Do you view a girl differently if she approaches you first?

[Anonymous]

guYS I talk to say that it emasculates them

yes, positively

Vote A

no, negatively

Vote B

results

Vote C

Updates:

1 y

I also knew that he lost his job and he couldn't afford to take me on dinner and such, so I would pay for it because I still wanted to hang out with him and EAT lol, and he literally YELLED at me saying that I am trying to make him into a sugar baby and im ruining everything. Now I feel kind of weird talking to any guy or trying to be nice to him, he literally yelled at me and left me in the street

[Bright_blue_eyes]

I hate to admit it, but guys are weird about it. For some reason, "it" works better when he pursues you. He needs to put in the effort into it. I can't explain it, it must be some subconscious thing that causes guy to lose interest if they're not the one's pursuing you. Odd... I know. I can't explain it. Also, in the book Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, Dr. John Gray talks about this exact issue. He said, "The way to forge a bond is for a woman to see if a man will pursue and try to win her. And the way for a man to see if he's really interested in a woman is to be allowed to be the one to do the pursuing! " In other words, he should pursue you. BUT you did the right thing. He needs to know you're interested in him, now that he knows, you need to let him pursue you. Weird I know.

[zeitgeist057]

Imagine having an ego so fragile a woman can't approach you without it getting damaged.

[MCheetah]

Yes, positively. Most guys don't like having to jump through the hoops and bullsh*t of the dating world. We just have to. I don't know what fellas you're talking to, but I think the only way you'd emasculate them is if you're tall and come off aggressive; like a guy might do. Maybe your technique is wrong. Don't listen to those guys implying you shouldn't do the asking out first. This shouldn't even still be a gendered thing, anymore.

It's annoying to hear progressive women whine about wanting this magical, so-called non-existent "equality" they claim they don't have, but still will bitch about not having six foot eight guys who look like Chris Hemsworth come up to them and chat, but ugly five foot ten guys doing that being "sexual assaulters." F*ck them! Don't be like those chicks. You're showing bravery by doing things other girls may dislike, in the pursuit of a relationship.

Just maybe figure out if you're doing something wrong, or perhaps, just talking to the wrong kind of guys. The taller and more good-looking they are, the chances are the more they'll be into the traditional methods of courtship.

[Coulis]

I so need to chime in here because I am a woman who has never been afraid to approach a guy. I remember I had just finished coming out of the pool cause I used to be a lifeguard and I looked like absolute garbage but I still approached this guy who was who seriously was like the most gorgeous man I've ever seen in my life and he fully was like ready for it and I guess even though he was really cute he was a shy guy. But I didn't steal the deal. Got nervius at the end. He was wayyy out of my league. He was an investment banker.

I guess being in that field he appreciated my guts since he was shocked I was above 18. Baby face for life. 🙌

But anyway whatever. But in my normal experience the guy will like me but they will be so intimidated that even if I give them all the green lights they won't seal the deal. So even though I will let my interest be known I am not going to chase after a man. But I just don't understand because I read post after post about guys begging and pleading that women would approach them and then when I come along they chicken out.

I mean if you keep staring and look shell shocked and I like you I WILL ask "wuts up" and confess "yes, I like you back. What's good?"

And this is not like spindly A/V club wallflowers (no offense). This is like tall strapping dudes who are like husky and all of that. Terrified of me a little woman. I don't get it.

[Finchie40]

I am more flattered if she approaches me first and I feel she must really like me , it makes it easier cuz it eliminates the question Mark if she likes me or not compared to myself approaching a beautiful girl and not really knowing if I have a chance or I am just another guy on her list trying to get her , Most girl’s have a lot of guys trying to get her compared to a guy that doesn’t have that big of a list. I don’t look at her differently I just look at it as I have a better chance if I like her the same way back. It just eliminates a lot of question marks is the way I look at it , well for the most part , her body language and the way she looks at me is a huge turn on

[CrotchRot]

I've definitely noticed guys become a bit more timid when I'm the aggressor. I didn't used to be that way because of how I was raised, but times have changed and now men seem fearful of asking women out because they don't want to come across as misogynists.

Sadly, the modern feminist has caused a lot of men to question themselves more. In some ways it's a good thing, but I think the downsides outweigh the good side.

But yeah, I definitely can tell they react much different when I'm the one that strikes up conversations or ask for dates or sex, etc.

[hannahjo022]

When I was in my late teens and early teens I would approach guys that were attractive and did not think I had a chance with. I was surprise they would actually talk to me and gave me their number. Some wanted to actually date and hook up but to be honest I turned them down. Wasn't feeling it with them and they were only good for their looks. I actually date a guy I approached and thought was attractive who I thought would not have a chance with. He was my longest relationship 6 years! He contacted me out of the blue telling me I am his right girl, he could see himself marrying and having a family with, but I turned him down since I've moved on from him.

[ChrisMaster69]

No that’s fairly normal where I live, a girl will ask a guy out or chat him up, it’s been like that forever.

Also ref your update, the North East of England has historically had high unemployment, this means one day guy is working next day unemployed.

couples simply accept that the person with the cash will pay, or they split or don’t go out, there is no emasculation about simple facts of not having any cash.

There is nothing wrong with a girl making first advance and nothing wrong with a girl paying for stuff.

[Birdlegs]

I love when girls approach me. I’m super confident in my appearance but I’m also super shy and pretty socially awkward and kinda have low self esteem so I can never approach girls first so when they do it first then I get validated and already know she’s into me if I choose to pursue her

[hahahmm]

If you're dealing with a traditional guy or you want a traditional guy you should always let him make the first move. There's a lot of reasons for that. A non-traditional guy would love you to do all the work for him and basically beg him to go for you.

I don't think the guy was right to yell at you although when I was young I did have a woman yell at me just for asking her out. She later apologized but I had zero interest in her then.

[TurboKid]

Neither negative nor positive for me. It makes things easier if she approaches and gets flirty. Leaves the guesswork out of it.

With that said, I'm a bit old school about dating (I like to lead on a date and, in exchange, I do pay for it; the woman is my honored guest). So I don't like women asking me out on a date. I prefer they just pass me their number and let me ask them out and decide where we go. They take away some of my initiative and ability to lead on the date when they do that.

[ThePolishKnight37]

I am confused at how to answer this. Hey I would be flattered and yes my pride may kick in a little but if you want to pay so be it. This is part of the feminism movement. I believe now if they ask they pay whether it is the girl or the guy. I am becoming a modern man. :)

[HairyPoppins]

Emasculating is deprivation of a male's role or identity. A woman doesn't have that much power of emasculation in one simple approach toward a man. If a man feels that from a woman who simply comes up to say Hi then that man has other deep rooted issues.

I do not view a girl differently I actually welcome the approach.

[key_statistics]

In my personal opinion and experience. Yes I now look at them differently. As all the girls that approached me, wanted something. They all had a plan to get something out of me. What they wanted went from money to using me to get in the country. All the girls that did not approach me but I approached them, was for the most part honest with no side plan. They all where extremely nice ladys and I enjoyed getting to know all of them.

[Qdbrown]

If a woman approaches you, you might be able to sack her easily enough, but don't ever date or marry this kind of woman.

She is masculine. These make terrifying partners. She is going be or turn into bossy and hard to deal with. She will make your life such a misery.

[blank_expression]

Wrong, almost every woman I went with picked me up. That is the way it should be. It is stupid for the man to chase since women are the finicky ones while the man will basically jump anything that moves.

[Adam1978]

Yes but it doesn't change my taste in girls, so if wrong girl approaches it will lead to a rejection. However I would say that she got better odds approaching and giving it a chance then if she doesn't and wait for me to pick her and do the job.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but I have a hard time believing that "guys you talk to say that it emasculates them". I can imagine maybe one or two insecure guys saying that, but you seem to imply most guys feel that way, which is completely bullshit.

Everyone, man or woman, is flattered and their interest is piqued when someone goes out on a limb to show they are interested in them. Now that isn't to say guys will necessarily be interested in a woman who approaches them if they find her unattractive, but that is obviously true of both sexes.

Countless times I've seem women here at GAG say they tried approaching a guy and it didn't go well so "obviously guys don't like it when girls approach them". Can you imagine what would happen if every guy who approached a women and it didn't go well decided women don't like men to approach them? The human race would go extinct, because for the vast majority of guys it doesn't go well most of the time.

[Dragonpurple]

He must be very self conscience or too masculine.

I have had no issues with this, I view it as a good thing as most guys, including me... are oblivious and may not even know someone is interested in us.

[Anonymous]

Generally positively. Could be negative.


The short version is that if you approached me and it was negative then the reasons that made that so meant that it probably wasn’t going to work anyway. So functionally it has no negative effect, but it does have the advantage of making things happen.

[Vice_Slayte_666]

No, I would really like to see women approaching men and engaging in meaningful conversations become more mainstream. If we all out here fighting for sexual equality, then we should encourage women to take charge of the conversation!
But that could just be me! I try to keep an open mind at all times🙃

[jamesgoldman]

Yeah it's a good thing but now in the present climate between MeToo, how busy I am and all the faults I'm not subjecting anyone else to.

I just don a wedding band and drink my scotch alone at the bar