My boyfriend says I don’t ask him for anything?

Question

I was having a conversation with my boyfriend and i said you rarely do anything nice for me. And he said “you never ask me for anything.. a closed mouth don’t get fed. “

Should i have to ask him to get things?

TheorionMage · Accepted Answer

The ancient PURPOSE of 'pairing up' is to provide greater day-to-day survival advantage than EITHER can accomplish alone. The absence of loneliness counts too---

The expression: "I got your back" or "I got your 6 (o'clock)" allows you to focus with greater acuity on that within YOUR sphere and to SHARE that advantage among you (pl).

The WAY a male or female 'auditions' to become 'partner'ed, is to tangibly demonstrate one's usefulness and to show 'how much BETTER' One's life COULD be, with YOU in it.

Greater 'ease' of daily tasks, ... potential greater or more wide-ranging skills, ... insights & perspective that may not have occurred... or was overlooked. This 'second' awareness ordinarily occurs 'coincidentally' and should only rarely NEED be 'asked for'.

Is your boyfriend so complacent/apathetic a 'slacker' as to not be able to envision and INITIATE HIS thoughtfulness as to demonstrate 'WHY' you

Perhaps its time to move on in search of a better 'rate of return' for YOUR companionship~ Youth, beauty & potential fertility are 'perishable commodities'. Shakespeare said it best; "Gather Ye rosebuds whilest Ye may..."

My boyfriend says I don’t ask him for anything?

Teaku94 · Accepted Answer

That's what it was like with my father. Estranged now. Growing up, I didn't have much because if I wanted or NEEDED something I had to ask. I intensely disliked it!

As a loved one, (more specifically, in his case, being the parent) you should be aware of your loved ones' needs and meet them where you can without them having to ask, or go out of your way to ask if you can meet a need before they ask.

I would regularly have to ask for lunch money, "travel allowance" for public transport, and even school fees, among other basic needs. Mind you, my dad was well-to-do in his field of expertise.

I don't see why it is your responsibility to ask. You are his girlfriend, for crying out loud!! Apart from him being your boyfriend, he should be a gentleman and make it his priority to be spontaneous in keeping his girlfriend on her your toes regarding his spending habits on her.

You deserve better!

Apulu_3 · Accepted Answer

No you should teach him that it is his responsibility as a boyfriend to complete your need without you asking. Like how much thinking does it needs to know that your partner needs your attention. If you can do good to him without him asking then he shall do the same. But I would recommend you not to make it in an argument otherwise it will create grudge between both of you and it may cause the end. I don't see any point in ending up a relationship with small grudges. Just politely say him this or if he doesn't understands then say him your needs and ones he is used to it he will keep doing it after time by his own without you asking. I think that he doesn't knows you properly so he doesn't knows your need. If you tried both the way and nothing happened then it is a red flag. It could also happen that you aren't noticing his efforts of keeping you happy. Start observing him, maybe he wants you all happy but you can't understand it only.

Ukrainianbuddafly · Accepted Answer

So this is an interesting question because I have thought the exact same as you... if someone cares why should I need to ask. The thing is, however, he does have a point and men are different from women. Things we as women think are common sense really aren't. Consider the fact we are feminine, we are driven by our emotions. Men are practically and driven by logic. If he is telling you to communicate then that is what you must do, he is telling you how you can get your needs met by him. I would however tell him the things you would like to see from him on a consistent basis so he knows.

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

No... you shouldn't have to ask for him to do something nice for you. As long as "nice" doesn't really mean "expensive". But no, It's not unreasonable to expect your boyfriend to do nice things for you. I have to say..."a closed mouth don't get fed" from a boyfriend said to a girlfriend... is... a weird thing to here. It's a weird position for him to take. But it's a weird way to say it. But I generally think you're one who's right here.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

He's blaming you for his lack of thoughtfulness. That is a sign!

Lionman95 · Answer

Probably, the thing I see is that you´re communication could be not working well. Where shall he get to know that you like flowers or dates if not by you telling him. No you don´t need to ask for those things.
"You never ask anything from me" doesn´t necessarily mean that he wants you to ask for flowers he just might feel that you don´t have a need for him being in the relationship.
For some guys it´s sign of love if their partner asks them for advice, for some time or other things. Like for example you need advice in a difficult situation and you ask people around you but not him.
Or you could tell him that wish to have some sort of dates. That way you drop hints what you like.
I wouldn´t see it as a way of him trying to train but rather as a way of him acknowledging that he doesn´t know your wishes yet.

Anon621 · Answer

I meanyou don't necessarily have to ask to get nice things it just depends on what kind of relationship you want with him. Do you want a relationship where the meaningfulness of the relationship is determined by material things? Because then it would be important to ask him to get you something. But do you rather want a relationship that goes beyond buying things for each other? Then you shouldn't need to buy things for each other only stuff for birthdays, anniversaries, and other holidays but you can still make an argument like that cheesy song "all I want for Christmas is you." I think it's important to decide what type of relationship you want want then once you figured it out either ask him to get you stuff or just stop giving him stuff if you want something beyond material.

Nomoturtle · Answer

I'd expect not to have to ask in a relationship, but he may not, especially if you are the same way in your actions.
Therefore you need to communicate that you don't want the emotional labour of... having to ask for things.
I'm kidding on that last bit. But really, just talk.

Most likely he doesn't know what to do for you.

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

I’m serious, your relationship is beginning to resemble the Titanic, and the iceberg is COVERED in red flags, but for some unfathomably weird reason, you are just ignoring ALL OF THOSE RED FLAGS and you are just plowing full steam right for that iceberg? Don’t wait for the alarm to sound, just put you life jacket on and plant your ass in a lifeboat NOW!!!

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

I'm definitely not saying this about your boyfriend.. Or myself for that matter, but be careful what you wish for. Some guys who go out of their way to do nice things for their girlfriends, only do so out of guilt.
However, we can all need a reminder sometimes that we don't do enough. That applies to guys AND girls!

hahahmm · Answer

"i said you rarely do anything nice for me." - There's a lot of women who would say that the day after a man gave her his kidney. The best way to get stuff from a guy is to be loyal, respectful and giving yourself. Then you will get all those things back. Assuming you picked a 'good' guy.

Massageman · Answer

If he has been getting to "really" know you, he should be able to make a reasonable guess.
What's your favorite restaurant? Gift certificate.
What's your favorite color? Flowers in that color (or at least white flowers with that color vase and ribbon is it's not a real "flower" color).
What's your favorite food? Cook you a lunch or dinner.
He just doesn't want to strain his brain, or just doesn't care what impression he makes: neither a very good sign.

Andres77 · Answer

An exwife was argumentative about everything. I asked her once: don't you know how to pick your battles?
Her: squeaky wheel gets the greese.
Me: or gets replaced.
And that's how the fight started.

If you love someone their happiness WILL be important to you. Sure, no one can read minds but there should at least be effort.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

I will block you… you need more help than going around spreading your legs to any guy who is horny…. It’s getting boring…

dustybiker · Answer

Tell him you want to start planning nice things to do with each other, and ask him for his ideas. It doesn’t have to be gifts, it could be road trips. Time spent together. Anything.

dwiller943 · Answer

Lol. I had an ex like that. It's a red flag. Trust me.

ohshee · Answer

No that's a good thing it's because you're showing him you're independent you can do it on your own why doesn't he just do things for you but do you have to ask that's what you should be doing

nice-girl · Answer

You just asked him. You said "you never do anything nice for me". As I understand from your question you don't care what it is you just want "anything".

modeve · Answer

Perhaps you wait what does your boyfriend say and offer. He must be thinking that his initiative might not please you. So it's better if you express your desire.

WowwGirl · Answer

Men like to feel needed. He's straight up telling you what he needs. If you don't listen I'd say you will have a problem eventually. Anouther women will make him feel needed

boxxie2002 · Answer

You shouldn't have to ask for things... he should pick up on your cues when you are talking about different things.

If that's the issue though, maybe start hounding him and ask him for things all the time

exitseven · Answer

He should be doing some things for you. When people are dating the general knowledge is that they are on their best behavior. If he acts like this now, what will he be like after you are married. ?

qwert1234 · Answer

No. While you must say things you like from time to time, he should, on the otherhand, should know some things you want as well based on experiences and conversations you two had together..

Surely · Answer

Are you picky and really don’t need anything?  I am hard to buy for cause when I need something, I go get it. Unless you are referring to flowers and candy and things like that?

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I think you're both right and you're both wrong. Yes, he should be making more of an effort. And he was kind of a jerk to say what he said. But at the same time, you do also need to communicate your wants and needs.

DonkeyDan · Answer

A good partner doesn't have to be asked to do things for you, they just do them.

Slayerrrrrrr · Answer

fr tho love, slap that stoopid boi upside the head for that. He's prob never drove and stopped to help anyone on the side of the road. And your his girl, hell nah, check your boi bby girl 😔

Rob70 · Answer

Men are dumb. sometimes you need to just say what you need for them to understand

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

No, you shouldn't have to ask him to get you anything

FunkyMonkee · Answer

No, you shouldn't but, go ask him for a million dollars. Ask him at least once a day and he can't say you don't ask him for stuff, anymore.

bowenw · Answer

I don't believe you should have to ask or be told in a serious relationship to do nice things for each other.

Likes2drive · Answer

It’s the squeaky wheel that gets oiled is also another metaphor, but he’s kind of right but also he should also take the initiative and do things for you

jim009 · Answer

🤔 I'd say humour him and start asking for stuff you want

Waldoe · Answer

mmmm... it not about asking... just say something like "Look at this, don't you think it's beautiful?" it could be a flower or a diamond, see if that works...

pink_and_inlove · Answer

Again your boyfriend is weird lol you shouldn’t have to ask for anything

andreasderjuengere · Answer

Some of us guys are not too inventive to show affection. You can ''train'' him? :)

OddBeMe · Answer

Some guys…like me…are dense. We need more direction. You gals can be tricky in that what you like changes constantly.

loveslongnails · Answer

Do you have yet another new dickhead boyfriend, or is this an old one? He sounds like a loser.

SenseiSeptred · Answer

Sounds like a major lack of communication between you two.

noohair · Answer

I am sorry buy he sounds a little weird. Like he is trying to train you.

Empisces · Answer

You shouldn't have to ask to feel appropriated. Sounds like "in my opinion" some boyfriend got too comfortable. You never realize what you have\had until it is gone

ManHater · Answer

What a dumb boyfriend you have. LOL! Blows my mind how some girls settle for this.

Nick473 · Answer

For the specific things but he should still be thinking of you

Stevefiveo · Answer

He can also ask if can do anything to make your day better.

Better_off_here · Answer

that depends on what you want and what he can do for you. he may not be up for everything. but like they say ask and you shall receive.

Anonymous · Answer

He is not telepathic... You need to tell him, what you like, for him to get it for you. Hints do not work on men...

Indiepop123 · Answer

No he's a jerk, you shouldn't have to ask him to do something nice for you. Leave him!

msc545 · Answer

You can ask for things if you feel that his love and his presence are not enough for you.

Shy_Steve · Answer

You don't have to, But it might be more enjoyable if you do.

Anonymous · Answer

That was a cool response from him 😂 a close mouth don’t get fed 🔥🔥🔥🔥 so shut up 😂 just kidding. He probably should surprise you here there maybe he just can’t be fucked. He’s too comfortable in the relationship

Savage_Wisdom · Answer

You shouldn't have to ask.

Anonymous · Answer

I would hope he would do things for you out of courtesy.

Toldol2 · Answer

Make him work for you then.

spartan55 · Answer

You sure can pick em...

Stoner710 · Answer

If you want him to go for it

CoolGuy7532 · Answer

You both need to work on your communication.

Caunsos · Answer

Do you communicate you desires?

OnTheLevel · Answer

Why are you with this guy?

najekim · Answer

He's not a mind reader.

ALewis30 · Answer

You guys need to start talking to each other

Julious0202 · Answer

Yes, especially physical things

JosyJosy · Answer

Only if you want to

Iron_Man · Answer

Talking is key

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