Have the home , car, and career , but why am I STILL single?

Question

Why is it hard to find someone who actually wants commitment nowadays? I’m not going to settle and refuse to be with someone to avoid being alone, but a lot of people aren’t worth the investment anymore when it comes to dating. I’m not looking for the perfect mate , but it would be nice if people kept it real and got their stuff together before even thinking about dating me. I’ll be ready to finalize on my home by the end of the year , but it would’ve been nice if I were engaged by now at 32 or at least married. I haven’t officially decided if I want to move out of state or stay here where I’m at. My real estate agent told me it’s better to be married than buy a home , but I put off buying my home over a year ago. I actually stayed in a house I didn’t want to be in , but had no choice at that time to prepare to buy my house and now that time is here to purchase I’m getting ready. A lot of people require a lot of things with little or no effort when it comes to dating making me put in more nowadays. Either they’re trying to use you for what you have or bring you down so you can lose what you got. I’ve invested my time with time wasters or the wrong people simply because they wouldn’t keep it real about their intentions with me from jump start. I can’t afford to lose anymore time or put my goals on the back burner when their not worth being with.

FunkyMonkee · Accepted Answer

Join the club, darlin'!! Except for the 10 years I wasted with Madame Ex and the 8 months with my previous two girlfriend's, I've been alone/lonely all my life!! I'm not a cheater, I prefer to stay with who I'm with, I'm loyal and honest and I really don't care that much about money other than to never be without again. I can only recall twice that I was with my ex that I took money from her and it was because she insisted I take it! (A few hundred one time for a set of Simmons drums she wanted me to have, less than $100 the other time. I don't even remember what that was for. She didn't care about money, either and didn't care if I ever paid her back.)
But, from what I can see, women tend to only go after the guys that abuse them and cheat on them!! WHY? They all SAY they want guys like me but they all go after Mr. Asshole!! Let's see, I could have a stable, loving, life-long relationship with a guy that loves me and treats me very well or, I can have an abusing asshole that beats me up every week, cheats on me and will probably leave me and the kids in 2 years and is a major painus in the anus!! Hmmm, I think I'll take the asshole!!

jcjj1991 · Accepted Answer

I had to skim but here's my jist of things. People confuse the idea of a relationship with building a family and home... altho it can be. Among poorer people like me, relationships are based on dependencies and doing things together like preparing meals together and helping out with errands. Relationships can develop from this. For others, it's usually by enjoying other activities together like going to big parks, museums, etc. Most people these days list Netflix as an interest and tbh I think that's not good. Like couples watch it together but they are together for other reasons.

My suggestion is to look at a good past time. What kept you occupied or made you happy and try those again as an adult and see who wants to tag along.

Good luck. Praying helps I believe

jasco · Answer

I am sorry that you are alone. But as you said you choose to be alone instead of making friends along the way. Friends give you people to talk about, they help you connect to other people and therefore having a better chance a getting a relationship. Yes you have your life together but do you actually have any friends that you for sure know you could call on at a moments notice and vent to? Dating is like a video game. It takes time to get to the end. No matter what you do or say people are not machines. They could have their life together just like you but if the girl your trying to date doesn't like your personality than it won't matter. As a women you should know how other women feel about their emotions. They are very responsive to that. Rather you like it or not, life will tell you rather or not your doing thing correctly or not. So you can either wait a few more years and see what happens, or take a risk. Life is about risk. You can't move forward without taking some risk. Everyday your heart beats is a risk it may stop beating sometime later. So I am sorry but their is no way around that. Love is a emotional bond so in order to get something you give.

MCheetah · Answer

"I’m not going to settle and refuse to be with someone to avoid being alone"

Aaaaaaand there's your problem right there. Entitlement and narcissism. Assuming anyone should be honored and privileged to be with you, when you are bringing nothing to the table (that anyone wants). Also, no one cares about a woman's finances. Not lesbians, and especially not other men. You're thinking like a woman and what they find valuable to a relationship (money). And are you even attractive looking, yourself?

You ARE looking for literal perfection, and then getting annoyed when others don't "step up" to your unrealistic standards. This is what the majority of women are doing, nowadays. "Why can't I find a 6'2 billionaire super-genius with abs and a perfect jawline who is submissive to me and loves me for me?" Sorry but Bruce Wayne isn't taking any female partner offers, at this time.

And I know *you* said you're a lesbian; I'm speaking about modern women in general. Shitting on every decent single-dater out there, left and right, and then whining about being single and alone the minute they turn thirty. Is there literally any single-woman who DOESN'T do this, nowadays?

"Men need to step up! Oh, I'm perfect, though! I don't need to change shit. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE WANT TO DATE ME?"

The only thing new here is that this is the first time I've seen a lesbian doing it. But it's not *that* surprising or anything. I just assumed lesbians wouldn't have been as entitled and narcissitic as bitter straight women in their thirties are. But again, it's not that surprising.

Have the home , car, and career , but why am I STILL single?

("Why do people automatically assume every [woman dates] men?"
Because, supposedly, 99% of women are straight/not queer? Y'know; common sense? Statistically probable?)

KrakenAttackin · Answer

I'm sorry, but as a younger woman your not being married is a choice. Assuming you are not horrifically obese or have a third hand growing out of your face, you had options of good men who were willing to commit.

Now at 30+ you have probably been serial dating as you hear the biological clock ticking like crazy. The good men you knew in your 20's have entered committed relationships and you no longer have the pick-of-the-litter. I'm sure this is a harsh reality but it is reality.

Now your frantic dating wreaks of desperation and quality men sense this. You can't go back but you can moderate your behaviour and expectations moving forward.

Zeldaismyqueen · Answer

could be lots of things, the first thing is do you live in a city or small place/suburb? Smaller places means way more limited options... second, are you attracting guys? How do you dress when you go out?

spartan55 · Answer

People won't always know their intentions right away. You have to get to know someone before declaring those.

Curmudgeon · Answer

I was asking that question 20 years ago. Where were you? (Well, duh, you were only 12). Fate can be unkind, sadly.

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

What is your standard as far as looks go? At bare minimum he needs to be a 8? 9? Nice body? Big dick? You list a lot of non-physical qualities. What about physical?

Likes2drive · Answer

Maybe you’re too independent and scare them, guys like to be needed, not sure where you are but it’s the same for me, I’m still looking

slatyb · Answer

Maybe you are living in the wrong place to meet the sort of man you desire? Maybe all the men of quality moved elsewhere fir better opportunities and you should follow them?

JesseJayNeak · Answer

If you are refusing to settle, that can turn your potential dates off

Luckycharms12 · Answer

Your seem be to pushy don't have time to be nice no one cares if got money cars house first think care about is if someone nice and caring

TallAnon · Answer

Because you sound like a bitch, why would someone want to date you to begin with?

zagor · Answer

Hard to tell from your rambling commentary.

Goatmeal · Answer

Love is about being soft, not about being hard.

jaeminshypewoman · Answer

where's the personality?

Pterodon · Answer

Too picky?

Have the home , car, and career , but why am I STILL single?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Have the home , car, and career , but why am I STILL single?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.