stay in a bad relationship because you are lonely.


I was engaged long ago, but I was less mad that she left me. I was angry, and bitter that she said had fallen out love with me years before, but pretended she still loved me because she was afraid of being alone, and starting over.


I could get over her leaving, but it took me many years to forgive her, for lying about her feelings from being afraid of being alone.


That wasn’t even the most hurtful thing she said; she said she was leaving me because I was losing my hair. I didn’t go out for a long time without a hat on after that, finally just shaved it all off, and never looked back in order to get my confidence back.


So, long story short, don’t date someone because you’re lonely, or stay with them for fear of it.

[HawkPerception]

As long as you are up front about your intentions, the sky's the limit. Just like if I told a girl I'm only looking for long term relationships and dating seriously, if she's not looking for that, she's free to go the other way. That's the benefit of communication. There's so many people in the world that want different things. I'm sure you'll find people that want the same thing as you.

[Anonymous]

It depends. Being lonely is a motivation for many people to decide to get into the dating world. That's common, even if people say it's not. Many people say something along the lines of, "I want someone to travel with, come home to, snuggle in bed on a rainy day with", etc. All those things can be tied back to loneliness. Human beings are social creatures, and it's completely normal to want human companionship.

I think "dating because you're lonely" becomes NOT okay once there is a specific person involved. For example, if you keep dating someone you don't really like just because you're afraid to be alone. That, in my opinion, is not okay. The other person may be developing feelings, and it's not fair to keep them on the hook if you're not that interested.

[1truekhaleesi]

I did that and quickly got into a toxic relationship. I was in therapy for months because he made me feel so low about myself. In comparison, I'm now in a healthy relationship. He is so wonderful. He makes me want to be a better person and he made me realize that I deserve much better.

[jofares]

Thanks 4 ur coment.. it gives people hope 🙏

[TwistedTube]

I mean you could just get an agreement with someone to be eachothers companionship. No need to call it dating, because dating is seeing whether you're suited for each other. Always make sure the other one knows you're not serious

[Melamore]

Nope. Not okay. That's technically leading them on. What you should do is learn to feel comfortable being by yourself or seek out some friends.

I personally feel comfortable by myself but other times I crave conversations with friends or family.

If you are going to date someone, make sure you actually like this person, and then at the same time you won't be lonely, and you won't lead anyone on.

[hahahmm]

Bad idea if you're the type who gets attached/fixated and you don't really know if you are so it's risky. First discover who you really are or want to be. Become that person. Then when you find someone to date they'll be a good match. Yes, lots of people prefer instant gratification/fast food approach to life but you get what you 'pay' for and there's no comparing the high quality meal to the value meal special.

[hahahmm]

And you don't have the time to learn the slow way some people do... over 10-20 years. You're better off giving yourself the best chance for success. Not wasting time on 'i'm just lonely' experiences. in my opinion

[ArrowheadSW]

Interesting question and I don't think I'd ever thought of this. Well, it could be that the person just wants to date to deal with the loneliness and not because the other person is a good match for them.

On the other hand, if a person is very happy socially and not lonely at all, would they be interested in meeting someone to date? Probably so, as they would just be looking for someone to make their life "more complete".

Interesting to think about.

[Anon621]

Yes. I think it would be a good idea in your case to date for companionship but if you want you can try to make more friends even though obviously that becomes more challenging the older you get but also dating gets tricky as well since most people are taken or don't want another relationship after their first one ends.

[On_cloud_wine]

hmm lol I remember when this lesbian asked me if I was talking to her because I was lonely and bored or because I really liked her.. I didn’t know she was gay though. She made a move on me at the movies and I was like woah! I didn’t know she went that way

[On_cloud_wine]

She was feisty..

[Cathy7734]

I once dated a guy just because I was lonely. He wasn't the greatest person in the world but it fulfilled my lonliness. Once I wasn't lonely anymore I didn't want to date him anymore. That's not fair to him.

[oldasIfeel22]

Be forthcoming about your intentions early.

Also just a FYI it’s a huge turnoff to most women to hear a man openly admit he’s lonely UNLESS she already has a high interest level in you. Chances are she will figure out quick anyway. Women have strong intuition for that. The most likely outcome is she will friendzone you because she see’s you as less of a catch.

[rjroy3]

Lotta girls out here want you for a dinner, lotta girls out here just want you for attention, a lot of girls out here just want you for your company, Lotta girls out here just want you for sex, Lotta girls out here just want you for a relationship, Lotta girls out here want you to marry someday.

My point is there are millions of fish in the sea who want different things. Don't lead girls on and you'll readily find girls who just want to casually date you the same you want to with them

[Dude_777]

You are on wrong track. You date to find a partner, not to cure loneliness. If you act lonely, you are going to act desperate, sticky, being needy & pushover etc, which are all unattractive qualities to girls.

Get busy, join activities, make more friends, don't act lonely or loser, achieve a social status and healthy lifestyle, and then start dating and you will be way more successful in dating & relationships.

[Anonymous]

Mmm i dont think so. I mean you should date because u want to date and u feel u are ready to datw not just because ur feeling lonely. U can get a good friend instead. A good friend that is there for u when u feel lonely.

[Adam1978]

Depends you can start the dating as a way to keep you busy but just seeing a person in the long run just because you are lonely isn't good sign. It's better to just join a club and hangout with the members doing stuff you all love.

[slatyb]

Sure, but she deserves to know when you make the offer that it's just dinner or whatever, and you aren't interested in a romantic relationship. If you don't tell her, then you are stealing her time, whether you pay for the date or not.

[Anonymous]

what do you mean? You don't want a girlfriend/commitment but just to see someone when you are lonely? then you should at least be open about that. Casual dating is sure ok, as long as you do not lead someone on.

[Brebaby]

No that is not ok , you can't just date someone because you are lonely you have to date them cause you want to learn about them and love them for them not because you are lonely

[2hot2handle88]

Absolutely but make sure you and her have a clear understanding of what your looking for at the beginning that way feelings won’t be hurt later down the road