How does the "friends first" approach to dating work?

[Anonymous]

Up until about two weeks ago, I was going out with this girl. She ended things when she said she wanted to work on building a friendship first, as that's the way she's always dated. She's been friends with the guy first. I tried that for a while and maybe I just wasn't doing it right. I don't know. How does being friends first work? I don't take that approach simply because when do you know it's the right time to make the move? And if I'm into someone and I feel attracted to her, why should I wait until we're friends to ask her out?

[I-am-a-nobody]

Yeah, I always thought the "friends first" approach was loony until I did it and it worked. If you can't be friends without the romance, the relationship won't last. Think about it, you're essentially saying, "If I can't get some measure of sexual satisfaction from you, I'd just as soon not have you around."

With my wife, I took my time and got to know her as a human being and not just a girl with a cute body. We hung out for a while and there was a flirtatious undercurrent, but we put off the physical stuff. To be honest, it amped up the romance and attraction. We were about 10 weeks in before I put my arm around her. It was so much better than all the "How far will I get?" dates I had before.

See, you might be so busy thinking about "making a move" that your not getting to know if you even like her for herself and not just because she has a cute body.

[SaramadHill]

Don't ask someone out that you barely know... It's prudent to get to know someone first. Heck, even my fiancee told me last night that I was in the friendzone for a month or so before she started to like me. It truly doesn't matter. If someone's bound to like you, they will. If they don't, don't bug them about it and just stay friends. There's always other people out there who will cherish you for who you are.

[Anonymous]

A lot of the times is so you can get to know the person but you can usually stay in that place for a limited amount of time becore the attraction towards the other runs out. Literally, the more you talk etc yes you do get to know the person more but you have to be careful, as it becomes easier to stay friends with them rather than becoming something else. The one who usually has the feelings they will get stronger over time and the one who suggested being friends is the one who will not easily look at you as something else over the time. My advice text and be 'friends' for about a month or so and ask her again. If you wait too long you may regret it

[lovelyhoneybones]

My boyfriend and I started out liking each other at first, then we went to being friends and now we're dating. It wasn't something we planned, but that's how it worked out.

I personally like going from a friendship to a relationship, that way you aren't dating a total stranger or you two already have a foundation to start building off of.

[septemberangel118]

You get to know more about a person by being their friend first. The right moment to make the move will come easily and you will feel compelled to make the move. If you push something with someone who doesn't quite feel the same way, then you could push them away forever.

[SarahsSummer]

At this stage, she's just not that into you but she's hoping with time a romantic attraction grows. Show her your interests, find interest in her passions but Try not to fawn all over her hoping for romance.

[Dudeman1234]

Well, it works better for girls.

For guys being just friends with a girl will more than likely wind you up in tge friendzone. Yeah some guys can get out the friend zone but most don't.

For girls, being just friends is never a risk because attractive girls almost never get stuck in the frienzone as most of their guy friend secretly have crushes on them.

Being friends first allows her to weigh her options between several guy friends before making a choice.

[WalterBlack]

Very accurate!!!

[Dudeman1234]

Basically this start as friends thing, is a nice way of breaking up. Time to move on

[CoolSky01]

you can risk getting into the friendzone and never get out which many guys never get out from, but later date her if she truly wants to be with you.

or... the better option, tell her you understand the situation she's but you dont play games and you actually like her, then tell her that you're gonna move on if she's no interested in dating you.

[realperson02]

it's kinda pain in the ass way of dating. in my country, we have to go through this bs daily and even staying in the most modern city doesn't help.
the only way to date her is to constantly remind her (indirectly or sometimes directly when she gets it indirectly ) that you are a potential mate and not just a friend.

[Aming]

basically she wants a long term partner who she can work with in daily life as well. not just someone who provide and listen to her problems, but also to have fun with, to be crazy with and to solve dramas with.

once you have shown her that you are that guy, you can make the move.

[jaydtre]

If she was really into you she wouldn't suggest you two be friends first, the whole point in dating is to get to know that person because you feel something right then and there. There are some exceptions for those who go this route, but in most cases people just remain friends.

[superQ]

Love is beyond just attraction. You should probably fall in love with her personality before asking her out, so that way you are in it for the best intentions. Also, why wouldn't you be friends with your girl?

[Amber77love]

I think she's being very smart about that. She knows how things can move rather quickly and usually end up having sex and complicating things. This way it's like y'all are basically "courting"

[Blonde401]

I don't get that way of dating. I don't want to fuck my friends, that's why they're my friends.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

It doesn't. That's how you get Friendzoned or seen as nothing but a beta orbiter/provider chump.

[midnightcavern01]

you learn to get to know each other and see whether you're happy with the current relationship or you'd like to try something more.

[Marinepilot]

I don't believe in friends first. The attraction is either there or it isn't. I'd be on about my business.

[Anonymous]

Hmm well they say that if you build a romantic relationship with friendship as a foundation. Its stronger than a normal one. And i kinda agree with that. It is a bit of a challenge as one of you will have romantic feelings earlyer than the other one.

[Anonymous]

Ughh. Dating nowadays is beyond ridiculous. I'm divorced and starting to wonder if I'm going to be single for the rest of my life.

[shaolinhearts]

you are assuming it works in the first place... apologies but it very rarely does and if it does there are complications.

[fulloflife]

Slowly slide into her dm's and flirt

[Anonymous]

You got friend zoned bud.