How do you breakup with someone in a nice way without hurting them?

[Sarahdelacruz]

There’s this guy that I’ve been online dating for about 3 weeks now. Him and I instantly clicked and just had a really good connection. He has become so emotionally attached to me in such a short period of time. He didn’t have many photos on his profile when we first matched so I didn’t think too much of it. But he just recently sent me some photos of himself and now I finally got to see what he looks like fully and I’m honestly not attracted to him at all. Like he’s a really nice guy, we have our differences but we get along pretty well. He finds me super attractive and is always complimenting me but I can’t do the same for him because that’ll just be me being fake and I really can’t do that. I really care a lot about his feelings because we truly do have a strong connection. We spend hours talking on the phone and he has expressed to me how special this is to him because he has never connected with anyone online like this before. We have a date coming up this week and I honestly don’t want to see him simply because I’m just not attracted to him. I don’t want to be with someone out of pity. He deserves to be with someone who finds him attractive and I also deserve to be with someone I find attractive. I know everything isn’t about looks but this man is really falling deep for me before we even met and has mentioned marriage and kids and all sorts of future plans with me and it wouldn’t be fair for me to put myself in a situation just for the simple fact that he’s nice and I feel bad for him. I just need help on ending things with him in the nicest way possible. I do not want to hurt his feelings the slightest bit but I know ending things with him will hurt but I just don’t need him to know the reason because that’ll crush him. I can’t imagine someone I really like telling me they don’t want to move forward with me because they don’t find me physically attractive. It’s flat out mean and I feel so terrible for feeling this way but this is my true feelings.

[Miristheiss]

You cannot do it without hurting them.
The only way it won't hurt is if they are kind of tired of you and they aren't really invested in the relationship.

Just be kind, empathetic, truthful. Give him the real reason why you want to end things... you like someone else, he drinks too much, you just see him more as a friend but not as a long term mate... whatever.

Let him ask questions if he wants and just be kind.

[boggboss]

Its impossible to do what your asking here if u try to give him a bs reason he will pick up on it its not you its me I'm simply not ready these are cop outs and just hurt the person even more because they know its not true

[Sarahdelacruz]

So what should I do then?

[boggboss]

Be truthful go on the date see how it goes tell him you didn't feel the spark in person

[Sarahdelacruz]

I don’t want to go on the date anymore

[boggboss]

Then tell him and dont go but no matter what that will upset him why would u plan a date u don't attend to go on

[Sarahdelacruz]

The date was planned before I saw the new photos of him

[boggboss]

Well that was a silly idea guess all u can do is cancel on him tell him your not intrested and use this as a learning expirance of not letting people get emotionally attached if you don't know what they look like if u don't want to fuck there feels lol

[Sarahdelacruz]

Oh yes for sure I have learned a whole lot from this experience.

[boggboss]

Then good luck

[laraWM]

From what you said, there is no way to break up without hurting him. He is already involved with you.
You need to tell him the truth, that he is not attractive for you and that it'll never happen

[Sarahdelacruz]

But is there a nice way of telling someone you’re not attracted to them?

[laraWM]

Tell the truth, you don't have feelings for him, you like him but it is not enough

[Devinbyers]

Shit just go about it like you did here just be a little more gentle if you love him as a friend let him know you still want to be friends and so on because you sound mature and I know if I was broken up with how you just said and told exactly what you said I couldn't really be mad because you cared enough not to cheat and to be honest and not waste years or months of yours or his life

[Wise4myage]

Just try to be as kind as possible and use the right words.

[Wise4myage]

If they don't get the hint, then you can be meaner about it.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Give me an example please. I’m just so scared to hurt him because he’s so nice and excited to meet me

[Sarahdelacruz]

It’s just so hard for me to be mean to people who are nice to me. Like I just feel terrible

[Wise4myage]

Just say you appreciate his interest in you, but you aren't interested in dating right now.

[Wise4myage]

Then don't be.

[Anonymous]

I don't think there is a easy way to do it. And a lot of girls use the I'm not ready for nothing right now we're looking for anything right now which we all know just means not with you. Sometimes maybe the truth is just best