What's the best way to deal with rejection?

[LemiaOfChampions]

I've been talking to this girl, at first she seemed very interested but confusingly she done 180 and I think I'm looking at rejection?

[NicoletteXO]

Ok, I am looking at all this advice you've been given - and it is terrible!

Try this: actually be honest.

Something like, "hey, I noticed you're not responding to my messages like you used to. I was really enjoying our connection and was looking forward to getting to know you better. Is there a reason for the shift in your communication?"

Within 24 hours you will know EXACTLY where you stand with her, with no room for doubt or error.

If she responds immediately and with reassurances or apologies/reasons, she likes you. In which case, take the opportunity to ask her out on a date.

Alternatively, she won't bother responding at all, or will take ages to respond, or give you some lame lukewarm response. In which case, she's not interested - and she's also immature. Leave it at that and do something which makes you feel good or is comforting, to get over it. That might mean working out, getting into nature, or eating comfort food, having a drink/smoke or chatting with a trusted friend or even counsellor. Whatever you need. But don't bother chasing her after this.

Another possibility is that she will tell you directly she is no longer interested, and will explain why. Maybe it's because you did something offensive or hurtful that you didn't realize. If that's the case, take the opportunity to rectify it. Or maybe she just lost interest for a reason outside of your control. In which case, at least you will know - and then, just leave things be. No chasing. All the best!

[NoUsername9]

Can I PM you? I like that response and I myself need some advice

[NicoletteXO]

@NoUsername9 sure

[NoUsername9]

@Hdivrvr Well, you never know. I guess it's up to her to accept or refuse not forcing anything.

[NoUsername9]

You accept PMs from followings only...

[NoUsername9]

@NicoletteXO

[Anonymous]

Her lost, she was clearly lying to herself how much she loved you. Move on. Your a great guy. If she wants to be with someone who will mistreat her let her.

[TruthBringer]

If you have to ask yourself if you're facing rejection, then you're most likely facing rejection. A woman who is seriously into you isn't going to make you question whether or not she likes you. It would be as clear as daytime. A woman who is into you will work to get with you. A girl who shows interest in you and then turn a complete 180 is usually trying to get entertained until the dude she is actually into comes around.

Well, since we managed to point out that the girl isn't into you, the only thing you can do now is leave her in the cold. Try your luck with different women. Just as others pointed out, don't put all your eggs in one basket. If you talk to multiple women, it wouldn't really matter if one or two stop talking to you. Drop the scarcity mindset. This girl isn't special. And neither are you special to her.

There are two outcomes that will happen if you decide to stop pursuing her:

1. She comes back asking what's wrong and tries to reel you back in for constant validation like all of her other simps.

2. You will never hear from her, but you gave yourself the opportunity in finding someone who DOES want to get to know you.

It's time for you to forget her and get to know other women. While you're sitting here thinking about her, she is probably getting plowed by some other dude.

[Miristheiss]

All your eggs are in one basket.
Meet and talk to several girls.
Go meet some other people and ask out some other girls. This can be one of the girls you are talking to but if she drops off you just forget her and go out with other ladies.
You aren't even really dating her at point? You are just talking to this girl?
You aren't exclusive then. Instead of making her the one and only option in your life right now get busy and make it to where she is one of 2 or 3 or 4 options and then you can get exclusive with someone after you've gone out on several dates and you both click and have chemistry. Until that point give yourself options.
Rejection hurts more when that is the one and only option you have in your life. All your eggs are in this one basket. Even if she is your favorite option, if you have other options it doesn't sting that much when one of several options drops out.

[pleaseloveme]

Sometimes this backfires. I know plenty of girls who were interested in a guy but the guy kept eggs in different baskets and the girls found out. Girls always find out if you're talking to other girls. Hence the sudden 180 and you don't know what you did wrong its because they have found your other baskets

[Miristheiss]

@pleaseloveme

People aren't exclusive until they are exclusive. When 2 go out initially it is common that they aren't only dating one person. That changes when they become exclusive.
OP hasn't even said if he's even had one date with this person.
But, back to his question. How do you deal with rejection.
You don't put this girl you aren't really even dating yet on a pedestal. It is too early to act like she is the only girl in the world. Date some other women. Who knows, you may not even like her the best after meeting others.

Being rejected by someone you hardly know shouldn't be anything at all to care about. If someone you've been dating for 2 years DUMPS you and you envisioned marrying them... that is something you'd have to overcome and "deal" with.

"I've been TALKING to this girl" that isn't a situation in which you should have to worry that much about rejection.

The more girls you meet and talk to and the more options you have... the less you'll care about getting rejected by someone you are just talking to.

[pleaseloveme]

You would be suprised what "just talking to someone" means to them. People filter things way differently. Something that may be casual dating to u, may be super meaningful to someone else. You just never know.

I had a guy who asked me to be his girlfriend on the first date to which i agreed then a month later found he was still looking to date around. I mean under that scenario i wouldve assumed we were exclusive but i guess he still needed his other baskets instead of confessing he wasn't that into me. That was just a personal note Im sure OP isn't like this. Just kinda painting a picture of miscommunication and misunderstanding

[Miristheiss]

@pleaseloveme

Yes, if a guy asked you to be his girlfriend that should definitely mean that you two a an exclusive couple. He should be off the dating market and not be trying to get with any other girls and the same for you. That seems shady of him.

[paradiseonearth93]

Don’t take it personal. Everyone is just trying to find someone they feel is their best match. I look at it as they’re looking for an orange and you’re an apple. Or they love white wine and you’re red wine. So, no matter how perfect/great whatever you are, they’re looking for something else and it has nothing to do with your qualities. It just means you aren’t the right match. But also this depends on how much you have been talking... like if you met on a dating app and she flirted a little and then stopped, that’s not rejection.. that’s just something on her end and that can’t be taken seriously at all. But if you’ve gone out or know each other in person, then yeah I’d go with the above advice.

[lightbulb27]

accept it, learn what you can and move on quickly. if it hasn't been that long, give her another run or two and see if can figure out what's going on. women aren't emotionally as stable as you'd like to think, they have a lot more options than you'd like to think.

maybe her "run" is really fear of love and commitment and other junk that can be worked through.

But either way, it means there is work to be done, right?

Don't sit around sulking how perfect she was... she was the one, how can I live without her, must be something terrible about me (maybe there is, that's the learning and growing part). But no... she isn't perfect as she is in our imagination. you'll be ok.

[lightbulb27]

I think we all go through "lumps" til we find someone and make it work, then you forget about the others, that fades away as you focus on your new life. that's what I've done. Again, there's always work, if want a nice garden... gotta do work to tend it, build it, work it, enjoy it:)

[edgey]

Sorry to hear this, we've all been there man. My suggestion: Respect her decision, and don't spend too much energy trying to understand why. Instead, put that energy into making yourself awesome.. Start lifting weights, or learn an instrument, or develop a new skill, transform that pain into triumph. You will realize that developing new skills might make you more appealing to the opposite sex, and you will have higher self confidence from gaining the new skill or reaching your next level.

I wish I learned this at a younger age myself:

Don't dwell in the past, level up your future! gl!

[fr44c3iqqs]

Here is one thing. Expectation leads to disappointment. But, you also need to research for methods to impress her and to make her want to come at you, and there are even a few methods to motivate her to make the first move. I won’t mention it in detail because it will be too long and not as well explained as the things online, so you need to make your own research if you want to really get her. You need to be able to impress her even better than any guy is out there. But do definitely go slow if using impression methods.

[pillingsadness]

If I'm being rejected, I throw myself a one-person pity party (okay, I make my dog participate), then I spitefully act like it doesn't bother me because I'm too cool to be hurt by something so common

Learn from the situation. Be neutral and take a long, hard look at your relationship. Try to discern whether you might have done anything to bring upon the rejection. Ask yourself if you were coming on too strong, or if you perhaps didn't give him enough attention.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

Learn from rejection. Reflect on yourself and what you offer to a woman (security, comfort, etc..) because just offering your undying love and commitment isn't enough. Improve your life and you improve the way females see you. Grooming and clothing is a good start. Being financially stable is another. Beware of gold diggers.

[jshm2]

It's not a negative, and you should not take it as that.

Instead it's something you were just not a right match with. Look at it this way, if you'd been "accepted" and had to endure a month of shitty behaviours and gaslighting, you would be feeling far worse than you are now.

Hence don't think of rejection as always something you've missed out on. But a bullet you may have dodged.

[EQisKEY]

What they are rejecting is the archetype of the unknown in the form of all their fears mapped onto your face.

They never even really met you, so find solace in not taking it personal and see if the next one has been less tainted by all the bad apples that seems to have ruined it for the rest of us😤

[NicoletteXO]

Dude. Maybe she has a sick relative and can't answer her messages as quickly as she used to. Talk about projection!

[EQisKEY]

@NicoletteXO Well obviously stuff like that goes without saying. This question is regarding rejection in the sense of, she's not interested in you.

The irony of you trying to manipulate that frame to fit a bias narrative is not lost on us readers, lol.

[NicoletteXO]

I'm not trying to manipulate anything. I'm suggesting that the OP (and you, and me) actually don't know why she has changed her communication patterns. He never even asked her! He hasn't actually even been obviously rejected. Absolutely anything could have been happening. It is absurd to imagine that she is 'rejecting the archetype of the unknown' when she could be in bed with a flu. Occam's razor, man! I'm not saying there is no possibility of what you mentioned, but how about eliminating the basic stuff, before overthinking.

[EQisKEY]

I just responded from the title, pertaining to rejection from the jump, might say anything. What this guy is talking about is lost interest which is not the same as rejection.

[NicoletteXO]

Well... MAYBE. Maybe it's lost interest, or maybe she has actually had something happen in her life that is causing her to be less available. The point is, he hasn't even asked her.

[LemiaOfChampions]

This debate as nothing todo with the actually question on hand where in my question did I state she had stopped talking me, I merely said she has gone from liking me to the opersite.

[NicoletteXO]

Cool. Well, it would help everyone if you actually explained your problem clearly.

[InferiorElegy]

Accept the rejection and move on, that's all you can do, do attack them verbally or physically that just makes you look bad. Other than that I don't know how to handle rejection that well and so I avoid it because it got to a point where being rejected was causing me physical pain.

[Vikkrram]

You chat with that girl... just ask her that what you have done wrong that she is behaving like this? And if really you did anything wrong, then appologize her and if she really don't want wid you then try mooving on buddy.

[ShadezMcgee]

Just tell her if she changes her mind to give you a call, then move on. It isn't fun to be rejected bud, but it's better to move on and keep sanity than to obsess over one woman that decided to ghost you.

[pleaseloveme]

Rejection stings but you have to put your ego aside and move on.

Dont dwell on what you coudlve done differently and definitely dont put her on a pedestal. Her loss. Move on you'll find better

[RawIronhide]

What do you mean? You just go about your own business.

[DizzyDesii]

Just think of all those who dont reject you. Give them a chance instead if you’re attracted to them in return

[VanillaSalt]

Understand no woman that wants you that you want will let you question where you’re at in the relationship.


Walk away.

[Mofunfour20]

Change your perception. Everyone isn't supposed to like you or align with your purpose. Accept it, move on and have fun

[Crazygal2021]

She might be playing hard to get. Or she may have her guards up if she’s been hurt in the past…

[ChiTown33]

Don't listen to this. This is what women who like to play with guys feelings say. They'll always have a " justification" for it. In reality there is no justification.
Your best move now is ignore her. Move on, like you dropped her flat. Eventually she's going to notice her words are having no affect on you. And she'll turn it up to get your attention back. Because that's what you are to her, nothing more.
Well you're back in the power position or a powerful as you cab get with her. Now you can. play with her head if you wish. Just imagine her as a cat and you got a string. Personally I'd just move on. But it's up to you man. Good luck.

[TruthBringer]

@ChiTown33 I agree with you 100%. The girl gave terrible advice indeed. Reality is, the girl has no interest in him and would only want free attention/validation.

[ChiTown33]

@TruthBringer I'll agree with her on one point she may have been hurt in the past. And I'm sorry if that be the case but that doesn't give her the right to put the hurt on some guy and then try to rationalize it.
But this key about how women think about guys. Guys really don't have feelings until their in a relationship with the guy. Even then her feelings will ALWAYS supercede his. That's not to say they don't care about guys feeling in general but it isn't empathy. It's more like pity. And no guy wants to be looked down on.

[exitseven]

I used to make a joke out of it. I used to say that I was good with rejection because I had a lot of practice.