Girls, would you date a guy who can't defend you or themselves in a physical confrontation? Guys, do you think they generally would?

Question

TheorionMage · Accepted Answer

For 15 years, I've been involved in peace keeping. I've trained college co-eds, night club Bouncers and even seriously-armed high risk Executive Protection.
In public... I LIVE 'Condition Orange'. So, I ask you, 'why' would YOU take your date somewhere with a high risk potential? Are YOU looking to HAVE TO BE 'macho man'?

It a WHOLE another issue if the circumstances are thrust upon you--- How many times has your internal awareness sensed the build-up leading to a physical confrontation; "I've seen this coming trope, time to leave, NOW". Is HER behavior baiting or encouraging a confrontation? Is SHE 'wise enough' to follow YOUR instructions that "its time to go, NOW!" I recall one incident after dark in an Auto Zone parts store. I had yet to pay for my purchase when a strung-out Junkie wearing a 12" classic Bowie knife on his belt, got in the checkout line... I told my wife to get out of the store and lock herself in our car. She repeatedly refused, saying she felt safer with me.

"Thanks for the vote BUT... how can I do, what I may HAVE TO DO, if I ALSO have to be watching to keep YOUR naïve self safe?" This is NOT a movie; people WILL bleed!

Thought 'fuck this'... put my intended purchase down and DRAGGED HER ASS out to the car and left... Would have 'bare assed spanked her, if I THOUGHT it would have made her ANY wiser! DO WHAT THE HELL YOU'D BEEN TOLD! 'Pookie'~

CreamySeed · Accepted Answer

Weak men are not attractive. Men who start fights or feel the need to prove their masculinity are weak. Stronger men walk away from confrontations because they have better things to do with their time. That said when it comes to his life or that of his family he is duty bound to puff up his chest and ‘be a man’ retreat in this scenario would be pathetic.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Anyone who says NO is wrong. They aren't a liar but they are wrong. When you go on a 1st date you don't pay some other guy to come try to beat up your date to see if he can defend himself.

#2 I have delivered things to people's houses where dog 100% of time no more how big are all bark. I made a mistake one time and thought I was dead. The dog was huge. He said grr and then ran back in the house. Lol. I say this because humans are the same way. We are not trained and ready for combat anymore. So there is no shame in not being able to defend yourself. You should always try; I'm not saying let yourself get beat up but I'm saying 99% of the guys you date cannot fight well. And we I say fight well I mean like a pro boxer. That is fighting well. The rest is not. The average guy who lifts weights but only has had 2 fights in his life back when he was in middle school isn't a good fighter. No shame in that. If you dont fight how would u be good at it?

The asker said "Can't" not Won't

KrisPW · Accepted Answer

It's not a specific trait I am looking for, but I would certainly want a man that is willing to try. Regardless of his capability.

cutiepatootie26 · Answer

All things I am about to say are my opinion, please don't get offended this is just one person's observation:

Western women are like the front page of Cosmopolitan on the outside and a cave woman on the inside. We want to say we don't care about men who cry, we want men who are 'emotionally available', men who 'treat us like queens', and we hate anything that would be classified as a "toxic masculine" man.

In practice, we like men who open doors for us and at least offer to pay the bill. We like men who notice and get annoyed when other guys flirt with us. We like men who walk us to our cars at night so we feel protected. We like men who will sometimes want to hang with his friends instead of us. We like men who have their own opinions and don't back down. We may like men who are vulnerable, but it takes time for them to be so, and they are only that way around us. Even in 2021 most of us still want 'the provider' archetype. So yes, even though a woman will say she didn't care that when the guy insulted her you just pretended not to notice, she definitely did care.

MCheetah · Answer

Honestly, I don't think a man deserves a partner if he can't defend himself or his partner. That's just weak. And I don't even necessarily mean through hand-to-hand combat. Carry a gun or pepper spray even. Be willing to take the blows while she runs away and gets help or something. Be willing to gang up on the person, two-on-one or something. But if he just runs away like a little bitch and cowers behind his woman's back (even if she's a Black Belt or an MMA fighter), then that's just pathetic. And no, he does not deserve a partner, in that case.

As for me, I am far from a big dude (as you all know), although I have done boxing and kickboxing classes for years. But even if I was outclassed by someone who was like, 6'6", 300 lbs of muscle or whatever, I'd still defend my woman's safety. Not that I'm afraid of any man alive.

I'll also be honest in saying this: I'm a VERY dirty fighter! The kind to sucker punch or go straight for the eyes or throat or stab their ballsack or something. I honestly don't give a f*ck; as long as me or my partner aren't hurt; I'll do the dirtiest sh*t out there. I'll stab someone in the eye with a pencil, John Wick style, if I have to. I may have done kickboxing, but there aren't any rules in a street fight. And if I have a clear shot for the eyes, throat, or balls, that's what's getting bloody first.

If I can do that, why can't any other guy?

zeitgeist057 · Answer

On one hand, there are plenty of women out there who don't condone violence and back that up with not caring if their partner can throw down. They actually prefer a man who would walk away rather than engage in a fight.

(neither of these men would win an actual fight)

On the other hand, there is a primal/basic lizard brain and plenty of less enlightened women who either secretly or overtly delight in the drama of "let's you and him fight over little' ol' me" which makes them feel important, and like they are taking home a winner.

For most people, physical confrontations are not a concern in day to day life, or even something that happens at all, ever. While most women don't want a total weenie for a partner, a man's ability to dominate in a violent situation is generally irrelevant. Just looking strong is usually enough, and that's what most men do. I don't know the actual statistics, but I would estimate less than 10% of men have even a basic fighting skill level.

Girls, would you date a guy who can't defend you or themselves in a physical confrontation? Guys, do you think they generally would?

Jay3344 · Answer

I’m not a girl, but I do have an opinion about this topic. I think men and women tend to have too much fear in their lives. Fear of confrontation and violence specifically for this question. To improve, why would being reactionary be the best method? Example - “I’m afraid of being robbed - I buy a gun and learn to shoot it so that if it happens I can stop it.” Why is that the correct solution? Or, “I have a bigger boyfriend so that if something violent occurs he will protect me or help protect me from the violence”. Why is that the direction that some people choose to go? I think that human beings are cognitive enough that some of the old wiring of territory and violence, materialism and protection, fight and flight, these ways of thinking and responses will begin to fade out and instead we can continue to evolve and become a more harmonious species on the planet. I understand the ideological nature of my opinion but that doesn’t mean that it’s wrong to feel this way. I mean in the last 70 year, not even one century, there has be incredible change within our society and on our planet, so who’s to say what the next 70 years will bring?

Xtcy2083 · Answer

I've never been in a situation where I had to physically defend myself, and I wouldn't expect someone else to do it for me. It's not the job of some random male to protect me, that's my job.
The vast majority of confrontations are extremely easy to avoid, but too many male idiots believe their "honour" is at stake if they don't take on a pack of feral criminals who have insulted "their" girlfriend in a pub or wherever.
There's far too much testosterone in this world. That's the problem.

Medicalbug · Answer

It’s never a factor in mate selection for me. I’m not Bruce Lee but all those girls in movies who send their guys off alone to check out a noise? Hell no. Strength in numbers and support. Have a game plan. Everyone needs to be more stringent about their self defense strategy (that is a reminder for me as well).
In general I am a bit too over confident about being alone and in shifty situations. I don’t think about it a lot, which is probably not the safest way to exist. While I would appreciate a partner who helped me out in a rough scenario, I don’t expect it or see it as an arousing trait. I would also be highly annoyed if someone babied me and acted like I was helpless, even if they were stronger. I prefer team work.

SkyCastle90 · Answer

The state I live in is open carry and I have a B6C Sarsilmaz, plus a stun gun, I'm okay lol

However, the real deal breaker is when a guy allows friends/family/acquaintances to talk badly (and I mean, "Your girl be looking like a homeless b*tch on crack," type of bad) about their wife/girlfriend right in front of him and he says nothing, or even worse if he joins in/laugh like it's a joke; because If I date a man who can't fight, I'll be glad that he at least tried to defend me even if it's just with words, because at least I know he has my back.

nandana_n · Answer

in my opinion just like woman aren't objects who cook, guys aren't objects who protects me or pay for me for everything to... gender equality goes both ways. If i love that guy, I LOVE that guy no matter what. If there's a situation where I need protection, I can do it by myself.

Moose304 · Answer

Real men know how to deescalate a confrontation before it gets physical. An accidental bump that causes a drink to be spilled etc, this can be handled like a gentleman. Situations, where you or your date are targeted, are another matter! I am 63 years old, 6'2" and last I weighed I was 178 pounds. I also hold a black belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu and if you come at me, you have better have an army with you. This has not been a serious issue with me so far, but I have had coffee with a married friend who was hiding out from her husband for almost 2 years. As to the actual question, I think a woman is more secure being with a man that can handle a bad situation w/o violence but is not scared to deploy violence if need be!

jaybee281 · Answer

I'm by no means a strong dude - I've trained 5 years of muay thai though, basically because I run my mouth too much so I thought at least know how to throw a punch back while you're at it - I ended up loving it - But to answer your question specifically - I've been in 4 serious relationships and have been liked by other girls whom I didn't make a move on - In all 4 none of the girls knew I ever had any training and as I said I don't look like a strong big dude - Like I'm 5'11 and more on the skinny side - But my attitude has always been as brash as ever when need be so it's maybe that?

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

Depends on the confrontation and the girl. Some won't give you a chance even after you've successfully defended them. And go out of their way to be ungrateful. Other times, the confrontation is literally an out-of-control political situation in another country. And you're not military. You can't get over there. You're broke. You can't do jack.

Other times, the confrontation is a gang war that she gets herself into. And I'm too busy being nowhere near it. She does it to herself, and I don't know anything until it's too late.

Other times, I could... but someone else holds me back. "You're not doing that! She doesn't matter that much! We're saving you from yourself!"

Then there's the real kicker: "She's terminally ill. You can't fight what she has; it's genetic. Best you can do, is watch her die."

The most chivalrous fighter is quickly demoralized and deflated.

AncientWisdom · Answer

It’s all very simple. Humans are slaves to their genetics. Women evolved to be attracted to strong masculine men. They even evolved to be hypergamous which is a fact. Anthropologists and sociologists are both having a time with modern western society that has steadily tried to emasculate men and is biased in favor of females. This is not conducive to our species. You cannot make multiple social constructs into law and have a happy population. This is why dating is so confusing these days and why marriage doesn’t work any longer. The male role in western society is being usurped by the modern feminists who have no regard for either masculinity or femininity. Hence 80 percent of all divorce is instigated by females and suicide rates among males are skyrocketing like never before in recorded history.

GreenLanternI0I · Answer

These days you have Police forces, FBI agencies, CIA, NSA, very strict prison sentences for doing stupid stuff and many different laws that might ruin your life both financially and physically if you decide to get yourself into a legit or illegit physical conflict. Sure, girls will always pick a bigger guy, but simply dating him because he can protect her? same rules do not apply anymore. Unless entire society collapses, then it will go back to an old fashioned days where physical strength rules.

Kaamraj · Answer

No and nor should they. And I'm not saying to go start a fight or escalate situations. Look if you are alone or with you girlfriend and happen to get jumped, hand over your wallet, phone, jewelry, etc. do not confront and after you are safe call the police. By doing that you actually protected both of you. However, if things come to a fight and you can't avoid, then you should be able to hold your own and protect your girlfriend. Dont be a simp and jump into situations where you are not concerned but if a woman is invested in you, mother, sister, girlfriend, etc. then you got to do what you, as a man are evolutionarily meant to do.

KingofCups · Answer

As a man you need to know how to physically defend yourself. You might think otherwise if you live in some privileged developed country, but travel to any other part of the world and you'll feel the intuitive need to be fit, alert, and capable of handling a violent situation. It's not everywhere on the planet where you can just call 911 and help will show up.

That being said I strongly believe Taoist proverb: "A violent person will arrive at a violent dealth." Don't abuse your power. Use it to help others and to help yourself.

hahahmm · Answer

All kinds of different women out there. I never wanted a woman who thought she wasn't better off with me protecting her. Those kinds of women can keep doing their own thing. Most women want a guy bigger than themselves but the reasoning isn't always about protection. She could just feel smaller that way. She doesn't want to feel like she's "fat" even if from a male pov she isn't.

Anonymous · Answer

A guy should be able to defend his woman. That's kinda how natural selection used to work too lol. I'm not even trying to be mean but it's no wonder (judging by the comments) so many guys today are so weak. I don't know what purpose we serve outside of procreation if we can't protect our woman. Good gravy that's just pathetic tbh. Imagine you as a woman having kids with a weakling and then some guy breaks into the house, kills him, then your kids in front of you before he rapes you? Wtf? WHY would you choose a weakling for a man?

Quigly · Answer

People in relationships are not around each other much in todays world. It is very unlikely you are going to be around your partner in her time of need. in fact, it's total fiction. You aren't going to swoop down with a cape out of nowhere to save her from the bad man. Why I always roll my eyes at guys with that way of thinking. He is Mr Fiction. There are no rules to a street fight anyway. It's not difficult to pull a trigger. Why more and more men and women are choosing to carry a gun. The old "fight like a man" is only spoken by the person that can't be trusted to be one. In reality. America has choices, you can die like a man too.

St37xy11 · Answer

That's a pretty big turn off for me. The guy doesn't have to be a ufc fighter, but just the thought that he can protect me is so sexy. I can't protect him I am very small and lifting 20 pounds is heavy for me. Like obviously I am useless in a fight, I am not even strong.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes.. I have honestly never been in a situation where anyone needed to be defended physically, so it is not necessary at all and not a factor I consider when dating a man.
Though, I want someone who at least do not back out and only safe himself if a dangerous sitation should occur.

AaronKrieger · Answer

I think girls just generally see it as a bonus, but in reality when you're dating and talking to someone. Your chemistry with the person matters most.

Anyone can learn how to defend themselves and others. Your chemistry and special relationship? Nah

Ninani · Answer

Yes, though I'd probably convince him to come with me to jiu-jitsu.

Anonymous · Answer

There's a difference between can't and won't. If you cannot defend someone then that means you know they have the advantage. For example would you really fight someone who has a sword but you don't have any? You're just going to die in no time and i don't think thats a smart move. You can try but if you know you can't, you can at least run away while you carry your girlfriend with you. The intention of trying to protect someone is still there despite not being able to fight the person which is what matters. Saying you won't is just "fuck it im leaving you here bye" Big difference. Despite saving her life by running away together and she is still turned off because you didn't fight, she just wants you to die and that's a big red flag. She don't deserve a smart, caring and humble boyfriend.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

Apparently, men possessing ''status symbols'' are in higher demand than your average street-caveman.
Thus, I see that they indeed ''generally would''.
Girls with more refined expectations also seem to look out for someone with brains; muscles are welcome, but not a must.

The_sweet_brat · Answer

As a woman, I could defend myself but if my boyfriend just stands there and watches without getting involved then that's pretty fucked up in my opinion. Lol 😂

GabiBB · Answer

Yes, I have been practicing krav maga for a few years and I know I can beat most men I know. I don't care if I'm stronger and more skillful than the man I'm dating. That's irrelevant.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

He should at least try, even if he doesn't stand a chance. I would back him up though.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

I doubt they would if she's the type of woman to go looking for trouble like that. You can always leave them for the streets.

A decent woman would never make an effort to bring trouble to her man, even if he is fully capable of incapacitating someone with ease.

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

I was out once cliff diving and some girl was there with her boyfriend going on about how great he was. Then I brought up if he could protect you (meaning her) and she got all mad. Im no pro fighter, but I regularly do mma training for self defense. Mainly submission moves.

Jemini_Crocket · Answer

Honestly, ideally no. I want a guy who can protect me if something bad happens. I do have a thing for the strong looking type of a guy though so maybe it's just me. He cares after me this way, I care after him a bit differently.

purplepoppy · Answer

This isn't the stone age, girls don't want mindless thugs who are always looking for an excuse to prove they're hard.

scentoflavender · Answer

I have a ccw that says i can defend myself. So yeah i would. Not everyone can deak with confrontation.

LatinEnergy · Answer

I personally can protect my women from danger. But here is thing , even though i can , i still do not put her a position or an environment to be put in danger. So even the guy can't protect fully , he can avoid and plus there are also weapons of the world. So a guy just needs brains , don't be dumb , there are guns in the world and knives , it doesn't matter about size. Just stay safe!

Anonymous · Answer

Sure, I'd date a weak guy. But only if he didn't have a Dom personality. Ain't nothing i hate more then a mouse with a big ass mouth and bad attitude.

Diodoro · Answer

Many girls would. I know a lot of girls that look at their man and think he would be helpless but would be willing to take a bullet for her and that's enough for them.

Some people surprise you honestly

yknow156 · Answer

I was always taught that I would need to protect my family and friends. So I would like to think that my future partner would be acceptable to the fact that we need security incase of any worse case scenario.

sage2021 · Answer

I would still date him and just hope we never have such a confrontation. But I do love dating a guy that I know he could protect me - then I wouldn't have to get involved with it.

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

I would be able to defend myself. And I would teach my wife or girlfriend defense too. Why should I take the charge of her security when I can do better? Teach her!

Phoenix98 · Answer

Well I can protect my woman when I have one so it really isn't a problem for me. I have known and also been with girls who that would have been a problem though if the guy couldn't or wouldn't defend them.

Pink2000 · Answer

Absolutely not unless we were already together and he ended up with a disability that prevented him from being able to defend us.

roro_hlbi · Answer

No, we want to feel we have some chance to be protected.

dustybiker · Answer

Everyone should learn and know how to handle themselves.

snackthatsmilesback · Answer

Women are more likely to date/stay with people who have a disability/illness than men are. So.

Seinna · Answer

Not one who can't but one who wouldn't even try? Nope.

DarkCarousel · Answer

Unlikely. I generally prefer to avoid confrontation but if it were to come up, I’d prefer someone that can at least help me try to protect us.

zaharuh · Answer

It's a big thing for me bc I'm a pretty small person and I don't do well with physical confrontation so I need him defend me if the time comes

Adam1978 · Answer

In modern society you don't need to fight. Unless your a preper and think society will fall. It's better to look at more useful skill sets.

cth96190 · Answer

A man who cannot defend himself and his woman is not a man.

RebeccaBI2000 · Answer

Another reason at I carry, so I don’t have to rely on someone to defend me

IveGotNoName · Answer

They should be able to defend themselves, I could probably save myself, but not both of us if it's a physical confrontation

Hypnos0929 · Answer

Assuming you mean won't/can't fight for anything then most women wouldn't.
Most women want a man who can defend them if need be (there are no feminists in a house fire as Bill Burr put it). Some dudes just can't do that.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

The reality most humans don't know how to fight anyways but to throw wild punches and kicks.  As long as the man throws some punches or tries to provide some defense most women will be OK with that.

exitseven · Answer

In high school maybe it would matter but after that I think girls look for other attributes. Most of which probably have to do with career or money.

DiegoO · Answer

Evereyone says they can defend their self and partner. Let's be honest; the ones who really do, are into martial arts (a civilian, police and military, trained for battle).

Juxtapose · Answer

I don't think most women would, they want men to make up for their womanly physical weakness. A man is supposed to be an attack dog and a provider according to the standards of society.

Lisa0203 · Answer

I think that it is helpful to have someone to help you when you need it. 😃🤗🤗 Most people try to think of others generally if they know something is up.

Anonymous · Answer

Forget hothead meatheads. I like men who use their brains. Animals fight.

Wester1967 · Answer

Women who like guys like this want an attack dog. They are not interested in you as a human being.

pervertedjester · Answer

Depends on who ends up crying. Women tend to bail if a man cries for any other reason than Joy.

Browneye57 · Answer

SOME would. They seem to like the girlie-man type. I think they like to reign power over them. Boss them around. Make him her bitch. LOL

Girls, would you date a guy who can't defend you or themselves in a physical confrontation? Guys, do you think they generally would?

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