Is it weird to want to date someone who doesn’t have, want, or need friends?

[DizzyDesii]

Like i want to date someone who’s quite social like myself. But i dont want to go through the hassle of them having social media and best friends. A lot of people don’t know how to balance school, jobs, and significant others. So adding social media and friends into the mix takes em away from quality time even more. Plus social media is nothing but drama and an excuse to hoe around. Like I’m not clingy but I also dont like to share 🤣 I just wana know he’s available if needed. Yea this sounds bad. Oh well, fck it. But I just want someone who still knows how to hang around others but he also know how to prioritize. If he already came with friends, it is what it is. But im mainly referring to those who like have no friends but then choose to make friends with others AFTER getting into a relationship. Associates are fine, but friends? Really. Like Thats like ass backwards to me. Do that before we meet
#FeelFreeToList #FckFriends

[pikuroy]

If someone can handle their loneliness, then they are the best people to be in relationship with.

If a person has no need of social media, streaming apps, doesn't need to party, hang around with friends...

But is happy, focused on their job...

They have spent huge amount of time to sort themselves out and train their mind. Quality people they are! No matter what relationship with you they agree upon, they will never fail you.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea im one of those type

[meep990]

Preach

[Finchie40]

I am pretty content with my life , I don’t live on social media and I have friends but we see each other here n there, when I get into a relationship most of my time is spent with her , finding a girl that is content like me is hard to find these days

[DizzyDesii]

Sooo friggin hard

[Finchie40]

Yea I don’t need to go out and about all the time , most girls I dated always need
To go somewhere like they are
Missing out on something , it’s ok once in awhile but all the dam time not for me , I am comfortable and happy being a homebody for the most part

[DizzyDesii]

Lol thats so me

[Finchie40]

Aquarius baby lol

[DizzyDesii]

Omg me too 🤣

[Finchie40]

Tells you something 😘 let alone I don’t even know what you look like lol

[DizzyDesii]

Hahaha

[ragequeen]

You denying him friends and him not wanting friends are two different things. However, I do believe it's hard to find someone like that nowadays (who doesn't want or need friends). We all need people around us. People who can satisfy different needs. You as a girlfriend should prioritize his happiness and well-being. It doesn't just go one way where he prioritizes you. Life is about living and having fun. Meeting exciting new people. It doesn't mean he will be taken away from you. It's also important to miss each other in a relationship.

To answer your question more accurately, though, I wouldn't say it's weird. Everyone has preferences, but it's about whether or not they are in touch with reality. I don't think yours is. How is your social life? Do you have many friends? Could you imagine not being with them because your partner prefers you didn't? If it's insecurity issues, which is kind of what it sounds like, maybe try counseling. Friends are so much fun and we learn so much about ourselves by being with different people.

[DizzyDesii]

I never said i’d deny him friends. I said i want someone who is already on the same page of not caring to have longterm friends. I have “friends” too but i cut them off whenever i feel like it so no commitment to them

[nicdaddy]

I love my woman and her sweet body all the time so when I get that I have to let my friends know I have to be there with my baby girl

[hahahmm]

Basically IF you're a high quality woman, you will get maximum attention from a guy. That doesn't mean he can't have friends. But he will know how to "prioritize" as you say. The flip side is true too. If he's a high quality guy you WILL want to give him the same thing. Some people on GAG just don't get it when I tell them that if they're really 100% committed they won't be flirting with others. They get upset and argue about how they need male friends because they're "lonely" and their boyfriend should understand. Please.

[hahahmm]

But you also have to stop wasting time on guys who aren't high quality to be able to find the guy who is.

[DizzyDesii]

Awesome points! And believe me, i stopped wasting time after a 2 year relationship. Now, if we’re not right for eachother by week 2, bye bye :) so im proud of myself for not torturing myself with a toxic relationship/friendship since 2018

[HiveBee]

I dont have or want friends. I am extremely picky when it comes to friends. Most people I meet are social leeches. They only have friends because they need people to leech social energy off of. Not that they have a genuine connection with that person.

I need a genuine connection with a person. I dont have time to waste on fakers and losers.

I do like some people and I am always happy to see them. But those people are also losers who are going nowhere in life. I want friends who build me up and i can build them up too. I want friends who have the same values as me. I can't waste my time 9n dudes who want to play video games all day every day for the rest of their lives.

So I'm very picky with friends. I dont want any unless they are a benefit to my life and its a genuine connection.

[DizzyDesii]

I dont blame you there. And the gamers definitely irk me. But you said you dont want friends. Then you said you want friends who can build you up? See i dont want friends. But i do like having associates or a boyfriend

[HiveBee]

I would be happy with just my girl. I do want a girlfriend. I dont want or need friends.

But sometimes you meet people you can't help but connect and love them. So I know that even if I dont want friends, I will probably end up making some at some point.

I had friends in the military. But now I have separated. So they all live across the world and too far. So now I am alone and I like it like that. But I know as I continue with life some day I will end up with friends that I will feel compelled to keep them as friends even if I dont care to have friends or not.

[DizzyDesii]

Ooo i like this

[ChiTown33]

No it's not weird because as you get older career and family life eventually take more and more time away from friends anyhow. You don't stop being friends it just friendships just get pushed to the back burner. It's just the natural progression of life.
The only thing i'd be concerned about is maybe you might have attachment issues. I mean to seek out someone who doesn't have friends because you migjt view them as competition for your partners time. This shouldn't be an issue as your partner should always be your first priority.

[DizzyDesii]

you're right

[TruthBringer]

I've learned that the older you get in life, the smaller your circle of friends become. Most adults don't have a true friend. They have associates and acquaintances. What matters the most is not whether someone has friends or not. What matters is that they have a life outside your relationship without it interfering with your relationship. In the end, it all comes down to priorities.

We all got careers, studies and family to pay attention to. And those in relationships sacrifice time with friends in order to maintain these priorities.

But if you want your partner not to be hanging out with friends because you want to occupy their time even more, then you should do some genuine self-reflection. Just because you get in a relationship, doesn't mean it's okay to expect your partner to just give up on their other relationships.

[DizzyDesii]

As for the last paragraph, i never said that. Im just saying why make NEW friends. Associates and acquaintances will be easier to maintain because we can come and go with them as we please. Friends have “expectations” and im not tryna meet those. I can't promise to be there for them because their not even on my list of priorities. Theyre more of a way to seek advice or pass time which is why i prefer to just call em associates. So i’d like a boyfriend who also doesn't prioritize friendships longterm

[TruthBringer]

@DizzyDesii I never said that's you. It's in case that happens to be you. In my opinion, it doesn't matter if one makes new friends. I believe it's important to make new friends if those friends can influence you in a positive manner. You can learn from new people and they open doors to new experiences. I've had much more benefits from new friends than my oldest of friends. What matters the most is that one knows how to prioritize. If you withold your partner from making new friends, then you're simply toxic to be in a relationship with. Being in a relationship with someone should be uplifting, not suffocating.

Friends having expectations is something one must find out what these expectations are and what kind of impact they have. And it's much easier to let go of a new 'friend' than an old one. And any adult who got things going on in life won't have much time for anyone. Regardless if they are new or old friends.

Besides, lots of people have friendships where they see each other once a month or two. Or perhaps even longer. I doubt this happens within your relationship. And if it does, that's when you start to get worried.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats not a friendship to me if we’re not talking/seeing eachother weekly. But i dont think i’d make a good friend these days anywyas. Maybe back then when i cared. In college, a lot of my HS friends would call or text and say “why are you ignoring my calls, i could be dying?” And i’d respond, “well if you're dying, you may not wanna call me becwuse i can't help you.” Like i said, i’m fine having associates. Those are people i hang with/check up on once a month or every few months. But friends just expect too much out of you. Theyre clingy. I run from clingers unless its a boyfriend wanting to cling to me.

[TruthBringer]

@DizzyDesii Then in this case, it's a different perspective between you and me of what the term "friends" mean. To me, and many others, being friends with someone doesn't have to mean seeing each other regulrarly. You can still be friends and see each other once a month or two. And when you're together, it feels like you've seen each other yesterday.

What I believe that matters the most is that someone's priorities are straight. Prioritizing friendship over a relationship is a red flag in my book. Usually, it's relationships who get more attention than friendships.

[DizzyDesii]

That last paragraph is what i mean. Too many prioritize friendships over relationships which is why i thought it would be easier to just get someone who only has acquaintances

[TruthBringer]

@DizzyDesii Yeah that's also a red flag in my eyes. That would only show you that the person is not serious about being in a relationship with you. There are people who simply aren't ready to date. Whether they are aware of it themselves or not. I personally don't mind if my significant other has girl friends or happens to make new ones. As long as she keeps her priorities in check and she associates herself with people who know how to uplift her.

[DizzyDesii]

I would say the same if the guys knew how to prioritize. But many of my exes didn't and so its kinda just turned me against the whole friends rhing

[TruthBringer]

@DizzyDesii yeah I understand that. That's why I always state my standards and intentions early on and if they don't agree, we don't get into a relationship. Often people jump into relationships and then find out they are incompatible. Not sayin that's your case. It is a mistake I've made.

Bascially what I think is best to do is find out how much time they spend with their friends on a regular and see what their priority list is. Just because a guy has friends, even close friends, doesn't mean he can't still prioritize his relationship. Most of the time, i find the people who got their priorities straight are the ones who don't go out clubbing, bars or induldge in short-term pleasures. But rather are very serious about their future, are family oriented and have a growth-mindset.

Not sure where you find these men, but perhaps you can start to look elsewhere.

[DizzyDesii]

I like to talk as acquiantances for a month or three and then consider dating if we’re still on the same page. And those exes came from school or work

[TruthBringer]

@DizzyDesii Then all you can do is find someone who doesn't have friends but keeps acquaintances around. At the same time, do keep in mind that just because someone has friends, doesn't mean they can't prioritize. I'm living proof of that.

[Xoxocutekitty]

There is a major difference between wanting to be made a priority in someones life, wanting them to choose you over social plans of convenience over wanting someone with no friends.

Friends are important when you actually spend like a bajillion hours together and everything becomes normal. Sometimes its nice to go out with your friends and to not come back to a messy place cuz he was in the house eating snacks all day. Sometimes its nice to have the room or apt to yourself so you can rub one out or check your bank balance or online shop in peace. There are things your friends like to talk about that he's not gonna give 2 shits about. That is okay.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea that is ok, just not what i want around me. So thats why i said i prefer to date someone already on the same page before having met. Im not forcing anyone into anything

[JosyJosy]

I can see that. Thinking about it. I see my SO during the weekend, now imagining him having a boys night every weekend every day, that'd be even less time I'd see him, would bother me a little. Or maybe there's that one friend who doesn't like you and tries to screw up the whole relationship.

[DizzyDesii]

Exaaactly

[Citizenkirk]

I believe we all need friends, most of us want friends, and everyone deserves too have a friend. I do not believe that anyone who claims too want no friends is being honest with themselves, or anyone else. A person who has only been in one community all their lives shouldn't reject things they have never experienced, because some people live in toxic social environments, and should try other places to meet people and see what life is like outside of their origins or their comfort zone. If a person has had bad experiences with people socially, and think that those experiences represent all Life experiences, then they really need to get out and see different places with different types of people before making any kinds of definitive assumptions about their life, who they are, and what they can become. Some people have an easier time in social situations with other people than others, but everyone can benefit from friendships and positive life affirming contacts with human beings.

[DizzyDesii]

You can want to socialize and meet people without making them a longterm friend. Its not that hard. I just dont want them expecting much of me, so leaving it at acquaintances is best

[msbrightness]

Nope - that is your ideal mate/future husband - especially if financially/professionally independent or accomplished.
Most friendships are fakery and abuse and teaming up to backstab - any wise person knows that.
How sociable you are depends on how much others are trying to rob you - the good ones are alone and not participating in the overwhelming BS of the past (sex and the city and prostitution rings, drugs, falsified money, human trafficking - it is ALL mainstream still)

[DizzyDesii]

Omg yes

[ThePolishKnight37]

I am on your side. I have probably two friends and a lot of acquaintance's. I am a friendly guy, I just do not need people to validate me. I am comfortable in my own skin. I believe that is what Desi is saying here. Do you need a bunch of people saying you are cool and nice or are you just cool and nice?

[DizzyDesii]

Omg yes exactly

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

I’m just like what is wrong with the both of them? How is that person even dating without a modicum of interpersonal relationships outside of family? They must have really really poor boundaries, be really toxic, have some sort of personality disorder, immature incel, or a serial killer. Then the fact that the other person is actively looking for someone like this it sounds like they have abusive and controlling issues revolving around deep insecurity. That should probably get figured out before dating. People are not possessions. People that can have the capacity for relationships know how to prioritize.

[DizzyDesii]

That wasn't the case at all. I never said thhey couldnt have friends. I said i want someone who doesn't care to have friends. In other words, they can but dont need to becaue they got better things to do. I for example like having associates. Thats people i can talk to when i get ready. Friends expec too much out of you and always wanna hang out and be all in ya biz and stuff. I dont have time for that. Associates are more tolerable because i dont owe them much and dont have to commit. Therefore it makes it easier to prioritize because those people aren't even on the charts

[Honesttguy]

I have noticed same thing, friends tend to have some kind of neediness, i "disappear" for a month cus i had to focus on my stuff and they usually get upset. When im with them i try and have good time but I also need time for myself and that is my priority. I have left friends behind and moved on cus i know i can make new friends. But first i need to establish myself. That is probably what u look for but I have never seen anyone like myself to be honest. Very rare. Unfortunately

[DizzyDesii]

@Honesttguy yea but when i move on, its not cause i know i can find new friends. I like to socialize with the old and new. But i just dont want them expecting much out of me. I’m very content in my own space. I dont care to hang out and go places with people unless theyre fam or someone im dating. Too many “friends” havevdisappointed me too many times in the past and im just over it. I haven't cared to befriend someone longterm since 2017. I just like to come and go because that way i dont get tired of them quickly

[Honesttguy]

You know to me it sounds you looking for Sagittarius type of person, im one myself and freedom is everything. Gonna give you your own space and freedom to be who you want to be. Also it has to be person with strong heart someone who can take pain and not turn into revenging person. Showing stability in that manner. All i can say is once u know what u want, next thing is strategy how to get it faster with less investment. Be it better at reading people so u know right then and there what type of person he is and how its gonna play out. Best of luck girl, stay strong.

[DizzyDesii]

@Honesttguy yea not a sagitarrius. They like to travel too much and although they get bored of relationships quickly, theyre like stage 5 clinger at the beginning of it. Now as a friend/associate, yea i can handle a sag

[EyebrowChewie]

If you can't demonstrate you can KEEP or want/need friends, that you have emotional intelligence and can be there for someone you know actually be reliable/worth something to them and vice versa, how on earth can a date even trust you or see you as someone who can sustain a long relationship?
Reputation is a thing, it's part of what has someone believing you're a decent human being and won't be an asshole/creep down the line.
It's weird yes. You may find someone who lost friends because they moved and thats okay, they will take time to settle and find some new ones.
But someone whose reasons are not justified, they have issues within themselves that are unlikeable.

[DizzyDesii]

I can keep friends. I just dont trust em. So i downgraded them all to associates. Friends want to build longterm relationships. Associates come and go. You can ABSOLUTELY commit to a relationship without committing to some random ass friendships. I had a great reputation in school and at work. But when your so called friends are flakes, liars, boyfriend stealers and so on.. why would i care to make new ones? Associates are less stressful

[EyebrowChewie]

i do agree with your opinion that friends can very much be flakes, liars, boyfriend stealers, and back stabbers and just overall useless. That is why there is a saying 'choose your friends wisely.'
If you met an associate who is awesome to you, would you want to lose them?
Friendships do open new doors, associates not so much i guess because no one likes to invest in a person who only sees them as 2nd rate is my opinion.

[DizzyDesii]

I had so called good friends for almost a decade. Then you find out shit after all that wasted time and effort. Why would i wanna torture myself like that again? Associates are better cause i can leave as i please and come back whenever. You have to find mutual associates like people who wanna be friends with benefits finds someone else willing to friends with benefits

[SystemOfTheMachine]

I was once told by my best friend to watch women who have no friends. I almost dated one, and he was kinda right. She was really weird. I make friends really easily, so I could never date someone who wanted to stop that from happening. It seems controlling. Also, I've seen what having no friends and just a partner does to you. It makes you awkward to others and mentally dependent upon the partner in an unhealthy way. My sister made that mistake and now she needs therapy all the time, because her one friend who was also her lover turned out to be abusive.

[DizzyDesii]

But hows it controlling. I still have associates but i dont commit to them whichh means i can leave at anytime and not feel bad for not hanging with them and so on. I mean i still want them to socialize. I just dont get why they need to go lookin for friends. Associates, sure. But becoming friends? Why? Thats so HS

[SystemOfTheMachine]

I didn't have real friends until college, so I guess I don't understand what you mean when you say it is HS. I try to be a friend to everyone. It's what made me so well liked in college. I have friends now that I love like family. Even post-graduation, I have made a friendship with a woman I met at a poetry reading. Friendship is something that just happens. I have no desire to limit myself. Forced loneliness seems unwarranted. And if a girlfriend starts meddling with a person's friends in a negative way, there is the old adage, "Bros before Hoes." 😂

[DizzyDesii]

True true. But like i said, if they came before me, fine. I just dont understand people building up friendships AFTER theyve began dating someone. It just seems weird to me

[midnightmoon05]

When that day comes (being attracted to that person).
We have to learn how to handle situations.
you usually don’t know that person till you get to know... by then maybe falling in love 🥰

so how to handle different type of people who you fall in love with?
maybe put in your dating profile?
don’t think it’s realistic...
At the end of the day... we leanr to work together with our partner how to make the relationship better.
if they value social media more or other priority... then I move on to be with someone who see me similar as them.

[Anonymous]

Yikes.. where do you find a healthy human being who loves you, but its stable enough to understand that need.
Sorry to be a bit blunt, but when you love someone you cherish what makes them feel happy, of course respecting the partner and love relation you both share. But just to share with you a little detailing.. a lot of abusers "isolate" their partners by intentionally being their only support and social system.
I understand that it might be exhausting if your preferences are a man who's less social in that sense, but still, human beings are social.

[DizzyDesii]

I want him to be social because i am
Myself. But im just saying that i dont want someone who grows dependent on friendships. Like its nice to have acquaintances but i just dont see why he has to wanna take em into the future

[courtney06]

I guess it depends on the individual. I don’t think it’s weird, but I can see how others would. Ideally I like a guy who is better at socializing than me, but makes me the priority. I also prefer someone who doesn’t use social media.

[DizzyDesii]

Right :)

[MindYourEyes]

Nah I’m kinda the same way too. XD less drama in my opinion. I don’t have many friends let alone use or have social media platforms. So it would be cool to have someone that is just as private as I am.

[DizzyDesii]

Like im not all that private but yea def more drama

[CynicalWriter]

My own wife didn't have any friends when we met and that didn't bother me at all in the slightest. I learned that she had always been a loner. A Tomboy without a care, androgynous-looking. We fell in love because we share a love of music from our teen years, the 1990's. Plus, we're both Australians living in the US. We just became friends and it progressed from there.

[DizzyDesii]

Omg love it

[Jemini_Crocket]

I'd like the same thing you do. Hopefully there are still some people who think the same.
And I don't think it's weird at all. I think it's quite reasonable lol

[DizzyDesii]

Yea people below dont agree 😂

[itsjustlew]

I have a few friends I text and see in class once a week. I don’t have any friends I hang out with or talk to on a regular basis. I’m very introverted and I like to keep to myself so that’s why. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to date someone with no friends, it usually just means their introverted.
I wouldn’t see it as a red flag, what is a red flag is if someone’s friends seem toxic and make a lot of rude, misogynistic, and racist remarks, it reflects your partners character too.

[DizzyDesii]

Oh yea i wanna avoid toxicity