Do girls really want to be friends first before dating a certain guy?

[Anonymous]

most do

half of them do

some of them do

[alleng12345]

I would say 'not usually'.



I went out with a girl I met online under the assumption I was helping her during a depressed time.

Long story short, she had a post asking if anyone wanted to drag her out of her bed where she was crying due to about 4 different things.

I saw where she lived and I said 'hey, I am close by, I dont like hearing about people being depressed and sad and I am social, let's meet up and go do something.


She responded and said 'ok'.

I asked to facetime her so I could talk with her and she could see me and we could talk about plans.

Nothing I suggested was available until I said ' do you like shooting guns?' Yes she liked it. Ok plan made.

I asked if she was comfortable with me picking her up and we could get food first, or she could meet me.

She said I should pick a place and she would meet me.

I had multiple times told her I just wanted to hang out as I was single but already had a few fan's.

She said that's good she wasn't looking to date.


Ok now the lunch before shooting she kept asking about my FWBs and how did it work that way and Intold her I met them all online dating and we had sex, I liked it, they liked it, but I never clicked with them so I made it clear I would not be exclusive.

They all liked sex with me so we had physical relationships. Some of which i would end when i felt them working to hard for more.


Anyway, she kept asking me why would i just have a friend first? I was getting real confused because we met under the understanding we were NOT on a date and not. looking to date, just get out and have a fun weekend so she wouldn't be depressed.



Well she straight up told me that she was opposite of me and would not friend zone someone until she knew she didn't want to date them.


Long story short, we ended up dating exclusively for a year. She was great, I broke up with her but I still wonder how she is doing every now and again.

Tldr: that girl specifically told me she does not friend zone a guy unless she is not interested in him.


I have known a few woman and all seem to follow that general thought process but I dont know ALL women and can't presume to.

[JSmuve]

Some do. Some don't. But really, it's kind of fucked up. Like, there are some girls who want to be friends first before diving into dating. But at the same time there are those girls who view if the guy doesn't make a move in a set amount of time, then he's only interested in being friends. Then there's a third set of girls that find it manipulative of the guy to be friends with her as a way of dating her and and would rather him ask her out from the get go. And any given girl could be any one of these categories given a certain guy and circumstances.

Perhaps the best way of going about things is to be ambiguous about your intentions from the start. Just get to know her and allow her to get comfortable with you, so that you fall into the ambiguous category of 'friends/aquaintences but could turn into something more'. Then if you're still interested after, say a few weeks, ask her out and lay out your intentions. That way you don't get lumped into the 'just friends' category by not acting too late but you've got a firm foundation to stand on by not being a total stranger. If neither of you are feeling it, then you can always remain friends but both of you know where you stand.

[Anonymous]

If friend zoned after you have shown interest it is unlikely she will date you but a girl that started off as your friend without romantic intentions ( didn't need to friend zone you because you both just wanted to be friends) can overtime possibly like you so not intentional it just happened, now i don't speak on behalf of all women just off my own experience so here it goes. When I started working at my old workplace I didn't take notice of most people but after awhile I became friends with a couple of cool peeps including a certain guy, now I felt nothing for him for the first year but after while I started to feel attracted to him. I suppose people change and as they do so do their interests, I started to like little things at first like his bad jokes to the way he laughs and overtime more and more stuff so you never know what could happen just stay true to yourself as cliche as that is :) if she really likes you and wants to date you she won't friend zone you but she could grow as a person and depending on how she's changed, her view of you as friend can change to love interest

[Anonymous]

Well that is different from person to person, isn't it.
Personally I do. I am very shy and introverted so I take months to open up to someone, this also goes for intimacy. I am not very fond of intimacy in general unless i'm very comfortable with someone. Me and my ex started dating immadiately without being friends and not knowing each other and that didn't go anywhere, plus we realized months into being a couple that we were actually completely incompatible and wanted different things in life. We broke up and remained friends so for us it got sort of turned backwards, a couple weeks into being friends and I was more comfortable with him than i'd ever been while dating him. It taught me to start out as friends next time.

[Anonymous]

Honestly i don't think it matters to them i mean you get the feelings when you get them. Sometimes they come quick sometimes they might develop through deep sharing.
But i think women like to say "friends first", because they don't want to feel pressured to feel something.
I will say that's the short straw women draw. A woman may go out with you because she kind of likes you. But maybe those feelings don't develop by the end of the first date, she orobably done seeing you because she doesn't want to lead you on.

[whipitout]

I can't really speak for all girls bc I all I can say is how I feel and how the people I am close to feel (and they're pretty similar to me), but I'm not really all that attracted to a guy until I get to know him a bit. So it depends on how you define 'friends' but I'd definitely want to have hung out with him (one on one or in a group) at least a few times.

[MaidenMandy30]

My experience goes so far against the " friends" first idea. My psycho ex i knew for 4 years as a platonic friend but then for the next 5 years after he almost killed me twice and beat me in between those near death moments. My fiance now , didn't know him at all and it's definitely a happy ever after

[katjmj]

It was the other way around with me and my partner. We have common friends so we got to hang out but the flirtation was palpable right from the start. He tried that style - befriend me and feel things out first if he stood a chance. I cut it shortly and confronted him about his intentions as I didn't like guys who beat around the bush. We've been together since and I gained both a boyfriend and a bestfriend.

[CherryRoseChampange]

I can't speak for all women but I'm like that. My mom taught me to be that way. And all my good boyfriends were friends with me before we dated.

They didn't want to be but after being my friend for a while they actually didn't mind it and we became really close.

Depends on the girl. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[VIVANT]

I don’t need to be friends first it isn’t always even helpful bc people act completely differently as friends vs boyfriend /gf bc different things are required.

I need a person to be comfortable dating and moving very slowly, together.

[baconninjadc]

The fine art of reading a woman like a book... I think you should express your own interests and try to get a good sense for hers. Maybe she's just sexually attracted and friendship follows at some future date who knows

[Anonymous]

It's the weirdest thing to me -- and to most guys in my opinion, but they just have this mental barrier between friend and suitor and they don't mix well. This is the very essence of the friendzone and why it is a thing girls do to guys and not the other way around.

[VIVANT]

What do you mean by mental barrier? I a don’t mean what is mental barrier.. I mean how are you using that term in this case..

Can you elaborate?

[Opinion Owner]

I mean the separation between seeing a guy as a platonic friend and seeing a guy as a potential partner. That separation is a wide chasm that’s hard to cross. Usually as a guy you have to make sure to start out on the right side rather that trying to cross later.

It’s a gap that men don’t seem to have. For guys, women can be seen as friends and seen as attractive and as everything else all at the same time on a continuous spectrum and there’s no gap for them to cross.

[jessipudin]

I think it's important to explore whether you and the other person can be friends and get along, but there still needs to be that initial romantic connection to start dating someone.

[SweetMess]

No because friends are friends for me. I want a guy to be confident and tell me his intentions clearly maybe after having few conversations

[rickle]

That makes no sense. What you should do is go on dates with lots of different guys and then start to narrow down to just one. This way you don't end up in a relationship with the wrong guy.

[rickle]

It says you need to follow me for me to message you

[rickle]

@rachelmaddow?

[TechLili]

A better poll would be "I do" "I sometimes do" and "I don't" because we don't really know what other girls act like..

[Browneye57]

Women need an emotional connection before they'll have sex. This is a given.
You can call it 'friends' if you want - it's all the same thing. And no, it's why you date - to get to know.

[anmari2001]

Not always but emotional attachment is really important for girls

[alice55]

Personally yes because I want to know him well before dating him.
But for the other I don't know

[Avicenna]

That's rare. You usually can't switch gears like that.

[PineappleCrop]

Personally if I befriend a guy I can only seem him as a friend, so even though things should start casually enough, the intention of going further than friendship should be clear from the start

[TheFlak38]

if she really liked you she would fuck you even without knowing your name. Everything else is for the beta provider.

[clampfan101]

I don’t know how many, but it makes sense. If you can’t be friends, you can never be lovers.

[Liam_Hayden]

Some do, but most who say that are looking for free meals.

[DiscomfortZone]

Very, very few. Don't count on it. If you've been friendzoned - make a run for it.