As a black woman, black American men don't meet my dating criteria mentally, emotionally, intellectually, nor in income. Is that odd?

[Anonymous]

So I've come to the realization that I have nothing in common with black men when it comes to dating except skin color. I am more compatible with other races. Can any of you relate? Is this odd? For example, I am an animal lover yet most black men I've spoken to say ,"eww I don't do animals." Or if mention going to the white water center where you go rafting, canoeing, kayaking, and rock climbing they'll say ," oh no I don't do that that's white people stuff". Only black men that I have encountered that do like these things are a small portion and it's usually the wealthier educated black men which is a very small portion.

Updates

1 y

I see someone put in the comments that I am picky. If you think wanting someone who is adventurous, mentally, emotionally, and financially stable picky then you are an unhealthy individual.

Updates

1 y

To make it clear I have always dated men from EVERY racial group. White, black, Asian, latino.. by far black American men have been the WORSE. Black men who are African, afro carribean, or from Europe we have very similar values when it comes to religion, marriage, politics, work ethic, and education.

[Sugar_7]

Then stop dating black men it’s very simple. You are good looking and you will find someone that deserves you eventually. Doesn’t matter if he’s Asian, White or even Arab but stay away from those lazy guys that don’t want to enjoy their lives and have fun with girl they love.

[Asker]

I stopped dating them last year 🤣🤣 . I have dated so many other races yet by far black American men have been the worse for me

[Sugar_7]

Good then i wish you happiness and healthy relationship

[Cherry234]

If you want to date men outside of your race because you think you don't have much in common with black men then that's fine. You're free to date whoever you want. I think your criteria aren't unreasonable

[Cherry234]

You're very pretty by the way

[Asker]

Thank you, you're beautiful aswell and I appreciate your kind words. I dont think I'm being unreasonable either. A guy in the comments called me picky.🤣 like how am I picky for wanting a guy to enjoy life and have his shit together?

[Cherry234]

That's not picky at all

[ChrisMaster69]

I don’t find that (social friends) we do stuff like that with mountain biking group.

a lot is likely down to where you live and the choices you have.

ask someone in a different location, or say in the UK, then you would get a different response.

There is zero problems having preferences, it’s only when the reasons for a preference become a bit meh, that it’s iffy.

for example a mate will not date Asian girls or more accurately Pakistani girls, his reasons are crap and we have pointed out he’s pretty much borderline racist.

as a guy trying to get other guys to do different stuff is hard and that’s irrespective of ethnicity.

[FinalFantasyBro]

I don't see that weird usually everyone can't have equal compatibility in terms of interest and attraction. But just look at it from this point on, we are in 2021 and people are dating outside of their race, while yes your family and friends might not be the biggest supporter of mix race couples but hey it is your life and not their.

Also as a black men don't completely stereotype all of us into the exact same category you may not know you probably would be a very respectable black man who share your common interests. But if you can't find black men who share your passions and you find it easier from other race of men than you can use this as a idea of dating outside of your race despite people may or may not approve of your decisions.

[Asker]

Keyword "black American men" is in my heading. I have no issues with Africans and afro carribeans. We tent to have similar views in politics, religion, marriage, family, and career.

[Anonymous]

It's not easy finding someone period. And there also be so many black men out there you've never met or know also (ie none you've met or seen, but so many more out there). Not odd at all. But the more "selective" anyone is, the harder it will be to find. Specific circumstances (economy, where you live etc) can also impact it. But you also have to consider feelings which may not always "match". ie, you may eventually find this guy that meets all those things for you, yet you have no chemistry with maybe? I've had that happen to me. I met a wonderful woman online. On paper, and even conversations online, we were a total match. Yet when in person, I felt no chemistry with her at all. There was just nothing there romantically for me, but as a person, she was fantastic. So my point is, this can make it even harder to find that person.

[HOAAH]

If you are attracted to men of other races, there is nothing wrong with that.
If you really want a black man who loves animals and goes white water rafting with you, you just have to look harder but all things that are worth it takes work.
good luck

[Asker]

There's more to it than just animals and rafting. There was just too much to list. Their entire mindset is just off to me from their political views, level of education, their mental and emotional mindset, the way they view children, the way they view family. They just don't meet my criteria at all. And I'm not going out digging for a black man. I prefer to date who likes and is compatible with men.

[rcljr]

Just stay away from the Tiger King guy if he gets out of prison.

[Asker]

Tiger guy?

[rcljr]

The crazy white guy that put a hit out on his female competitor

[FriendlyDrugDealer]

If you don’t find compatibility with someone then you don’t have to date them. If you’re into outdoor activities and animals and you want someone into the same hobbies and interests then express that in your interactions with men to filter them out.


It’s okay to have differences between people in a relationship, they can swap perspectives and try each other’s hobbies. The important thing is mutual respect and understanding of the differences. Sometimes opposites do attract

[Dinklex3]

I think it's common for people to find it hard for others to fit their listed "criteria ".
You see people complain about it on social media all the time.
I don't find myself compatible with specific races. We're all different and I've met many different types of black men, so no. I can't relate.

[askingforswim]

The average black man seems to me someone who acts without thinking. It seems more important to act dominant than to aknowledge ignorance and to ask for information. I have lived with black folks for a long time in Atlanta and the rural South, so I have experience, not prejudice.

[ChiTown33]

No it's not odd it just means your picky. Your dating pool will be smaller and that's OK so long as you don't lash out for it being small. You set the parameters.

[Asker]

Being adventurous is not picky. Being mentally, emotionally, and financially stable is not picky

[ChiTown33]

Look there's nothing wrong with picky I already tried to say that.

[Asker]

That's not called picky. If you see that as picky then you're an unstable individual

[ChiTown33]

I don't get why this upsets you. You're getting hung up on a word. I am agreeing with you. A person SHOULD choose someone that wants the same things in life. You save yourself a whole lot of heartache. And who really cares what skin tone that comes in. It sounds like you're trying defend dating outside your race as though you've been told repeatedly "that's not OK". Look at no point in your life is there going to be a time where somebody isn't trying to impose their will on you.
Do what makes you happy!
The only thingni was trying to say is when you set up barriers you shrink your dating pool which lessen your chance of success. I'm speaking from personal experience. I don't want you to make the same mistake.
Good luck to you :)

[ChiTown33]

I will agree though there no such thing as white people stuff and black people stuff. That's ridiculous thinking that keeps races divided.

[Asker]

That's not what I'm doing and no I'm not upset. Race has a lot to do with it. Black men are the least educated, lowest earners, most of them are dead beat fathers or are a product of one so they lack emotional stability to be a man and how to raise a child, a lot are incarcerated, a lot of them have a lot of hate and aggression towards the world because they feel they are under constant attack. So yes race has a lot to do with dynamics. They are the least to value family, kids, hypergamy, least to value marriage.

[FriendlyDrugDealer]

I’m actually agreeing with what he said here

[rcljr]

White people stuff… lmao ! You like what you like, date whom you like, don’t let anyone tell you different.

[Asker]

Yeah like who says that? If being adventurous is considered " white people stuff" then I'm all for it. Even when I've suggested hiking or I want to talk about and know more about stocks. It's the samething. I've always dated outside and within my race but have come to realize I have no compatibility with black men. Seems I'm more compatible with white and Asian men.

[Phoenix98]

I don't find that odd that's just your standards and what you like, which there's nothing wrong with that.

[noohair]

I am a human, I happen to be born male. I have pale skin. You are a human, You were born female, and your skin is dark. Don't trap yourself in any groups. If I were younger, I would like to meet you.

[tatianamay]

This!!

[Anonymous]

I'm white, but I'm just not as physically attracted to white women as I am to other races.
It's just a natural, primal thing. I'm more comfortable kissing women with darker skin than my own.

[Anonymous]

Although some of your reasons may be understandable. It’s still not accurate you have to broaden your scope of black men. Maybe start looking in a different area part of town or go for masters programs in lost students. Some career driven people.

[Asker]

Keyword "black American men" is in my heading. I have no issues with Africans and afro carribeans. We tent to have similar views in politics, religion, marriage, family, and career.

[Mangospacho]

There’s nothing wrong with being picky and having one specific type of person you want to date. It’s not odd at all.

[GoldenCage]

Of course they will call you picky

Just do your thing and be happy

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

You just have to find black men that are into the same stuff as you are.

[Iron_Man]

I completely understand you i
have talk to a woman like you before

[Anonymous]

Why not date Jamaican or African. Or go to HBCu and find those men.

It's not that hard.

They tend to be more educated

[Asker]

That's why I put in the heading ," black American". African and afro carribean men have it together

[Asker]

Aswell as black men of European decent.

[Highcountry]

I think black women are sexy, but I like all women.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I'm a black man and you like what you like there is nothing wrong with that whoever don't like it too bad. Good luck to you and I hope you find what your looking for

[Asker]

The issue is usually with black American men. We do not see eye to eye. African and afro carribean men we see eye to eye politics, religion, work ethic and so on..

[Bklynbadboy12]

Well I'm a black American man and so far I don't see anything wrong with you or your views