How do I make my submissive boyfriend more dominant?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a bit, and he’s submissive while I’m more dominant. I want him to be more dominant but he says that with the way he believes he refuses to disrespect women so he won’t be dominant because he thinks it’s disrespectful. How do I get him to understand that it’s not disrespectful and to be more dominant.
P. S we aren’t engaging in sex until after marriage

[caring__1]

It's interesting how many people choose a partner and then expect that person to change. Guys are not lumps of clay to be molded by women. What you see is what you get. No one's saying you need to choose a guy who isn't dominant, but you're only setting both of you up for frustration and disappointment if you continue to pressure him to change. Do you also expect your cat to bark? Introverts won't become extroverts; gays won't become straight; people who appreciate a simple life won't become people who appreciate extravagance. Just as you want to be respected by others, understand you won't receive that respect if you don't show others the respect you expect from them.

[Asker]

Okay clearly I worded this wrong! I’m sorry for those who think I’m trying to force him to do anything! Because I’m not! What I’m trying to ask is how can I assure him that he’s not being disrespectful if he were to be dominant. He’s very caring and asks all the time if I’m comfortable which I really appreciate. I’m not trying to change him, and I always ask him to if he’s comfortable with what I like. We talk about this stuff a lot (or at least try to).

[caring__1]

You're speaking different languages. Dominance is familiar to you and something that feeds you. That's not true for your boyfriend. He will always feel like a fish out of water if he feels you value a dominant partner. The more you attempt to tell him it is OK to be dominant, the more uncomfortable he'll feel.

Let's say I tell you it is perfectly normal and ideal to walk around nude. The more I promote nudity in all aspects of life, the more you'll feel you aren't measuring up and you are disappointing me. I would be promoting something that is foreign to you. Though you may be able to accept it in others, you'll have a hard time accepting it in yourself.

[Lionman95]

Start slowly and show him that being dominant isn´t about disrespecting you. Maybe it could help that you let him be more dominant in certain situations outside the bed room by letting him make decisions for the both of you. .
Like for example let him plan a date night/weekend for you together and let him make the decisions so that he has to take the lead. He´s blocking away any asks for dominant probably because he doesn´t want to hurt you.
I´m probably similar to him because I either would have some problems if a woman would ask me to be the dominant part of a relationship.
That could change if he understands that you enjoy it when he´s dominant. Make him compliments when he´s done well because he might be unsure if he´s doing it right.
After some time he might grow in his dominant tendencies and you can go over to the sexual part.

[hahahmm]

Imagine if he was just super fat and out of shape and you were trying to make him fit. Think of how many times you would have to beg him not to eat donuts and ice cream and how he would argue with you about it every step of the way. Being able to lead goes way deeper than an eating problem! So imagine it's 10 times harder to fix and he'd only listen to a man who is a good leader too.

Your best bet is to leave him and find a guy who is already ready.

[hahahmm]

And leaving him over this might motivate him to change faster too. But it's not a given.

[Asker]

Okay clearly I worded this wrong! I’m sorry for those who think I’m trying to force him to do anything! Because I’m not! What I’m trying to ask is how can I assure him that he’s not being disrespectful if he were to be dominant. He’s very caring and asks all the time if I’m comfortable which I really appreciate. I’m not trying to change him, and I always ask him to if he’s comfortable with what I like. We talk about this stuff a lot (or at least try to)

[hahahmm]

It's like someone hates pizza and you're trying to convince them that pizza tastes good. How does that even work? Checkout my MyTakes on equality/leadership and also on guys needing stuff from women. This is my POV on traditional relationships. May give you some ideas about why it's not going to work.

[slatyb]

What specific behaviour would you like to see? Do you really want him to be more dominant, or do you just want him to take more responsibility?

I can understand his reluctance, but he can learn differently. He can't read your mind. Be specific about what you would like him to do.

[Slayerrrrrrr]

I aspire to be a gentleman in the streets and a beast in the sheets 😉

Mention that to him whilst explaining that intercourse is a intimate time with someone you love and can be playful and imaginative. There is nothing wrong with a little role play either.

[ChrisMaster69]

First off you can’t really change people, we tend to be how we are wired.

Secondly, being Dominant means you can still very much be respectful, if anything within BDSM there is more respect between a Dom and sub than in a vanilla relationship.

[boggboss]

You can't little it would be making him do somthinghe dont enjoy lol u can't make someone enjoy something u can try and get him to try it but thats about it

[VikingWarLord]

Eventually females will get tired of beta male simps.

Cum get with a REAL MAN like me if you're little Azz is on the West Coast, I'm an actual real DOM (have a Fetlife account to prove it).

[magiusX26]

you dont. if that is his personality type. you dont go around trying to change people you care about in that kind of way.

[Asker]

Okay clearly I worded this wrong! I’m sorry for those who think I’m trying to force him to do anything! Because I’m not! What I’m trying to ask is how can I assure him that he’s not being disrespectful if he were to be dominant. He’s very caring and asks all the time if I’m comfortable which I really appreciate. I’m not trying to change him, and I always ask him to if he’s comfortable with what I like. We talk about this stuff a lot (or at least try to)

[Browneye57]

Ya got nuthin' here. And I predict that if you even make it to the wedding it won't last. Women come to loathe weak men. And you picked a doozy.

Ever see lions fuck?

[Wester1967]

He’ll be much more dominant as he grows older. Are you willing to wait around or do you need your Chadwick fix ASAP?

[jasco]

Honestly theirs nothing you can do. He was taught that way from a young age or he became that way on his own. Other than finding a way to convince him that being a dom is awesome he isn't gonna change

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

That would be wrong

Making someone do something, they don't feel comfortable with is morally and often legally, wrong

If you don't like him, why are you with him?

[Anonymous]

tell him in a friendly way to grow some balls. tell him that if or when something feels disrespectful to you you'll let him know.. reinforce open communication is the key to a healthy relationship with him (flat out tell him that part)

[IncognitoBandito]

Start by sharing fantasies where he is the one taking the lead.

[Anonymous]

Break up with him ( submissive )
Hook up with other ( dominant )

If u love him and Don't want to break up then just accept him the way he is.

[Wise4myage]

I say wait till your married.

[TheAfrikan]

Tell him that dominance does turn you on.