When trying to date someone, do you try to be friends with them first?

[Anonymous]

Always

nope

[Lost_in_the_Woods]

No. I used to, but I learned the hard way.

I met a girl, I liked her right away. Aparently she liked me too. She actually initiated it.

She invited me to a part. We were the only teenagers there. My sisters French teacher showed up drinking clear liquid out of a gallon sized beaker, in steampunk goggles and a cloak, and violently attacked her dad with a stick. Aparently they were good friends.

Everyone was high out of their minds except the girl who invited me. Her mom wouldn't even let her eat the brownies. 🙄

I got the vibe that she liked me, and tried to flirt back but I'm not good at that. Also we were in a sawzaled sedan with no roof that her dad was driving around the field drunk as anything and her mom was sitting on the other side of the bed/deck (it was dressed up to look like a boat)

The cops showed up, and it only got wilder after that. The owner on acid was too far out to talk to the cops so they had to find his wife who was running around topless painted blue from head to toe. Cops were chill, but they definitely didn't have good vibes about almost being run into by a boat car with a driver activly drinking alcohol out of a fish bowl with a handle on it.

He was my ride home. I was there with his 15 year old daughter. He definitely wasn't allowed on the highway and he wasn't going to leave the party to drive me home if things got awkward.

Eventually she said she was tired and we should go find a couch. I awkwardly lay down head to foot and tried not to touch her all night.

The next morning was chill, only a few people left, we had an amazing breakfast and they took me home.

The day after that, I texted her and said I had a great time, really liked her, and asked her on a date. She was furious, said she wanted me to ask her at the party (the second time we ever hung out, in front of her parents, with no escape if it went badly)

She said she figured I didn't like her and decided to "just bro me" (really friend zone)

I said what changed since two days ago? She didn't have an answer. Just told me it was too late. 🤷🏼‍♂️

The friend zone isn't what people make it out to be, but it's a real thing. Guys don't think like that so much, but for girls, once you are a friend you are no longer a romantic option and there is very rarely a way back.

[Lost_in_the_Woods]

Another example, I had a good friend in school who I knew really liked hanging out with me but I figured she was way out of my league so I never made a move. The day after she started dating my buddy she said "I wish you would have asked me out first"

I was really upset. I would have. I was just sure she would have said no. That was a huge missed opportunity and I'm still kicking myself for it ten years later. In hindsight, she definitely tried to give me a hint but, I am not good at that. I need people to just say what they mean.

She ended up dating my friend for years. I guess it worked out for them.

But I learned my lesson. If you like her, decide right away if you are going to ask her out and either do it or accept that it's never going to happen.

Girls say they want a guy who takes the time to be their friend and get to know them, but in earnest, I don't think they really do. They might think they do, but once they see a guy as a friend he is no longer macho enough to them to be attractive as a date.

I honestly think it's girls who cause most relationships to be based on that ego sexual trophy stuff. Most guys would love to end up dating their best friend. Most girls will straight up say no and go date a dick waver who they barely know, then complain to the friend they turned down that he was a dousche anyways.

I'd rather do it the old-fashioned way and be sweet and nice and flirt for months before I ask her, I prefer that. But it just doesn't work. It lowers a guys odds and doesn't compete with the douchebags who strut up and say "hey, be my girlfriend". They get a yes, and the rest of us get a no.

[Lost_in_the_Woods]

Another girl I liked, I wanted to ask out but I was also trying to sublet a room to her because I needed the money and she needed a house. She went and got pregnant by some other guy, he left after like a month, then she wanted me to move in with her and the baby. I hate kids, and also... There was just no way that I was going to be happy raising the kid of the guy she chose to go date because I was more focused on the important stuff and wanted to get to that when it made sense.

So at this point, I pretty much only talk to girls I'm already friends with, girls I don't/won't want to date, and girls I don't know but might want to ask out and see if it works. I don't blame girls or think they are evil for the friend zone, but it's a real thing. Once they see you as a friend it's usually too late. Even if they really liked you and wanted to date literally the day before that.

I don't know why, that's just my experience.

Ps, sorry I wrote you a book but,
"No, if you don't ask them out right away you'll get friend zoned and it sucks ass"
Would just get me called names. If you understand the reality of what actually happens, you are more likely to understand why so many guys feel that way.

Truth is, it's not because we want to. It's because we have experienced it.

I don't just want a girlfriend to have sex with, but you pretty much have to act like the guys who do to get one in the first place, then you can be sweet after that, but in my experience they are still likely to be turned off by it and leave you for a dick waver.

[mobiusforniner]

All the girls I've ever dated were someone I had a connection to, so yes? Whether friend or acquaintance, we didn't just walk up to each other and be like "hey, you're hot, lets date". My experience is that most decent girls don't accept a date request from a guy they barely know.

[Anonymous]

No. I think becoming best friends with your significant other is important, but if you're lucky, it just naturally happens while dating. My boyfriend is my absolute favorite person to hang out with. He makes me laugh, he goes on crazy adventures with me, and he is the one person in this world that I can be 100% myself with, but these things all evolved and grew over the course of our romantic relationship. I didn't start out trying to be his friend. I started out trying to date him. I think if we had put the brakes on our relationship in the early days to become friends first, things probably would've turned out very differently for us.

[Explorer91]

I wouldn’t recommend. The thought of becoming naked around someone you have been friends with for a while is highly embarrassing. It becomes too awkward once that initial phase has passed. The only reason I can think of for wanting to be something more with a guy I have been friends with a long time, is if I just feel so alone in the world and my dating life has failed, and he is there and knows me so well. But even then I have tried to go down that path, and just couldn’t get past the whole feels like I’d be getitng naked for my brother vibe. So I’d highly not recommend it.

[ElChumies915]

Believe it or not, more friends are starting to have sex…and I don’t like it either…not just cuz the awkwardness but like…you don’t fuck your friends in general…if you do, they never were your friend

[Explorer91]

@ElChumies915 yea people must be getting desperate or something... coz desperation can push a lot of people to like.. do things they wouldn’t normally do lol. Just because well someone is there I guess..

[OlderAndWiser]

Be a friend first and there is a big chance of getting friend zoned. I let a girl know right away that I am interested in more than just friendship and I almost always go for a goodnight kiss at the end of a first date so that there is no mistake about my intentions. More often than not, I get that kiss on the lips!

[ThatNoUVAtYourEyes]

That

[Floppy2112]

Whatever happens organically is what I do. I think its foolish to control it. If something's there, something's there. If not, then just be friends or whatever. Maybe you will like them later. Just don't force it. What works one time, doesn't mean it will work another time. Or do what you want. I just don't believe in putting in arbitrary rules that don't make any sense. Like time lines, number of dates, etc. What's all that based on anyway? What's it prove? Most importantly, what do you think these arbitrary rules protect your from.

[ChrisMaster69]

I need to have an emotional connection. This means just jumping straight to sex is never ideal.

also you either date or don’t date, there is not really a trying to phase.

yes you can date and then move to having a relationship.

to me the purpose of dating is to find out if you are compatible to have a relationship.

part of that journey is making friends with them.

[Xiu92]

I would try to establish some sort of relationship with them I think (and when I mean relationship I don’t mean boyfriend/ girlfriend/, just the standard connection between 2 people ‘relationship’). When being in an exclusive relationship with someone to me it will naturally include friendship anyway.

[Secure12]

I always try to be friends firs. Listen to the way they reason, their thoughts, how they handle their hot potatoes, what I can handle about them and what I can not. I learn to know someone before I jump into a relationship. Who knows while getting to know someone you realize that person isn't for you then you can politely end things before dating that person you have save yourself from a lot of things.

[nickaboy]

I Did this women adviced me to do this but as soon as I got to know them and Would tell them I wanted more they say they want to stay friends and start to treat me like a fucking therapist only talking to me when they feel bad about the guys they do want to date.

So yeah I quit this and kicked all of those Girls out of my life and quess what I haven't talked to a girl in months.

On dating apps I try to be straight forward had 3 matches the entire year they all ghosted me even the kind of ugly one

So lets Just say

It is time the rules get reserved and women should approach men

I Can't handle another rejection without getting suïcidal toughts

[Lost_in_the_Woods]

Very similar experience here.

My plan is to focus on myself and make enough money that i can move to another country.

It's like that in the us, but there are a lot of places where it's very different.

A lot of eastern european counties act like it's little house on the prairie,

A lot of African women really care more about what a man can do and provide and if he is trustworthy more than his approach or looks or social skills.

And, a lot of women in the middle east would be happy to have someone who respected them and cared about them as a person.

In the US, most women want a trophy they can brag about to their friends. The rest isn't relevant here.

The few who don't are so sick of the fuckboys they are super defensive but are also super likely to friend zone you if you take your time. I don't know what they expect to happen but I understand why they think all men are fuckboys.

At this point, if you want something real you pretty much have to find it somewhere else.

Caro is out there. We just literally don't even have a word for that in America. It's a sad thing man.

Its hard to even find a definition in English but my understanding is that Caro is like a soulmate but less in a fairy tale sense and more in the sense of a faithful partner you can count on no matter what. Someone who is serious, not just looking for a face and a free meal. The one you stick with forever no matter what, and who sticks with you.

Not something that easily translates into American English 😕

[nickaboy]

@Lost_in_the_Woods

I Am from the Netherlands the only way to escape this is to go to a country where women don't have rights.

Eastern Europe i don't what they teach you over there but the women kinda run the whole country's over there now especially in poland.

[Lost_in_the_Woods]

I don't know a lot about Eastern Europe. But my understanding was there were still a lot of countries there with very "traditional" values. IE: women have very little say in anything and expect to be ordered around by a man.

I wouldn't do that, so maybe they wouldn't be interested in me at all, but I would think some of them would be truly happy to have a guy who was nice and caring and wanted to meet half way on both the power and the responsibilities.

My plan is to go to the outback where I can just be by myself.

But I think African women have way better priorities than most other places. It's harder to choose a useless trophy over a man who will work hard when you have to build your own house and might not have enough to eat.

The end SARS protest in Nigeria really blew me away. People actually working together to stand up to their government? If we could do that in America we could really change the world.

I also like french girls. They can be a bit... French but if I could find one who liked me I'd probably be all about her.

[Lost_in_the_Woods]

Latinas too.
They seem less impressed by dick waving and more interested in having a strong family.

[nickaboy]

French Girls are ultimate high class attitude.

I prefer half dutch/indonesian Girls
Or Just dutch Girls.

They way the french are now battling the government makes me very proud of them and would.

I Hope we can follow this example soon the phrase on our country's weapon the lion is in french it is

Je maintiendra

It's translate to ik zal handhaven wich translates to I will prevail.

Until now it seems not the mindset anymore over here but it looks like things are shifting after the last speech from our prime minister Friday. 5 September we will see the result if there is an actual shift.

But good for now Just know western Girls suck and eastern country's over here too maybe the small ones excluded.

[Lost_in_the_Woods]

That's what I meant by a bit french. I actually like the attitude and the rebelliousness.

It can be a bit much, but I think their hearts are in the right place.

They might be a bit frufru but they get shit done when it really matters. They don't just do what they are told.

I'm super attracted to that, but I'm not sure they would be attracted to me. French guys tend to be pretty groomed and socially focused.

[nickaboy]

I think french guys are gay 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Ethelred]

No! It almost never works. However sometimes a friendship will naturally arise with a girl first and then I get feelings later. Or maybe I'm friends with a girl for a long time that has a boyfriend and then if they break up I contemplate if maybe I should ask her out. But I never become friends with a girl with the goal of dating her later. To me that's dishonest and even kind of creepy (however this is the goal most guys have when befriending girls unfortunately). Usually whether it be in person or online I try to be direct in a simple and relaxed kind of way (usually I'll start with simple, somewhat flirtatious conversation and ask if she wants to hang out later and if she does I'll give her my number). Then if she's really interested she can text me. Trying to be friends with a girl with the goal of dating her is the surest way to get in the friend zone, at least from what I've seen by my friends and even some of my own behavior in high school.

[ThatNoUVAtYourEyes]

I used to assume it is a better way to get close, but most people think you are not attracted to them at anything that resembles wanting to be friends - so you are better off not going down that path.
It is a shame since it in no way excludes sex, but humans are quite dumb on average, so...

[FlutteringFeelings]

It’s tricky. It depends on the situation. If a guy approach me and says he’ll like to take me out sometime then I’ll wait to see what’s his thoughts on dating etc. On the other hand, if a guy approaches me and gives me a compliment then asks for my number then I’ll take it slow with the conversation and remain as friends. It all depends on what the guy is saying along with his actions. There is no specific rule book everyone just has to go with their own flow.

[J2ohhhhh]

That is some sneaky ass move. I either hit on them right away or be cold with them if they are the type who always wants what they can't get, but I don't bullshit them into a friendship and than just pull out my dick and say Ohh by the way I wanna fuck you. If someone did this to me I'd think that they don't really wanna be my friend just want something from me. And our whole friendship was just for softening me up for use.

[Jamie05rhs]

Whoah, whoah. No one said anything about pulling out dicks.

[spartan55]

Dicks out for 🦍 Harambe

[Jamie05rhs]

LMAO.

[Little_Bumblebee]

I try to get to know the person at least a little first.
Trying to date someone right off the bat after meeting them makes it more difficult to find out who they are as a person first.

[backblueblack22]

In a perfect world this would make sense. But 9 out of 10 times if a woman says “let’s be friends first” what she really means “you are in the friendzone forever”. At that point she’s a huge waste of time and a mistake.

If she is a 1 out 10 then she needs to do a real good job of convincing me why.

[Ninani]

I can't help forming a friendship while dating someone, but I don't form a friendship before showing interest.

[acooke-13]

No, I feel like that would give them the wrong signal then it might not turn into dating.

[Lliam]

As far as I'm concerned, the purpose of dating is to see what kind of chemistry you have, get to know each other, and hopefully make friends. I don't need the safety of a virtual relationship before I'll agree to meet someone.

[Jamie05rhs]

No. Because that never works. Some other guy will ask her out. So now that just makes me a friend of a lovely couple.
I do get invited to a lot of weddings, though.

[saturnianqueen]

Not always. Sometimes I am way too attracted to them to even fathom THE IDEA of being just friends with them.

[igaveyouanickname]

If you're friends with them first, you've already closed the door and led them down the platonic path. It shows a lack of courage to not be honest at the beginning.

[Anonymous]

This was my M. O. for FAR too long. What a freaking TERRIBLE strategy that is! lol! I can laugh about it now, but it was frustrating as hell at the time. Wish I'd have figured that out sooner!

[FinalFantasyBro]

I think being a friend with a person first is logically much better, because what happened if you started dating the girl or guy but they doesn't have any common interests as you.

[spartan55]

Then you break up with her?

[FinalFantasyBro]

Correct! So it might be more beneficial to start a friendship before a romantic relationship first to see if the both of you are compatible.

[spartan55]

But, how can you operate under the friendship guise when she is hot as hell and you can't keep your hands off of her?

[TwistedSukuna]

I've done this for a long time, has never worked in my favor tbh, but at least I know I'm kinda likeable ig

[Twalli]

I find friends separate from dating interests and decide from friends which ones I would like to date. I want to have similar interests with my SO. I know that I do with my friends. It saves time because we already know we mesh with interests.

[MCheetah]

No. Who I'm friends with and who I'd want to date, are two very different types of people.

[kitty71]

Well when you date someone being friends is the first step right? If you dont want to be friends then what do you want to be first?

[Browneye57]

That would be a place to start, wouldn't it?
Or are simply going to ask them if they want sex first? LOL

[Miristheiss]

Nope.
It is best to be direct and to not waste time.

[The-Wise-Phoenix]

Heck no!
The last thing you want to do is put yourself in the friendzone.

[AdithyaR]

I prefer keep romantic interests separate from my friends so I'd either just be a friend or just want to date, never both.

[es20490446e]

I try to know what they want, and what kind of values they have.

[Grubhub]

Not me, fuck then date. I had a bad ex, columbian who was married. Her husband was 5 feet 😂 Tall dudes winning. I’m 6”5

[mrpt1986]

Its better to be friends first coz friends won't hide their cons, but lovers do, at least the first period of time

[OddBeMe]

I’d say usually yes. I guess it depends on definitions. I consider gfs to be friends (it’s part of the name).

[Anonymous]

This poll shows why most guys don't get girls.
Bros are you afraid you will be friendzoned if you are friends first? BS! The best relationships come out the best of friendships.

[Lost_in_the_Woods]

It shows how many guys have tried it and found out that doesn't work.

I'm not saying it can't, just that it usually doesn't.

[Opinion Owner]

@Lost_in_the_Woods if it doesn't why the girls think differently? If it works for them it means it worked for the guys they were with no?

[Lost_in_the_Woods]

Girls don't usually ask guys out.
🤔

They "try to date someone" by hanging around them and flirting.

Also, read the other comments.

[aliali8]

best relationships do not start off as best friendships.

Because reality is, liking someone as a "friend" is completely different from liking someone romantically.

If you liked her only as a "friend", you wouldn't like her romantically.

If you liked her romantically, you wouldn't see her as a friend.

Its really contradictory.

Usually you can tell whether you will like someone romantically or not , right on the first date or first meeting. Those who cannot sense attraction on first meetings are simply less observant / intelligent.

[Opinion Owner]

@Lost_in_the_Woods they don't have to the ones to ask the other out to have a friendship before a relationship.
What about the other comments?

[Opinion Owner]

@aliali8 let's put it this way...
If you meet someone with the intention of hooking up, at a bar tinder whatever, both you know what is up. You don't talk to know each other you talk to flirt.
Now if you meet someone through a friend, while doing a hobby you both share, whatever, you are both single, you start to talk and you hit it off very well. Everything from a hookup to a relationship is on the table and you both know this.
And it it different when you meet someone that you just love to talk with, that you have great chemistry with. You talk not just to flirt, but for the sake of knowing each other. You become friends on your way to fall in love.

[aliali8]

@Opinion owner, let me explain it to you this way:

you can't be just friends with someone you have romantic spark with. You need to understand that friendship is platonic and no romantic spark. It doesn't mean that you can't get along well with him. It just means that you enjoy talking to this person a lot but you don't see them as romantically attractive.

I think what you are referring to, are ACQUAINTANCES. Acquaintances are people who just talk to in order to try to get to know her better but you both do not necessarily have a strong friendship.

Because the truth is, you can't be friends and be dating at the same time. Friendship love doesn't have that romantic spark.

Usually you know right from the beginning whether they have the traits if you could fall for them or not.

[aliali8]

@Opinion owner,

For example,

if you knew someone extremely well as a friend for YEARS, you never fell in love with her. Its been 8 years. You don't just fall in love with her one day out of nowhere. I

f you got to know a girl thoroughly and you see her as only a friend, you won't just one day wake up and decide that you will fall in love with her. It doesn't work that way.

There is a reason why you placed her in the "friendzone" category. If you liked her after you got to know her, you would put her in a dating zone.

If you didn't really konw her too well as a friend, but you just called her a "friend" , then its possible to fall for her. Because you never really knew her , in the first place.

We use the term "friends" way too broadly nowadays. You're not actually "friends" with someone unless you know them very well and established some sort of very strong deep connection with them. Otherwise, they should be called acquaintances

[aliali8]

@Opinion owner, i just don't konw if im still being clear enough.

In short, I'm just trying to say that.

After getting to know her very well, you can't just put her in the friendzone then suddenly after 5 years of friendship, you fall in love with her. There was a reason why you put her in the friendzone in the first place because you simply did not feel any romantic attraction after you got to know her.

[Opinion Owner]

@aliali8 I disagree with this sentence "you can't be just friends with someone you have romantic spark with". It was literally how it worked with me and my wife.

[Opinion Owner]

@aliali8 but it's all good. You have your opinion, I have mine and the people on the poll have theirs.

[aliali8]

@Opinion owner

you probably didn't know your wife that well until you developed a very deep friendship with her.
Like I said, the term "friends" is way too overused. You're not friends with someone unless you know someone very well and have developed a deep connection with them.

If you are friends with someone who you know very well, yet you still friend zoned them, there is a reason why you didn't feel any attraction towards her in the first place.

[Opinion Owner]

@aliali8 at the time she was my friend, I knew her well, but never put away the possibility of a relationship with her. Same thing applied to her about me.

[aliali8]

I can guarantee you that this type of stuff doesn't happen very often. Romance cannot be created if it doesn't exist between two people. Romance is supposed to occur naturally based on existing personality chemistry.

[Anonymous]

I have friends, I don't want to be friends, i want to date...

[the_kisses_of_sun]

I've had this mindset before. But now I think it's a failure. Leads to friendzone real quick.

[Anonymous]

yes, but usually what happens is that I just wind up as their friend and not a love interest. I've given up.

[Anonymous]

Women complain about guys that friend them and then try to date them. Anyways I think it's best show intent from the Start

[spartan55]

That's a recipe for failure imho.

[supercutebutt]

It's hard to make friends at the gloryhole so no.

[Mayajenks9]

Lmfao

[humanearth]

Used to try that and all I got was friend zoned

[snowboarder720]

I voted no because being friend zoned is bad.

[SphynxUK]

Defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?

[LemiaOfChampions]

I try and attempt to get along with them.

[DarkWinterNights]

For average guys it’s our only option.

[Avicenna]

Never, not in a million years

[ChasingAmy01]

Yes see she and I click see if anything develops.

[JamesRandiDebates]

Only if I think I need to to get in her pants.

[AlannaBabe]

Yes. You need a foundation for a relationship.

[Anonymous]

i do research on them first

[TheAfrikan]

First step is befriending them.

[River1234]

Not necessarily.

[Iykomo]

Yes because we have to understand ourselves right.

[Iron_Man]

No lol

[Fuentes]

For a day

[Raj4655]

Yes...

[888theGreat]

smartest way to go