Sometimes I wonder if my boyfriend is masculine enough or not?

[Anonymous]

For example usually I'm the one who makes decisions, is trying to keep conversations going (he is usually the one who starts them) During arguments he usually gets silent.
Beside that he always has his own opinion, is stubborn, goal-oriented, is very logical oriented, so he is good at offering good solutions to problems, he is very persistent, I rejected him lot of times before we started dating but he didn't give up on me. He never insults me, even if I tell him something insulting when I'm mad on him, he is forgiving, so he always forgives me, no matter how much I can hurt him sometimes by telling something bad, he is helpful.

I have reasons to doubt about his masculinity because he isn't dominant enough, he almost never plans anything, he always wants me to do it. I'm more dominant than my boyfriend, sometimes I want to be submissive. So what do you guys think about it? Am I dating some guy who seriously lacks of masculinity or I'm putting too much into this?

[HereIbe]

He sounds pretty masculine to me, to wit:

Low tolerance for bullshit. You want to do whatever crap, fine, whatever, do whatever crap, whatever, babe, only a little bitch is gonna whine and demand his way all the time. Just do whatever, I'll be around, no problem.

You want to be a nasty little tit and try to insult me? Whatever, babe. Yeah, whatever, say whatever, doesn't mean shit at the end of the day. I'm still here, not hurt, not caring that you did it. Whatever, chick, you can't get me mad. I'm not some little bitch who gets mad because some chick said something mean.

You want to fight? Okay, whatever, babe? Doesn't matter. I'm here. I'm not some little bitch that lets a chick get a rise out of me. I'll just sit back and let you do whatever, because whatever, babe.

That is a type of masculinity. It's being a rock. It's being solid granite, all the way through. You can't make him flare up to you because you can't get under his skin and make him feel threatened enough to flare up at you.

It sounds to me like your model of "masculinity" is just a loud-mouthed, pushy bully.

[Sienna-Rose]

Yeah, it does sound like that from the brief context given.

[boggboss]

U sound like a assholes sorry but this guy clearly like u possibly loves u and your upset that he don't insult u back that he don't plan shit would u prefer if he ghosted u hit u or made u feel like shit I know people say "the good guy never wins" but this is that saying for front wow I never knew people actually think like this

[Asker]

I'm not upset he is not insulting me back. But I wish he could plan something sometimes, I see nothing wrong about it, or make decisions sometimes.

[boggboss]

So talk to him about sorry for sounding like a dick but that's how your statement came off

[Jovan_the_joker]

Use commas please, I almost ran out of breath reading it

[Asker]

It's ok, since everyone is talking about girls only wanting bad boys.
Just sometimes I wish he could put effort in trying to keep conversations going for example

[boggboss]

Nope I good but thanks for the advise my man

[boggboss]

That's a communication problem only way to fix that is talking to him about it have you?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t say he’s not masculine, that sounds like ours taking t a bit too far, perhaps just more respectful is the right word. Just explain to him that you want him to plan more and challenge you a bit more and guaranteed he will. You’re both very young so it’s still a learning curve for you both. There are good and bad aspects to a man being more submissive and dominant. My feeling is - like with many other girls - if you find a dominant man you’ll find his overbearing traits difficult to deal with too at times, so think carefully! Sometimes it’s better he devil you know. But ultimately you have to go with I’ve gut in this one, you’re young you need to experience things and figure it what you want, but just don’t throw something away without trying to work on it first because you may miss it once it’s gone. And if you do decide you don’t want to be with him then do t leave him in a way that will make him turn into an asshole. There’s aleready far too much of that in the works already.

[Opinion Owner]

Tbh I think he deserves a nice girl!

[cherryphi82]

I'm not sure this is a lack of masculinity but like he lets you do all the heavy lifting while he sits back and relaxes. From my experiences, this seems not untypical. It's a kind of passive-aggressiveness, if you ask me. I mean it's nice that he's forgiving but it looks a lot like he's inadvertently gaslighting you because you end up looking like the bad guy. I don't think it's because you are more dominant, but more pro-active and vocal. He's dominating things from the shadows so he doesn't have to do anything.

[Asker]

He is like this with everyone. But lately I can clearly see that he finally started putting more effort in conversations with me.

[_Crystal]

Lol honestly sure you can say he lacks masculinity or he’s just a really good person. You prefer a guy who fights back a lot maybe to the point of hitting you? I suggest you re read your question until you notice what exactly you are asking because within your question you are describing a shy and good guy.

[ciitruskiwi]

Your boyfriend is a nice respectful guy and that makes you question his masculinity? This is exactly why nice guys finish last because of women like you who question their masculinity.

[Asker]

His lack of dominance does. He expects me to plan everything all the time, make all decisions, keep conversations going, I wish he could do this too, and I see nothing wrong about it.

[ciitruskiwi]

Tell him. Let him that you don't want to make every decision or plan everything. Next time you you are going on a date or whatever tell him to choose where you guys will go. If he says no tell him how you feel and that you aren't going anywhere until he chooses.

[ciitruskiwi]

Let him know*

[ben7point4]

Perfect response.

[Browneye57]

Yeah, and you'll soon lose all respect, then cheat, bail, shut down, or any combination. No, if he's not what you need and want in a guy then cut him loose and find one that is.

Guys get with girls hoping they'll never change.
Girls get with guys thinking if they would just change in some various ways they might be able to actually stand to be with them. FAIL

Unfortunately there's a whole crop of boys raised up to be girlie-men, by single moms and missing dads. They can't lead, make decisions, are weak, crappy in bed, and cry a lot. And the women loathe them. A lot of them turn gay as well. The whole thing is a fail.

Consider dating up in age a little - the men are better looking, smarter, richer, and better in the sack. They know much better how to treat a lady too.

[jakeforfun]

OMG, why would you alter this guy? He seems awesome. Most guys will barrel right over you, but this one listens, and respects you so much. He's a keeper. Tell him your misgivings. My guess is that he loves you SO much, and doesn't want to lose you, so he gives in. He's able to do that, so let him. I'm not able. I'm an a-hole, a lot. You have a nice guy. Please stop pushing him more and more to see how far you can go. You'll go far enough for him to leave, if you persist. Think...

[Moray]

To me it sounds like you feel he lacks initiative as a man and he is not a "leader" in your relationship. At times a man's lack of initiative in things might even make a woman feel unsafe to a degree. A man has to show that he can be emotionally leaned upon by his woman.

[Decentguy]

That guy is a gentleman, He's being so nice to you, What more do you need? I think you should get a guy, who doesn't gives a single fuck about you, so you can realize what a nice person is your boyfriend

[Asker]

He is gentleman for letting me to put all the effort to keep conversions going? For letting me plan everything, or make all decisions? Doesn't it have to be both people work?

[Decentguy]

it does, but you should talk to him about it, instead of doubting at his masculinity, Communication is the key to a happy relationship, Always rememebre that

[Akhilyouth]

Wow.. so ur definition of masculinity is being a jerk n push his weight around u? Ur one lucky girl who got urself a gentleman.. n then women complain that all good men are either gay or married... He is probably a keeper who loves u dearly n he just doesn't want to hurt u... Please dont break his heart.
Also.. being a man.. a true man... Means to respect his companion n support her at all times

[Pizza_lover159]

I think you dont appreciate him enough. Would you want someone who would dump you? It looks like he is into you , but you are not into him. If he isn't what you want. Break up with him. Of course. He would be broken but you dont actually care. Its simple. If he is not your type then leave him alone.

[Malita55]

Being submissive, indecisive, in respectful In no way makes a man imasculine. It just seems like her cares about you and your opinion a lot

[AdamED]

First, he seems nice, respecting and polite. It's just his personality. If you don't see yourself with this person in a marriage life then you should end the relationship. Some guys are too nice to the degree when they're afraid that the girl will get hurt because he said a different opinion or told his girlfriend that she's wrong when she is.

[WidowAllDaWay]

A boyfriend doesn't have tobe "dominant" but try to make him give an opinion. Because the way you dscribed it seems like you need to try and be a bit more docile and have equal responsibility in the relation ship.

[yousir]

Eventually you'll get tired of playing the man in the relationship and you'll leave him. It won't help, but try to warn him that this is going to happen.

[Maddie03]

Sounds like you are too bossy and he just doesn't want to get on your bad side.

[studDMuffF1n]

Nice doormat you got there. The reason why he lets you do everything is because he's lazy, doesn't want to put in the work or risk involved with making decisions. People like that are fucking boring.

[LudsAri]

It's not whether he IS or IS NOT. It's your opinion. If he's not masculine enough for you then find someone who is "your type"

[lightraid51s]

Get yourself down the hood and pick up and nice masculine guy that will knock you into place, order you around and tell you where to go. So dreamy

[jackmaxim]

Aww fuck you not all of us hitting females that's some bitch shit matter fact

[Jackblue]

Just talk to him about it if you want him to behave in a more dominant manner (while of course making your limits clear).

[SirBarristanSelby]

It isn't that he's not masculine, it's just that he is apathetic and unmotivated. You won't change him, so you have to decide if you want to stay with him or not.

[drondo4]

Wow sounds to me like you have the perfect boyfriend. you should be lucky. he could be angry and argumentative... has nothing to do with masculinety

[FýrdracaDócincel]

He doesn't sound like he lacks masculinity. Just that he doesn't have enough to satisfy you.

[rockrewls]

Sounds like you best start treating him like gold...

[Hahaha_haha_ha]

I think you are confusing masculinity with lack of initiative... From your story I understand this.