Men, would you respect it if your partner felt motherhood is a choice, not an obligation?

Question

This is kinda extreme post. Don't get get triggered. I just believe it's mostly true. At least I feel sometimes people do this is to me (and I'm only 21, imagine what'd become of older women, tch tch indian culture).

MrPickles13 · Accepted Answer

I agree I and it doesn't just happen with women I've said I don't want kids and people keep saying that I will change my mind. I won't I just don't want them.

And I think it's more unfair for women I know one who wants to have the surgerocal option and they said it's been difficult to get it as peopel just kinda dismiss them due to being young.

If people say they don't want kids just accept it don't try to convince otherwise or say that will change. Because it's just not anyone's place to do so.

Paul09 · Accepted Answer

Your life, your body, your choice. I respect that. Who ever says other wise (usually religious people) they do not know what they are you taking about.

MrOracle · Answer

I absolutely believe that it is your choice. However, I also think that many people don't realize the long-term implications of that choice.

You will get old, and you will become unable to work, and if you live long enough, or are unfortunate, you may need long-term care to survive. Traditionally, most people have gotten help from their adult children. Many will take care of an older parent, and protect them, especially if they start getting dimentia.

If you have no children, then you are going to need to have a hefty amount of savings and investments to survive your final years with dignity, because you will almost certainly have to pay for the long term care that you will need out of your own pocket. And, in the US, if you were retiring today at 65, and you lived to 85, the average person would need to have about $2M saved up, which is only $100,000 a year for those 20 years.

$2M is not going to be anywhere near enough for you - by the time you retire, you will likely need $5-8M.

There's also the reality of just being alone, with no family, for decades, to consider.

I still believe that it is your choice, but you need to consider the whole reality of the situation before you decide. And this is a decision that you have to commit to, one way or another, by your mid-to-late 20s at the latest, or it will be no longer even be a choice.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Having a family is a topic that should be discussed while dating. If he wants children and she does not, or vice versa, then they should each find a more compatible partner.

AaronStudds · Answer

Had you been a student of Sociology, you would not have asked the question. Never mind. Let me explain you.

Say, you are not married. You are not married and you are living with your boyfriend. You could be having a live in relationship. Now, there is a difference between live in relationship and marriage. The major difference between the two is that marriage is more legally and socially acceptable form of union of two people. According to Sociology, two people get married to produce an offspring and shape them in such a way that they are helpful to the society, which means, if you marry, it becomes the duty of a husband and a wife to continue their lineage by having a child and give this society a new life for its welfare. This rule does not apply in live in relationship, though it is legal and their baby will be considered as a legitimate child in the eyes of the law.

Now your question is that what if a wife says to her husband that its her wish to have kids or not to have them, how should a husband react? Here, the husband must respect the decision of his wife and wait till she is not physically, mentally and emotionally ready to bring a new life into this world. What if she says that she may be married to him, but, she would never carry a child? Such a situation can totally be avoided by a short conversation prior to marriage.

No one will say no to having kids after marriage, since every "mature" person understands that marriage is a socially and legally acceptable union of two people to bring their legitimate child in this world for the continuation of their blood line and for the welfare of this society.

DJB72 · Answer

When I was about 20 I chose not to ask a girl out because she didn't want to have children.

I respected it was her choice, but I couldn't imagine a life without children. I was 46 before my son was born but I don't regret it. I told the girl I knew it was a pity because I genuinely thought she'd be an amazing mother.

We lost touch after she got into a relationship with a guy she described as being "just like" me. Apparently I'm a deliberately abusive pig. It's possible she may have misjudged him.

After we lost touch she met another guy and married him. He became abusive when she got pregnant with his child.

We reconnected about 5 years ago, 15 years after we'd lost touch. She's every bit the incredible mum I knew she'd be.

People change. Situations change us.

If my wife hadn't wanted children I wouldn't have asked her to marry me.

A couple of years ago I met a truly beautiful young woman aged 20 who is absolutely certain she doesn't want children. Like every girl I've met that age she's completely sure she'll never change her mind.

Like every girl I've met that age, she can't grasp the concept of life experiences changing your mind.

I'd respect her choice, yes. But I'd leave.

bodiesands · Answer

Yeah, but you will change your mind. The hormonal drive will come over you, like a hunger, which nothing else will satisfy. You may get a dog for a while to fill the void, but it will not be enough. It's happened to every girl I've been with (from 16 to mid-20s), and the best (and only) way I managed to deal with it was through humour.

The real problem here is what they call in Philosophy the 'mind-body problem' - which comes from our seeing ourselves and others as minds/souls instead of biological bodies. In some ways this is necessary - to stop us enslaving people, and to allow us to believe in free will and hence social responsibility.

But in other ways it's silly - and makes us despair when we use porn, or eat cake, or get stressed/depressed/angry, despite not wanting ourselves to. The only conclusion is to take account of our mixed nature - both soul and body, both consciousness and biology, both free will and determinism - and forgive it in others and ourselves.

We have choice - within the limits of biology and reality - and we can override almost any drive if we really try (thank goodness, or we'd be punching people who annoy us in the street). But will we want to? Would most choose to live in a monastery, away from warmth and good food and family? They could, but they probably won't.

Similarly, will you choose to not have kids, even when the chance and drive arises? You could. But you probably won't. That's what your relatives have been trying to tell you. And although our current culture might find this offensive (perhaps understandably, in the drive towards further equality - i. e. our wanting ourselves to be seen ever more as dissociated 'minds', and not treated according to our anatomy), that doesn't necessarily mean it's not true.

224466881010 · Answer

Yeah there's nothing wrong with abstaining from motherhood in my opinion. It's your choice.

It's also foolish to bank on changing someone's mind about it.

I think modern women tend to underestimate their own biological clocks and how hard it might be to resist them, as well as life meaning derived from family in older life. After all, most older adults are obsessed with their families. As a young person I look at that and say "yeesh, maybe they should chill out a bit on that" but it's so ubiquitous that I feel there's a good chance those hormones will hit whether you like it or not.

But if motherhood isn't for you, don't sweat it!

Shizunk · Answer

It is a choice for sure. But a woman who doesn't want to be a mother will not be my partner. I will ask directly before I make things official. If she ever changes her mind later, she will promptly become someone elses partner.
Telling young women they will change and start to want children is imho futile and I get how it can be annoying. Statistically it is true. All of my classmates who insisted they will never have kids are now married and have kids. There will be exceptions, obviously. But the trend is pretty clear.

Deathraider · Answer

Oh, I could only imagine how much worse it would be for woman. I received a ton of sh*t for deciding I won’t have kids. People just say oh it’s the purpose of life and I’ll come around. Now it’d be a whole lot worse with woman considering the gender expectation in society.

My views with parenthood and whether it’s a choice is a bit complicated though.

HawkPerception · Answer

I believe that women who believe they don't want children are kidding themselves and falling into this mentality trend trap. Family is love and love is life. It is a biological desire to continue your bloodline. Yes there are benefits to having no kids. You have more financial freedom, nore time, less responsibility, etc. But the love and experiences you have from raising kids far outweighs the benefits to not. Now don't get me wrong. I believe that you should live your life to its fullest before having kids, but it's better to settle when you're done what you want to. It's a more fulfilling life.

Jessica405 · Answer

My opinion? I spent 7 long, hard years at uni, as did my partner. Neither of us wants to give that up just to be parents. No kids ever. My choice and his choice. We are both happy! Sod anyone slses opinion!

Anon621 · Answer

In my opinion I think motherhood should be a choice. They are the ones that go through three different trimesters. I understand that unwanted pregnancy is real and that's why I also can understand why some women want to not take on the responsibility of motherhood after giving birth or maybe even aborting the baby if they choose to do so

NathanDavis · Answer

parenthood should ideally be an informed choice and also a welcomed responsibility... that's ideally, all other situations might vary according to circumstances... so in general, I'm all about respecting people's choices and also their circumstances... it all matters

BossThe2nd · Answer

I always hope a woman is going to say "I loathe the idea of ever having children". So I would not only respect that stance, I would simultaneously rejoice lol.

DaveToo · Answer

When a man marries a woman, he expects her to partner with him as they continue his lineage. This is the basis behind royals insisting on a male child, and why Henry the VIII divorced and killed so many wives.
If a woman doesn't want children it should be her decision, but with consultation with her prospective mate before they marry. It is, after all, a large decision.

jasco · Answer

Well a lot of people think that having kids is a good thing and it brings joy to your family. However they fail to mention everything else that comes with having a family that can’t take care of her/himself. So in short honestly people are gonna do what they want regardless if other people like it or dislike it so why should women care if someone respects them or not? As for me well I am still not sure rather or not I want kids

EternallyCorrect · Answer

This is probably something many older people say, because they were also once young and retarded, and they changed their minds.

There was a time when I was 100% sure I didn’t want kids, now I have a fourth one on the way. It’s just true that you might change your mind as you get older.

No need to read into it any further than that unless you’re looking to get offended over the tiniest little things.

VDrago14 · Answer

When it comes to having children that is a choice between the couple and nobody else's decision. In the dating stages this is definitely something that would have to come up in order to see if the relationship is worth pursuing further for both ends. Now I understand in different parts of the world the culture is different in these regards but at least here in the states it is something that would have to come up in discussion prior to a relationship blossoming.

MTC29 · Answer

No woman is obligated to give birth. I've dated lots of woman who have had no children. Personally, I'd be terrified at the prospect!  No judgement.

cmarrott · Answer

No. This whole generation of not wanting kids is insane. It’s literally your whole genetic reason for being alive. Having children is also the best experience of my life. After having them I just wish I had started sooner. I’ve never been happier best experiences in life for sure.

ChiTown33 · Answer

Of course it's a choice! I wouldn't want her to approach it any other way. How can she be a good mother if she doesn't even want to be one?
But she has to also understand the guy she's with may want children. And this is usually non-negotiable.
So, (and this goes for both genders) You need to accept that an level with them. You need to break it off if they won't. For both your sakes.

loveslongnails · Answer

Motherhood, or fatherhood, has NEVER been an obligation in the world I was brought up in. It was always a choice. There's more than enough people on the planet, and those who choose not to reproduce for whatever reasons should never feel or think they've let somebody down.

HighValue · Answer

I'd have no interest in a woman if she didn't want to have kids.  by the way, many women that say they don't want kids, later in life they often do change their minds, but then it is often too late.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I would respect it. I don't really have much choice in the matter. Only she can decide if she wants kids and I would honor whatever decision she ultimately came up with.

ohshee · Answer

It is a choice and if any woman is in a relationship that the man is forcing her. She needs to get out of the relationship now

Tyrael · Answer

Of course it's a choice but this picture is daft. Saying "you'll change your mind" does not imply any of that other nonsense, people who say that are parents (women) speaking from personal experience.

Shy_Steve · Answer

Of course it can be a choice, Some People can't have kid's and some People don't want to but it's not an obligation to anyone because nobody has to have kid's, It can just be difficult when your partner wants kid's and you don't or vice versa.
There is no law that you have to have kid's or not.

backdoorman · Answer

I respect a woman's choice about whether to be a mother, but it's still a deal breaker for me. I want to have children with my wife so I would not marry a woman who doesn't want to be a mother.

b5fan · Answer

Motherhood is an obligation if you have a child... Before that it's a choice. It's cool to not want to have children, however you should bring this up in the first few dates you have with a man. It is a deal breaker for many men.

deane88 · Answer

yes, I love my children but they were handfuls as they grew up but it's not my body that gains the weight and stretch marks and changes a lot as a result of the children and their birth.

yofuknutz · Answer

well there's always that how about nurse-midwife at the house try not to have a baby in the hospital if you can avoid it

Yourfriend2021 · Answer

Yes motherhood is a choice, no one should be forced into it, and it's crazy to bring kids into today's world anyways.

thedude9393 · Answer

Make your own mind up about things. We are all unique and yes it's a choice. Theories like the one in your picture are just as patronizing as the reverse of it.

Astarlessnightsky · Answer

Yes, absolutely.  It just would end up me deciding wether or not i would stay with her or find someone with whom i may have children.

Neilbud · Answer

It's your choice if you have kids or not. But once you have a kid, I think the choice has already been made. I don't

nawtee_me · Answer

If the base of the relationship for one or both is to have kids then that is okay. If one doesn't want kids then no point if being in a relationship with the other person. Better to end it and find someone else.

Tstrbrainer · Answer

Definitely it is a choice, but some men do love parenting, so it's better they speak up during dating phase

VanillaSalt · Answer

No see if she didn’t want kids then she wouldn’t be my partner. That’s literally the only thing women being to a relationship.

boggboss · Answer

Respecting it is easy would just means we wouldn't be compatible

crmoore · Answer

Directly answering your question, yes, I agree that it is a choice, not an obligation. But I don't agree with any of the points in the picture you provided.

Siddeunusual · Answer

I totally agree to these statements. I don't want kids and my girlfriend neither 👍👍

Mehzmeh · Answer

I would!!! The world has to many nasty ass kids anyways. Lol. I just don’t like kid’s. Lol

FinalFantasyBro · Answer

Sure I kinda don't want children right now but later down in life I do only want one child though but we should still make a compromise though.

Juxtapose · Answer

People have had said similar things to me but I just laugh at them because nobody knows me better than I know myself.

disgustingweebtrash · Answer

If you're confident in your decision you won't care what others think, getting upset when someone tells you that "you'll change your mind" is an insecure reaction

Anonymous · Answer

So, you are getting into relationships with people without bothering to ask fundamental questions like whether or not you want children?

Morgador · Answer

I have never heard anyone say it's a obligation! Choice it is

BillyBalls · Answer

As long as the Femi-Nazis will admit that motherhood is a positive thing!!!

Shihab91 · Answer

sorry, but I won't date someone like this. i respect her choice but that doesn't work for me as I want kids

Super-Sam · Answer

Pata ni kyun aapke aadhe question to sir ke uppar se jaate hain.. Feeling like stupid

lovedejj_xo · Answer

I have yet to change my mind at 25 and these guys out here make me pop my birth control like Candy.

ChocoBat · Answer

I would be bothered if he was not strongly motivated to have children at some point.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

I would hope men would respect this

tomtom05131 · Answer

Uh, of course it’s a choice. Anyone woman who feels it’s not is a bit weak minded in my opinion.

GaryBacon · Answer

Marriage isn't for everyone so children aren't for everyone. If you get married however you should probably have kids one way or another.

joeldalton · Answer

I wouldn't date a woman who doesn't want kids. Most of these "childfree" women are miserable shrews.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Ya know my answer, of course.

Abdulwahh · Answer

Before i marry i will find that out if she wants to be a mother then she's my type

Jouth · Answer

I wouldn't respect her because she is a woman of course

BigKevHanma · Answer

She can feel however she wants but if that sperm finds that egg it’s a wrap💯

call_me_scar · Answer

Well of course it's a choice

Men, would you respect it if your partner felt motherhood is a choice, not an obligation?

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