Do bachelors have make changes to their entire lifestyle and environment to find available women?

[Anonymous]

Im friends with two guys who are long time lady’s men. One guy in his early 30s and the other in his early 40s. Both guys literally have a part time job/lifestyle to be around and pursue available women. They go to social groups, outings, put extra effort in how they dress, follow strategies with their dating profiles (including using premium packages). It’s literally a job for them. They look at every scenario for possibilities.

Years ago I lived in a area with lots of single women. I also was involved with acting so I came across several. I was younger so that obviously that factored in heavily. But I was really just scrapping by. But it was so much easier to get dates, sex and potential relationships back then. However I didn’t see a solid future in it. I had to make changes to be steady financially (bought a house five years ago). I know make 6 figures. Back then I thought women would see I have my shit together and it make me attractive. Instead I now come off as “boring” to them.

My current job (which is remote), the area I live and my hobbies (jiu jitsu) has very limited single females. I use dating apps but it’s the match rate and quality has steadily declined in the last 5 years. There are times I will swipe 300 women on bumble and I will get no one. If I do get a date I feel like women can sense some desperation no matter how chill I try to act.

Do I seriously have to radically change my lifestyle (quit jiu jitsu to do frisbee golf or something) just to find a decent woman? I’m not chasing hot 19 year olds by the way. Most of the women I approach or swipe are in their late 20s to mid 30s. I know it’s a numbers game but I feel like the odds are insurmountable.

[Wester1967]

You should first give up completely. Assume all matches are scam artists. Treat it like a joke almost.
This gives you the I don’t give AF mindset which is critical.


Get professional-like pics done. Get some nice clothes. Have your friends take photos. Limit selfies. Have a couple of 3 day beard pics. Maybe a gym or dojo pic. Maybe a cigarettes and whisky pic. High quality pics and well dressed is critical.


And you should quit jj martial arts because the only women you’ll meet there will be masculine. Switch to salsa dancing. Which is more social and hella fun. This will help you learn Spanish which opens up all of Central and South America which will change your paradigm and outlook completely.


Go on ALL the apps. Bumble, Hinge, Plenty of Fish. Boo, OK Cupid, Badoo. Go on BdSM apps like Feeld and list straight dominant male seeks straight submissive female. Forget all the kink. You’ll still match. And set up a regime to go in each one and swipe. All you’re doing is filling databases with your info. As you said. Numbers game.


Also. Be careful for scammers. Run all match photos through reverse image lookup on google. About 1/2 the matches I get are fake profiles. I talked with what I thought was a hot chick for two weeks. Turned out to be a fake profile with pics of Lana Rhodes and I didn’t even know who Lana Rhodes was.


Also be careful cuz you will get asked for money. Never ever send money. I even set up a date with a woman, she even chatted with me Saturday night the weekend before at 2 am. I thought wow I’m in. Then the day before the date she sent cashapp info and said her fee was $150. Block delete.


Also watch the language. I’ve been hit up by foreign dudes pretending to be girls and using google translate. So If the English looks weird or bizarre, “I’ll betting you can’t wait for the coming of me to you “
Then take the hint and block delete.


Be patient. It will take time to play out.


If the first question she asks is “why are you on Tinder (or whatever).” Don’t even waste another moment. Block her.


Never take dating advice from women.


Good Luck

[ZackBan]

You came to the wronnng place to ask that my man. Trust me I was in the same boat just last year although much younger than you but still, zero success with women and I kept wondering if I need to alter my lifestyle to get it.

See most "red pillers" like the gag community would say no, don't change who you are women are not worth it they are all bad all gold diggers etc...

The reality is: if you want something you never had you have to do something you've never done.
It's that simple really. So yes do change your lifestyle, pick up hobbies where you can encounter women work on your flirting skills, fix your tinder profile to maximize potential matches dress nicer and set up your pad to look alluring go women.
These things will never come as long as you wait for them and I know how tempting it is to just wait around and blame society for everything however trust me when i say it's way more rewarding when you DO improve with women and can get laid at will.
It won't change who you are as a person but it will make you a better version of you

[tatianamay]

May I be honest with you?

Dating apps are pure trash for men. Majority of the men get staggeringly low matches in a year. I'm talking 1 or 2. Some even get zero. But do not lose hope. It does not mean that you're unattractive. Statistically speaking, women are more attractive than men. They have more appeal. They get lots of matches, and they have a wider option of men fawning over them. Most women prefer men to be older than them.

Even women in their mid 20s prefer someone in their early 30s. Since you're in your late 30s or maybe early 40s, and you want a long-term relationship, I'd highly suggest you to find a woman in real life. Most women in dating apps are in their late teens or early 20s and just want a casual relationship or a one night stand. If you are "boring" to them, then I'd advise you to find someone who has something in common with you. List out your interests. Most importantly, you need to know what YOU want. What do you want in a woman? Do you want kids? You need to see everything. Make a list of what you want in your "ideal partner." It'd be easier to find a woman then. Go to the grocery store, library, bakeries, shopping malls, concerts, museums, art galleries. There are various women there who may "click" with you. Try OkCupid. That's a good dating app. You can find genuine people who match your interests on there. Try Interpals, Bottled. There are loads of apps. Do not try Tinder and Bumble though. They are purely for hookups or friends with benefits type relationships. You'd find loads of fakers on there as well.

Never change yourself for others (unless its a bad habit or something). Jiu jitsu is cool. There are women who are into that stuff. Maybe don't listen to your "friends", try dating your own way. You'd know yourself better than anyone else in this world. Remember that. Good luck! :)

[tatianamay]

Also, the way you approach women.. you need to be charming and charismatic. I'm not asking you to ooze of sex appeal. Just be confident. Be direct and ask them out. Don't get too flirty. The way you dress, speak, how you groom yourself.. All this is very important. You are financially stable. But are you emotionally stable as well? Are you physically fit? You're pushing 40.. and if you're not attractive (meaning, not physically fit) then you'd not get a woman until you hit the gym

[Ayanna240]

@tatianamay

everything you've said here is predominantly true. But as a very experienced woman who has met many men on dating apps for many years, if you're a guy who has been on dating apps for a year yet you can't manage to find 1 person to reply to your messages, you're likely to be below average looking. Average looking men tend to get around at least 1-2 women per year.

[t-8900]

damn i am shocked by your level of maturity, knowledge, in relation to your age. This was the most solid shit he's going to get. Well done!

[t-8900]

@Ayanna240 I'm average looking but just over the summer I got 14 matches. even so they werent the types i was looking for in terms of life goals. why dont people read the damn profile summaries first?

[Ayanna240]

@t-8900

because nobody has the time to read every word of your profile when they have 50+ people to swipe through. the biggest thing that pops out on your profile is your pic. its also the first things they see on your profile. so this is why your pictures matters so much. And frequently its also hard to gauge someone's personality through just a paragraph. Sure, some guys can manage to be funny but many guys can't convey themselves in just 1 paragraph.

Many guys write a 1000 words on their profiles , thinking that people are gonna read every word of it, trust me, nobody is gonna read all of that.

[t-8900]

@Ayanna240 thats why I put up front a fast read list. The deal breakers are no kids for me. If you dont want kids dont message me. its that simple lol.

[Ayanna240]

@t-8900

even if you say something like that, it doesn't mean the girls won't judge you predominantly on your pictures. From my experience being on dating apps for years, the best looking people tend to do the best. Average looking people might get anywhere from 1-5 people per year. If you been on dating apps for years and you still can't get anyone to reply to your messages, you're likely not very attractive.

[t-8900]

@Ayanna240 well i dont think i'm attractive but i get messages. that said i dont find the people on their to really be quality

[Ayanna240]

@t-8900

you don't have to be attractive to get messages. But the fact that you are getting messages implies that you are already not ugly. Trust me, ugly people never ever get messages. And if they do get messages, its from really ugly chicks.

I can tell you that 85% of the people on the internet such as craigslist, chat rooms, okcupid are not quality people. A lot of these folks have mental issues, personality issues, attention seekers, narcissists, can't find someone in real life so they go online.

If you are looking for a quality person, you're better off looking for a date at school or work or even your local starbucks.

Trust me, a lot of these people seem like ordinary normal people without issues. But once you get to know them , you will gradually start seeing A LOT of issues.

[Ayanna240]

@t-8900

of course the ones that I was referring to were the folks seeking long term relationships , not one night stands or casual relationships.

[t-8900]

@Ayanna240 woah, woah, woah I'm not a f***boi. I've had 2 sexual partners and the first one was not on my terms. The second one took advantage of me. I wanted to save it for marriage.

[t-8900]

@Ayanna240 oops just saw it was a continuation, my bad sorry

[t-8900]

@Ayanna240 if i'm not ugly then it's something from a self esteem issue and i dont know why. I was bullied a lot when i was younger. I don't know it might be it.

[tatianamay]

@t-8900 Most of the women in dating apps are looking purely for short-term relationships. There are *some* women who may want a long-term relationship, but its unlikely that you would "click" with them. Honestly, IRL is way better. Most of the women HEAVILY edit their pictures

[Ayanna240]

@t-8900

true. bullying causes a lot of permanent mental damage that tends to lasts a lifetime.

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 "if you're a guy who has been on dating apps for a year yet you can't manage to find 1 person to reply to your messages, you're likely to be below average looking. Average looking men tend to get around at least 1-2 women per year".

I understand that you're speaking from experience, but I'd like to point out that even the so-called unattractive people can suddenly become more appealing with a few changes in their appearance. Like getting a good haircut that suits them, the way they carry themselves, confidence, their body, everything.

[t-8900]

ya thats true, and sad. I don't know why they think thats going to get them second dates by lying about how they look. I did notice a sharp increase in interactions when I cut my hair short, put on shades, chain, and sporty polo and looked like an asshole. So yeah that explains a lot. I prefer to wear my hair long with a beard... i've only changed that because women like me the other way more. What a waste of an amazing, strong, head of hair T. T

[t-8900]

@Ayanna240 damn...

[t-8900]

@Ayanna240 no matter how many times my girlfriend tells me i'm hot i just always feel ugly and like shit.

[Ayanna240]

@tatianamay

90% of unattractive people are not actually ugly. It all has to do with proper grooming such as getting a haircut that fits their face shape, losing weight, putting on makeup. Its rare to find someone that is genuinely ugly. Genuinely ugly people will look bad in any new haircut style, nothing they ever wear will ever make them look attractive, losing weight won't make them look attractive either. But these folks are rare.

And another thing is that all these pretty girls you see on Instagram / dating apps, do not look like that without all their makeup. Its rare nowadays for a girl to look gorgeous without makeup.

[t-8900]

@Ayanna240 true a few of them that I follow are average looking girls that just look incredible because of the makeup, beach tans, and excellent figure. To be honest i think lifestyle is affecting us a lot. If you didn't get noticed by an agent and you went into the workforce well... you're likely working an unhealthy amount of hours in the USA, period. On top of that it means you are always tired so you dont cook so you eat processed crap mostly, and you aren't usually happy. All three of those things will take a toll on you. Not to mention the more sedentary lifestyle. It sucks that we're like this in society but its better than living in the wilds... most of the time.

[Ayanna240]

@tatianamay

But aging also may cause you to look much less attractive than when you were young. This is why everyone should try to find partners prior to turning 40. I've seen the most attractive people become below average looking as they get older. On GAG, they say that men get more attractive as they hit 40. This is completely not true for the overwhelming majority of the population. Waiting until 40+ to find someone will only make your dating game rougher and leave with you less options.

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 Yup, that is exactly what I meant

[t-8900]

@Ayanna240 yes but no woman wants a broke man usually. even though "they earn there own money" they would still choose the wealthier guy probably 70% of the time on the income difference and that's fucking SAD. Guys dont marry for wealth except the ones doing sugar mammas and stuff like that. They are much more rare than gold digger chicks.

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 Also, if you see, *some* men don't even make an effort to take good pictures and put them making weird faces as their pictures on dating apps. I helped set up my cousin's dating app and she *almost* lost hope, but she found her present boyfriend there

[Ayanna240]

@t-8900

Aging has predominantly to do with genetics. I've seen 40 yr olds who look 30. While some 30 yr olds are already balding and losing hair. Exercise also makes you look younger. But not all people who exercise can manage to look young. Because there is also a genetics part.

[t-8900]

@tatianamay damn if matchmaking was still super profitable I'd think you found your forte

[tatianamay]

@t-8900 Lmao, thank you hahah

[tatianamay]

@t-8900 Thank you! :)

[Ayanna240]

@tatianamay

dating apps do not work for most people because there is just wayy too much emphasis on looks. When you base your decision to date someone is based 80% on looks , the fail rates are guaranteed to be high. Luck plays a huge part on whether or not you find someone that fits you , on those dating apps.

[Ayanna240]

@t-8900

you need to get out of the mindset of how women will finally start wanting to marry you just because you have a house. Nobody is gonna fall in love with you just because you bought a house Just take a look at how the asker of this question ended up.

[t-8900]

@Ayanna240 no I dont mean buying a house but being financially stable. No girl is going to marry a guy working entry level. there's just no way.

[Ayanna240]

@t-8900

hun , you have no idea how many poor male coworkers of mine are married, are in steady relationships with women , and recently many their wives / girlfriend gave birth to daughters.

And statistically, 75% of all American married families in the US live paycheck to paycheck.

[Ayanna240]

@t-8900

Both my parents were poor. My father never made above minimum wage ever in his life. My mother willingly married him.

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 Luck does play a part, but a good picture plays a MAJOR role in swiping a person right. On dating apps, people very rarely check out a person's bios, and most dudes have bios like: "hey shawty, sup" or "If you're nice, I may let you steal my hoodie" or some useless shit like that. As I've mentioned earlier, nobody is genuinely ugly. You pointed out that he may be unattractive, but nope. He MAY be unattractive NOW, but if he changed his lifestyle, hit the gym, change his hairstyle, and take a good picture which makes him look more appealing, then there's a good chance that he would at least get 15 matches every year. But honestly, I'd highly advise him to stop using dating apps in general. If some men are of low quality on dating apps, some women are lower. Some women are just looking for hook-ups, or sugar daddies or promote their OF accounts. Most women HEAVILY edit their pictures and wear TONS of makeup to make themselves look more appealing. In general, dating apps are pure trash for BOTH men and women

[t-8900]

@Ayanna240 yeah but 1) both your parents were in the same class. Most women just won't marry down I dont think. I dont think a girl making 100-300K is ever going to look at a guy in entry level as anything more than a loser or something. not that I give a damn how much a woman makes. She could work at mcdonalds and I'd still love her the same no matter what. 2) Times are different now I think. Maybe for the better and maybe not. I think i AM seeing some women finally starting to "date down" but I hear a lot of them get angry their husband doesn't make more later in the marriage. It sucks man. I just want to be judged for my heart.

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 Most women want a man who is financially stable. But that's past the good looks. A man need to be above average AND be financially stable if he's in his 30s.

[t-8900]

T. T I'm trying, I'm trying!

[Ayanna240]

@tatianamay

For the asker of this question, he probably had just didn't age well since he did mention that the dating scene was way better back then for him. Some men just don't age well. I haven't seen his picture so I can't really tell if some proper grooming can boost his score from a 20% to 80%.

Because by the time you hit a certain age, certain wrinkles have set in, maybe some bald spots, it becomes increasingly difficult to dramatically boost your physical appearance by just some grooming or a nice haircut. Its easy to really ramp up your look when you're young by just going for haircut. But its not always the case as you start aging. Losing weight also becomes much harder as you get older.

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 That's true. Maybe its because of his age. As you said, some men look better with age, while for some it just goes downhill from 40.. Maybe he needs to start looking for women who are in their mid to late 30s? Maybe till mid 40s? Because that's the only way he's gonna get matches then.

[Ayanna240]

@t-8900

a woman who hates on her husband for not making more money , is a woman who doesn't truly love her husband. She just settled for him. You can't put a price on true love. My father never made more than minimum wage in his life and my mother never had any thought about ever leaving him.

One of my coworkers who is 23, he makes 35k a year. his wife makes 80k a year. He has a picture of his wife's kiss tattooed on his neck. His wife just gave birth to a newborn daughter 2 months ago. Both of them are now buying a house and are madly in love. There is no price on true love.

Another really good friend of mine , he's 28, beta male, thin , lanky, weak, makes 60k a year, doesn't have a house, rents his own apartment, sweetest guy on earth. He has a girlfriend who is head over heels in love with him. she is 3 years older than him and is currently pregnant with their daughter. They are very excited about spending their lives together.

Another worker of mine who is 5'4'', makes minimum wage. His wife also makes minimum wage. Just January of this year, his wife gave birth to a baby girl. He went on paternal leave for 4 months. He very happy about things in his life.

Meanwhile I see a handsome hunk 37 years old at my job, nice body, still unmarried, no dating life, makes 50k a year , wondering why he still doesn't have a girlfriend.

Some guys just have charisma. Other guys just don't.

[t-8900]

@Ayanna240 thats encouraging, ty. Will talk to my girlfriend about this stuff and see what she has to say. Thats why I love you ladies on GaG so much. You're restoring my hope day by day.

[Ayanna240]

@tatianamay

Unfortunately , many people tend to settle as they get older. When time is running out, desperation starts to set in. And I think this is what the asker is feeling right now. I can sense the urgency and proactiveness in the tone of his writing. But I think the only way its gonna work for him is to find women that he has similar interests with him. he's probably not the most interesting charismatic guy on the block so this is going to limit is options severely. I agree with you that he's gonna much more likely to find someone with similar hobbies.

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 True that

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 And that is why men have to get rid of their playerish ways when they start pushing 30, if they want to settle down with kids before 40. Because the dating scene is very competitive these days and women have more options to choose from than men

[Ayanna240]

@tatianamay

People are marrying later in life than ever before. Currently there are more women in their 30s having babies than women in their 20s. As of 2020, the average age of marriage for a woman is around 31 and for a man, its 33. Generally speaking, overwhelming majority of guys tend to get married and have kids prior to 40.

From my experience, if a man is 43+ and he still hadn't been able to find someone, there is a 90-95% chance he will never marry.

[t-8900]

maybe that's why i've gotten noticed. I dont want casual shit.

[Ayanna240]

@t-8900

you're much more likely to find a girlfriend if you join a hobby club or pursue things with women who have similar interests with you. You would also have better luck with someone who is not too much older or younger than you.

[t-8900]

@Ayanna240 well i'm talking to somebody now and am really happy. I need to find my center. Somedays are hard. You get worked up over things that are in the past. They still come back to me. I've sought help but it only did so much. To help I started dieting and exercising and that's helped my confidence... until I look at my income then it goes back to shit. I just want to be someone my future wife can be proud of, cherish, and see me as a wonderful catch. I don't know

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 If a man wants to get married, he needs to start looking for a woman once he turns 30. Getting married in 30s is fine and much more women have started marrying and having kids later in life, but if a man wants to find a woman and get settles before he turns 40, then he needs to start looking when he's at least 30. Honestly, I think anyone who starts searching for a woman when they are 38 or like 40 are gonna have a very tough time finding a woman who meets their expectations.

[tatianamay]

Anyway, have a good day y'all. @Asker good luck man!

[Ayanna240]

@t-8900

why don't you stop obsessing over looks and money? I can tell you have been on GAG for wayy too long. You've been brainwashed by all the shallow terrible gossip for way too long.

Looks and money are gonna get you attention but its not gonna find you love. If you think that you're gonna get someone to marry you just because you're financially stable, you're gonna end up like the asker of this question within 10 years from now. True love comes from loving the person for who they are. Enjoying their company.

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 @t-8900 please refrain from arguing on this thread. Also, @Ayanna240 its true that looks and money are not going to help anyone find love, but they do play a role in helping a person find love. I'm NOT saying that its absolutely the only thing which would help someone land a partner, because its not. Personality and common interests play a huge role. But looks and financial stability plays a part too. It is not something which women don't see. Nobody wants to date someone who's still financially unstable in their 40s, nobody wants to date someone they are not attracted to. In short, everything matters

[Ayanna240]

@tatianamay

I agree that the dating scene gets rougher as people get older. Less options, less available people to date. In fact, I've met a few guys in their mid to late 30s who complain that they've all lost their friends because they all got married and had kids. Now he's looking for new friends.

From my many years of experience interacting with guys, the dating scene is best in 20s. Because this is the age where everyone is single. People are more interested in partying, going out, meeting new friends. When people hit 30, thats when your social life starts to suffer. You begin seeing people pairing off, friends that prefer to spend time with their girlfriend or fiancee than to meet up with you. So you really have less friends to go to the bars with. 30 something yr olds also don't tend to be a fan of partying or going out nearly as much as younger folks. In fact, many of them are content leading boring lives. A lot of them like to concentrate on making money.

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 Yes, that is exactly what I mean.

[Ayanna240]

@tatianamay

Lets make this clear, charisma / personality matters wayy more than financial stability and looks. I work around a ton of guys who make close to minimum wage. Many of them are in very happy steady marriages / relationships where their wives / gfs recently gave birth to daughters. So far, I've met 8 "poor" guys at work that fit this description. None of these guys were tall , dark and handsome.

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 I never said I disagree with you. You need not make anything "clear." I think you misread my opinion. Charisma does matter, but financial stability and looks matter as well. But yes, confidence matters more than all these. Honestly, I would not date someone who is a minimum wage worker. I'm allowed to date only after I turn 21. In my opinion, I want a man who is financially stable as well. Please do not tell me that I'm shallow. Because I'm going to go to either med school/ law school next year, and I want someone who earns at least an average amount. If I'm going to earn well, I'd like my spouse to earn at least an average amount. That is not shallow, that is called having decent expectations.

[tatianamay]

That too, if we're gonna have kids, then both of us need to earn well. I'm sorry if my opinion came off rude. I did not intend for it to be.

[Ayanna240]

@tatianamay

For me, I make 70k a year starting salary. I'm a recent college grad. And my salary is only gonna go up as I get more experienced in my career. I also have a side job that brings in an additional 2k month. But if I find a man who I know is a great guy that I can really fall in love with, I'm not gonna deny him just because he makes 40k a year. there's no price on love.

You may be young so you won't understand but there is such thing as a perfect man in life. You're expecting to find a soulmate with perfect personality, perfect character, great job, great income, good looks, has to be compatible with you. What you don't realize is that such a person doesn't exist. As long as this person is compatible with you, makes you laugh, has decent character, gives you the ultimate time of your life while you're with him. Then this person is it.

I'd rather marry someone who makes 40k a year and can make me laugh , give me the time of my life rather than some dude who makes 100k a year who can't give me nearly as much of a good time.

[Ayanna240]

@tatianamay

For me, if I'm making 120k a year along with another 50k in passive income, why would I need a rich man? I have enough money to raise my kids on. I can marry any man I like, without considering his financial status.

But if I made 50k a year, then I would NEED a financially stable man to raise kids with. That would be a different story.

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 I do not live in the USA. I live in India, and here, minimum wage workers earn very very less. They earn 2 dollars in a day. That's very very less. When I'm talking average, I meant like 20K dollars a year. I'm not asking for a man who earns 100k a year. I'd rather be with someone who can make me laugh and love me for who I am, than a dude who is wealthy and does not treat me right. Wanting a person who earns 40K a year is not asking for too much. I do know that rainbows and unicorns don't exist, just like a perfect person doesn't. But all I'm saying is, financial stability matters as well. Its not on top of my list though. I want someone who is honest, trustworthy, caring, respectful and sweet. I want someone who is real. If he earns 40,000 dollars in a year, that's okay. That's really cool. That's the average amount, and I'd be okay with it, because he's working hard and earning well

[Ayanna240]

@tatianamay

There was a time when I met a man who made wayy less than me. He was a security guard , part time building engineer. Didn't make much money at all. He had to work over time a lot in order to make a bit more money. Upon the first moment that I met him, I really enjoyed talking to him. He made me laugh, had a great sense of humor. I spent 2 hours talking to him, which felt like half an hour. When it was time for me to leave, I didn't want to leave. I never had so much fun talking to someone. In fact, my enjoyment was so obvious that he knew instantly that I liked him.

He wasn't tall , dark and handsome. In fact he was just an inch taller than me 5'5''-5'6'', thin, lanky, very average looking, not rich at all.

I took his number down and he was so happy to give it to me.

Sometimes you just never know who you'll meet that will give you the best time of your life. And if you do encounter someone like that, never say no.

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 Doctors in India do not earn much. You should know that India is not an economically well-off country. India and USA are very very different.

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 As I said, I do agree with you. Other factors matter more than financial stability. Emotional compatibility matters more

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 Thank you for your advice. I never said financial stability is the only thing that matters. I just said it does play a small role in searching for a partner. If I'm not well-off, then I'd like my partner to earn a little more than me, if I'm well-off, then it's okay if he does not earn more than me. Its okay even if he's a minimum wage worker. But I'm moving to the UK anyway, and I think docs earn a good amount of money there

[Ayanna240]

@tatianamay

I was not aware you were from india. But I've met some other people on GAG that are also from other countries. In this poor country near africa, there's a 61 yr old man who has a 20 yr old wife whom he married since she was 18. He is older than her mother. Their country has no opportunities / jobs for women except for prostitution. You have no idea how much young women give up in life just to be able to get a decent meal and have a bed to sleep at night.

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 Not all Indians are poor. And both my parents are surgeons. We're pretty well-off, but American docs make much more than Indian docs. I'm moving to the UK in a few years. The economy is better than India's. Yes, I get what you mean. It does not happen in India these days. It used to happen before, but not anymore. I feel bad for the women who have limited to no opportunities in underdeveloped/developing countries.

[Ayanna240]

@tatianamay

If your parents are surgeons, you will no doubt be able to become a doctor. Very few people are blessed with the genes that your parents gave you.

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 Genes do not have anything to do with intelligence lmao, but thank you! I'm stuck between law and medicine though 😭

[Ayanna240]

@tatianamay

Intelligence has much to do with genetics. High achieving parents tend to produce high achieving children. I say to go for medicine. Jobs in healthcare are always very stable because people will always get sick. there's really no such thing as a lack of business when it comes to healthcare. No layoffs, no downsizing. In other words, you will always have a job.

[tatianamay]

@Ayanna240 Ikr, my grandmother (who is also a surgeon) said the exact same ting. My first preference is medicine and second is law. Hope I get into a good medical school! Thanks :) You're amazing

[t-8900]

@Ayamma240 the thing is I don't care about money myself I care about love. The only thing I want or have ever wanted is love with a woman I can spend the rest of my life with and be able to give my heart, fully without having to worry about it being hurt.

[Ayanna240]

@t-8900

you need to understand that whenever you give you heart away, there is always a risk of being hurt. The love story that romance should last forever, is simply a fairy tale. Otherwise, half of all US marriages won't end up in divorce.

[t-8900]

@Ayanna240 i still think part of it is that americans are lazy lovers. half assing their relationships most of the time once it reaches a certain point

[Ayanna240]

@t-8900

no. its because nobody needs marriage in america. so people divorce whenever they feel like it. in other countries where people are much poorer, they need to stay married in order to be financially stable. Family values are also stronger in other countries. In america, people are not very family oriented.

And lastly, americans have higher expectations from romance and marriages. In america, marriage is ultimately about enjoyment and joy. Once the enjoyment is gone, the marriage dissolves. In other countries, marriage is more about taking care and supporting each other forever. So when things get boring, nobody complains. When they fight, they're less likely to divorce.

[Ayanna240]

@t-8900

In america, people get married purely for self gain.
"can this woman make me happy for the rest of my life? will I be happy being married to this person forever?"

In other countries, people marry with the idea that they will give and care for their spouses.
"We will be married to create a family, and take care of each other forever , through good times and bad times."

[t-8900]

@Ayanna240 thats why i want to get married. I am old school like that

[Ayanna240]

@t-8900

most people eventually settle for someone just for the sake of getting married by a certain age. Understand that there is no perfect soulmate. If you want to wait, you are gonna end up waiting forever with the huge potential of having no results. I've seen a lot of these types of men in america especially in bigger cities. 38 yr old men , single, no kids, no girlfriend , been through 6 failed relationships through life, claiming he's still unmarried because he hadn't found "the one". Growing old and no where close to being married.

[t-8900]

@Ayanna240 like i said i'm already in a relationship

[Arabella_Rose]

"However I didn’t see a solid future in it. I had to make changes to be steady financially Back then I thought women would see I have my shit together and it make me attractive. Instead I now come off as “boring” to them."

Thats one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. Do you really believe that a woman will marry you just because you have a house? Do you realize that women can get financially stable too? These women that you're chasing , are probably buying houses and cars of their own. What makes you think someone is gonna marry you just because you have a house? Thats the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard.

You need to stop listening to shallow people with terrible advice on GAG and start working on your personality, not your house. Personality is what makes women fall in love with you. I've seen many guys without houses who managed to get girls to fall head over heels in love with them.

And if not even 1 in out of 300 women swiped right on you, it likely means you're probably not the best looking guy on the block. If you're in your late 30s- early 40s, you're no longer in your physical prime. Maybe work on your physical attractiveness a bit more such as working out. If you are balding, try to use some hair growth cream. Start taking care of your skin. Dress more stylishly.

[ZDoes]

Welcome to the reality of the meat grinder. On the menu, your heart. Seasoned with copius amounts of ache, loneliness, occasional disbelief and a healthy helping of absolute confusion.
You are not alone my brother. And I have only one piece of advice.
Be true to your self. Integrity is in truth the only thing we have that's of real value to self. Be who you are with complete authenticity without hesitation. And it's the only way to attract a suitable match. Anything you do or adopt that isn't in line with the truth of who you are won't be maintainable long term. This is why most new relationships don't make it past 9 months. False advertising. And when the truth comes forward, and it will all on it's own, people feel like they've been deceived.
Be the best you, you can be moment to moment and hope for a little luck that the right one finds you. It's all any of us can do.

[Asker]

That’s the hard truth I don’t want to hear. People wonder why men (especially middle aged men) have much higher suicide rates.

I’ll never take that route. But seriously I can see why prostitution is a viable trade in the world.

[ZDoes]

There's a reason it's the oldest profession. And the quid pro quo nature of it is honest and straight forward. It removes the cover for duplicity that the standard game seems to encourage.
One other piece of info.
I have been informed that to expect the kind of respect and honesty we show to others as an expression of integrity to be reciprocated is sadly inappropriate. And calling someone out on it is to put it mildly, a no no. They don't like it at all.

[Asker]

“ I have been informed that to expect the kind of respect and honesty we show to others as an expression of integrity to be reciprocated is sadly inappropriate.” You are just hitting the nail on head over and over.

Sad irony is I was at the very tail end of a generation that taught men chivalry (which women once upon a time actually appreciated). Very rough go having to realize this often leads you like a lamb to the slaughterhouse.

[ZDoes]

Remember that history shows us clearly what happens to saviors, prophets and other speakers of truth who are actually speaking the truth... use nail and hammer to set an example.
Con artist, deceivers and those seeking to conceal truth for whatever purpose... get elected, promoted, or are offered a book deal and the potential of a movie.

[hahahmm]

Far as the women who think you're boring: those women aren't at the right phase/place in their lives to appreciate you. Ignore them. Let the broke dudes who put all of their money into partying have them.

Bumble? Are you nuts? That's the worst place to try and get a woman. Just stop focusing on & worrying about women. Right now you're desperate and women can sense that from 100 miles away and it turns them off just as much as you'd be turned off by a woman who looks like a dude. Focus on reaching for goals that aren't about women and the women will come to you.

If you want a traditional relationship or to be a traditional man check out my MyTakes also...

[DarkWinterNights]

Lifestyle is definitely part of it, but most of it is mindset and knowing the game. You need to focus on being happy with yourself. Ditch the dating apps for now, they don’t work for literally 90% of men. Work on your inter-personal skills and confidence. Get a gym membership. Look up some dating coaches, you can start with YouTube but be careful of anyone trying to sell you a product to show you the “secrets” to understanding women. Some good ones I would start with are Courtney Ryan and Alexander Grace. Avoid the Redpilled ones for now as they tend to focus on the worst of it and you may get more discouraged.



Unfortunately this may be the absolute worst time to ever be in the dating game as an average man, but with a little bit of help you may be able to find someone.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't recommend changing your lifestyle back to your younger years if you're targeting girls in their late 20s and early 30s. Those chicks are going to want a dude with a real career. But yeah--you do still need to be attractive/fuckable to them and not socially awkward. Just keep plowing through the numbers game. Don't look down on dating young hotties either if you can get numbers and dates with them. Start dating and fucking again and your confidence will improve and you won't come off as desperate. It's actually pretty impossible to seem desperate on a date with a 31 year old girl when just last night you were fucking a hot 23 year old.

[Kaamraj]

It depends on the bachelor and the kind of women he wants to associate with. Dating has always been harder for men as far as the approaching is concerned. Women are the gatekeepers of sex, vast majority of the time. And it's only the top 10 % of the guys who are dating anyway. So, the objective is to become the top 10%, not for women but for yourself, health wise, career, finances, etc. The women are a biproduct of sucess.

[m33lad]

https://youtu.be/nsks-dSnfB0

for dating apps. They’re garbage for men.
And seems like your personality also puts off girls.
At beginning of your story kept confusing me if you were guy or a girl the way you talked.


If you live in the states? I wouldn’t bother with dating apps. I would just approach girls.


Dating apps are garbage girls go on their to fk your time.

[Adam1978]

This is the moment you see that todays women isn't worth the price. No one is worth that sacrifice. Sure you need to put yourself out there but changing your whole life. No i don't think so.

[Anonymous]

Those are not bachelors, they are simps. A man on his purpose will not need to change anything, or do any drastic stuff at all. Those guys you mentioned do not know their purpose because they have made it females.

[Whizzy83]

Get the gains going and pay little attention to the babes and more attention to yourself. Females will follow.

[Asker]

That used to be my philosophy but I’m not seeing the results.

[Ayanna240]

@asker

because you're not as physically attractive as when you were younger. Personality usually doesn't change significantly over life. If you are boring right now, chances are that you were also boring back then.

[Whizzy83]

240 is right. Women like outgoing men. Its hard to find a smart introvert women now a days. All women want is excitement and drama. On another note, try developing a self character that can meet a women’s need.

[Ayanna240]

@Whizzy83

All you men must stop believing in stupid shallow lies. This poor guy who wasted his younger days not dating because he believed that becoming financially stable would attract him masses of women. Take a look at him now.

Different women are attracted to different things. I see nothing attractive about my best friend's boyfriend but she is head over heels over him. The most important thing that you must have when attracting women is personality. There must be something special about you whether its kindness, sweetness, humor, wittiness, cleverness etc.

I have a guy friend who is the sweetest guy on earth, only 5'7'' in height, beta male, thin lanky. He is now married and has a baby coming on the way.

[Ayanna240]

@Whizzy83

the dumbest thing you can ever do is to make general assumptions about what women like. Because reality is, different women like different things. Just because you like introverted women, it doesn't mean other guys feel the same way.

[Whizzy83]

At 38 I seem to be getting way more attention now then my younger days. Work at a hospital and get the attention from the young attractive nurses. They fidget around me it’s so funny.

My boy OP is doing something wrong here. He need to be an alpha. And as for you beta male friend. I bet you’re female friend got married in her 30’s….. a sure sign of a future divorce.

[Ayanna240]

@Whizzy83

most men start going downhill by the time they hit 35. you didn't know that?

[Ayanna240]

@Whizzy83

my guy friend is 28, 5'7'', beta male, head over heels in love with a 31 yr old woman. She is now pregnant wtih their baby and he has absolutely no plans on leaving her.

another coworker of mine is just 5'4'', makes minimum wage, had been in a steady relationship with his girlfriend for 5 years, his daughter was just born this year in January.

another coworker of mine is just 28, his girlfirend just gave birth to their daughter 2 months ago, they have been together for the past 4 years. She makes more money than he does.

This last coworker of mine is 5'3'', 23 years old, he's happily married to a woman that is a year older than him. Very dedicated family man. His wife makes 85k while he makes 35k. He has a picture of his wife's kiss tattooed on his neck.

Nobody cares about how much women fidget around you or how hot you are, if you are still unmarried by the late age of 38. Give it another 10 more years by the time your looks fade and see who will be going after you.

[Whizzy83]

Some men are just genetically blessed to age like wine. I’m one of the lucky one. Just now I was having a conversation with a some what attractive women. We were discussing her previous relationships fails and so forth. Can’t believe that I’m single or why I choose to be. I’m just different as I get told a lot. A Lone Wolf lifestyle is genetically earned and impossible to adopt if you were not born such.

[Ayanna240]

There are soo many stereotypes and assumptions about how women have high standards or only date tall guys or its only hot people who get married.

In real life, personality is the most important determining factor on whether or not someone wants to marry you.

Brag about how hot you are all you want, if you're still single at a very late age, that is more telling than anything else.

[Ayanna240]

@Whizzy83

[A Lone Wolf lifestyle is genetically earned and impossible to adopt if you were not born such.]

If every man ultimately wanted a lone wolf lifestyle, then there wouldn't be so many bitter men on this website complaining about how no women want to date them.

Its the men who can get women to commit to them that are the happiest in life. Not lonely childless guys who complain about dying alone forever.

[Whizzy83]

I respect your view on relationships advice but some people are built different. We are not all the same. I hate to hear that there are more sad single men than women. I can imagine wanting to be in a relationship with someone but fail to execute a rewarding healthy relationship. I’m single because I haven’t found the right person. I lust for the opportunity to softly brush my lips in the morning on a women that I genuinely LOVE. But true love is hard to find. I can’t imagine being with a women with a high body count. To me that person never knew what true love is but just settled after a life of sharing you body.

[Ayanna240]

@Whizzy83

Single women can have kids. Single men can’t. So reality is single men are more likely to die alone without a family. Maybe that’s why men are generally more desperate than women.

Sometimes the ultimate right one or aka your “soulmate” May never ever come in life. Often times people just settle with what they can manage to get once they hit a certain age

[Whizzy83]

True that on that soulmate statement. My exit plan is to date me a young women and roll the dice sooner or later.

[Ayanna240]

@Whizzy83

Your chances of finding a "young woman" decreases as you age. Reality is, young people tend to date other young people. Because young people tend to date within their social circles. Chances are the typical average 25 yr old won't have a 38-45 yr old in her social circle. And the older you are, the less you would have in common with someone 15+ years younger. Sure she may fuck you for a couple of nights but just cuz she has sex with you, it doesn't mean she will want to marry you.

[Ayanna240]

@Whizzy83

Most young people are looking for someone they can grow old with. You can't grow old with someone who is already old. When she is 40 and you are 60, there are gonna be huge problems ahead.

[dragoblack]

Absolutely. Everything has to be changed from how you groom yourself, what you commonly eat, how your place looks & functions, what colone you use, how your hair is cut &/or styled, how you speak, how you dress... everything!

[DCooper]

Of course not. Why would a bachelor want to deal with that drama in the first place?

[Anonymous]

Do I seriously have to radically change my lifestyle (quit jiu jitsu to do frisbee golf or something)

Take the red pill before you lose more and become weaker.

[Hangry06]

Yes...

[Dchrls78104]

Should they?